Aww, there is nothing long and crazy about your post, it's perfectly reasonable. Please don't apologise!
Your best long term solution is to get a foundation that is the darkest you will ever go and the lightest you will ever go and blend the two as your sun exposure changes. I have successfully used bronzing powder in the past to darken a foundation so I think you might just have been unlucky.
I might help if you said what particular foundation you used at the moment.