Stuck *a long rant on life*

pretty_melody

Well-known member
I honestly don't really know where to go when it comes to asking for advice on life and deep things in general. I feel as though all you lovely ladies are so wonderful and real I thought maybe I could ask you. I'm kind of stuck in a pretty hard place right now when it comes to my life. Over the past couple years I've sunk more in more into depression. Over a year ago my mother tried to take her own life and this was not the first time she's attempted this. I've spent literally my whole life protecting my mother and finally after taking her in and helping her to control her bipolar disorder with medicine she's doing much better.

Myself on the other hand,not so much. I have a loving boyfriend but our relationship after almost seven years has become dull and routine. I don't really feel as though I have any friends to turn to. I make friends at work and they turn out to be liars and use me a lot so I try to stay to myself. I work a dead end job at a fast food place in which no one appreciates how hard I work and I'm criticized constantly there. I feel like I've wasted my life to the point of having thoughts of just ending it. Now I would never try to hurt myself but I spend money I shouldn't and I drink sometimes to numb the feeling. I know this is no way to live and I'm at a loss as to who I can talk to. I've told my family about my awful anxiety attacks and depression but everyone's just done with me and my depression so I don't say anything anymore. I've longed for a friend who I can talk about things like makeup with and just girly things and life. I haven't found that kind of friend and if I do they ditch me for a boyfriend.

I want to be optimistic and happy but I'm stuck right now. I want to find another job but I just don't feel as though I have skills. I was hoping for some opinions. I've loved talking with all you awesome people on specktra and if you have opinions even harsh ones I'd love to know if you've went through something similar and how you've coped with depression. I respect each and everyone's opinions and everyone on here is awesome. Thanks so much!
 

Gellydonut

Well-known member
I honestly don't really know where to go when it comes to asking for advice on life and deep things in general. I feel as though all you lovely ladies are so wonderful and real I thought maybe I could ask you. I'm kind of stuck in a pretty hard place right now when it comes to my life. Over the past couple years I've sunk more in more into depression. Over a year ago my mother tried to take her own life and this was not the first time she's attempted this. I've spent literally my whole life protecting my mother and finally after taking her in and helping her to control her bipolar disorder with medicine she's doing much better.

Myself on the other hand,not so much. I have a loving boyfriend but our relationship after almost seven years has become dull and routine. I don't really feel as though I have any friends to turn to. I make friends at work and they turn out to be liars and use me a lot so I try to stay to myself. I work a dead end job at a fast food place in which no one appreciates how hard I work and I'm criticized constantly there. I feel like I've wasted my life to the point of having thoughts of just ending it. Now I would never try to hurt myself but I spend money I shouldn't and I drink sometimes to numb the feeling. I know this is no way to live and I'm at a loss as to who I can talk to. I've told my family about my awful anxiety attacks and depression but everyone's just done with me and my depression so I don't say anything anymore. I've longed for a friend who I can talk about things like makeup with and just girly things and life. I haven't found that kind of friend and if I do they ditch me for a boyfriend.

I want to be optimistic and happy but I'm stuck right now. I want to find another job but I just don't feel as though I have skills. I was hoping for some opinions. I've loved talking with all you awesome people on specktra and if you have opinions even harsh ones I'd love to know if you've went through something similar and how you've coped with depression. I respect each and everyone's opinions and everyone on here is awesome. Thanks so much!
I'm new to Specktra and just came across your post. I can totally relate to what you are going through. I too have a family member that suffers with a mental disorder and I have always felt alone in it, that no one I know could ever relate. It is so mentally and emotionally draining, it turns your whole world upside down, especially when it's a parent and you need them. I'm glad to hear your mother is doing better after seeking treatment.

When I was 21 (I'm now 27) a lot of tragic things happened in my life which caused me to become overwhelmed emotionally. I became depressed and anxious because I couldn't handle it all at once. It definitely didn't help that I had no real direction in life or emotional support from my family at the time. It took a couple years for me to pull myself out of that funk completely. Some of the things that got me through was having select friends to talk to, distancing myself from negative people/environment, keeping busy and time. Time to grieve, to accept, to reflect, to let go. Time to focus on myself and what I needed to do to better myself. When they say time heals, it really does. We might never be the same, we all have our calluses but it's what makes us who we are! Unique and amazing.

Have you tried seeing your physician about depression and anxiety? I did and she gave me some meds to help with the anxiety. It was beneficial, but over time I didn't need it anymore. It's a good option to take the edge off while you work on yourself. There's also counseling as well, which I tried for a little while. It's always good to try all the options.

As far as your relationship with your boyfriend goes, have you tried talking to him about how you feel? I know every relationship has it's ups and downs, maybe you two could sit down and discuss things. Maybe come up with ways to spice things up a bit. It's super important to have someone close in your life to help support and encourage you through the rough times.

Some things I recommend:
1. Don't be so hard on yourself, try to stay positive (I know it can be hard) I learned how to catch myself thinking negatively and would talk myself out of thinking negatively. Positive affirmations! Negative thought: I have no skills ----> Positive thought: What am I talking about, I have a job and work hard, I have learned many skills in the process! Time to find a new fulfilling job!

2. Find something you are passionate about and focus on it, educate yourself on it. I love learning about health and nutrition, so I research about it and find ways to improve my nutrition. It keeps me busy in my free time. When you keep your mind busy, you can't think negative towards yourself. Plus you are learning about things you are interested in, which could help you find work in the future!

3. Improve your diet and habits. Believe it or not, vitamin deficiencies can contribute to depressed moods. Try eating more fresh fruits and veggies and limit processed foods, caffeine and refined sugars (e.g. soda). Also, drink lots of water! Getting your vitamins from a fresh food source is better than just taking a daily vitamin. This has REALLY helped my moods. No joke. I don't deprive myself of my favorites of course, but I definitely limit to once or twice a week. If you run on caffeine, I suggest drinking green tea instead of soda, energy drinks or coffee. Caffeine makes anxiety a lot worse.

4. Exercise. Even if it's dancing in your room by yourself like an idiot. Try yoga! Go for a walk around the neighborhood after dinner everyday, enjoy the sunset while you are walking, find ways to keep you motivated to do this everyday. Maybe take your dog on a long walk if you have one. Getting in a good workout regularly helps relieve depression and anxiety. It worked for me.

5. Visit your physician and see what they might recommend. It's ok to try medicines and go see a therapist, what counts is trying everything you can to get your health back on track.

6. Update your resume and start applying to jobs. Think about what you enjoy or are interested in trying and just go for it. You have customer service experience through fast food right?, you can DEFINITELY find a better job. Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't give up! You also could post an ad on Craigslist asking for anyone who might consider employing you, list your skills and that you are a dedicated hard worker, looking to better yourself and your life.

7. Meditate. Don't laugh, it is a great way to relieve anxiety. Find a nice and peaceful place, maybe in your backyard, bedroom or somewhere pretty. Somewhere you can be alone, where you feel safe and comfortable. I like being outside because I feel like the beauty and sounds of nature helps to lift my mood. Anyway, just close your eyes and take deep breaths and clear your mind, focus on the present moment. Focus on the sounds of the trees rustling and the birds chirping, or even the silence. Focus on your breathing and your body, your existence, the fact that you are alive. (I know it sounds cheesy, but really... life, who came up with it? it's intriguing) I like looking at the moon and stars at night, maybe have a glass of wine and just admire the night sky. Appreciate your surroundings, just soak up the peaceful vibes and think about how amazing the world really is. Let all your troubles and bad thoughts float away into the sky. Another way I "meditate" is I lay in bed at night, light my favorite candles for the nice ambiance (I LOVE candles), and turn on my favorite music, even blast it. And just daydream. About anything that makes me smile, reminisce about people I love or have loved, or happy memories or things that would make me happy, ways I can achieve my goals. I just let my mind wander and end up laughing at myself because I feel like a teenager but.... This is all a good way to clear your mind of negative thoughts and feelings and put a smile on your face. It reminds you that you are still capable of being happy and peaceful.

8. Make new friends and shrug it off when people end up sucking. I have had my fair share of toxic friends, and it has surely been a learning experience on being able to choose the right people to surround myself with. Luckily, I have found a handful over the years. Some are still in my life, others aren't and that's ok. We are all on our own journey and every person that comes into our life helps us learn and grow in some way. Fun fact: I met one of my best friends through a farming game on the Apple App Store. HAHAHA. We still have not met in person, but it's been nearly 7 years.... maybe I should get on that. You could try reconnecting with people you were friends with in school, or you could try taking a class or go to social functions in your area. Or join other forums online and connect with people! I have found some good friends on Craigslist, believe it or not!

9. Remember that, there is so much opportunity in this world and you can find happiness and good health in it. You just have to work hard and make adjustments to achieve it. I believe that when things aren't going well, it means that things HAVE to change. There's a saying that goes something like, you can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results. To me that means, you have to start bringing positive change about in your life. Such as cutting out bad people, starting a new job, taking up a new hobby, making new friends, moving somewhere you always wanted to move, going back to school, volunteering in your community (that's a good way to help you feel appreciated). Find things you are passionate about, that make you want to get up in the morning, that bring meaning to your life. You will pull through.

Sorry for the novel here, I hope it is helpful.
greengrin.gif


~Amy
 

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