Getting over him when you know it will never happen...

[mariecinder]

If any of you ladies have read my last post, then you know I've been hooking up with a good friend of mine. The problem is, I am really in love with him. I mean, really. I've known him for a long time and he's the easiest person to talk to.

I know that he is sort of seeing another girl (even though when he first told me about this girl he said he couldn't stand her unless he was drunk). And yes, it really bothers me.

A while ago (last year) I mentioned to him about a possible relationship between us. At the time he has just gotten out of one and wasn't keen on the idea. After I got out of the relationship I was in, we started hooking up again. At first I was alright with the way things were, just being friends and hooking up once and a while.

I remember having a conversation with him once where I was joking around, saying that he was all talk and no action. He said that it was because I was getting too attatched. I laughed and told him that wasn't the case (at the time it wasn't) and that we were 'just friends'.

But now its like my feelings have gotten out of control. All I think about is him, I want to text him all day long, I get extremely depressed if he doesn't text me back, and it really really bothers me when I know that he's spending time with the other girl.

I know that he's not interested in me the way that I want him to be. I know that its never going to happen. But I keep wanting to text him, keeping wanting to talk to him, keep wanting to invite him places. I know I just need to get over him, but I don't know how!!!

Please help.

 

[jasminbarley]

*****

 

[Mizz.Yasmine]

learn from this, seriously! don't give sex up for free ever again. u'll never get a good man living like that.

u'll get over him after time. give urself 3 weeks to cry and then move on. don't beg him or call him, that will just break ur <3 even more then ignoring him will right now. he seen u as sex toy most likely and not as a girlfriend. u'll find a new, better man who will appreciate u!

good luck and don't ever doubt that u 'll find something better out there.

 

[jasminbarley]

*****

 

[MACATTAK]

Agreed with the others. It sounds like it's too much for you to handle emotionally, so you need to just let it go. Don't talk to him, don't call him, don't text him, and definitely don't hook up with him anymore. That will take you 10 steps backwards every time you do it. It WILL be hard at first (like most things), but day by day it will get easier. You deserve more than to be someone's good time (especially when you obviously have stronger feelings). Take care!

Also just wanted to add this quote to think about: Never allow someone to be your Priority while allowing yourself to be their Option. It's something that I always keep in my mind.

 

[mariecinder]

Thank you very much ladies. This is of course things that I already know, it just help quite a lot to hear it again and again.

 

[VeXedPiNk]

I wish you the best of luck! I'm going through something very similar with a friend of mine and am trying to get over him. It's hard to try and forget about feelings you have for someone, especially when they are such a good friend. But if a relationship isn't going to happen, it's best to make sure you don't hurt any worse than you do and just move on. *hugs*

 

[liv]

My friend just got out of a 'relationship' like this, and really, the only thing that works is cold turkey, leave that boy alone. Don't call him, don't text him, don't try to 'accidentally bump into' him, nothing. Every time my friend would do this, she swore that they were 'just friends' again, and then the next couple days she would come to me crying because they had fooled around and she felt used.
I know that it's really hard to just cut a crush/former good friend out of your life, I've had to do it, but it's really unhealthy for you to continue on like this when he's made it pretty apparent he has no desire to reciprocate your feelings.

Good luck. =]

 

[stacylynne]

there is nothing wrong with a friend w/ benefits. Getting too attached is a big no no.

If he has a g/f u should lay off. If you were dating him, you wouldn't want him being with anyone else either.

So, If you really want him. This is what you do.
- Don't text him, don't call him, when he calls you don't pick up the phone, let it goto VM. Wait a week, then call him back (only if he called you). Tell him, you have been really busy & you finally got a chance to call him.

Don't give him any info what you have been doing. (Just say you have been busy). Keep the convo short & keep him wanting more.

But, please only do this when he is single, not when he's in a relationship.
Remember, you wouldn't want it to happen to you... KARMA

 

[mariecinder]

Well he pretty much flaked on me for a very important event he agreed to come with me to. That was last weekend and I haven't talked to him since. Nor has he contacted me.

I suppose it was a blessing in disguise because it just showed me how much he really doesn't give a damn about me. I still think about him everyday, but I'm getting over him. And if he's with that horse faced girl now, yay for him.

Its hard and I get sad when I think about that missed connection but each day it gets a little better. Just trying to stay busy.

Thank you girls for all your wonderful advice!

 

[jasminbarley]

*****

 

[mariecinder]

If only I could stop thinking about him...

 

[pumpkincat210]

Try to stop thinking about him! I know how hard it is. Pick up a new hobby or go out with other friends. Don't call or text him any, put all your memories of him in a box and put it in your closet.
Time will help you but only if you aren't trying to nurture the relationship. Once you find something else that catches your attention you'll find yourself thinking less and less about him. I've gone through it and it's tough, but you'll learn alot from it.