I'm confused!! GRRRR...

[Stephie Baby]

Ok. I'll tell you guys the short version of this story.

I met this really awesome guy at the end of September and we've been hanging out alot. Everything is going great. Compared to my past relationships or flings, I've never really felt like this. We get along so well. My only problem is hes in the military and hes leaving for Washington November 19th. He says he wants to continue to talk to me and make it work. I'm sure we can make it work, I just dont know if he really means it. He thinks him and I were love at first sight. Part of me believes that, just because I feel so strongly for him already. Its just so difficult for me because normally I'm in control and I have control of my life and how I feel. But with him, I feel all over the place and all giddy inside. Lol. Its a good thing, but is it good enough to make it last. Hes already talking about me marrying him and moving with him. I think at first it started out as a joke, but I think thats what he really wants.

I really have no clue what do to about this because I want to make the right decision, but this could be a life changing decision. How does everyone else deal with long distance relationships or military relationships?

 

[Kayteuk]

Just got out of two military based relationships. IMHO they don't work. Its so so difficult and you have to be committed (Both of you 100%) to doing it. If you want I can chat to you on msn about it if you PM me your MSN or Yahoo or AOL. I'm a bit to sleepy tonight but Ill send my story over to ya tomoro

 

[carandru]

Long distance relationship are a bioyatch!!! I won't say they don't work b/c they can and will in some instances. But that means both of you have to be 100% committed and it has to be what you both want, like really want.

I was in a long distance relationship w/ my now hubby twice. Once for 6 months and the other for a year and a half. And let me tell you, it gets lonely!!! I am a total cuddler so going from spending like every free moment you have together to seeing each other once a month or every few months is like torture. It takes a lot to remain focused and dedicated.

It seems as if you almost feel forced to make a decision one way or the other. And that is not how it should be for a LD relationship to work. You should choose it b/c there's no other way you would be w someone else IMO.

And no, you shouldn't just stop talking to him b/c he's leaving. Seeing as you are only a few months into the relationship, I would try to sit down and talk about "taking things as they come". Agree to keep talking while he's gone and see how both of your feelings progress. If he really is the one, your connection will probably grow stronger. I probably wouldn't commit to anything more than seeing where this goes though.

 

[TISH1124]

I'm not gonna say LD relationships don't work...However I was in 3 and neither worked! Now if you are married and have been and this is the life you have known....Absolutely...But just meeting each other...Not sure...But Good luck with your decision.

 

[malteze_bubbleg]

Its all up to both of you.....you CAN make it work.....if you really want to be with each other you can and in the end its all worth it. even if you dont at least you can say ya'll tried, just like with any relatipnship. Long distance relationships can work out.....they are stressful sometimes because of the distance but your love for each other just gets stronger.....i was in a LD for 6 yearssssssssssssss!! I lived in europe and i met my bf when he came to visit my island on deployment (from US).....and we kept it long distance because i had to finish university and he had some other stuff to take care of...but now we are married and i live in the US.....the only thing i hated about mine is that because i was in school we had to keep the distance for so long because if it wasnt for school i would of made the move way before as i knew i wanted to be with him....

than i know other people who were in similar situations and it didnt work out for them but i know a whole lot who have too!

soo good luck in making the decision!

 

[Cinci]

well... In my opinion.. long distance can work! It takes alot of trust, respect, and communication.

my boyfriend and i have been together for about a year and a half.. and i've never been happier.. i trust him 100% and he is the best boyfriend ever! I couldn't ask for more. (seriously, check out my best boyfriend ever hauls lol)

I've been in a few horrible relationships.. and when I say horrible, I mean HORRIBLE. You name it, I've had a boyfriend do it... I honestly didnt think I would ever trust anyone again.. Till started seeing my current bf...

He's a boilermaker, so he works out of town alot.. He's usually gone for 2-3 months at a time, then he's home for a sometimes a week or two or sometimes just a few days, and then gone again for whoknows how long. When he leaves we never know when we will see eachother again.

Sometimes he works day shifts, so onthose days we get to talk at night. Sometimes he works night shifts, so by the time I get home from work, he's already gone to work, making it a little mre difficult to find time to chat. I think the key to success is commitment and communication. He makes sure to call as much as possible, and always calls when he says he will. Even if it turns out that he can't talk, he'll call to let me know, and arrange a better time to talk.

Right now he has been gone since the end of August, and probably wont be back till xmas... We anticipate that he will be home for 2 weeks or so and then be gone again from January untill May... At the moment he is on nightshifts, and he calls me everymoring at 6:30am to wake me up and and talk for a few minutes before he goes to bed, and I go to work. When I get off work at dinner time, I phone him and wake him up and we chat before he goes to work.. He also likes to call me on his breaks at work to say hi or goodnight..

I think in a way we're actually closer because of the distance. We are forced to rely on communication in order to keep things going between us, rather than anything physical or w/e. It also makes any time that we do have together that much more important. I miss him when he's gone, but I've gotten used to it.

Since he's not around, i do have alot of free time on my hands, but I keep busy with work and my friends. In his free time, he hangs out with guys from work, goes for dinner, talks on the phone/internet to me.... The old saying "while the cat's away the mice will play" doesn't apply in our relationship. We both behave exactly how we would if we were in the same city...

So I guess whether or not it can work really depends on the couple. I've seen couples fail, (infact, me and my ex from when i was 19 failed after he moved), but I have also seen couples make it work, and me and the current been able to make it work. If either of you are the type that need alot of attention and can't be alone.. Then maybe long distance isn't the best idea.. Trust is a really important in making it work. If there isnt a mutual trust and respect, the relationship will fail. Heck, if there isn't trust in a normal relaionship, it fails, so lack of trust in a long distance relationship is even worse!

But if you are both secure in the relationship, and willing to find ways to make the time apart easier and willing to work for it.. Then I say go for it.. If you have any questions.. feel free to PM....

 

[ClaireAvril]

ask yourself.. have you known him long enough to really know him.. to know him enough to trust him..?
if it were me.. 2 months.. i don't think so.

I think that the best thing is.. he can go away.. you guys can stay in contact in the meantime and if its meant to be, when he returns, you can try being together.
There is no need to rush.