What is this guy's motive?

DidiS

New member
This is very long, so please bear with me here. Thanks for reading.

I’ve been talking to a man online who's a couple years older than me for about a month. He lives about 330 miles away from me. It was just casual fun flirting in the beginning and I didn’t think much of it. He usually sent me texts that sounded quite cheesy and I assumed that he also sent that to other women, but I sometimes played along just for the fun of it. Then he sent me a shirtless picture of himself wearing his boxers so low that if it’d been 2 inches lower, it would’ve been porn. I told him that we looked for different things and said my goodbye. He seemed quite apologetic about the picture and I let it slide because I did find him attractive. Fast forward a couple weeks after, we still talked to each other and he jokingly mentioned that he had a small penis, which made me really curious to know if that was true. I asked him to send me a picture of his penis and he sent me three photos. It looked normal and I assured him that it was fine. I thought that could have been his ruse to get me to look at them, but he never mentioned or sent me any photos after that, so we still continued to text.

I was in his area last week and asked him if he wanted to meet up since I was very curious and quite attracted to him. We went to a bar and stayed there for about two hours. It started out somewhat awkward because we misunderstood each other in the beginning, but things went ok after that. The meeting was not superb, but nice enough. We sat across each other and he did not try to touch me inappropriately, except for one time that I told him to sit next to me and he did touch my leg. I slapped his hand away and he remained respectful for the rest of the date. I received his text saying that he had a good time and wanted to see me again. I didn’t think much of it since we lived so far away from each other and I just wanted to see who he was.

He continued to say hi the next day and on the day after, he asked me if I wanted him to come see me. I told him that I just graduated last week and it would take me a couple months to find a real job and move out of my mom’s house. He said that he wouldn’t mind staying in my room, as long as my family is ok with that. He asked me to let him know when it’d be convenient and he could stay for two days. He also told me that he wanted to be intimate with me and if I was just looking for a friend, he wouldn’t come. He said that he did not have any business in my area and he would just come here for me.

I like him, but this is moving too fast and things do scream shady to me. I am fully aware that he wants to shag me, but why would he travel that far for sex while I assume that he could get it where he lives? He’s a handsome athletic guy who knows his ways around women. If he does indeed want something more than a hookup with me, how come he didn’t really make an effort to know more about me through our texting and conversation? These two things really contradict each other. He did say that he might want to move to my area; could this be that he’s looking for a potential fwb in the future? From what I know, he’s got a job right now, so I don’t think his intention is to move into my mom’s house if he ever decides to live here.

What is he after?
 

DILLIGAF

Well-known member
Sorry to be blunt but he's made it pretty clear what he's after. He wants to have sex with you and now the ball is in your court. If you decide to proceed please be aware that he's clearly laid his cards on the table. Don't go into this starry eyed thinking you are going to get a relationship out of it. If you cannot handle the casual sex don't even entertain the thought of it. If this is not for you step away and move on.
 

iadoremac

Well-known member
ITA with Dilligaf and pls note that a man would travel to another country just because he wants to have sex with another woman, its not about whether he can get it in his area
 

shellygrrl

Moderator
Staff member
Sorry to be blunt but he's made it pretty clear what he's after. He wants to have sex with you and now the ball is in your court. If you decide to proceed please be aware that he's clearly laid his cards on the table. Don't go into this starry eyed thinking you are going to get a relationship out of it. If you cannot handle the casual sex don't even entertain the thought of it. If this is not for you step away and move on.
THIS. *nods* Seriously.
 

Dreaming Dancer

Well-known member
I agree. He only wants the sex. think of it this way, maybe he can't get any ladies in his area because maybe they all already know how he is. I think it would be dangerous to let this guy you or your family does not really know into the house.
 

MaskedBeauty

Well-known member
Sorry to be blunt but he's made it pretty clear what he's after. He wants to have sex with you and now the ball is in your court. If you decide to proceed please be aware that he's clearly laid his cards on the table. Don't go into this starry eyed thinking you are going to get a relationship out of it. If you cannot handle the casual sex don't even entertain the thought of it. If this is not for you step away and move on.
im sorry but I completely agree.
 

xStarryEyedX

Well-known member
Yeah, agree with everyone else. Guys are simple... He probably wouldn't be sending you pictures of his junk before even meeting if he was trying to get in a long term relationship with you.
 

Mabelle

Well-known member
Yea, this is exactly as it seems; he wants to bone. He might be looking for a one time deal, he might want a few gos, but thats all he wants.
Even though hes good looking, he might not be very confident in picking up women in person in his area. Who knows. I don't think it means he's shady. I think he's being very honest in fact.
 

MrsShaw

Member
To me, it definitely sounds like he's only after sex. As we all know, men are hunters... and i'm pretty sure, considering the info you gave us on the whole subject, that he won't be interested for very long after he got what he wanted :/ save yourself some heartache and look for someone worth your time. best wishes!!!! (still agreeing with the above post, doesn't mean he's "shady" as he told you he wants to be intimate with you and if you're looking for friendship, he wouldn't come see you...)
 

3773519

Well-known member
SEX SEX SEX. is all he wants, but i wouldnt let him come stay in your house. Thats too much. If he wanna get laid and you up for it, I think he should atleast have gotten a motel or hotel around your area...
 

roop300

Well-known member
Pls whatever u do, don't let him into ur house. U never know ppl. He could harm ur family and possibly be a thief. Don't take any risks.
 

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