Am I Anti-social? I'm friendless!

[Babylard]

I broke up with my boyfriend quite some time ago and we don't have a real friendship. I soon realized that I'm such a loner lol. He was the only person I really hung out with. I have a tendency to cling to 1 or 2 people, not a crowd.

I moved to Winnipeg in Augest and I'm at a new school, U of M. Is there something wrong with me? I seem to be anti-social or something. I haven't made any real friends yet. I say hi to people in my labs and maybe if i sit next to someone I see often, but that's about it. I really want study buddies and people to just hang out with.

I think I'm a nice girl, easy on the eyes. I'm always giggling and smiling if I do talk to someone. What am I doing wrong? Sadly, I don't know how to make friends. I am seriously so passive.... I get intimidated by everyone, but I don't show it. I'm not the kind of person that will be like "hey, wanna hang out?" That just seems sooo weird to me lol.

Could it be that I look unfriendly? I think I tend to avoid eye contact. Could that be a reason why? I look like a typical Asian girl, 5'1... dyed hair... love makeup... I sometimes feel like I push people away. This guy on the bus thought I was staring at him. When I got off, we chatted and I wasl ike "Oh I'm sorry, I wasn't staring at you. I was looking out the window..."

I was with my ex for almost all my high school life. Perhaps that relationship has destroyed me.

I'm sick of not going out on friday nights and having to go to the mall and hang out with myself. It feels weird. I get a lot of looks like "why are you alone?" - sort of looks.
I want to dine out but I feel like such a douche if it's just me.

I have buddies back in Vancouver because I knew them for a long time, but here I don't know anyone. It's not liek I can just walk up to someone and be like "hey, wanan be friends?" LOL

Any advice and comments are welcome!

Thanks,
Anna

 

[mintcollective1]

try not to over-think your situation. charm is a huge part of the equation...this may sound dumb but whatever music you are most into, go to those shows and those dance nights (if they have them) and any other social events that would involve that...you'll start to see some of the same people. A.) you obviously like some of the same stuff and B.) the fact that you've seen them in a few of the same places will be topic enough to talk about. if all else fails, join a craft group or some other group that piques your interest. just be you, and you can't go wrong. Don't let shyness cripple you. Im super out going but the best is when someone comes up to me and strikes up conversation...Ive met a few of my best friends that way...

 

[gigglegirl]

Hey there fellow 'Pegger and U of Mer!

Don't take it personally, I find a lot of ppl at the u of m are kinda cliquey, like esp if they know other ppl in class and you feel like you're left out. I usually just go to class, listen/take notes and leave. It can be REALLY hard sometimes to start convos. Do you have any classes where you have group projects? I'm in Asper so we're all about the group projects it seems, and from some of those I have people now on contact lists and occasionally check up on and see if they want to go for a drink. Nothing like best friends or anything, but people to keep in touch with occasionally.

I've also met some awesome people through summer jobs--so whether you're going to be working or going to school (I think the school in summer would have a bit of a diff feel, people more friendly, maybe I'm just off my rocker) maybe someone will come out of that.

Maybe you could try a yoga class somewhere and see if you strike up a conversation and go for coffee?

I know my life right now is not so social packed, I talk to people at school, go home on the bus and pretty much either sit on Specktra (!) or have to study. But come summer (and graduation) I hope to do more social things, I want to take a fun class in the leisure guide, go out to events (could you go on one of those pub crawls some student groups do? meet tons of people and go out to clubs).

Or we could meet and gab about MAC!

Best wishes, I know its hard to feel like you're putting yourself out there but there should be no reason to feel bad about yourself, as I"m sure you have a lot to offer!!

 

[pahblov]

I'm a west coaster too!

I think it's a lot harder to meet people at university if you're not in res, because you're not around the same people all day like at high school, not everyone has the same schedule, and most people aren't going to lectures to meet people. This seems especially true for sciences (which sounds like you're in) because the classes are so huge! Try to get involved in extra-curricular things like clubs, or just go to student union sponsored events, where people are more concerned about socializing rather than studying

 

[SparklingWaves]

Some people have many friends, but they may not be as deep relationships. I feel you may have more deeper relationships with a few people. That's alright. It is time to to find replacements now. You may feel more comfortable with smaller groups that focus on certain topics like particular types of art. You will meet new people, but you have to put the toe out their in the water.

 

[Babylard]

thanks everybody, i feel less like a dork! i should definitely try finding clubs or yoga classes or something after i get comfy with my studies. i am seriously struggling with my first year boo

hey gigglegirl, i'm glad to find a specktra gal from Winnipeg! I'm Anna and I'm turning 20 in May. I would love to gab about MAC with you! I'm thinking of taking a trip to the MAC counter soon as well. I wanna get another FAFI powder and have a look at the paintpots. I am also quite curious about their foundations/concealers and whatnot. If you are interested, let me know! I would love to hear about what items you have etc. lol

oh gosh.. pub crawls? LOL i have never heard of any of these... and i've Never been to a club.. eek. sadly, i have zero tolerance for alcohol... haha.. makes me wonder if i have been missing out on life *shrugs* today in class my bio mate was talking about socials.. i was like.. is that some sort of class? LOL i'm from vancouver, so life in winnipeg since i moved here in augest for me is soo different!

 

[chocolategoddes]

You don't seem antisocial... just a bit shy. It takes me a while to warm up to people and I can understand what you mean about having a fear of approaching people. As easy as it is for somone to say, "just g up and say hi", it really takes a lot of confidence because here's always that chance of rejection and beng madet feel like a loser. but in the long run, the amount of new friends you could mke out weighs the people who will reject you.

 

[Babylard]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocolategoddes You don't seem antisocial... just a bit shy. It takes me a while to warm up to people and I can understand what you mean about having a fear of approaching people. As easy as it is for somone to say, "just g up and say hi", it really takes a lot of confidence because here's always that chance of rejection and beng madet feel like a loser. but in the long run, the amount of new friends you could mke out weighs the people who will reject you.

i'm not afraid of rejection, but I am definitely afraid to approach people! going up to someone to say hi is bloody hard! im so passive, people have to say hi to me before I can warm up to anyone. i am a bit shy eh? I never realized that about myself

 

[stv578]

i gotta tell you that in the 4 yrs i went to university, i did not make any long-term friends! It was only in my 3rd and 4th yr classes (when there were only about 30 of us) that I even really spoke to anyone. The friends i made that i am still in touch with I made through work, both part time while a student and full time. It's hard, especially if you're shy, i was. But i'm less so now in my 30's because i've realized life is too short to worry about what others think!!!

 

[pumpkincat210]

Here is the definition of anti social: Antisocial personality disorder (APD) is a mental disorder defined by the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual: "The essential feature for the diagnosis is a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood."[1] Considered essential features of the disorder are deceit and manipulation. Therefore it is essential in making the diagnosis to collect material from sources other than the individual being diagnosed. Also, the individual must be age 18 or older as well as have a documented history of a conduct disorder before the age of 15.[1]

You are definetly not anti social. I don't have many friends. like 3 and i've lived here for 10 years. It is hard to meet people in todays fast paced society when everyone is working crazy hours and cities are spread so far apart it's hard to see people that may live far away. I met most of my friends in the past at jobs I had or through other people. Maybe getting a job in something you like would help?

 

[Babylard]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumpkincat210 Here is the definition of anti social: Antisocial personality disorder (APD) is a mental disorder defined by the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual: "The essential feature for the diagnosis is a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood."[1] Considered essential features of the disorder are deceit and manipulation. Therefore it is essential in making the diagnosis to collect material from sources other than the individual being diagnosed. Also, the individual must be age 18 or older as well as have a documented history of a conduct disorder before the age of 15.[1] You are definetly not anti social. I don't have many friends. like 3 and i've lived here for 10 years. It is hard to meet people in todays fast paced society when everyone is working crazy hours and cities are spread so far apart it's hard to see people that may live far away. I met most of my friends in the past at jobs I had or through other people. Maybe getting a job in something you like would help?

my friend was just asking me if it may be that I am anti-social. I really didn't know what else to call it lol but thanks for the definition. i wouldn't be able to juggle school and work at the moment :S Its true that I need to fund my love for MAC somehow.

but thanks everyone, i'll try to take more plunges. I should probably try talking to more people and saying hi etc and maybe one day i will be brave enough ask people out or something like that

on facebook, some people sent me an invite for a 'meet new people' client. yeah uhhh... not a great way to make friends... i didn't realize it until i received "a user has sent you a flirt" notices in my e-mail.. ugh.... facebook... *shivers*

 

[pumpkincat210]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babylard my friend was just asking me if it may be that I am anti-social. I really didn't know what else to call it lol but thanks for the definition. i wouldn't be able to juggle school and work at the moment :S Its true that I need to fund my love for MAC somehow. but thanks everyone, i'll try to take more plunges. I should probably try talking to more people and saying hi etc and maybe one day i will be brave enough ask people out or something like that on facebook, some people sent me an invite for a 'meet new people' client. yeah uhhh... not a great way to make friends... i didn't realize it until i received "a user has sent you a flirt" notices in my e-mail.. ugh.... facebook... *shivers*

I think Shy or introverted is more what you are. I'm like that too.

 

[LMcConnell18]

i REALLY feel for you!!

i have the same problem!!

it sucks so bad... and i agree!!

it is so hard to meet new people in today's fast paced society.

and i wonder the same things... do i seem standoffish to other people? do i seem like a b*itch?? lol.

it takes me a long time to warm up to other people too...

plus i worry a lot about what im supposed to say to keep the boring conversation going with someone ive just met.

the best luck to the both of us!!

=]

 

[Babylard]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LMcConnell18 i REALLY feel for you!! i have the same problem!! it sucks so bad... and i agree!! it is so hard to meet new people in today's fast paced society. and i wonder the same things... do i seem standoffish to other people? do i seem like a b*itch?? lol. it takes me a long time to warm up to other people too... plus i worry a lot about what im supposed to say to keep the boring conversation going with someone ive just met. the best luck to the both of us!! =]

ah i wonder if i seem like a bitch too HAHA in high school, these mean girls from older grades and girls that hung with them were always hating on me. I have Always wondered since! They would even leave negative comments on my old webpage sayign things like "I don't like cocky looking girls!" LOOOL I think they were also just looking to make themselves look cool and help themselves feel superior in my opinion. Asian people and their wannabe "hardcore" ugh... High school was rough... I hope those girls really do grow up, otherwise I just feel sorry for them. Same thing with many guys... beating each other up, starting shit... I can't imagine people acting like that their entire lives... anyways.. im offtopic LOL

best luck to you too connell! I'll always be your friend! =D

 

[Stephie Baby]

I'm going through the exact same thing!! Lol. Maybe we should all meet up. My problem is my boyfriend. He never wants to go anywhere or socialize. It is still hard for me to talk to people, but I at least want to try. He doesn't at all. He use to have friends, but now we both have nobody. Its like he sucked me in. :-(

 

[Babylard]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephie Baby I'm going through the exact same thing!! Lol. Maybe we should all meet up. My problem is my boyfriend. He never wants to go anywhere or socialize. It is still hard for me to talk to people, but I at least want to try. He doesn't at all. He use to have friends, but now we both have nobody. Its like he sucked me in. :-(

OMG thats what happened to me HAHA My boyfriend, now my ex/housemate totally sucked me into not socializing. Now that we are apart, I have nobody too! He refuses to go anywhere! He'll only go to the grocery store, and he still threatens to ditch me for takign too long.

I agree, all of us lonesome gals should hang out xD

I hope you can un-suck yourself away from him!

 

[pumpkincat210]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stephie Baby I'm going through the exact same thing!! Lol. Maybe we should all meet up. My problem is my boyfriend. He never wants to go anywhere or socialize. It is still hard for me to talk to people, but I at least want to try. He doesn't at all. He use to have friends, but now we both have nobody. Its like he sucked me in. :-(

Don't let him suck you in too much. The first of my marriage was like that but things got so boring. I like to go out occaisonally with other friends without him. and it makes me miss him more. Time apart can be a really good thing even if it is only for a couple of hours.

 

[Beauty Mark]

The best way to make friends is to start conversations with people, even if they're not significant. My closest friend/boyfriend and I began talking because he came into a room to ask someone else if he wanted to go to the MIA show. I heard it and piped up, wanting to know where it is.

It isn't easy, but it's little things like that that can make a difference. If you know of an awesome event, invite people. Since you're new to the area, if you find someone you want to be friends with and knows the area, ask them to show you around. If you can't find someone like that but find someone who also is as lost as you, ask them if they want to go exploring.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

I'm the same way. I don't hang out with a lot of people at all, and being that I just broke up with my bf...he was all I knew for two years.

But in the last few years I have gotten so much more outgoing. I used to be the shyest prson you would ever meet....and all of a sudden I just stopped. I'll strike up a conversation with damn near anyone now lol. But I still don't go out much. I feel like I have to impress ppl when I go out. an I kind of feel beneath some people for some reason.

Anyways I'm sure that didn't help much lol. I wish you the best though. You seem a little shy. But thats not always a bad thing. Some people just don't have a lot of friends. Theres nothing wrong with that

 

[gigglegirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babylard thanks everybody, i feel less like a dork! i should definitely try finding clubs or yoga classes or something after i get comfy with my studies. i am seriously struggling with my first year boo hey gigglegirl, i'm glad to find a specktra gal from Winnipeg! I'm Anna and I'm turning 20 in May. I would love to gab about MAC with you! I'm thinking of taking a trip to the MAC counter soon as well. I wanna get another FAFI powder and have a look at the paintpots. I am also quite curious about their foundations/concealers and whatnot. If you are interested, let me know! I would love to hear about what items you have etc. lol oh gosh.. pub crawls? LOL i have never heard of any of these... and i've Never been to a club.. eek. sadly, i have zero tolerance for alcohol... haha.. makes me wonder if i have been missing out on life *shrugs* today in class my bio mate was talking about socials.. i was like.. is that some sort of class? LOL i'm from vancouver, so life in winnipeg since i moved here in augest for me is soo different!

Thats awesome! My name is Hannah. Go get Fafi while you can! Which counter do you go to most? Ive only really shopped at the one in the Bay downtown b/c I have to transfer buses downtown to get to the university so its always right there pulling me in. Plus the downtown one sometimes has a lot more of LE collections for longer than other stores (I know sometimes St Vital or Polo can be sold out of something seemingly right away or after the first weekend).

The whole pub crawl thing, don't worry about.

I didn't know if you were a drinker or not and if you were that would be something to do. But I don't go on them either. LOL it is kinda funny, I didn't realize socials were such a Manitoba thing, I thought it was prevalent everywhere. But thats great you were making convo with your bio mate. Do you live on campus? I'm thinking like someone said above, that'd be a great way to make friends (I was always jealous of living in dorms, LOL knew I prob wouldn't get much studying done but it would be fun!)