feeling lost

[nursee81]

i am writing this because maybe someone on here will be able to help me and give me some good advice. I'm 28 yrs old and the mother to 3 girls that I love with all of my heart. I'm married to their their father who I do love and care for.

This is my problem every now and then I feel like I'm lost or that I am missing something. I am not quite sure what that something is, but I know there is something. I feel like I have missed out on a lot of my youth because I settled down to young and had children. I don't want to feel resentment towards my family but there are days that I do. Is that wrong it feels wrong.

For example one thing that I regret is just doing a civil marriage, I have always wanted a wedding and the whole nine but since we couldn't afford it we decided to go to the court house and get married. I was also pregnant at the time and didn't want to have our second child out of wedlock again.

With my friend half are single or either in a relationship and are married. I feel like my friends that aren't married look at me and think your so dumb to settle down so young. And my married friends are all either miserable one day and happy the next.

I feel like I should be going out and enjoying myself and having a good time. But with a husband and kids at home its hard and I don't have the time. Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time and change everything. I feel happy at time but other I don't.

I'm really not sure what to think or do can you guys please help me.

TIA

 

[chynegal]

i think u should take one nite a week off and go and do something you want to do. are you a stay at home mom?

 

[nursee81]

No I work Part time and I also go to school this semester I will be going to campus for 2 classes instead of online classes.

 

[chynegal]

i think you just feel a little left out of the loop because you got married and started a family very young and havent gotten the chance to do the things you wanted to do, but that dosent mean you still cant do it. i think you should take at least one night off a week and go out and do something you have never done before. You can either do it by yourself or bring your husband. when i was married me and my husband would go out to clubs together or have house parts and etc. since you are a fulltime mom working and going to school u need to do something nice for your self....i know how u feel on the not having a wedding. i didnt have one either we did it at the court house because we couldnt afford it.

 

[nursee81]

See thats the thing he doesn't like to do anything that I like. I guess I will give it a try and try to go out maybe once a week with my friends.

 

[kaliraksha]

I think you have to remind yourself that you're in life building mode right now. Going to school isn't just the part of physically going to school you still have work and deadlines that you have to do at home. I'm sure that once you graduate your schedule will become less hectic (because hopefully once your work day ends it ends) and more predictable you can plan things to make you happier.

If I were in your shoes I would definitely talk to your hubby about it. Tell him that you guys are still young and you still want to enjoy yourself and go out. If you can find the time, you guys should plan to go out once a week or even once a month to start and get a baby sitter.

So maybe you regret your wedding the way it was... it doesn't mean you can't recelebrate your love and vows for each other for a 5 yr or 10 yr anniversary later after you graduate and you guys have time to save money. Plenty of people get remarried to celebrate their love and have a party.

Although you may have missed out on some of the things that young people do... a lot of young people that do these things are still miserable. A lot of young women out there who go out to the club every weekend and get trashed are not very fulfilled with their lives and all they want is to find someone special, settle down and start a family. The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Also I don't think you resent your family... you just might resent some choices you made, so don't feel guilty. There is no point in time when we can do anything to change the past, so concentrate on making yourself happier in the present.

 

[Girl about town]

Hi I have been through all of this last year, i totally freaked out and decided at 28 i was too young to settle down my fiance and i were drifting apart i had my son to look after and i just felt so old before my time. But i soon realised its just a case of the grass is always greener, i started making an effort with my relationship and we have been through some pretty harrowing times this year and im so glad i realised before it was too late.

Please don't take your relationship for granted, There are so many things that are so much more important than going out etc. All that crap means nothing at the end of the day , you have your beautiful daughters and you and your hubby love each other so don't wish your life away and just enjoy the simple things.

I reckon i was going through a transition period where i didn't want to grow up last year and was struggling against all the responsiblilty i had taken on but believe me if you didn't have it you would probably feel more empty than you do now. I wish i could turn back the clock as im ashamed at how i behaved last year, without going into too many details i acted like an idiot.