kpenn
Well-known member
A couple of weeks ago, my very first relationship came to an end. I was stunned to find out that my boyfriend of 2.5 years had been seeing his ex for at least a year of our relationship.
I should preface this all by saying that I've always been a "huskier" girl. I wouldn't call myself fat, but I also wouldn't call myself thin. I've been self-conscious about my weight, however, since elementary school. Although I've learned to appreciate my curves more as I've aged, I've always had some nagging issues with low self-esteem related to my weight.
During my relationship, my boyfriend would frequently make reference to my weight. He was very health-conscious (and I think had some serious preoccupations with his own weight), and would often get on me about what I did or didn't eat. For my birthday, he would buy me a bathing suit so I could go swimming or new running shoes so that I could go walking. All signs seemed to point to him wanting me to lose weight. We got in a big fight one day and he flat-out told me that he would be much more attracted to me if I was thinner.
Needless to say, this had some seriously negative impacts on our relationship. I have some considerable issues with intimacy because of my own embarassment about my body. For the last year of our relationship, I would not even get changed in front of him, so sex was definitely out of the question. This certainly contributed to the cheating on his part.
After a lot of soul-searching, I understand that him and I are both to blame for the wrongs done in our relationship. He is definitely a complete ass for not loving me the way I am and for cheating on me. But, I also share in the blame. I never should have remained in a relationship where I did not feel loved and accepted for who I am. I never should have let my own low self-esteem enable someone else to make me feel poorly about myself.
Going forward, I want to change the way I feel about myself. I recognize that I need to love myself completely before I can expect someone else to. Part of reaching this goal involves me taking charge of my body and working on the things that I don't like about it. I want this to be a summer of major change involving weight loss and the acquisition of healthier eating and exercising habits. Most importantly, these changes will be for ME, not for a boyfriend, an ex-boyfriend or a future boyfriend.
This thread is going to be my catch-all for any venting, goal setting, goal tracking, food journals, etc. I find myself much more likely to succeed when I hold myself publically accountable for things, so I'm counting on all of you to hold me to my goals!
I should preface this all by saying that I've always been a "huskier" girl. I wouldn't call myself fat, but I also wouldn't call myself thin. I've been self-conscious about my weight, however, since elementary school. Although I've learned to appreciate my curves more as I've aged, I've always had some nagging issues with low self-esteem related to my weight.
During my relationship, my boyfriend would frequently make reference to my weight. He was very health-conscious (and I think had some serious preoccupations with his own weight), and would often get on me about what I did or didn't eat. For my birthday, he would buy me a bathing suit so I could go swimming or new running shoes so that I could go walking. All signs seemed to point to him wanting me to lose weight. We got in a big fight one day and he flat-out told me that he would be much more attracted to me if I was thinner.
Needless to say, this had some seriously negative impacts on our relationship. I have some considerable issues with intimacy because of my own embarassment about my body. For the last year of our relationship, I would not even get changed in front of him, so sex was definitely out of the question. This certainly contributed to the cheating on his part.
After a lot of soul-searching, I understand that him and I are both to blame for the wrongs done in our relationship. He is definitely a complete ass for not loving me the way I am and for cheating on me. But, I also share in the blame. I never should have remained in a relationship where I did not feel loved and accepted for who I am. I never should have let my own low self-esteem enable someone else to make me feel poorly about myself.
Going forward, I want to change the way I feel about myself. I recognize that I need to love myself completely before I can expect someone else to. Part of reaching this goal involves me taking charge of my body and working on the things that I don't like about it. I want this to be a summer of major change involving weight loss and the acquisition of healthier eating and exercising habits. Most importantly, these changes will be for ME, not for a boyfriend, an ex-boyfriend or a future boyfriend.
This thread is going to be my catch-all for any venting, goal setting, goal tracking, food journals, etc. I find myself much more likely to succeed when I hold myself publically accountable for things, so I'm counting on all of you to hold me to my goals!
