banana1234
Well-known member
i hope things get better for you, and stay strong
Heartbroken
- Thread starter esmeralda89
- Start date
esmeralda89
Well-known member
Once i moved things changed, it was honestly the best thing i could have done. I feel safe and happy and my feelings for him are diminishing every day, I saw him, and it may sound wierd but i think the people that were his friends were the ones that caused the problems, because for once we had a civil conversation, and he looked sick so i asked him what was wrong, and if I thought my life was messed up I was totally wrong.
He told me that he wanted to kill himself bc his life was going nowhare and blah blah blah, he felt so alone and had nothing to look forward to. I felt bad but hes the one that kicked me out of his life so what can i do? thats not my problem anymore. He asked if we could be friends because he still liked me and liked being around me but i doubt that will happen
And the best thing so far was seeing him at walmart with the other girl, a few days later when i talked to him he told me that he saw me and thought i looked very attractive and then realized it was me! lol i responded "well thats your loss"
I dont think i mentioned before that he left me for a very unattractive plain jane, but whatever thats in the past now
However talking to student housing before the police did not help at all. It was just a messy situation, and they did not want the schools name all over it, and tried to say that i was breaking rules too because i was not supposed to have a guy over that late anyway.
And my old roomate went to her parents and told them that i had said that they were trying to alienate her from everyone because shes a rotten apple, so i had to go and have a conversation with someone about that situation because her parents went to the Head of Student Housing and yelled at her to defend their child. Things got cleared up because i never said anything that would cause any one to go yell at someone else. It turns out she was just mad because i left her and she wants to move in with ther pothead firnds anyway. So shes moving like 4 hrs from here and thats why M is sad too.
Gahhh stress but it helps to vent here because i get it out of my system and feel emotionaly healther and stronger. Thankyou guys for listening, I will never get tired of telling you how much your help means to me, I dont know how i would have gotten though this without you guys
He told me that he wanted to kill himself bc his life was going nowhare and blah blah blah, he felt so alone and had nothing to look forward to. I felt bad but hes the one that kicked me out of his life so what can i do? thats not my problem anymore. He asked if we could be friends because he still liked me and liked being around me but i doubt that will happen
And the best thing so far was seeing him at walmart with the other girl, a few days later when i talked to him he told me that he saw me and thought i looked very attractive and then realized it was me! lol i responded "well thats your loss"
However talking to student housing before the police did not help at all. It was just a messy situation, and they did not want the schools name all over it, and tried to say that i was breaking rules too because i was not supposed to have a guy over that late anyway.
And my old roomate went to her parents and told them that i had said that they were trying to alienate her from everyone because shes a rotten apple, so i had to go and have a conversation with someone about that situation because her parents went to the Head of Student Housing and yelled at her to defend their child. Things got cleared up because i never said anything that would cause any one to go yell at someone else. It turns out she was just mad because i left her and she wants to move in with ther pothead firnds anyway. So shes moving like 4 hrs from here and thats why M is sad too.
Gahhh stress but it helps to vent here because i get it out of my system and feel emotionaly healther and stronger. Thankyou guys for listening, I will never get tired of telling you how much your help means to me, I dont know how i would have gotten though this without you guys
kabuki_KILLER
Well-known member
The police are unbelieveable. Maybe you did break the rules, but they also have a duty to protect the safety of civilians. You can get in trouble, depending on how strict your school is, but they have to make sure to keep a psycho away from you if you're worried about your safety. Their job is to serve and protect, not to judge. That's the judge's job. Two wrongs don't make a right. I would definitely file a complaint about the police behavior.
Your ex-roommate sounds like a nutjob. Blaming you for something entirely irrelevent so she can cover up her own sorry behind.
I'm proud of you for not going back to M. Don't be weak. Know what you deserve and don't settle. Many girls would fall for his act again. Maybe he has changed, but I doubt it'd be that fast. A lot of guys often pick the wrong girl, getting caught up in the moment. Too bad life isn't like Win 7, where every time you install a new application and get rid of an old one, it asks you, "Are you SURE you want to do that?" Life doesn't come with tags and warnings and guys think even less than we do sometimes (not always). Just because he made a mistake, doesn't mean you have you shoulder all the baggage. You are entitled to do what makes YOU feel better, which is move on.
I would just tell M that I hope things get better for him and to focus on himself and find a better life, like you did. He's a big boy.
Your ex-roommate sounds like a nutjob. Blaming you for something entirely irrelevent so she can cover up her own sorry behind.
I'm proud of you for not going back to M. Don't be weak. Know what you deserve and don't settle. Many girls would fall for his act again. Maybe he has changed, but I doubt it'd be that fast. A lot of guys often pick the wrong girl, getting caught up in the moment. Too bad life isn't like Win 7, where every time you install a new application and get rid of an old one, it asks you, "Are you SURE you want to do that?" Life doesn't come with tags and warnings and guys think even less than we do sometimes (not always). Just because he made a mistake, doesn't mean you have you shoulder all the baggage. You are entitled to do what makes YOU feel better, which is move on.
I would just tell M that I hope things get better for him and to focus on himself and find a better life, like you did. He's a big boy.
esmeralda89
Well-known member
I feel better each day I need him less, it just bothers me that he still looks for me, i mean it bothers me that he looks for me because he still likes me, and misses my smell, and so on and so forth, but he likes the other girl better. He just wants to be good friends, and it bothers me more that i actualy care when i shouldent give a shit about him after all he did, whats wrong with him?? or whats wrong with me?? Gahhh this is so confusing all i know is that whatever i do he wont come back and it should stay that way because he's not a good guy, i just wish i had a tougher heart and not care
Pink_minx
Well-known member
^I have a friend who is going through the same thing...she was with this guy for a year and it was an abusive relationship like he threw a drink at her at a restaurant and left her there and she was still with him after that! But even though they had those bad times she still misses him. I guess all I can say is...time can only heal you. You wont get over him overnight but eventually you will find someone and forget about him.
esmeralda89
Well-known member
Quote:
Yea I know what ur friend is going through, a year ago I would have been in your shoes not understanding whats so great about this jerk and why she still wants to be with him. It is deff easier said than done, trust me i dislike myself very much for still likeing him
Originally Posted by Pink_minx
^I have a friend who is going through the same thing...she was with this guy for a year and it was an abusive relationship like he threw a drink at her at a restaurant and left her there and she was still with him after that! But even though they had those bad times she still misses him. I guess all I can say is...time can only heal you. You wont get over him overnight but eventually you will find someone and forget about him. |
Yea I know what ur friend is going through, a year ago I would have been in your shoes not understanding whats so great about this jerk and why she still wants to be with him. It is deff easier said than done, trust me i dislike myself very much for still likeing him
Dahlia_Rayn
Well-known member
Honey, don't feel bad, whether a relationship is good or bad it makes sense that we get invested in it. The problem is that someone who is abusive will use that leverage to twist you even more towards him.
I'm not surprised what student housing told you, no university wants their name splattered all over a case like this if it goes public. The university I went to told one of my good friends that was date raped that she "imagined it. They had a policy to call campus safety before the police, but I would never go to university before I went to police, because their job is public relations.
Please find anything active to do but call him if you get the urge. There IS a man out there who will treat you like the princess that you are. Someone who will love and respect you for the person you are.
I'm not surprised what student housing told you, no university wants their name splattered all over a case like this if it goes public. The university I went to told one of my good friends that was date raped that she "imagined it. They had a policy to call campus safety before the police, but I would never go to university before I went to police, because their job is public relations.
Please find anything active to do but call him if you get the urge. There IS a man out there who will treat you like the princess that you are. Someone who will love and respect you for the person you are.
esmeralda89
Well-known member
Quote:
Your such a sweet heart your words keep me going and encourage me. As for school, yea I cant beleve it but to be honest its something my school would do, as long as they look good.
He's come over a couple of times and its been ok just friends, i mean i will never trust him like i did at one point, and besides im still hurt about the cheating, but I heard from a friend that they (my ex-roomate and her friends) are transfering so im assuming hes gonna go too. Im sad but i guess its the best thing for everyone.
| Originally Posted by Dahlia_Rayn
Honey, don't feel bad, whether a relationship is good or bad it makes sense that we get invested in it. The problem is that someone who is abusive will use that leverage to twist you even more towards him. I'm not surprised what student housing told you, no university wants their name splattered all over a case like this if it goes public. The university I went to told one of my good friends that was date raped that she "imagined it. They had a policy to call campus safety before the police, but I would never go to university before I went to police, because their job is public relations. Please find anything active to do but call him if you get the urge. There IS a man out there who will treat you like the princess that you are. Someone who will love and respect you for the person you are. |
Your such a sweet heart your words keep me going and encourage me. As for school, yea I cant beleve it but to be honest its something my school would do, as long as they look good.
He's come over a couple of times and its been ok just friends, i mean i will never trust him like i did at one point, and besides im still hurt about the cheating, but I heard from a friend that they (my ex-roomate and her friends) are transfering so im assuming hes gonna go too. Im sad but i guess its the best thing for everyone.
kabuki_KILLER
Well-known member
I would keep him at a distance. It's best to distance yourself from it. I'm not necessarily saying something against his fact, but if he feels forgiven too easily, you may fall back in that cycle. Dahlia Rayn is right. I think you will find a better one out there for YOU and it's just not him. M wants to have his cake and eat it too.
I can't tell you to handle things how I do because I know not everyone's personality is alike, especially yours and mine. All I've got to say is, do what you think will be best for yourself. Don't worry about M. Give yourself a break to evaluate the situation and decide what YOU want the most. Don't think about what M or the other girl wants. What do you want, and how are you going to get it?
I can't tell you to handle things how I do because I know not everyone's personality is alike, especially yours and mine. All I've got to say is, do what you think will be best for yourself. Don't worry about M. Give yourself a break to evaluate the situation and decide what YOU want the most. Don't think about what M or the other girl wants. What do you want, and how are you going to get it?
Loirt
Active member
I think you shouldn't be friends with him.
You should totaly cut him out of your life. You need to surround yourself with GOOD people, who do not treat you this way!
I personally, wouldn't want to be friends with a guy who treated me this way when we "dates" or whatever you want to call it.
You seem like such a sweet girl, you deserve the best and you will find a guy who treats you well!
You should totaly cut him out of your life. You need to surround yourself with GOOD people, who do not treat you this way!
I personally, wouldn't want to be friends with a guy who treated me this way when we "dates" or whatever you want to call it.
You seem like such a sweet girl, you deserve the best and you will find a guy who treats you well!
esmeralda89
Well-known member
Thanks girls, i just wish it was as easy for me to move as it was to him, i miss him more each day and its getting so frustrating because my heart dosent listen to my brain. All i want is for him to come back but thats not a good choice, and he wont come back, its just hard to accept. I tried moving on going on dates and whatnot with "better guys" but all they want is sex or are complete idiots. I just want men to leave me alone lol, Im not worried about not having anymore dates there are plenty of guys who want to date me, but for the moment i want to be single, it seems like all men think about is themselves and what they like, for example they all tell me "oh i like that about you blah blahblah" and im just thinking "oh well u like this and that about me but have u even taken the time to ponder if i even like you or what i think???" Its so frustratingi feel like they want to make my decisions, i guess im so hurt thats why i hate every man out there
Dahlia_Rayn
Well-known member
When you've been hurt it's very easy to project that on every potential love interest. I think it's a very good idea for you to be single right now, then you can explore more of who you are. You're doing great, but I do believe the less contact you have with him the better.
Having a broken heart is very painful, but it will eventually pass. I'm just going to let you know you can do this, and you can do it without falling into another relationship right now, or even without dating right now.
Every day will get a little better, and you'll know when it's time to step out there and date again. You're doing great!
Having a broken heart is very painful, but it will eventually pass. I'm just going to let you know you can do this, and you can do it without falling into another relationship right now, or even without dating right now.
Every day will get a little better, and you'll know when it's time to step out there and date again. You're doing great!
esmeralda89
Well-known member
Thanks Dahlia_Ryan I am surviving this nasty situation with your awsome advice. I just dislike him very much, he's moved on so fast he's meeting the parents and their sooo happy and im mad, jelous and hurt that i cant be happy and move on like him. Its an awful feeling i feel like my guts are twisting with rage inside its so awful and intoxicating to my soul. I want them to hurt like im hurting and i feel even worse for having such awful toughts. And my self-esteem is going down the drain, im confused why would he leave me for such an ugly girl, and all the guys i meet cant look past my appearance and my body. I want someone who gets to know me for who i am not just like me bc of whats on the outside and cares about me like he once did only better and not break my heart
im so sad and feel awful for hating them so much because i've never disliked anyone. I feel like he hits my weakest points and opens up feelings and emotions i've never felt before. Im sure some day it will get better, for now im gonna stop keeping contact with him because hes making me miserable.
By the way is it normal to feel like this and the fact that its taking too long to get over him?
By the way is it normal to feel like this and the fact that its taking too long to get over him?
Dahlia_Rayn
Well-known member
I think having contact with him is probably prolonging your agony, and honestly from what you've told of us of him, I wouldn't be surprised if that is his goal. I think it's a great idea to stop talking to him. If this is the first time you've gone through such a break up I would give yourself a bit of a break, it really hasn't been that long, and it's normal to mourn the relationship like you are.
I think the best thing you could probably do right now is throw yourself into school work and other activities you enjoy. Or perhaps find a new hobby! Something else that may help is to write down everything you feel in a journal, write freely without reservation and say everything you need to say. Sometimes we don't let ourselves get the anger and hurt out of our souls, and it just festers there. I find writing to be very cathartic.
It's okay to have ups and downs through this process, but remember it's not fair to go into a relationship with all this negativity bogging you down. Be you, for you, because in the end you'll come out stronger, and you'll find your self esteem again if you take this time for YOURSELF. Don't determine your worth based on what men think or you'll fall into an endless cycle of broken relationships without ever really knowing who you are!
Remember that right now it's okay to grieve, to hurt, to be pissed, to hate him and even her, to rail and cry and scream when you're by yourself. It's okay to wonder "what if" but I promise that if you take this time to heal you'll come out a stronger and more self assured woman then you are right now. Will you have a scar? Yes, you will, but scars are lessons, and they teach us and they make us more beautiful and compassionate. And in the end, even a scar fades away to nearly nothingness!
I think the best thing you could probably do right now is throw yourself into school work and other activities you enjoy. Or perhaps find a new hobby! Something else that may help is to write down everything you feel in a journal, write freely without reservation and say everything you need to say. Sometimes we don't let ourselves get the anger and hurt out of our souls, and it just festers there. I find writing to be very cathartic.
It's okay to have ups and downs through this process, but remember it's not fair to go into a relationship with all this negativity bogging you down. Be you, for you, because in the end you'll come out stronger, and you'll find your self esteem again if you take this time for YOURSELF. Don't determine your worth based on what men think or you'll fall into an endless cycle of broken relationships without ever really knowing who you are!
Remember that right now it's okay to grieve, to hurt, to be pissed, to hate him and even her, to rail and cry and scream when you're by yourself. It's okay to wonder "what if" but I promise that if you take this time to heal you'll come out a stronger and more self assured woman then you are right now. Will you have a scar? Yes, you will, but scars are lessons, and they teach us and they make us more beautiful and compassionate. And in the end, even a scar fades away to nearly nothingness!
esmeralda89
Well-known member
So I called him (really bad choice) but i called him after i watched Kandee Johnson's Break up Bootcamp video that sparked something in me, and read all the advice u ladies left. I cried as i watched the video but didint cry myself to sleep and went to sleep happy and woke up with lots of new hopes and dreams. So then i called him and told him i was tired of waiting for him because at one point weeks ago i went crazy and begged him to stay wich i am ashamed of but i couldent controll myself. He told me he had to think about it, but now i realize that hes the one whos giving up a precious thing because i loved him and cared about him, and he left me for some ugly, stupid girl whos just as messed up as he is, who dosent even want a serious relationship. I told him i didint want to be his friend and wanted to eliminate him completly from my life and that to me he was dead. Well he went on to tell me that he didint want to lose me as a friend because he didint want me to think that what we had didint mean anything to him. Can u guys beleve that?? the nerve lol, he oviously likes to see me in pain!! so i told him that being his friend was no longer my job to go with his ugly burnt cupcake. And he still couldent understand why i didint want to be his friend God you guys should hear him its pathetic!! It sucks that i still have to see him this weekend for an event and he wants to talk to me but dosent promise anything good will come out of it, but im getting myself ready to confront him and tell him all that stuff in his face without having a shaky voice or start crying. Too bad for him, but i know that someday ill find someone who will want all that love i have to offer.
MizzMelroseMood
Well-known member
Let him go and forget about him. Trust me whoever the girl he's with now will end up feeling just like u do. He'll probaly break her heart too. And you don't need him running back to u and re-opening all these wounds because u guys are ''friends'' once that happens.
vintageroses
Well-known member
Sweetheart i feel so sad for you!
I know how hard it is esp since you are away from home! I'm not in the same plight but i live 8 hours flight away from home so i understand you probably feel like 10 000 worst then me BUT don't worry you have ALL OF US!!! & you sound like sucha sweet girl, if they don't appreciate you it's really their lost! I'm sure you'll find someone who really care, love & respect you for you are!
Do things to distract you! The more time you have, the more your mind wonders off thinking about him
I hope you feel better soooooooooon
Do things to distract you! The more time you have, the more your mind wonders off thinking about him
esmeralda89
Well-known member
Well I dont talk to him annymore exept for this one incident we had where his skank gf or whatever told him that she had seen me in the elevator and that i looked at her ugly, aww poor baby... I dont even know her in person and i dont take the elevator
ever! i told him some mean things like like i wouldent look at her bc shes not even pretty. But thats it
and today I did bump into her and felt so disgusted with both of them because he left me for that ugly girl, I dont understand men sometimes but whatever I know i can do sooo much better for myself, and after seeing her she can have him, because she does not measure up to me, and he dosent eather, therfore they deserve each other.
all i want is for her to leave me alone I know i say lots of mean things about her here, but other than that i keep them to myself i dont go around bulling people and making up things. I dont care about them but I am gonna defend myself if i have to. What should i do, i hate confrontation, and i hate being confronted and blamed for stupid things like that..
