Suicide - Do you feel for them or do you think it's selfish?


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A good friend of mine killed himself last week. He decided that life was too tough, for whatever reason, and strung himself by a pair of jumper cables, in his mother's house. His little brother found him, crumpled at the bottom of the stairs as the cable broke. He died on Nov 16/06. 2 years ago, on Nov 23/04, another friend of ours, Daryl (Kev's friend too), hung himself in his parent's garage. His little sister found him. He was still hanging. In both instances, there were family members IN THE HOUSE at the time. They both killed themselves KNOWING that someone in their family would find them.

Neither guy left a note, so there is no explanation as to why they chose to do this to their friends and family. Especially with Kevin. This makes me soooo angry. He saw what Daryl's death did to everyone, and he chose to put us all thru it again, a week from the anniversary of Daryl's death. And yes, I'm sure it all ties in together, although Kev never left a note to tell us why exactly.

I just don't understand why someone would willingly hurt someone like this. Kev's mother is on her way into a nuthouse because of this. After Daryl's death, we all agreed that suicide is not the answer. It is selfish and ignorant. Kev was so pissed at Daryl for choosing to die and to leave us. So he does it himself 2 years later. Selfish prick.

I'm sorry, but i just cannot and will not understand how someone could do this. And these boys were not mentally ill. The only time I could accept suicide as an option is if you have a terminal illness, and you will die a painful death anyway. Then go ahead. But to have a bad day and decide to hang yourself in your family's home, that's just bullshit.

What do you guys think? Is suicide selfish or do you think that it's excusable?


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Tough to say since most people who commit suicide are usually experiencing some form of mental illness it would be unfair to judge them as you would someone who is relatively "normal".

I'm not sure that they're in any kind of condition to think about how taking their life will affect others.

Unless you have been in their shoes I think it's best not to judge.


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my mother commited suicide and i'm gonna go with "both" on this one. i understand how she felt and it was both forgiveable and selfish. but she tried her hardest to make sure neither of her kids would be the ones to find her like that, and that, at least, makes it the tiniest bit less selfish. our situation with her was clearly different, though.

when you are young, everything is so much more dramatic, and so when you feel as though things are at a breaking point, pulling back from it can seem so much more impossible. you simply haven't had the experience to prove to yourself that things can change.

i am sure that you can understand why both of them did it, even though it seems selfish and stupid from your point of view. it comes down to a choice, and you can dwell on it and be angry at them or you can find it in your heart to understand. they are gone and the aftermath is about you - what kind of energy do you want to create now? they made their choices and now this choice is left to you.


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Hard to say...if you are so far gone that you actually go through with a suicide, chances are you aren't in the right mind to think of other's reactions. Regardless though, I think it is extremely selfish to commit suicide in such a way that you family or loved one will discover your body(or anyone for that matter - like if you commit suicide in a hotel, who are you to traumatize the maid who'll discover your body??). Also, I think it is BEYOND selfish to do it in such a way where you hurt others - like driving your car into another car, leaping over a freeway overpass, etc.
Iin general I think people stay alive for others - like whenever I get depressed I think about how bereft my mom would be without me, and that halts any idea of suicide.

Beauty Mark

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For starters, I am person who's contemplated suicide. I think a lot of actions in general are selfish (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), and suicide would be one.

Let me explain it to you this way. You're not always rational when you're suicidal. The amount of pain you feel- you'd give pretty anything not to feel it anymore. It haunts you both day and night. You cannot escape it and nothing makes you feel better. When you're at that point, death doesn't sound too bad.

When it comes to others, you believe that your death will either be insignificant to those around you or know they'll move on eventually; I believe/d (I still do believe that most people do move on from death eventually) the latter.

I personally believe it's terrible when someone chooses means of suicide that are going to harm others or leave a pretty disgusting body (like a bullet through your brain.) But until you're there, you really should reserve judgment. I think it's almost inevitable your body will be discovered by someone who isn't a detective or medical person; even if you post a note, your loved one is bound to come in to try to save you.

I can understand you're angry, but I really don't believe it's fair or constructive. Granted, I have some bias on this one, but suicide isn't normally about vegence on others. It's about how a person is dealing with something or cannot deal with the situation.


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I know from experience that it is a bit selfish but it isn't like "life is getting alittle hard, i give up" ... There could be a underlying dilemma that the person has been dealing with for a while until the point of irrationality. You might think you know someone but sometimes, you don't know everything to judge.


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Suicide is a selfish act (unless its in rare circumstances where one person kills themselves to give up viable organs to a loved one....but that RARELY, if ever, happens).

However, it is also usually a subjective act. One person cannot know why the other person has committed suicide. Even if you have been in that frame of mind that does not make you an expert on all suicidal ppl. People will do it for different reasons. Reasons all their own. The only exception would be cult mass suicides.

Suicide is contagious as well. If one friend of family member commits suicide there is a much higher risk for other family members to commit suicide years afterwards. So you're one friend may have been angry at first, but then it probably hit him harder than he could handle and he began to think about it as well. Suicide causes you to think.

Another point I would like to make is that it is selfish as well for the ppl that the suicidee (?) left behind to make statements like "he/she didnt think of his/her loved ones!" (not accusing anyone or anything...but just stating this). One does not know the reasons, and to state that the person was selfish because they left you behind is selfish as well.

Two statements I like:
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." and
"I think about life, and I think about death, and neither one really appeals to me."

Last point: I had had this argument/debate/whatever with a friend of mine a while back ago and I thought of this "would you call a suicidal person selfish to their face?" Some instances yes, some instances no.


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my friend commited suicide too at 22...

it is unfair

his mother was a wreck

its your family and friends who have to deal with the upset

but i guess its hard to understand x


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I don't think that thinking about friends and family is priority on someone who is suicidal, mind.I think they are so far gone they cant think of anything but themselves.

I think a lot of people talk of suicide for attention. I used to know this guy who was constantly talking about killing himself, I grew very tired of it. and so did everyone else. (as far as I know he is still with us)

I also think that *MOST* people who DO go through with it, Don't speak of it much with anyone.


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I understand people saying it's a selfish act, but people who are on the verge of suicide feel more alone than anyone, so I really feel for them. The rest of the world really doesn't matter when you can't escape yourself.


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it's difficult to say. like BeautyMark said, when you're in a state of mind where suicide seems right to you, when it seems like the only way to fix things and stop the hurt, you're probably also thinking that the people around you won't notice or care that you're gone. thoughts of suicide stem from a feeling of extreme lonliness, and even though no one is ever truly alone, if you feel it...then you aren't worried about anyone else, bcause in your mind, there is no one else.

two of my uncles commited suicide, both were under the influence of narcotics when they did it. so that could also have been a factor, if that was the can't really place any blame on them because they probably didn't even really know what they were doing. drugs cause severe mood swings and if you swing into one of those "i wish i was dead" moods, you'll go through with it because you aren't of sound mind.

my dad always told me that you can get through anything and that you can fix any mistake besides suicide, so i have never looked at it as a viable way to solve my problems. however, not everyone has that kind of thing taught to them, and hormones (especially in the teenage years) can really fuck with your head.

there are countless reasons of why these boys may have done it. i feel for the people who are affected by someone's suicide, but i cannot feel any sadness or pain for the one who commited it, because in the end...they got what they wanted. they wanted out of their misery and they got it. there are better ways to get through things, but maybe in their minds, there wasn't.


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oh man this is right up my alley. As having been a girl who has attempted suicide 3 time and having wanted to attempt it more times it's tough to say. When I would feel so hopeless, worthless, useless, and life was too much to handle, the answer to all my problems was SUICIDE. Because when I felt so down I just felt like it was so hard to go on with my day and imagine my life, I didn't know how long I had to life, and when I thought about if maybe I had 60 more years of this pain then I don't want to go on. I wanted it to end, it always felt like if this is the way my life is, sometimes happy other time miserable I do not want life, I do not want to go on, I don't want to feel happy I don't want to feel sad, so if I end it all now I won't have to feel anything, I won't have to give an effort to feel a damn thing. That's how hopeless suicidal people feel.They don't want to feel.

On the flip side, what suicidal people feel and think is not logical nor is it reality nor is it just to them or anyone else around them. When they think they want to kill themselves, they think that SUICIDE is the only answer to all their problems, and that life will NOT get better, and it will never get better, that is all they see that is all they feel that is all they tell themselves. They don't see any HOPE, they don't see any change, and they hurt everyone else around them that cares about them, all because they can't handle it. They see no HOPE, no FUTURE. It;s really sad because it's hard to try to make things better, to try to feel better, and to get better, it's takes effort and strength and good people around you.

I am very sorry to hear about your friend, it's sad to know how many people he left behind that care about him and now will miss him and can never hear his voice and say hi to him.


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Honestly, I don't think it's for us to say.

I have at times felt that they were very selfish. I have at other times felt they were very disturbed and didn't feel they had a place to go.

I just don't think that it really is our place to say. Not unless we went through it ourselves to know the process or even the circumstance.

little teaser

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who really knows what that person is going through and feeling and who are we to judge for them to feel hopeless and not want to live is beyond our understanding


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All my life I have heard that suicide is the coward's way out....but you know what?
Sometimes things get so bad and it seems like things will never get better....obviously to the "normal" person logic kicks in and they realize that things will get better. But someone who has been contemplating/attempting suicide has gone past that point and sometimes there seems to be no other way out.


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Originally Posted by MisStarrlight
All my life I have heard that suicide is the coward's way out....

You don't have to answer to anyone on this earth. If you decide the hand God dealt you is too much to handle, that's between you and Him.


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Honestly I've never considered suicide to be selfish. After all, the person who commits it loses more than anyone else does. You can't lose more than your life, since nothing else is possible without it. But even if you believe in an afterlife, most Christians believe one goes to Hell for committing suicide, so the victim is suffering MUCH more than anyone left grieving here on Earth.

I also think it's excusable, since I think people have the right to choose to live or die. It's part of their autonomy, no matter how painful it is for others.

I don't understand how someone could commit suicide though. My life is so valuable to me that ending it early is one of the least logical things I can think of, except maybe in cases of self sacrifice for a loved one, or to escape assured perminent torture.

That being said, I think suicide is a terrible thing. It's not selfish, but it is very cruel to your loved ones. It's your right to do, but I think it's a poor decision that would almost always be regretted. I feel really bad for those who contemplate suicide (I know some very well) and hope they get the love they need.


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Originally Posted by ♥MiCHiE♥
You don't have to answer to anyone on this earth. If you decide the hand God dealt you is too much to handle, that's between you and Him.

I think you have the people who love you to answer to - your parents, friends, spouse, etc. I think where one falls on this matter depends on whether they see themselves as autonomous individuals connected to nothing, or as individuals living in a complex social network where your role and your life have value.
Honestly, I used to think like you did, until my dad became really sick. He was in a lot of pain, his mind was still 100% there, but his body was failing him. He thought about suicide, and talked about it a bit, but ultimately decided that A) my mom and I needed him and he didn't want to desert us that way, and B) he didn't want to cheat us out of extra time with him, or him with the time he had left with us. I wouldn't have blamed him if he did decide to end it, because I don't think anyone should have to live in physical pain everyday with no hope of getting better, but his decision I think was really a selfless one and made me realize that in a sense that if you are plugged into this nework of relationships, your life is not entirely your own to end.


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Honestly, I feel for anyone who is at such a low point that death seems like a good idea. There is real pain behind that, and the love these people feel for their family and friends just isn't likely to reach them through all that pain. Sometimes it is just too much.

I understand where you're coming from. I've been there, and I'm truly sorry for your loss. But, I don't think whether or not a person is selfish really enters into it. It's how much pain they were in. Maybe the pain wasn't physical, as it is in terminal illness, but it was every bit as real. And I'm always sorry as hell that they won't be around to find out whether or not things would have gotten better for them.

It's just such a horrible loss all around. But, I still wouldn't call someone who commits suicide selfish. Still, I don't blame you for thinking your friend was selfish, and I wouldn't blame her family for thinking so, either. Everyone's got different feelings about that, but at the core, one feeling is the same: Grief. Whenever I hear about stuff like this, or experience it myself, all I can do is hope that the grief subsides sooner rather than later, and that everyone will get through it somehow.

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