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MIL Caught In LIE

post #1 of 27
7/5/08 at 1:28am
Thread Starter 
So we've been having some problems with DH family. Typically he feels like his poor mother can do no wrong and so on and so fourth. But with the recent problems with his sister he is begining to see that maybe she's not as great as he once thought.

This is what happended in the midst of family turmoil. We live 2 hours away from both of our families. We are at school and have a 2 year old son. Money is tight as all of families know. Well Kaden our son came home to stay with our families to stay for 2 weeks. During that time he was doing really well Potty training. SO my parents went out and bought like 8 packs of big boy underware with all the characters and stuff on em ( For you gals that don't knw they are like $6 for a pack of three) Which was great b/c thats a lot of money for us to spend on something he needs.We didn't know how many they bought just that they bought some.

Well DH's Mom was going to bring him back to us and spend a couple of days. Well we got like 12 pares of underware which we though were great and all, but there was like 1 of some charaters missing and 2 of another ( which was weird) Later in the weel week I was talkin to my mom and had said we had to go buy more underware. My mom was like you needed MORE.... and it came out haw many she had bought and how many we got... and we reliazed we were missing a lot. So when DH was talking to his mother he asked if they may have gotten left at her house and she was like no, i went and picked some up but thats all i have here.

Well this weekend we are in and staying at her house and we were puting the little one to bed. And low and belhold we found all of the missing underware in her drawer. You could tell they were from random packs b/c there weren't a single set of 3 ( which is what they come in). Now I'm really miffed. I mean keeping one or 2 would have been okay but 12 was rediculous b/c we are here maybe once a month and thats something we need with us. I know it may sound silly but we had to go out and buy more b/c we needed them after my parents had done something nice to help us. Then she lied about it... SO now I don't know what to do because

1.- We are already in the midst of some big family problems
2- Even though I'm really upset about it, I'm afraid it will seem kindda stupid

So ladies any help would be apreciated. I really want her to knwo we know she lied. Becasue she's not been complying to our wishes and lying about them lately then when caught saying the thigs were conincidences and stuff... I just don't know how to go about it....
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post #2 of 27
7/5/08 at 1:45am

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

I think this is one that you just have to let go. I don't think you'd have much to gain by kicking up a stink. You have to pick your battles wisely.

Good luck girl.
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post #3 of 27
7/5/08 at 1:47am

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

I think i would just be up right an honest and ask her why she felt the need for keeping 12 pairs At her house, Find out what her reason was for it after she gives you a reason i would just Again explain to her your situation and even though he has 11 pairs at home.. The other 12 would help out and you would prefer if they staid with you at your house and when he comes to visit you will send him with enough.


OR just let it go.. Save the troubles of all the drama.. And just make sure you take them back with you if you havnt next time.. if you took them all the better.
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post #4 of 27
7/5/08 at 1:50am

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

that's a tough one. it sounds like there's a lot of stuff going on other than the undie issue.

though i would not start a fight over the undies, i'd probably let her know that you had to buy more and how hard that is since you're so strapped for cash.

but if the lying on her part persists, you may have to talk to her about it...in a 'let's sit down and talk about it like adults' kind of fashion.
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post #5 of 27
7/5/08 at 8:46am

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

i would jut say to her in a non confrontational way that you saw the underwear and is it ok if you take them back home again because you need them!!! And see if she offers you an explanation!! xx
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post #6 of 27
7/5/08 at 6:40pm
Thread Starter 

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

Thank you guys so much. It irritates me to no ends. I think the current family situation has a lot to do with the amount of irritation I feel due to the situation.
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post #7 of 27
7/5/08 at 7:06pm

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

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post #8 of 27
7/5/08 at 8:26pm

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

So to clarify your parents bought them, but the MIL kept them at her house?
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post #9 of 27
7/5/08 at 9:45pm

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

so you found them in one of her drawers, you did take them back right?

was she maybe keeping them in anticipation of your son staying over? (is this often?)

I think its a bit much, i mean 50% of your son's stuff if (what it seems implied) he doesn't stay there 50% of the time. I know this is sounding wrong but I think she's a bit over the top with not mentioning things to you, lying, whatnot but to have a big fight that could possibly ensue and add more aggravation to what sounds like an already tense environment, may just cause you guys more stress.

id say leave it since it sounds like there are so many other issues.
that is, unless she's taking a lot more stuff from you guys. then thatd be an issue I would definitely touch on.
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post #10 of 27
7/5/08 at 9:54pm

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

I wouldn't be mad at her taking the underwear, but lying about it would really irk me. If I were you, I'd let her know that you don't appreciate her lying, especially over something so simple.
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post #11 of 27
7/6/08 at 12:44am

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

Depending on the situation, you can outright accuse her of stealing (no matter how nice you are about it, that's what you'd be doing) or play dumb and act like she accidentally forgot about it.

I don't know what's best, but I wish you good luck
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post #12 of 27
7/6/08 at 1:21am
Thread Starter 

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janice View Post
So to clarify your parents bought them, but the MIL kept them at her house?
exactly, there would be no problem if she bought them , but she eveb lied about buying any for her house, the ones that she had here were all ones that were bought to go to our house. We are are at her house one or two nights a month if even that.
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post #13 of 27
7/6/08 at 1:43am

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

That's really odd, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it (to her) just when you're packing up the kidlets things pack them too. IMO if your parents bought them they aren't hers to keep or decide how to allocate them.
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post #14 of 27
7/6/08 at 1:50am

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

Is your husband planning on talking to her about it? In my experience when I've said something to my MIL she twists it into I'm on the offensive and attacking her but.... if my DH starts the conversation with me by his side, she just has to sit down and really listen to what I have to say.
I think it's not just you who has to talk to her, your husband should do it too since he knows her more and it can make the hole situation easier. You both should state that any lying on her side upsets you both and makes you not trust her in the future. That if she wants to keep any type of clothing with her for emergencies it's OK as long as it's something you've chosen to stay there.
And although other family problems may be happening and one should be comprehensive...there's a big difference in it and letting MIL getting away with being abusive.
One must always take a strong stand in what is OK and not Ok to do, at least that's what I learned the hard way.
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post #15 of 27
7/6/08 at 10:47am

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

I'd be up front with her and say that you found the underwear, and that you are disappointed that she did not tell you the truth when you asked her if she had them. Then I would explain that you needed those undies for your son, and that you had to spend money on getting more, especially since you are in a tight financial situation.

That way you're not being accusatory, just showing how her actions have directly affected you.

I think you should for sure get your husband involved with you on this when you talk to her, so that you have a united front.
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post #16 of 27
7/6/08 at 11:12am

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

When it comes to MILs, there are so many bigger battles to fight than over potty training underwear. This is honestly one I would say let go. Take the underwear home, and if she says anything simply say "Yeah, I saw you'd folded them up for us, I guess you found them for me, thanks, and I went ahead and put them in the diaper bag. Thanks!"
In the experiences I've had with my MILs, this type of thing is NOT worth it.

If it's a cost issue, Dollar Stores sell kids' under pants too, maybe you can pick some up there.
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post #17 of 27
7/6/08 at 5:44pm
Thread Starter 

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shimmer View Post

If it's a cost issue, Dollar Stores sell kids' under pants too, maybe you can pick some up there.
Yeah the coast was an issue but not the big one or worth a big upset ... My big thing was the flat out lying and what I felt was stealing... I think I'm a little overly sensitive b/c of the other issues going on... But I don't think the lying should be tolerated over anything... I mean if she'll flat out lie about this, what else will she lie or stretch the truth about....????

And believe me I know I need to pick my battles..... ( we need a smilie that rolls eyes).... I knew the ladies here would clam me down.... lol What is about the MIL that when you have kids they turn into completely different people?
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post #18 of 27
7/6/08 at 6:14pm

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

Can I make the lame joke?

Knickers in a twist?

*rimshot*

I'm here til Thursday... lol

(ps - I'm not being mean - I honestly just want you to laugh a bit so you don't feel so upset. The ladies above have given you great advice and I hope it works out for you.)
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post #19 of 27
7/6/08 at 6:26pm
Thread Starter 

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

Yes and the panties were in a bunch when i grabbed em all out of the drawer...
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post #20 of 27
7/6/08 at 6:57pm

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

Quote:
Originally Posted by SkylarV217 View Post
Yes and the panties were in a bunch when i grabbed em all out of the drawer...

heh heh heh

To be honest, I'd just take the underwear home and forget about it. Maybe she genuinely forgot she had them. Maybe she laundered them while they were at her home and forgot she had them, or thought she packed them with your son. Maybe she thought it wasn't a big deal. Who knows. Either way, try not to let any anger or resentment build up. It'll only bite you in the ass, in the end, and there's no point getting upset by people's strange behaviour.

My husband has a golden rule that I try to follow, even though I have a very fiery temper: assume people aren't trying to be malicious or full of bad intent. If you assume they aren't, then you find you aren't angry as much when weird stuff happens that tries your patience. I try to follow this philosophy until there's enough evidence for me to think otherwise. That way I don't watch my blood pressure skyrocket over an accumulation of little hurts.
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post #21 of 27
7/6/08 at 6:59pm

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

Sorry but the only advice I have is you should of taken all of the underwear, and act like if nothing happened. She will totally know you guys found out the truth!!!! Does she have any other kids that she would want to keep the undies to give to? Has she ever done anything like that??
my 2 cents.
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post #22 of 27
7/6/08 at 8:59pm
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Re: MIL Caught In LIE

Quote:
Originally Posted by almmaaa View Post
Sorry but the only advice I have is you should of taken all of the underwear, and act like if nothing happened. She will totally know you guys found out the truth!!!! Does she have any other kids that she would want to keep the undies to give to? Has she ever done anything like that??
my 2 cents.
Thats pretty much what we did, & no he's the only little one around lol
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post #23 of 27
7/6/08 at 10:30pm

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shimmer View Post
Take the underwear home, and if she says anything simply say "Yeah, I saw you'd folded them up for us, I guess you found them for me, thanks, and I went ahead and put them in the diaper bag. Thanks!"
In the experiences I've had with my MILs, this type of thing is NOT worth it.
Very good answer I'd go this route... and why do MIL's have to be such pain? My soon to be MIL is a major pain as well.
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post #24 of 27
7/7/08 at 3:12am

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

yea, she's a lil odd. i think u did the right thing by just taking it home with you. Then, the next time she looks in that drawer and sees that you guys took it back, if she did intentionaly put it there, she'll know she got caught. If it was an accident, she probably won't even remember and in that case, no drama. HOWEVER, if she notices AND decides to say something, just refer her to your husband and let him deal with her.
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post #25 of 27
7/7/08 at 3:28am

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

lol, GOOD FOR YOU for taking them all. It was kind of weird for her to take 12 pairs of boy undies, unless she's got other grandchildren - but even then, its damn ignorant.
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post #26 of 27
7/7/08 at 3:14pm

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

Quote:
Originally Posted by SkylarV217 View Post
Thats pretty much what we did, & no he's the only little one around lol

Good!!!! So what did you husband say about it all??
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post #27 of 27
7/7/08 at 3:16pm
Thread Starter 

Re: MIL Caught In LIE

Quote:
Originally Posted by almmaaa View Post
Good!!!! So what did you husband say about it all??
well he feels like it is ridiculous, but he didn't want to cause any more problems in the midst of all the rest. I know you have to pick your battles, But i feel lying is a big battle.
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