I really need some advice (kinda long)

[Chastity]

Kris and I were best friends for over 6 years. The past two years or so we haven't been as close, because of new friends, new experiences, school, things like that. But I have always been in touch and tried to hang out when I could, but I always felt like she didn't want to. This semester we had a class together and just started talking more and I felt like I was getting my best friend back.

Her mom, Sharon, is a drama queen and thinks that she always has the answer to everything and always tries to influence people to her way of thinking, which has rubbed off on Kris, she and her mom are a lot alike.
Anyways, her mom visits my boyfriend at work, texts him, brings him lunch, and has a picture of him on her desk at her work. She never visits me or texts me. My boyfriend and Kris aren't even close friends! My boyfriend has always felt weird when Sharon did things like that and always told me about it.
I mentioned, in a half-joking way, to Kris that her mom has a thing for my boyfriend. I told her about the texts and everything, and she didn't seem pissed off so I didn't think she was! Turns out she was.
Two days later I get a text from Kris saying that her mom found out what I said and that she was really upset with me. Later on, I sign in to Myspace to see that Kris has removed me from her top friends and has a nice little quote about her "real friends" and she referred to me as an asshole. I mean, its Myspace, not a big deal, but still, lets grow up, k?
I sent her a message saying that if she was going to be like that about something that I didn't even mean to upset anyone about, then I didn't want to associate with her anymore. I told her to get with me and try to work it out and I apologized for upsetting her mom. And I asked her why she didn't tell me that what I said made her mad(which she took as me trying to blame her for the whole thing).
She calls me and leaves me some pretty mean voicemails saying that what I did was "tacky" and that she was "over me a long time ago". (Would have been nice to know when I was wondering when you always canceled plans and never wanted to hang out...)
So I call her back and she brings up stuff that happened years ago. No, I haven't been the perfect friend. She hasn't either! She basically turned the whole thing into what I've done in the past to upset her, things I thought she had forgiven me for!
We haven't really spoken since then. I really want to talk to her about it and get things cleared up, even if we decide not to be friends. I feel like she is just going to turn everything around on me.
Did I do anything wrong? I should have kept that comment about her mom to myself, but I really think they overreacted!

 

[Ms. Z]

Wait a minute; let me see if I get this correct, Sharon is your (ex-friend) Kris’s Mother?

This older woman visits, sends messages and bring lunch to YOUR boyfriend? What?! I’m an older woman, and believe me this behavior seems inappropriate. It sure seems to me that she has a thing for him……….a Mrs. Robinson thing. Girl, keep your eyes open!
Hmm How did she get your boyfriends phone number?

“My boyfriend has always felt weird when Sharon did things like that and always told me about it.” Really? If he honestly felt this way, he would let her know this. I don’t think you did anything wrong, but of course you are going to be blamed because YOUR boyfriend hasn’t done/said anything to stop Sharon’s behavior. Kris might be biased & in denial and may not see anything wrong w/her mom's relationship w/your bf (until maybe her mother does this to one of her romantic interest).

Good Luck!

 

[gigglegirl]

Honestly I don't think its weird that you said something....its weird that the mom has such a thing for your boyfriend (a picture at her desk? that really is weird....)

but i guess too you gotta understand that with saying something a bit bad about her mom can make a girl get a bit pissed so I can see how that would transpire, it just sucks that she perhaps overreacts than analyzing the situation (I mean I'm going through something where I, at 23, am trying to tell my uncle, at 57 laws and he apparently has this thing all messed up in his head saying I'm wrong...long story but he also doesn't step back and properly analyze the situation, just gets all defensive).

Honest truth if I were in your shoes---If she is so flighty (friend one minute, then off again and you're not totally sure why) then perhaps she's not a friend worth fighting for. I'd just take it as a growing experience and rise above, let her be catty on myspace, but you have new experiences, new friends. Go out and have fun, don't let her and her mom's drama drag you down!

 

[triccc]

I agree with Ms. Z and gigglegirl.

I wouldn't even go beyond the attempts you have made to clear up the situation. If she can't see you are trying to make amends. Then move on.

 

[Chastity]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms. Z Wait a minute; let me see if I get this correct, Sharon is your (ex-friend) Kris’s Mother?

Correct.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms. Z Hmm How did she get your boyfriends phone number?

From Kris. My boyfriend and Kris were friends through me, they exchanged numbers a long time ago. He would never text her mother back though. Most recent text situation was when she texted him "Happy Valentine's Day" and he didn't reply and she showed up at his work asking why he never texts her back!

 

[MACATTAK]

I understand why Kris would take offense to the comment, it is her mother after all, but Sharon is being EXTREMELY inappropriate with your boyfriend. Sounds like Sharon needs to get a life instead of causing drama in her daughters. Either way it sounds like you can't win in this situation. Both sound like trouble, and it's just better you move on.

 

[Ms. Z]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chastity Correct. From Kris. My boyfriend and Kris were friends through me, they exchanged numbers a long time ago. He would never text her mother back though. Most recent text situation was when she texted him "Happy Valentine's Day" and he didn't reply and she showed up at his work asking why he never texts her back!

Are you assuming that this is what happened or did you ask your bf?

Why would she wish him a Happy V’day (no response needed I’m being sarcastic), is she dating him? She showed up to ask him why he didn’t respond to her? This woman has no dignity and no boundaries; she also has no respect for your relationship or her daughters. Kris should have never given her mother the number (I don’t expect her to know better considering who her mother is), but Sharon should have never asked for it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACATTAK I understand why Kris would take offense to the comment, it is her mother after all, but Sharon is being EXTREMELY inappropriate with your boyfriend. Sounds like Sharon needs to get a life instead of causing drama in her daughters. Either way it sounds like you can't win in this situation. Both sound like trouble, and it's just better you move on.

She’s right!
Although he is young, your bf is also to blame because he has not told her that he doesn’t want to have a relationship/friendship w/her. This relationship has too much drama, you might want to quit while you are ahead. The friendship w/Kris is not worth it, and sadly it seems like the one w/your bf isn’t either.

 

[goink]

I would move on. This friendship is beyond repairing, IMO. The more time you spend on Kris and Sharon, the more they're going to love it. I know it's annoying the way they run their mouths, but these things die within time.

Even if you patch things up with Kris, she will always hold a grudge against you. She did bring up all the past problems you both encountered. That's pretty harsh.

You need to sit down with your boyfriend and discuss why he didn't stand up for himself. For lack of better words, he needs some balls. Sharon knows you're with him, but what if a new girl who knows nothing about your relationship with him approaches him like so? He needs to take responsibility in your relationship.

 

[SingFrAbsoltion]

You didn't do anything wrong. That woman overstepped her boundaries, and had no right to get mad at you. On top of that, her daughter seems like a bad friend anyway, it doesn't sound to me like the friendship is worth saving. Good luck with everything.

 

[Chastity]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms. Z Are you assuming that this is what happened or did you ask your bf? She’s right! Although he is young, your bf is also to blame because he has not told her that he doesn’t want to have a relationship/friendship w/her. This relationship has too much drama, you might want to quit while you are ahead. The friendship w/Kris is not worth it, and sadly it seems like the one w/your bf isn’t either.

He brought it up and told me about the text and Sharon showing up at his work.

I'm definitely done with Kris. I have to disagree with what you said about my bf though. Yes, he should have been the one to say something but he chose to ignore her because he knows how they are and he knew saying something would have had an negative effect on our friendship. Guess he was right.

 

[Girl about town]

They both sound like nutters her and her boyfriend stalker mum!! you are well out of it!!

 

[nunu]

i don't see why you still want to sort things out with her? clearly if you two decide to be friends again and an arguement happens she will through back everything bacl at your face. If my friend called me an asshole i wouldn't want to associate with her anymore.

 

[silverbelle282]

she doesn't seem like a good friend imho. if those things in the past were bothering her, she should have been upfront, open, and honest with you so they could be fixed. i think the only way this friendship could possibly be saved is if you guys cool off for a while, and start fresh. i don't know if it is worth saving though, only you can decide that.

moving forward, your boyfriend should definitely tell sharon that her behavior makes him uncomfortable, and to back off. there's something fishy there and it seems apparent on its face. he shouldn't have to deal with it regardless of whether or not it's your friends mother and i think you were totally right to say something.

just hang in there, kris sounds like she's insecure and immature, and it doesn't seem like anything you say or do right now will make any difference except to cause more of a fight that you don't need. hth

 

[Chastity]

Thank you everyone