Long story short (as much as possible), I've been really down in the dumps for probably the past 6 months. I think it's been weighing on me longer than that but it's really hit me in the past few months. Basically, I've been single for over 3 years now. My last relationship ended with me breaking things off and I do not at all regret the decision b/c I was absolutely miserable. For awhile, I totally enjoyed being single and not having to deal with another person's issues but lately, I feel like something's gotta give. At times I do still enjoy being single but I really miss having someone special to share things with, to laugh with, be intimate with, etc. I live in a somewhat small town and I work in the front office of a private school so about 95% of the men I come into contact with are married with children. My 2 closest friends are a gay guy and my best friend since high school who just got married last year. I haven't decided how I feel about the whole online dating thing but a big part of me seems to want to shy away from that idea for some reason.
On top of all that, I live with my dad for financial reasons and also b/c otherwise, he'd be living alone which is another long story in itself. I don't mind living with him and we don't have any problems, but it eats at me that I can't afford to live on my own. Both of my best friends and another friend who lives in another state have recently bought their first house and while they do make more money than I do, I still feel envious that I'm nowhere near being able to do that for myself. They also recently just started buying furniture and things for their houses and Jennifer has even gone into remodeling portions of her house. She also just found out she's pregnant and I am totally happy for her, but again I feel a little lost b/c now it's like they are "growing up" and moving on and I'm not. I feel alot of times especially with Jennifer that I don't have anything interesting anymore to talk about b/c I'm not in a relationship, I'm not buying or decorating a house and I'm not having a child. My friends keep reassuring me that eventually "the one" will cross my path and I know at some point they're right but then a part of me wonders if that'll really ever happen. I reconnected back in July with an ex from about 10 years ago but that only lasted about a month. Things ended well and we're still friends but that's the first date I had had since I broke up with the last guy in 2008. I just feel a little lonely and I guess a little behind everyone else in my life. I know that's not something I should be focusing on b/c everyone is different, but I think it's understandable to feel that way.
About 3 weeks ago, I had an appointment scheduled for my yearly checkup with my regular doctor and I had been thinking about the depression angle. I'm already anemic, have hypothyroidism and uclerative colitis so I am already fatigued alot of the time but I thought back and realized that I had been moody, easily irritated and I had to admit to myself that I had been feeling very down and sad. Not to knock anyone who takes anti-depressants, but I always sort of felt like it was something I shouldn't take if I ever needed to b/c I felt like it makes you feel something you don't really feel and if you're sad, then that's a real emotion. It's kind of hard to explain but I've never been totally against it either. When I had my appointment, the doctor asked how I was and how I was feeling and without even thinking about it, I blurted out that I had been feeling cranky and down in the dumps and he asked for how long so I explained it had been for at least a couple of months so he suggested starting me on Celexa. He said that it didn't sound like I needed anything major and said possibly this was just a bad spell I was having and needed something to get over this little hump so he prescribed the Celexa and said at the end of the year to come back and see him and we'd see how I was doing. If I thought I was doing better then we'd try taking me off of it and see what happened. I've been taking it for 3 weeks now and I do feel a little better and don't think about those things quite as much. I still wonder if going ahead and taking something was the best solution.
For the record, I haven't told any of my friends I'm taking the Celexa. It's not that I don't want them to know, but I don't want them to do the pity party. It really startled my mom when I told her, even though I had been talking to her for awhile about the stuff that bothered me.
Anyone have any input or experience? I'd appreciate it. :o)