GorgeousJocey
Active member
i usually don't like airing extremely dirty laundry but, im seriously starting to just lose it. why does it seem literally everyday i get into an argument with my mother i get called a bitch and asshole and it's always put off me, now i'm seriously contemplating suicide because i'm sick of this, it's been going on since last year and i don't what else to do. she's had affairs with married men and when i said things to her like dont you think you deserve better than that because i think she does, she gets an attitude, i've always noticed this. the one guy she new he was married i felt that was unfair to his wife, children and her. then this other guy came along it was just something about him that seemed off. she made sexually implied comments about him to me, which i felt was inappropriate b/c i keep my sexual life,comments, and fantasies to myself, parents and children shouldn't talk with another like that IMO. so anyway everyday this guy was calling to see if i was at home or sleep(so creepy) he wanted to know when i was going back to class,etc. he wanted to know all this because he was so anxious to get in her pants, i overheard a convo i feel bad overhearing, one b/c i don't like feeling like i'm invading privacy, and two b/c it was starting to confirm what i that about him, this whole time he had her convinced he only had a g/f. i felt it was wrong to cheat on his "girlfriend". later on down the run after she slept with him it turns out he had a WIFE and two kids.
she put the blame of her feeling embarrassed off on her aunt because she said, f*** his girlfriend. she put her shame and embarrassment off on everyone else. when she told me before that she was going to do what she wanted to in that situation, b/c i don't like the idea of guy who comes at me sexually on a racially tip,like he did, i'm not trying to be a fantasy girl not to mention also when he found out she was old enough to be his aunt or mother then he asks her about me, i thought it was the rudest thing ever for her to tell him i don't like white guys, they're ugly to me, that's not true by any means first off, i don't discriminate, so i didn't like that comment being made toward someone i didn't know, she always tells people that i don't like white guys, only nat. americans, wtf. anyway this guys asks can he still come by to see her and talk to her she says no, but one day i was walking to the kitchen to get some water in a t shirt and panties b/c i didn't know he was gonna be there, why does it always seem i walk out of my room like that becuase it's just me and her living here and most times she's not really home, but he always right there with a creeper look on his face, it's just something so off about him. anyway now she knows he's married all he talks about his kids and says his kids are why he wont get a divorce and he's always showing pictures of him giving them baths feeding them etc. he says he wants to raise them and not just see them during the weekend.
she told me all that and i had been trying for the longest not to say anything, she claims he's not just using her ass a fantasy booy call, but he told her when he said he wasn't living his wife b/c of the kids that him and his wife only have sex once a monthe so that's why he was trying to get in her pants but seriously it seems like a change in her attitude since he's come around, no joke. one day i wanted to drop some apps off, i asked her just like this,"i wanted to go pick some apps. up and drop them off, is that ok?" she said i was acting like her mother with that statement and that wasn't asking. then when she thought she was pregnant or had an std, and i said i wanted to leave b/c i didn't want to deal with the drama of her having a baby with someone who was already married, i had moved on later on that day and just closed the door to the comp. room because i have a lot of noise going on and i don't want to disturb, then eventually i went to sleep and woke up in the middle of the night and she had left to work and didn't text or anything and a couple hours went by, but she told her friend i was mad at her and she's sick my s***, i felt that was immature on her part, it's been a lot of this lately.
one night she called me a selfish, insensitive bitch, b/c i said i was tired of how one minute i can be trying to talk to her about something joyous or have a happy, laughable moment, and she cuts it off to say something pessimistic about how we have no money, it's depressing and i try to avoid the topic and reality of how she says we have no money, but she said i'm not affected by it because no bills are in my name, wrong a whole household is affecting by the littlest of problems, a whole family can be thrown off if one person has a problem. then today when we were talking she made the comment that i'm not man crazy, b/c "that's how she raised me and she always told me just b/c i see her do something i shouldn't do it", my whole life i've seen her be an idiot over men, every time she had an affair she said she just wanted to get laid, so why is everyone making her out to be a bad guy, and that i'm too immature to understand that once you're sexually active you "crave" alot of sex,wtf just b/c i don't share my fantasies and feelings and desire for sex with my family doesn't mean anything. she also gives the excuse that her mother and grandmother had affairs with married men, so she couldn't help but follow in their footsteps from watching them, they all had babies out of wedlock at 21(i'm not shunning this but, i guess supposedly in my culture it's a no-no) so again it was up to me not to do the same, so this morning a fight broke out b/c i said my personality is why i'm not man crazy then she said no it's the way she raised me.(i know in my previous post i was having male related problems but mostly b/c i hate our friendship is possibly done due to silly stuff, including her, b/c i was arguing with her and we just so happen to be talking and i had to vent to someone and i think he got tired often times he would comfort and give advice, but perhaps it was getting old.) i don't understand how she says that she got pregnant at 21 and had affairs b/c those before her did but, i made it past 21 without a baby, and i'm not man crazy b/c although i have seen her do silly things with guys, she raised me well, and it has nothing to do with my personality and the fact that i don't feel every guy is worth sex and tears.
i've always been that way it's just me i only choose to get intimate with someone i care about, not casual sex with someone else's man that's one of the many things my hand is for, to clean the pipes, sorry if that sounded vulgar, she said masturbating is weird, and women who do are nasty and weird
i'm sorry if this was too long and messy but i just wanted to know if maybe i do have some sort of problem b/c i honestly don't know what to do
she put the blame of her feeling embarrassed off on her aunt because she said, f*** his girlfriend. she put her shame and embarrassment off on everyone else. when she told me before that she was going to do what she wanted to in that situation, b/c i don't like the idea of guy who comes at me sexually on a racially tip,like he did, i'm not trying to be a fantasy girl not to mention also when he found out she was old enough to be his aunt or mother then he asks her about me, i thought it was the rudest thing ever for her to tell him i don't like white guys, they're ugly to me, that's not true by any means first off, i don't discriminate, so i didn't like that comment being made toward someone i didn't know, she always tells people that i don't like white guys, only nat. americans, wtf. anyway this guys asks can he still come by to see her and talk to her she says no, but one day i was walking to the kitchen to get some water in a t shirt and panties b/c i didn't know he was gonna be there, why does it always seem i walk out of my room like that becuase it's just me and her living here and most times she's not really home, but he always right there with a creeper look on his face, it's just something so off about him. anyway now she knows he's married all he talks about his kids and says his kids are why he wont get a divorce and he's always showing pictures of him giving them baths feeding them etc. he says he wants to raise them and not just see them during the weekend.
she told me all that and i had been trying for the longest not to say anything, she claims he's not just using her ass a fantasy booy call, but he told her when he said he wasn't living his wife b/c of the kids that him and his wife only have sex once a monthe so that's why he was trying to get in her pants but seriously it seems like a change in her attitude since he's come around, no joke. one day i wanted to drop some apps off, i asked her just like this,"i wanted to go pick some apps. up and drop them off, is that ok?" she said i was acting like her mother with that statement and that wasn't asking. then when she thought she was pregnant or had an std, and i said i wanted to leave b/c i didn't want to deal with the drama of her having a baby with someone who was already married, i had moved on later on that day and just closed the door to the comp. room because i have a lot of noise going on and i don't want to disturb, then eventually i went to sleep and woke up in the middle of the night and she had left to work and didn't text or anything and a couple hours went by, but she told her friend i was mad at her and she's sick my s***, i felt that was immature on her part, it's been a lot of this lately.
one night she called me a selfish, insensitive bitch, b/c i said i was tired of how one minute i can be trying to talk to her about something joyous or have a happy, laughable moment, and she cuts it off to say something pessimistic about how we have no money, it's depressing and i try to avoid the topic and reality of how she says we have no money, but she said i'm not affected by it because no bills are in my name, wrong a whole household is affecting by the littlest of problems, a whole family can be thrown off if one person has a problem. then today when we were talking she made the comment that i'm not man crazy, b/c "that's how she raised me and she always told me just b/c i see her do something i shouldn't do it", my whole life i've seen her be an idiot over men, every time she had an affair she said she just wanted to get laid, so why is everyone making her out to be a bad guy, and that i'm too immature to understand that once you're sexually active you "crave" alot of sex,wtf just b/c i don't share my fantasies and feelings and desire for sex with my family doesn't mean anything. she also gives the excuse that her mother and grandmother had affairs with married men, so she couldn't help but follow in their footsteps from watching them, they all had babies out of wedlock at 21(i'm not shunning this but, i guess supposedly in my culture it's a no-no) so again it was up to me not to do the same, so this morning a fight broke out b/c i said my personality is why i'm not man crazy then she said no it's the way she raised me.(i know in my previous post i was having male related problems but mostly b/c i hate our friendship is possibly done due to silly stuff, including her, b/c i was arguing with her and we just so happen to be talking and i had to vent to someone and i think he got tired often times he would comfort and give advice, but perhaps it was getting old.) i don't understand how she says that she got pregnant at 21 and had affairs b/c those before her did but, i made it past 21 without a baby, and i'm not man crazy b/c although i have seen her do silly things with guys, she raised me well, and it has nothing to do with my personality and the fact that i don't feel every guy is worth sex and tears.
i've always been that way it's just me i only choose to get intimate with someone i care about, not casual sex with someone else's man that's one of the many things my hand is for, to clean the pipes, sorry if that sounded vulgar, she said masturbating is weird, and women who do are nasty and weird
i'm sorry if this was too long and messy but i just wanted to know if maybe i do have some sort of problem b/c i honestly don't know what to do
