Rant about being a wallflower

[sparklemint]

Okay, first I'd like to apologize in advance if this comes off sounding like a 13-year-old girl's journal rant, lol.

Anyways, I've been feeling really insecure about the fact that guys never notice me. Basically, I'm 21 and I've yet to have any guy ask me out or even tell me that he likes me/finds me attractive. When I was younger (MS and HS) I was really awkward looking and some kids, especially the guys, would poke fun of my looks. In HS my friends would talk about all the guys who crushed on them or asked them out, and I felt insecure but figured that it would be better in college.

Well, here I am in college, dressing nicer, looking better, and acting more confident, but I'm still a wallflower while all my friends talk about the guys who like them. Whenever I'm with some friends, the guys will always approach them, talk, joke, flirt, ect. but ignore me. I've had a few major crushes on some guys who I thought were attractive (they weren't ~OMG MALE MODEL TTLY OUT-OF-MY-LEAGUE! hot) but they never were really interested in me. These things, of course, kind of hurt.

Now I probably run the risk of sounding vain but alot of my friends are pretty and good people but I don't think I'm any less attractive, nice, or smart than they are. Alot of girls and (older people lol) tell me that I'm really pretty, and on good days I feel the same. I'm really shy and a little awkward, especially around guys, and that might be a part of it, but I know some girls who are shy and aren't very social or bubbly who still draw in guys. So I'm not sure if that's the real reason.

I know this sounds stupid, but I don't even want to be in a relationship. I just want to know that I can be attractive to a guy and that if I ever see a guy whom I'm attracted to there's a chance he could feel the same about me. I guess it's a validation thing, I just don't want to feel like a wallflower anymore. Thanks for putting up with this rant, lol. Do any of you ladies have an idea as to why this is the case or can relate?

 

[Simply Elegant]

I think this would be easier if you had some guy friends. It's a lot easier to be confident and comfortable in front of a guy you like if you hang out with the opposite sex sometimes.

Just be you and be confident that you can be attractive to a guy, but know that what you think of yourself is most important. Just because a guy has never approached you, does not mean you have never attracted a guy before and does not mean that a guy has never liked you before either. They are afraid of rejection too. Maybe a guy has liked you in the past but didn't want to seem creepy by admitting it.

No one knows the answer for sure. Maybe you seemed closed off compared to your friends. Maybe another one of your friends was more his type. Maybe he thought you were too hot and you'd turn him down. Worrying about all of these maybes and what ifs are pointless because it wpn't get you anywhere. Just be yourself, hang out with your friends and if a guy comes along that you like, make the first move if you want a date or relationship or friendship.

 

[iadoremac]

I think confidence is key and I'm sorry to say this but you don't sound too confident to me. Another thing is it depends on the vibe you give out to men, if a guy isn't looking for something serious and you come off as the type of chick that doesn't mess around, then he won't approach you.

I wouldn't worry about it if I were you...........just be nice,confident and friendly...............like you said you know you are pretty and if you know thats true I'm sure guys are attracted to you.

Another thing that may help is to learn to read body language, I usually can tell if a guy likes me just by reading his body language or by the way he looks at me...........he doesn't have to say anything

HTH

 

[sparklemint]

Simply Elegant- You're right about guy friends, I think it may help a lot in terms of understanding and getting used to guys, but I've never really been able to be more than just aquaintinces(sp?) w/ a guy (they're always are happy and friendly one day and moody and cold the next.). I've always been more of a girl's girl than a guy's girl.

iadoremac- No, you're right. Even though I'm more confident than I was in HS, I still have a long way to go in terms of being really confident. You mentioned that you can tell if a guy likes you, if you don't mind me asking, what are the big signs that makes you see that? I'm terrible w/ reading those types of things, especially if it involves something as subtle as flirting. You don't know how many times I've seen people having what looks like a friendly chat only to find out that they're actually hitting on each other, lol.

 

[-Cassandra-]

I have the same problem , but it happend a bit differently for me. I used to have tons of freinds guys and girls but for me personally I never felt attractive. I was more of the sidekick to my freinds...and later on turns out the girls that I thought were my freinds totally abandoned me when I got to college. everything that I had done for them did not matter. So when I began my freshman year of college (currently a junior) it was a major shock to th system. I am very nice and really fun to hang around with but everyone at the school I go too is extremly judgemental and have cliques (I also apologize if I sound like a teenager ranting haha) It was just hard because I was always very shy but when I did have a good group fo freinds I was very social. It isnt like I dont try, I do but I get treated like I dont exist especially by guys. I personally want a serious relationship and it hurts when I am completly ignored because they are just the types who just want to mess around. So I totally understand about the whole validation thing I feel that way also. It is a really nice boost of confidence to know that a guy found me cute and came up to me. I am sick of being a wall flower also because I know I have it in me to be really outgoing but I have a huge lack of confidence. I have just been burned so many times it is hard to just open up and keep trying because I gusse it is just easier to hold back instead of getting hurt again...