Being friends with your friends' ex?


Well-known member
Would you still be friends with your friends' ex? Some people think Im being cold and mean that I dont want to hang out with my friends' ex gf. I know my friend (lets call him Joe) through my bf and they known eachother since highschool. I havent heard from Joe's ex since they broke up and all of a sudden Joes friends girlfriends has been messaging her and want us all to hang out. See my bf has a circle of friends and all their gfs and I hang out once in awhile but mostly as couples and ever since Joe's ex left we havent heard from her at all.

One of the girlfriends texted me telling me that she has been messaging Joe's ex and asked if I wanted to go hang out with them. I said "No I'll pass you guys go ahead" then she goes on saying "do you not like her?" and I said "No thats not it at all, I think she was a sweet and nice person but thats Joe's ex, I would feel awkard hanging out with her." Then she goes on saying that she misses Joe's ex and that she doesnt have anything against her...and that even though her bf doesnt approve of her hanging out with Joe's ex she is still going to do it and hopes that I am still her friend if she ever breaks up with her bf.

Then my bf's other friend was saying that I shouldnt be cutting a friend off like that. And I was just baffled! like wth?? first of all I wasnt even that close with Joe's ex. And its not like Joe and her are in good terms. When they were together we did hang out a few times more so than the other girls but it wasnt like we were close best friends. I dont know why everyone is making a bid deal out of it and making me out to be a cold person. Its not like Joe's ex has been talking to me or anything.

Am I wrong to feel this way? I mean it was sad that they broke up because she was a cool and sweet person but I never considered her as a friend in that way. And it wasnt like these other girlfriends was that close to her. If I broke up with my bf I wouldnt be hanging out with the girlfriends because it would be weird for me and just make me miss my ex. Thats just how I am, I would move on and make my own friends and hang out with the friends that I already have not through my ex bf. Idk im so confused i dont what Im suppose to say or do. I dont mean to be "cold" but thats just how I feel. I hate feeling pressured and bad about the situation. What do you guys think?

Makeup Emporium

Well-known member
I have a really good friend who's a guy. We have been friends since high school and he was the best man in my wedding (my hubby and him also became great friends). I can tell you that any GF he has ever had once they break up I am done with them. It may sound harsh but HE'S my friend not them. I only knew them because of him so once they are over her and I are over.

I think it's a respect thing for my friend. He would never tell me to stop hanging around anyone but I just wouldn't want him to feel uncomfortable. It would just feel weird to me still hanging around them.

So I am totally with you! Once they are over that's it!


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^I know and thats how I feel. Even though I know Joe through my bf he is closer to me than his ex. They both had their own faults during the relationship. Joe was totally in love with her and was smothering her too much and she didnt want to be with him. Right after they broke up he saw her with another guy. I mean the whole situation sucks. But I am closer to him than her. I dont think the other girlfriends understand, I feel and my bf also feels that they dont like Joe that much and so they dont feel awkard like I do because they arent as close with Joe like I am. But I dont want the girlfriends to think that Im putting up a front just because my bf is friends with their bfs. I do like them and have fun hanging out with them but once im out of the circle it just wouldnt be the same.


Well-known member
this is an old thread but i'm gonna reply anyway lol
you don't have any obligations to this ex girlfriend. if you were just friends with her because "joe" is your b/f's friend then that's all it was. if you guys were tight there would be no question about it but since you aren't, and there's no relationship between "joe" and this girl then there's nothing wrong with not hanging out with her.
also, you proved a very good point.... it's not like she's been dying to talk to and hang out with you either so it's really not in issue. sounds like some people are making a big deal out of nothing.

if there's been any updates to this thread prior to me writing and then i apologize. i just wanted to reply to the initial thread.
hope all is well with that tho ;)


Well-known member
I think it's completely up to you, and since you don't really seem to have a relationship with her that stands outside her former romance, then there's no point. It doesn't seem like either of you are very invested in a friendship or anything; it almost sounds more like you are acquaintances.

I would avoid any conversations or making definitive statements about the "situation," since there really isn't one. It seems like that's what you've been trying to do. Just beware of the folks out there who do and will take any opportunity to create drama and don't give them anything to work with.


Well-known member
personally i dont stay friends with my friend's ex's - as you say - you were never their friend - you only knew them because of your actual friend. i think that if one of the ex's was super close to me and became like a best friend then obviously i would still see both of them. but that is the only time i can think of for staying mates with both.

doh i have just seen this is an old thread! oh well!


Well-known member
its too mixxy the best thing to do is to cut contact. you don't want to jeopardize the friendship with your actual friend.


Well-known member

it' been so long and so much has happened. Hope you are well -- you look great!

I have trouble being friends with anybody.. lol


I don't stay friends with and ex's friends however, I have made good friends with the girlfriends in my boyfriends (friends) circle. LOL Does that make sense? If these girls are "just my boyfriends, friends, girlfriends" to you, then they're not really your friends and that's just the way it is. You don't have to hang out with her. It seems like the girlfriends of your boyfriends friends consider each other friends and mean more to each other than just being part of the package when hanging out, then I can see why they would find your behavior strange. Maybe these girls consider each other friends in the actual sense of the word friend. This is awkward because you have no plans of staying friends with any of them should they leave the circle, nor do you intend on staying friends with them if you ever leave the circle. It may make them feel like not bothering with you because you just consider them circumstantial friends.

Don't hang out with her if you don't want to, period. But also, don't expect to deepen any friendships with these girls because they now know how you really see them and who cares, they're not really your friends anyway.

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