Mizz.Coppertone
Well-known member
thanks.
Dealing with anxiety in a relationship...
- Thread starter Mizz.Coppertone
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IDontKnowMomo
Well-known member
When I was in a similar situation, honestly the only thing I knew I could do was to end the relationship.
Maybe you two should take a break for a while. Even if you don't do anything like that, you should take some extra time to be by yourself, with friends, and with family.
Maybe you two should take a break for a while. Even if you don't do anything like that, you should take some extra time to be by yourself, with friends, and with family.
User49
Well-known member
Well my advice is to start by getting back in touch with some friends. After a couple fun girly nights out (or even in, buy some wine, some pizza and have a proper girly to do) you'll start to want to go out more again.
My bf and I have been together just over 4 years and we have moved house because of his job. Due to the cost of a train ticket and the fact that i'm an hour away from all my friends I rarely get to see them anymore and I haven't really adjusted that well to the new place, but I definitely try and make time a couple times a month to go down and visit them. I think one of the things that men are attracted to is someone that is independent and confident. As soon as a women gets cozy and starts letting go a bit thats when you find people needing to 'spice things up'. If I were you I wouldn't blame the boy for the loss of yourself. Just the relationship has taken over so much of your time that you don't know what else to do. Just start with one little thing. Make a day to do something with someone other than your man and try your best to really enjoy. I found that when I first started going out again I used to put SO much pressure on having a good time as I hadn't been out in SO long, but eventually it's not a big deal and you get back to hanging out with friends and meeting new people and your confidence will come back to you... xx
PS and then if when you do go out he gets jelouse/or doesn't support you have you time, thats when you need to have a serious chat and say no wonder you dont go out if your going to get yelled at and you dont need that in your life! x
My bf and I have been together just over 4 years and we have moved house because of his job. Due to the cost of a train ticket and the fact that i'm an hour away from all my friends I rarely get to see them anymore and I haven't really adjusted that well to the new place, but I definitely try and make time a couple times a month to go down and visit them. I think one of the things that men are attracted to is someone that is independent and confident. As soon as a women gets cozy and starts letting go a bit thats when you find people needing to 'spice things up'. If I were you I wouldn't blame the boy for the loss of yourself. Just the relationship has taken over so much of your time that you don't know what else to do. Just start with one little thing. Make a day to do something with someone other than your man and try your best to really enjoy. I found that when I first started going out again I used to put SO much pressure on having a good time as I hadn't been out in SO long, but eventually it's not a big deal and you get back to hanging out with friends and meeting new people and your confidence will come back to you... xx
PS and then if when you do go out he gets jelouse/or doesn't support you have you time, thats when you need to have a serious chat and say no wonder you dont go out if your going to get yelled at and you dont need that in your life! x
User93
Well-known member
I know exactly what you're talking about girl. I feel extremely emotionally dependent on my bf too. If we fight I would feel depressed until we make it up. I depend on him a lot. So yes, I understand.
I agree with glitterinmyveins, that man are usually more attracted to their women if they are independent. But I can understand it's hard being independent if you have a controlling man.
Start with easy moves - get into some hobby, maybe as was adviced before go see some friends, and well, as you said get back to school!
I don't think the break up should be considered, because well, we all have different characters, but gotta keep in mind the good things about the relationship and the happieness it brings you.
Good luck!
I agree with glitterinmyveins, that man are usually more attracted to their women if they are independent. But I can understand it's hard being independent if you have a controlling man.
Start with easy moves - get into some hobby, maybe as was adviced before go see some friends, and well, as you said get back to school!
I don't think the break up should be considered, because well, we all have different characters, but gotta keep in mind the good things about the relationship and the happieness it brings you.
Good luck!
Mizz.Coppertone
Well-known member
Thanks for ur words! It means alot to me.
User49
Well-known member
Alibi I totally agree. Personally I don't think breaking up as soon as you hit a problem in a relationship is the solution. First try and work at the problem. Everyone has ups and downs in relationships and sometimes you just have to compromise a bit. Being dependant on someone you love isn't a crime! I just think for your own confidence you need to find some time for yourself doing something you really enjoy! Says the kettle calling the pot black!
florabundance
Well-known member
I completely understand how you feel, but I don't think he's to blame. No one can make anyone do, or be, anything, unless they themselves want to. And if it's love, then the sacrifices you made should be worth it, right?
I think he's right though. You need to rediscover yourself - not for him, but for you. I went through a similar relationship, where my mood and happiness was dictated by his. Then when he left, I was just lost. It sucked, but it was an amazing lesson to me.
Like Alibi and glittermyveins said, reach out to an old friend or family member you're in touch with, get together and do something that makes you feel good. Have something new and interesting to tell your man when he gets home. I think the relationship will benefit!
Good luck
I think he's right though. You need to rediscover yourself - not for him, but for you. I went through a similar relationship, where my mood and happiness was dictated by his. Then when he left, I was just lost. It sucked, but it was an amazing lesson to me.
Like Alibi and glittermyveins said, reach out to an old friend or family member you're in touch with, get together and do something that makes you feel good. Have something new and interesting to tell your man when he gets home. I think the relationship will benefit!
Good luck
tulip1
New member
i mostly lurk and don't post much on specktra, but i just wanted to tell you that what you wrote shows how wise and strong you really are (even if u dont realize it)- you factually pinned down your situation, and recognise that you have some issues you'd like to resolve.
You have the strentgh inside, just dig in and be brave enough to just try stepping out and doing your own thing without having to get a nod of approval from someone else.
The best piece of advice i ever got was something along the line of ''no one can make u feel inferior without your consent'' - and its tough to change habbits, but u'll notice that the more u love urself the more positive energy u glow with, the more attractive u are to others (including bf)
Sorry if its long and confusing, but i hope it makes sense to u
You have the strentgh inside, just dig in and be brave enough to just try stepping out and doing your own thing without having to get a nod of approval from someone else.
The best piece of advice i ever got was something along the line of ''no one can make u feel inferior without your consent'' - and its tough to change habbits, but u'll notice that the more u love urself the more positive energy u glow with, the more attractive u are to others (including bf)
Sorry if its long and confusing, but i hope it makes sense to u
florabundance
Well-known member
i mostly lurk and don't post much on specktra/quote]
You should post more
User93
Well-known member
You know, I just thought - I think that's already great for you to hang here on specktra! You get to know other people, even though it's online, get to see that others have ups and downs too, and get distracted too! You just shouldn't feel "stuck" in your little world. You should feel good and comfy there, but not "stuck". I was, and still am very dependent on my man emotionally, and honestly, beaing on specktra helped a lot!
Hugs for you
