Boyfriend of 4 yrs. left me for another woman

[iadoremac]

I think you should thank your stars that you now know what type of person he is can you imagine how bad you would have felt if you guys got married and this happened. I know its going to be extremely difficult because he does not want to let you go but you have to forget about him. For four years you gave him everything you have to offer and this is how he repays you not only is he a liar and a cheat he is also ungrateful and selfish and quite wicked as he is still stringing you along while he is still with her.

 

[FiestyFemme]

I just keep asking myself why you want him back? I don't care what he says... if he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. He's with her, living with her, etc. It sounds to me like he's just trying to hang on to you in case it doesn't work out with this other girl. Don't let him do that to you! Don't let him make you his "back-up plan". He's a lying, cheating, selfish jerk, and don't fool yourself into thinking things would ever be the same if he came back. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but the smart thing here is to move on.

Cut this loser out of your life and find someone who's actually worthy of your time. This guy ain't it. No ma'am.

 

[kittykit]

^ Agree! He's using you as the 'back-up plan'. I hate cheaters!!! DO NOT take him back! Never! Leave him and move on. Don't let him have another chance to ruin your life and upsets you.Keep your head up and you can do it! *hugs*

 

[Blushbaby]

You only feel you want him back cos he's been your "Life" for four yrs and you can't envisage yourself being with somebody else in the same way.

He's having his cake and eating it and the longer you entertain his phone calls, then it's only a matter of time before he sleeps with you again and then your head really WILL get f**ked up!!
He's saying one thing to you and no doubt the same damn thing to this other tramp.

He's testing the water out with this other girl and wants to keep you in the background so whan that doesn't work out he'll run back to you with his tail between his legs, begging for another chance!!

Be strong and don't you DARE let him back into your bed or near you! If he leaves this other girl (I can't even bring myself to say woman, now), he needs to prove himself to you all over again cos whatever trust you had is gone and stands for nothing!

Personally I don't think things can ever be the same again between you as you'll be suspicious every time he doesn't answer his phone or come back when he says he will. You'll never trust him 100% again.

You deserve better, make sure you don't let this pathetic creature crawl back into your life.

ETA: And another thing, please take yourself to a clinic to be STD tested!

 

[Amber*Christine]

I wanna thank all you girls sooo much, your replies have been a huge help to me, you just couldn't know how much. It'll be hard, real hard, but I think I'll be able to be a lot stronger now.

 

[abbey_08]

to be honest...men like him are spineless...hes scared of being single so is over lapping then end of your relationship to begining of his next...that way if it dont work out he has a fall back. (please dont take offence)...and if hes been with her 8mnths and she gave him an STD i think you should get checked out just to be safe!!
men like this dont deserve your time...you was with him 4yrs and hes reduced you too sneaky calls behind some man stealers back?! i say cut all contact and blank him out completely...he doesnt respect you.

the reason why that girl is being possesive is because she knows she got him through him cheating on you...whats to stop him cheating on her? so shes probably paranoid he will do to her what he did to you. and you know what he probably will cos people like that never change!!!

you are worth so much more!! keep your chin up and wait for a decent man that will respect you.

 

[blindpassion]

When you're in love, its easy to get stuck in a mind set that tells you- the most important thing is getting him back. But its not the most important thing, its just love, and its tricking you into wanting something that deep down you know is bad for you.

Maybe when you met him, he was a great guy, maybe he loved you as much as you loved him. But hearts grow apart as you grow older and people change, its inevitable.

You're in love with the idea of the man he used to be, and sweety, hes not that person anymore.

Its time to move on and realize your worth, and know that you will find something much much better for you and your happiness.

 

[TamiChoi]

Please do not give into that " I miss you " bullshit. Seriously. It's his lost. 4 years and he does that behind your back? He's def. not worth your time and def. not a keeper. Stop talking to him so you won't get hurt all over again. Karma is a bitch. He'll realize that he made a mistake. I'm 100% sure you will find someone who is loyal to you and will treat you ten times better. Keep your head up

 

[stacylynne]

Cheating is the ultimate deal breaker for me.

Sounds like he wants his cake & eat it too. Sneaking calls to you, WTF. who the hell does he think he is.

When you are in an exclusive relationship it's all or nothing.
Do not answer his calls no matter what he says to you. He works with her, he'll only lie & cheat again.

Do yourself a favor look forward & do not look back. Keep youself busy go out w/ the girls, He does not have the right to dictate to you who you are seeing or not. The guy is a sneak. He was going behind your back for 8 months of the relationship.
Every time you start to miss him, think of all the things you can't stand about him.

Will it be hard, of course but day by day it will get better. All of us ladies have been there.
Be strong & DO NOT ANSWER HIS CALLS. Do not go back to him. A lepord never changes its stripes...

 

[Holy Rapture]

I know what you mean when you say you made him your life. You obviously didn't actively do anything else or meet anybody else. I know how much this must be hurting. Been there, done that

I know all the phases that you're gonna go through now. The blame that you're gonna put on yourself and thinkin of all the good n loving times you had together! Gosh, honey, please don't let all that get to you. You know a person who couldn't love and respect someone who's been with him for 4 long years, would probably never be able to stop cheating! The guy's a jerk. He's totally messed up. You don't want any of his bull. Be strong, I bet you have loads of people around who love you a lot! Look at them, feel the love they have for you. That's what you deserve. Every ounce of love and care. Throw him OUT. Show him the door

Don't be confused. You'd be doing the right thing by moving on. Keep posting how you feel and whatever happens!

 

[Lapis]

First thing get a doctor appointment and have yourself tested for EVERY STD there's a test for, she gave him one and is a drug addict, honey what ever she gave him he's been bringing home to you for 8 months!!
This man could have cost you your life, screwing a drug addict!!
You do NOT want him back, in a couple years you'll be like "wtf was I thinking? I wanted his ass back?!"

 

[Ms. Z]

It’s sad to hear about your heart break; I hope you get over him real soon.

Do not read beyond this point if you don’t want to see my very honest/blunt response.

Get over him today! Honestly, why would you want him back? OK, so he cheated, but that’s probably not his worst offense, the worst part is that she is a drug user and gave him and STD! He does not care about your feelings and physical well-being.

Girl those were not little hints, I’m not talking about Woman’s Intuition, people told you what was going on, including his sister and not only did you ignore them, you ran back to him and told him what these other people told you, you betrayed the trust/friendship of those who were only trying to help you (Rule: you never reveal a source).

Taking him back is like saying that his behavior is acceptable and he is more important than you. If things are this bad now, it will only get worse.
Get over that piece of crap, he does not deserve you.

 

[iio]

OMG I am so sorry for what happened. What a nasty situation! I know it will be hard getting over what you both had for the past 4 years but I think he is an ass for doing that to you. He cheats on you and is trying to turn things around on you. Its not fair. Dont even answer his calls or ever get back with him. He is a loser and you deserve better than that.

 

[Amber*Christine]

Well I thought I'd update in case anyone was interested.

So today is my B-Day and for some odd reason I woke up missing his lame ass when I thought I'd been doing soo well. So I turned on some happy music and wrote a list of all the things I couldn't stand about him...and I was quite surprised how long it was! Though I did/do love him a lot, I guess I was never really IN love w/ him...like we were together for 4 years and I never seen myself marrying him and having childern w/ him...that's kinda a sign right?? I think in the end for me I was just very attached and very used to having him there and I loved how he used to love me. It hurts now that he doesn't feel how deeply he used to, we both made mistakes in the relationship that if we hadn't, maybe things woulda been different but we are young and you live and learn right? Things are still a bit hard, especially now when I see them out together, and I think "grrr! he was mine!", but I have a lotta lotta hope for the future.

I think mostly I'm still hurt cause I was basically a perfect g/f to him and he took me for granted. And in a shallow way I'm kinda pissed and hurt that some girl managed to steal my b/f of almost 4 years away, when she was such a skank, never lost a man to another girl before, hurts the ego It hurts a little when I think they'll be holding hands and doing all the couple things we used to do together ya know? But you'll be proud to know I haven't called or gone to see him at all..in fact he's the one calling me crying, saying he misses me, etc. Whatever! He begs to keep me in his life but I just stand my ground and say "well you shoulda known this would happen, maybe you shoulda thought of that before you stuck your dick in another bitch!" And believe me it feels good being the strong one now.

 

[FiestyFemme]

Well first things first, Happy Birthday!

Secondly, you are handling this so well! I think doing something that makes you feel good (like listening to happy music) and making that list was a great idea. You're also SO smart for not calling/seeing him, but it might be better if you had no contact at all. If he's crying the blues now, it'd be even better if you just gave him the silent treatment. Better revenge, IMO.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amber*Christine Though I did/do love him a lot, I guess I was never really IN love w/ him...like we were together for 4 years and I never seen myself marrying him and having childern w/ him...that's kinda a sign right?? I think in the end for me I was just very attached and very used to having him there and I loved how he used to love me.

I hear you! I dated a guy for 6 years, and I was just too young, I think. It took me getting out of the relationship to realize that while I did love him, I had never really been in love with him. Gosh, that was a crazy eye opener! I had seen myself marrying him, etc. but I think that was only because I'd never know anything else. I think it took me so long to get over him because I was so attached, and also because I was afraid of having to find someone else (and it ain't easy!). It was really the best thing that ever happened to me because it left me free to fall in love, instead of just settling for the only thing I'd ever known.

 

[entyce08]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amber*Christine I just stand my ground and say "well you shoulda known this would happen, maybe you shoulda thought of that before you stuck your dick in another bitch!" And believe me it feels good being the strong one now.

Good for you sweetie!!!!

I have been with my guy for 6 years and 2 years ago he cheated on me with some skanky girl ..........trust me when i say i acted like a straight up & down bitch!!!! I made his and that girls life hell to get him to come back to me and it worked but in the end i just felt like a jackass for acting so childish!!! but i was hurt and you know how all reason leaves your brain when you hurt and angry

.....we're doing ok now but sometimes i wish i would have just walked away and handled the situation like an adult because staying together is way harder then breaking up........once that trust is broken it's hell trying to rebuild it......but we're working on it to keep our family together ( we have a 3 year old son together).

I think you will be just fine, but it takes time!

have a great day!!!!!

 

[cupcake_x]

Oh honey! I honestly understand your situation- it's tough, and I think it's great how you're handling it.

No one honestly deserves a crap man like that- I hope things get better for you and Happy birthday!!!

 

[Indigowaters]

Don't take him back. You're worth much more than that. Why would you make someone you're #1 when they've made you #2? It's a good thing you saw him for what he was and didn't get married. He just left the door open for a better person to come into your life.

Edit: Just read the update, good for you!