Almost together 7 yrs - time to go our seperate ways?
- Thread starter Lyssah
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VickyT
Active member
I'd say counselling might be a good idea, for a few reasons. Firstly, 7 years is a long time, and I get the feeling that you aren't so much 'not in love' as 'sick of the fighting', which is a recoverable position. Secondly, cyclic fighting, like you described, is usually related to something; its not out of the blue. Thirdly, it'll provide you with tools and skills to use if/when you fight again in the future. Finally, if you give it a shot and the relationship still fails, you can be comfortable that you gave it your all.
On the other hand, you did mention that he's only 21, so you've been together since you/he was 14. You very well might just be outgrowing the relationship, either both or one of you, and that might not be something you can fix. That can be due to simply the way you're growing up naturally, or just plain being unwilling to change or comprimise. Either way, counselling might be a good idea- not just for this relationship, but for potential future relationships.
Also, you're Australian, so you may be able to get a few counselling appointments free or very cheap on Medicare. You'll need a referral from your doctor to get it for free, and I don't know if it applies to relationship issues, but its worth a shot (especially since you said you were under financial pressure).
On the other hand, you did mention that he's only 21, so you've been together since you/he was 14. You very well might just be outgrowing the relationship, either both or one of you, and that might not be something you can fix. That can be due to simply the way you're growing up naturally, or just plain being unwilling to change or comprimise. Either way, counselling might be a good idea- not just for this relationship, but for potential future relationships.
Also, you're Australian, so you may be able to get a few counselling appointments free or very cheap on Medicare. You'll need a referral from your doctor to get it for free, and I don't know if it applies to relationship issues, but its worth a shot (especially since you said you were under financial pressure).
Janice
Well-known member
Finances can put horrible pressure on the relationship. Don't underestimate it's influence in the tension. After the amount of time you both have invested in the relationship counseling might be a good "last shot" to see if you two can figure out the underlying issues and repair the foundation of the relationship. If it's available to you, it's worth a couple of sessions.
I hope you two can sort things out, no matter what the outcome. Best of luck.
I hope you two can sort things out, no matter what the outcome. Best of luck.
purrtykitty
Well-known member
Financial issues can really strain a relationship. DH and I really had it out the other night over our financial status. Things are OK now, but I know it won't be the last time we fight over that issue.
I'd suggest the two of you sit down while you're both calm and discuss your financial issues together. Perhaps speak with both a financial counselor and a regular counselor so that the two of you can be at least near the same page, if not on it.
I wish the best for you both. If you explain your reasoning to him, he may come around regarding counseling. If not, maybe you could at least go and get some tips on how to respond when things start getting heated. It's all about fighting fair, not just to win.
I'd suggest the two of you sit down while you're both calm and discuss your financial issues together. Perhaps speak with both a financial counselor and a regular counselor so that the two of you can be at least near the same page, if not on it.
I wish the best for you both. If you explain your reasoning to him, he may come around regarding counseling. If not, maybe you could at least go and get some tips on how to respond when things start getting heated. It's all about fighting fair, not just to win.
kaliraksha
Well-known member
I think every long relationship goes through periods of fights especially ones brought on by outside real world problems. Fighting a lot might drive me nuts, but if you love each other... I think being apart from my SO would drive me crazier. However, you guys are young (I've been in the exact situation... my boyfriend is 24 and we've been together for almost 8 yrs) and I find the thing that happens to a lot of guys and a few girls is that when real world life stress starts knocking them down they want to consider whether life would be different, or better being single. I've heard it many times that people felt like a married couple before they were. So, I would say you should take the reins and find a way to go to counseling (does he know what the alternative is?) or talk him into maybe finding a book to help you guys through it... if anything it will give you guys full permission to spend some time talking about what's going on.
Also,even if you do breakup those financial problems will still be there for both of you. Everyone goes through ups and downs personally and in a relationship, know that this will make you stronger. Best of luck and I hope you find the right decision for you.
Also,even if you do breakup those financial problems will still be there for both of you. Everyone goes through ups and downs personally and in a relationship, know that this will make you stronger. Best of luck and I hope you find the right decision for you.
