shimmyshimmyya
Well-known member
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luckyme
Well-known member
I would tell him so that if there is a next time, you can maybe mix it up . Maybe you can tell him that when you are in the moment, he needs to focus on you and not his mother or other things that need to be done. You also may need to tell him that while the missionary position is ok for a while, you would like to add some excitement by changing positions
In an nutshell, never have sex with someone you don't seem to even love or care that much about and certainly not just because he is "nice" and supporting you financially. You need to be financially independent of him and any other guy, feel better about yourself and who you are before engaging in an intimate relationship that should be sound and fulfilling, both emotionally and physically, for both of you. BTW, age does not = maturity. If he is chatting about dull, everyday life stuff while having sex, he isn't really into it at all! You should both just be into each other and no where else!
shimmyshimmyya
Well-known member
Well...I've never been in love so I have sex with people that I like. I do like him...but like a friend. Especially now. He does nice things for me, but he's asking way too much of me and I'm not willing to give it. The sex was SO BAD that I am willing to walk away from everything, even his money. I don't like him enough to stay. But I don't want to hurt his feelings...
Cydonian
Well-known member
I'm kinda with you on this but before I go into the support part of my answer -- I will say that what he said IS true about getting used to someone. Sex has always been awkward for me the first few times with a new partner (I refuse to do the first time completely trashed, buzzed maybe) but if it's going to be good, things usually iron out once you get more comfortable. Otherwise, if it's bad sex... it's just bad sex.
Okay so onto the other part - what do YOU want from sex? Do you know what feels good and what works for you? I realized a long time ago that part of why I was having bad relations is because I had no idea what I wanted. You said he stayed on top the entire time, did you attempt to change positions? Sometimes you have to take an aggressive stance with some guys or they will just stay in the same position. I'm married and obviously quite comfortable with my husband, and he's told me about girls that will just lie there or don't want you to be in any thing other than missionary... so you get sort of paranoid and don't want to do anything different.
I'm not saying he wasn't bad... the flopping thing is one of my biggest annoyances. I started dating a guy in college that did that something FIERCE... I stopped him in the middle and got up to show him how to thrust properly! But anyway, he is probably just bad but I just thought I'd give you that advice for the future. Most dating/one night stand/drunken encounters aren't going to be the best -- or you think they are, then do it sober with the same person and it's terrible. Is this bad guy a virgin or anything? Or semi unexperienced? The flopping thing is usually a virgin thing...
Okay so onto the other part - what do YOU want from sex? Do you know what feels good and what works for you? I realized a long time ago that part of why I was having bad relations is because I had no idea what I wanted. You said he stayed on top the entire time, did you attempt to change positions? Sometimes you have to take an aggressive stance with some guys or they will just stay in the same position. I'm married and obviously quite comfortable with my husband, and he's told me about girls that will just lie there or don't want you to be in any thing other than missionary... so you get sort of paranoid and don't want to do anything different.
I'm not saying he wasn't bad... the flopping thing is one of my biggest annoyances. I started dating a guy in college that did that something FIERCE... I stopped him in the middle and got up to show him how to thrust properly! But anyway, he is probably just bad but I just thought I'd give you that advice for the future. Most dating/one night stand/drunken encounters aren't going to be the best -- or you think they are, then do it sober with the same person and it's terrible. Is this bad guy a virgin or anything? Or semi unexperienced? The flopping thing is usually a virgin thing...
Funtabulous
Well-known member
Wow, talking about Christmas shopping? Sorry, not trying to make light of your predicament, but that's funny.
When I read the thread title I was going to say to give it another shot, but after you threw that one out I don't know what to think. To me, it doesn't sound like this guy even really turns you on all that much. In that case, I really wouldn't bother. I can't imagine sex being all that great with someone unless you felt that way about them, no matter what they did. But I could be wrong about this, feel free to correct me. Who cares about money if the sex is that pitiful? To me, good sex is one of the main foundations of a relationship, but not everyone agrees with this I understand.
To me, there is a certain factor involved in sex and attraction that you can't define or put down on paper, and it sounds like you two may be lacking it. People call it 'chemistry'. What do you think? Yet, I don't really think that first time sex is representative of all that is to come (certainly wasn't for me and my boyfriend). It would depend on how other things are, like if you are both obviously attracted to one another and if the kissing and other acts are good. One quick diagnostic question: When he is around, do you want to be touching him, or have him be touching you? Are you drawn to him physically? If yes, that is a good sign, but if no, it sounds like there is something missing.
When I read the thread title I was going to say to give it another shot, but after you threw that one out I don't know what to think. To me, it doesn't sound like this guy even really turns you on all that much. In that case, I really wouldn't bother. I can't imagine sex being all that great with someone unless you felt that way about them, no matter what they did. But I could be wrong about this, feel free to correct me. Who cares about money if the sex is that pitiful? To me, good sex is one of the main foundations of a relationship, but not everyone agrees with this I understand.
To me, there is a certain factor involved in sex and attraction that you can't define or put down on paper, and it sounds like you two may be lacking it. People call it 'chemistry'. What do you think? Yet, I don't really think that first time sex is representative of all that is to come (certainly wasn't for me and my boyfriend). It would depend on how other things are, like if you are both obviously attracted to one another and if the kissing and other acts are good. One quick diagnostic question: When he is around, do you want to be touching him, or have him be touching you? Are you drawn to him physically? If yes, that is a good sign, but if no, it sounds like there is something missing.
myluckypenny
Well-known member
I'm sorry, but this thread gave me a good chuckle... haha.
Anyways, it's TOTALLY NOT WORTH IT, even IF he supports you financially. I've been with scrubby broke guys and well meaning towers of support that have been great in bed, and you don't need to tell me twice to pick the man willing to support me if he could. I probably also don't need to tell you this, but there are plenty of men out there in the world that can put you right in bed AND support you - financially, mentally and romantically. It just depends on how much of your own wants and needs you're willing to compromise to get the best of what you can get. What you described tells me you're sacrificing your sexual/romantic/relationship needs for financial support. 3 for 1 doesn't sound like a smart/even deal to me... pass on this guy. There's plenty better out there that can do you right in more ways than one. =)
Anyways, it's TOTALLY NOT WORTH IT, even IF he supports you financially. I've been with scrubby broke guys and well meaning towers of support that have been great in bed, and you don't need to tell me twice to pick the man willing to support me if he could. I probably also don't need to tell you this, but there are plenty of men out there in the world that can put you right in bed AND support you - financially, mentally and romantically. It just depends on how much of your own wants and needs you're willing to compromise to get the best of what you can get. What you described tells me you're sacrificing your sexual/romantic/relationship needs for financial support. 3 for 1 doesn't sound like a smart/even deal to me... pass on this guy. There's plenty better out there that can do you right in more ways than one. =)
Mabelle
Well-known member
I don't mean to come off like a total bitch, but why would you have bad sex with someone you only like like a friend, that you find somewhat irratating, because he is helping you out financially?
IMO, this a total no brainer. Do not continue to lead someone on because it pays off for you.
IMO, this a total no brainer. Do not continue to lead someone on because it pays off for you.
LittleMaryJane
Well-known member
There's no law saying you have to be brutally honest when you break up with him. You don't even need to bring up the sex. You could just tell him that it isn't working with him or going anywhere and it's best if you guys go your separate ways.
I don't like all the judgement in this thread, though. Whatever reasons you had for having sex with him are your own and in my opinion there's no shoulds or shouldn'ts when it comes to your life unless you're truly hurting yourself or someone else--which I don't think you're doing here. That being said, this situation isn't working for you so just let him go as nicely as possible. Gloss over the bad stuff or go the whole "it's not you it's me" route.
I don't like all the judgement in this thread, though. Whatever reasons you had for having sex with him are your own and in my opinion there's no shoulds or shouldn'ts when it comes to your life unless you're truly hurting yourself or someone else--which I don't think you're doing here. That being said, this situation isn't working for you so just let him go as nicely as possible. Gloss over the bad stuff or go the whole "it's not you it's me" route.
myluckypenny
Well-known member
Just tell him you value him so much more as a friend and you don't want to further compromise the aspect of developing that friendship with a sexual relationship. You don't have to tell him his sex is bad, just let him know that you're not romantically involved, but you value him enough to care about and tell him the truth - you only see him as a friend. =)
MamaLaura
Well-known member
I completely agree on both parts.
Goat Goat Etc.
Well-known member
I'll be BLUNT the Dan Savage way: Tell him you're not trying to be mean the sex was bad. And the convo about his mom was NOT sexy or appropriate. That's all you have to say. My bf's told me to brush my teeth and tongue more and soap my bottom more because oral sex tasted a little ass-y. It wasn't the best thing I could hear but I changed my habits up because he made me aware when I was unaware. You either say it and have him be motivated to change or hold it against you and break up with you. OR Be fucking miserable. Im with an older man, I'm no sugar baby and he's no sugar daddy, but he fucks like a champ. The reason why is because women have TOLD him what does and doesn't work. Stop setting yourself up to have bad sex and for that matter a bad relationship. Save yourself and the rest of woman kind from shitty behaviour and bad sex and tell him please.
Goat Goat Etc.
Well-known member
Quote:Originally Posted by LittleMaryJane
There's no law saying you have to be brutally honest when you break up with him. You don't even need to bring up the sex. You could just tell him that it isn't working with him or going anywhere and it's best if you guys go your separate ways.
i don't like all the judgement in this thread, though. Whatever reasons you had for having sex with him are your own and in my opinion there's no shoulds or shouldn'ts when it comes to your life unless you're truly hurting yourself or someone else--which I don't think you're doing here. That being said, this situation isn't working for you so just let him go as nicely as possible. Gloss over the bad stuff or go the whole "it's not you it's me" route.
Thank you for saying that. The responses to this thread have been so lifetime channel and talk show! She's not working at a bunny ranch or getting money in exchange for sex. Lol, where were you when i had my craigslist thread! I'd love it if some man would pick up my tuition each year! Just because you're supported financially doesn't mean you're less of person. She has NOT said he gives her money in return for sex. Sometimes guys are nice! Like she's been saying he's a nice guy! Wow having not to worry financially for awhile what a crime! And saving what money he gives me in a separate account? Impossible! Can't be done!
There's no law saying you have to be brutally honest when you break up with him. You don't even need to bring up the sex. You could just tell him that it isn't working with him or going anywhere and it's best if you guys go your separate ways.
i don't like all the judgement in this thread, though. Whatever reasons you had for having sex with him are your own and in my opinion there's no shoulds or shouldn'ts when it comes to your life unless you're truly hurting yourself or someone else--which I don't think you're doing here. That being said, this situation isn't working for you so just let him go as nicely as possible. Gloss over the bad stuff or go the whole "it's not you it's me" route.
Thank you for saying that. The responses to this thread have been so lifetime channel and talk show! She's not working at a bunny ranch or getting money in exchange for sex. Lol, where were you when i had my craigslist thread! I'd love it if some man would pick up my tuition each year! Just because you're supported financially doesn't mean you're less of person. She has NOT said he gives her money in return for sex. Sometimes guys are nice! Like she's been saying he's a nice guy! Wow having not to worry financially for awhile what a crime! And saving what money he gives me in a separate account? Impossible! Can't be done!
LILYisatig3r
Well-known member
Gah what a situation. Nice guy with bad sex. Honestly, I'm a bit vain in this department, and I think if the sex is boring or if you have to try to AVOID having it with him, then it's not right. Does it feel right to you? =/
I mean with my ex boyfriend, same issue. I was like ugh do I have to pretend this feels good again?? I know that seems horrible but we were together for a long time and I thought I cared about him which should've made the sex good. Or so you'd think. But then I met my current boyfriend and it's like every time we have sex he blows me outta the park! (not literally ha). I think you really need that bit of chemistry to make even the relationship work because how would it be if you loved his company but hated getting in bed with him?
I mean with my ex boyfriend, same issue. I was like ugh do I have to pretend this feels good again?? I know that seems horrible but we were together for a long time and I thought I cared about him which should've made the sex good. Or so you'd think. But then I met my current boyfriend and it's like every time we have sex he blows me outta the park! (not literally ha). I think you really need that bit of chemistry to make even the relationship work because how would it be if you loved his company but hated getting in bed with him?
User38
Well-known member
kids,
did you ever hear of the word chemistry.. it exists still among humans, among animals and it is especially important for sex.
why sleep with someone if the chemistry is wrong or non existent? you have to love the way a man smells, how his hair curls, and how his chest hairs stick up when you kiss him.. yea
that's chemistry.
no chemistry = lousy sex
be nice and say bye bye.. there are lots of sexy and nice men
sex is for intimacy not just fucking...
did you ever hear of the word chemistry.. it exists still among humans, among animals and it is especially important for sex.
why sleep with someone if the chemistry is wrong or non existent? you have to love the way a man smells, how his hair curls, and how his chest hairs stick up when you kiss him.. yea
that's chemistry.
no chemistry = lousy sex
be nice and say bye bye.. there are lots of sexy and nice men
sex is for intimacy not just fucking...
LILYisatig3r
Well-known member
EXACTLY what I was trying to say. Whether you think certain things about a man are unattractive, if you've got good chemistry, all of a sudden those imperfections shine in your eyes. It's definitely needed for any kind of good sex.
