What is your weirdest body malfunction? (Possibly gross thread)

[Obreathemykiss]

Hi guys. I am having a bad day and mostly feeling sorry for myself...This might be a little gross so I am warning you!
I always have these strange sicknesses or oddities when it comes to my body (at least it seems like it). Anyway, last year around this time I had this REALLY bad pain in my ass...more specifically, my butt crack.

I let it go for like a week until I couldn't take it anymore. I thought I had ripped my crack (lol) or something with my thong underwear. I finally made my boyfriend grow some nerves and had him check. Oh no, nothing was ripped. Instead there was this huge painful lump. I went to the doctor, got referred to a surgeon and was advised I would need surgery because I had developed a pilonidal cyst. There are many theories as to why/how you get them...so I'll go with the prettiest one. You are basically born with it and it has something to do with the way your tailbone is rubbing against your mother's body. They say it's also probably ingrown hair, but I refuse to listen to that because it's not so attractive...anyway I didn't get the surgery because it went away. Well guess what?!!! IT'S BACK! I am in much more pain than I remember last year, I can't sit comfortably, I can't drive in the car without screaming, and most importantly, I can't sleep. There is not a position besides laying on my stomach that is comfortable. To top it off, I share a bed with a boyfriend and a dog. It is making me miserable. I have been crying on and off because the pain is almost unbearable at some moments. I am going to the doctor tomorrow, probably to get it lanced or something and I am terrified. I don't want the surgery, I don't want this thing either!!! I have pain meds I had from my wisdom teeth and I have been taking them, but they're not helping!

I have been relying on hot baths and a heating pad for the past 3 days. Anyway, enough of my sob story...sorry it's long. Thanks for reading!

So my question is-what weird body malfunctions have you experienced? Weird sicknesses, mystery lumps, strange smells? We're only human so I guess we're prone to these strange things!

 

[purrtykitty]

Every month when my "visitor" arrives I experience 2 glorious days of lower intestinal discomfort (i.e. gas, bloating and loose stool). All in all, not a really big deal, but some months are worse than other and it makes being in public a bit of a pain. Nobody likes to be the person farting in yoga.

 

[Hilly]

I am always farting in my sleep. Yuck

 

[purrtykitty]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hilly I am always farting in my sleep. Yuck

Yeah, I do that, too...lol!

 

[trip75]

OMG, this is super gross... and I can't believe i'm gonna share. But anywhooo. This one time I was nearing the end of my period so my flow was super light. So It was evening time and I took a shower before I went to bed. In the morning I got up and went to go pee as usual, I went to take out my tampon. Nothing. So I thought I just "lost" the string (happens alot to me). So I looked inside for it. Nowhere to be found. I figured that I forgot to put one in before bed. So I peed then put another one in, no biggie. Well, a week and a half later I'm on the toilet peeing (a lot of potty talk huh?) and out pops my tampon!!! It was the freakiest thing ever! Gross gross!!! I'm hoping that I'm not the only one this has happened to. Super gross!!!
Oh yeah...I fart in my sleep too!! LOL!!!

 

[Obreathemykiss]

Quote:

Originally Posted by purrtykitty Every month when my "visitor" arrives I experience 2 glorious days of lower intestinal discomfort (i.e. gas, bloating and loose stool). All in all, not a really big deal, but some months are worse than other and it makes being in public a bit of a pain. Nobody likes to be the person farting in yoga.

Ha ha! I especially hate it when you have gas in public and wish you could just let it out but can't cause there's people around!


Quote:

Originally Posted by Hilly I am always farting in my sleep. Yuck

Me too. My boyfriend hates it and makes fun of me because of it. Not like I am intentionally doing it!! It's just the body's natural thing! Better than going around farting all day! Yuck!

 

[gigglegirl]

goodness trip75 I can kinda relate (though Ive never lost a tampon but have thought I have). It was a few years ago, musta been 19 (you'd think i'd have gotten this menstrual tampon thing down by then) but I thought i still had one in, went digging, tried several times and couldn't find one. i was so nervous about TSS that I talked to my mom, and she said if i wanted, she'd drive me to a local town hospital. so we did, they looked, couldn't find a thing. i coulda died. embarassing. i didn't know if a tampon was in me? yeah.

I've joked I think I need a sticker/button like "tampon in" or out as during that week its done so often I sometimes forget. so lame, i know.

 

[trip75]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gigglegirl goodness trip75 I can kinda relate (though Ive never lost a tampon but have thought I have). It was a few years ago, musta been 19 (you'd think i'd have gotten this menstrual tampon thing down by then) but I thought i still had one in, went digging, tried several times and couldn't find one. i was so nervous about TSS that I talked to my mom, and she said if i wanted, she'd drive me to a local town hospital. so we did, they looked, couldn't find a thing. i coulda died. embarassing. i didn't know if a tampon was in me? yeah. I've joked I think I need a sticker/button like "tampon in" or out as during that week its done so often I sometimes forget. so lame, i know.

Hey I'm 32 and this happened two weeks ago! I told my sister this story and she said I was lucky I didn't get TSS.

I'm always losing that stupid string. I need one of those button/stickers!!

 

[xbrookecorex]

Darn I don't have a gross one hahah

I have a single hair on my cheek that just grows and grows like crazy... it's totaly blonde, see through almost, just like the fine hair on a female face/tummy whatever.... but it seriously GROWS nonstop and so fast... I can't see it unless I look for it, and I found it the other night and it was over AN INCH long. I tried to take pics but you can't see it. I break it off whenever I notice it, but that one hair grows right back. It's crazy, my boyfriend thinks it's hilarious.

 

[Kuuipo]

I have a genetic heme disorder called porphyria. I can't be exposed to sun, heat or light, or given most drugs or anesthesia. I used to receive panhemitan transfusions which look pretty much like blood. When I have an attack, which is usually related to hormones before my period, my urine turns the colour or red wine and I feel like I have appendicitis, its painful, I don;t take any drugs. My digestion stops for three days-I hold down little food because all motility stops .I run a fever at that time as well. I have sips of liquid, but food would come up-no peristalsis. My legs also twitch and cramp. I wear compression stockings if I am working. I can get through it because I know in a few days it will stop. I have to maintain a low protein high quality carb diet at all times because fad diets like Atkins can cause attacks. It's genetic, a few people in my family have it. It causes rapid heartbeat all the time, and gum recession. In the worst cases, a person can have respiratory paralysis and seizures. The attacks started when I was a small child. Because of the hormonal component, birth control and pregnancy were out of the question.
So is sunbathing. I'm not fair skinned, but I have a lot of damage reflected from light coming in windows.

 

[Kuuipo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Obreathemykiss Hi guys. I am having a bad day and mostly feeling sorry for myself...This might be a little gross so I am warning you! I always have these strange sicknesses or oddities when it comes to my body (at least it seems like it). Anyway, last year around this time I had this REALLY bad pain in my ass...more specifically, my butt crack. I let it go for like a week until I couldn't take it anymore. I thought I had ripped my crack (lol) or something with my thong underwear. I finally made my boyfriend grow some nerves and had him check. Oh no, nothing was ripped. Instead there was this huge painful lump. I went to the doctor, got referred to a surgeon and was advised I would need surgery because I had developed a pilonidal cyst. There are many theories as to why/how you get them...so I'll go with the prettiest one. You are basically born with it and it has something to do with the way your tailbone is rubbing against your mother's body. They say it's also probably ingrown hair, but I refuse to listen to that because it's not so attractive...anyway I didn't get the surgery because it went away. Well guess what?!!! IT'S BACK! I am in much more pain than I remember last year, I can't sit comfortably, I can't drive in the car without screaming, and most importantly, I can't sleep. There is not a position besides laying on my stomach that is comfortable. To top it off, I share a bed with a boyfriend and a dog. It is making me miserable. I have been crying on and off because the pain is almost unbearable at some moments. I am going to the doctor tomorrow, probably to get it lanced or something and I am terrified. I don't want the surgery, I don't want this thing either!!! I have pain meds I had from my wisdom teeth and I have been taking them, but they're not helping! I have been relying on hot baths and a heating pad for the past 3 days. Anyway, enough of my sob story...sorry it's long. Thanks for reading! So my question is-what weird body malfunctions have you experienced? Weird sicknesses, mystery lumps, strange smells? We're only human so I guess we're prone to these strange things!

Ouch!!!! Actually pilonidal cysts are pretty common......Did they tell you to keep the area shaved? It helps. They can do Z plasty surggery or exise it, but that is pretty painful. Usually there is a sinus tract in the plonidal cyst that keeps draining.

 

[lainz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xbrookecorex Darn I don't have a gross one hahah I have a single hair on my cheek that just grows and grows like crazy... it's totaly blonde, see through almost, just like the fine hair on a female face/tummy whatever.... but it seriously GROWS nonstop and so fast... I can't see it unless I look for it, and I found it the other night and it was over AN INCH long. I tried to take pics but you can't see it. I break it off whenever I notice it, but that one hair grows right back. It's crazy, my boyfriend thinks it's hilarious.

lololol i get those too!!! my BF's the one to always find them and pull them out...as he's cracking up at me.

 

[MACATTAK]

When I was in my younger teen years, once a year without fail, I would have this weird thing happen to my lips (on my face people

. They would swell up 5x their normal size, burn, have a watery fluid coming out of them, and crust over. I always thought it was an allergy or something, but it was painful and gross. Then, I had to do a report on STD's for a class, and was in a doctors office going through books, and what do I see? My nasty, plump, crusty lips staring back at me in a book!!! Well, not mine, but someone who had the same problem. Turns out, it says it was "herpes simplex." Anyway, this wasn't caused by sex or anything, as I was doing none of those things, but I did get it at least once a year for about 4-5 years. The good part is I haven't had this happen to me again for about 12 years, so that's great!

 

[AmberLilith]

My weirdest one has to be restless leg syndrome.
Basically, having really jumpy, fidgety legs, can't keep still, some involuntary movement.. occasionally in my arms too.
It's a side effect of one of my anti-depressants, it was worse when i first started taking this one, but it doesn't happen so often now.
It's mainly when i'm trying to sleep, used to keep me n my boyfriend awake ages. And on another anti-depressant, it didn't keep me awake so much, but i kept tossing n turning in my sleep and kicking my other half.

 

[Obreathemykiss]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kuuipo Ouch!!!! Actually pilonidal cysts are pretty common......Did they tell you to keep the area shaved? It helps. They can do Z plasty surggery or exise it, but that is pretty painful. Usually there is a sinus tract in the plonidal cyst that keeps draining.

So here's an update on my growth! I had surgery in office yesterday and I am still in a lot of pain. Let me tell you...so he gave me the option to either take care of it in office or to go to an actual operating room and do it that way. I voted for choice one. I'm not so sure I have ever felt that much pain before in my life. They stuck the numbing needle and pain relieving needle directly into the lump, right to my tailbone. I screamed, cried, and made my mom's hands purple. It wouldn't have been so bad if it didn't already kill me, but holy fu*k that hurt! We waited a while, he came back in and his nurse said I sounded a lot happier. I was because my entire ass was numb! As he was removing it, he said it was just clear liquid drainage, he then removed the actual cyst and my mom said puss came out like a fountain! Gross. I was asking him why he thought this happened to me, he just said usually it's an ingrown hair, but he said I had no hair at all back there so thought I waxed, but don't do that either. He said in my case it was probably because I sit all day at work, but it's hard to say. He said I wasn't the first person in his office with the same thing today and on average they have at least 1 a week. I didn't realize how common they are! It was so relieving to get it removed, but once the numbness wore off, that was another story. I had an appt with my dermatoligist yesterday after the procedure and once we left her office, I thought I was going to die. My mom got me home to her house and I cried like a baby again. It hurts so bad. I now have this huge hole like an inch below where my crack starts and my mom has to shove a qtip in there 2 times a day to keep it draining. That hurts too. I am getting so woozy from the pain meds and I can't sleep still. I woke up like every hour last night. There is not one comfortable position that I can sit in. I've missed work for 2 days now. I hate it! Hopefully in a few days I'll be good to go.



Thank you ladies for sharing your stories! Being a woman can be crazy sometimes! The body works in mysterious ways....

 

[Love Always Ivy]

i have IBS where when i get anxious i suddenly have to take a dump.
i also hiccup when im nervous

 

[Sushi.]

Quote:

So here's an update on my growth! I had surgery in office yesterday and I am still in a lot of pain. Let me tell you...so he gave me the option to either take care of it in office or to go to an actual operating room and do it that way. I voted for choice one. I'm not so sure I have ever felt that much pain before in my life. They stuck the numbing needle and pain relieving needle directly into the lump, right to my tailbone. I screamed, cried, and made my mom's hands purple. It wouldn't have been so bad if it didn't already kill me, but holy fu*k that hurt! We waited a while, he came back in and his nurse said I sounded a lot happier. I was because my entire ass was numb! As he was removing it, he said it was just clear liquid drainage, he then removed the actual cyst and my mom said puss came out like a fountain! Gross. I was asking him why he thought this happened to me, he just said usually it's an ingrown hair, but he said I had no hair at all back there so thought I waxed, but don't do that either. He said in my case it was probably because I sit all day at work, but it's hard to say. He said I wasn't the first person in his office with the same thing today and on average they have at least 1 a week. I didn't realize how common they are! It was so relieving to get it removed, but once the numbness wore off, that was another story. I had an appt with my dermatoligist yesterday after the procedure and once we left her office, I thought I was going to die. My mom got me home to her house and I cried like a baby again. It hurts so bad. I now have this huge hole like an inch below where my crack starts and my mom has to shove a qtip in there 2 times a day to keep it draining. That hurts too. I am getting so woozy from the pain meds and I can't sleep still. I woke up like every hour last night. There is not one comfortable position that I can sit in. I've missed work for 2 days now. I hate it! Hopefully in a few days I'll be good to go.

aww im so sorry to hear your in pain hun

that sounds awful, i hope it heals up soon and you feel better, if i could i would give you a hug

 

[TUPRNUT]

Obreathemykiss vbmenu_register("postmenu_1079722", true); , thanks for sharing!!!! I hope you get to feeling better.

I have a condition called ICU (Idiopathic Chronice Urticarica). Basically, Chronic hives with no known cause. I'm heavily medicated right now to deal with it (think Benadryl on steroids)... I get huge, raised hives all over my body for no reason, and at any given time. Somtimes they'll start on my face and spread, sometimes on my torso, and sometimes on my legs. The week while I was waiting to get into a specialist (when they just started appearing) was torture! I lived with hives all over my body for 8 days... crying, scratching, and more crying. Makeup didn't cover them up and I basically stayed at home because I would freak people out.

Thank God for medical experts!

 

[Dizzy]

I get random and strong muscle spasms at the worst times. I teach dance & tumbling at a rec center and it seems so common that I'll be in the middle of a backhandspring and end up ass over tea kettle and staring at the floor because my arm decided to spas out on me. Or I'll get the hiccups- and I've got loud hiccups. It's really more annoying than anything else.

Obreathemykiss glad that everything went as well as could be for you! Hope you're feeling back to normal soon

 

[Kuuipo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Obreathemykiss So here's an update on my growth! I had surgery in office yesterday and I am still in a lot of pain. Let me tell you...so he gave me the option to either take care of it in office or to go to an actual operating room and do it that way. I voted for choice one. I'm not so sure I have ever felt that much pain before in my life. They stuck the numbing needle and pain relieving needle directly into the lump, right to my tailbone. I screamed, cried, and made my mom's hands purple. It wouldn't have been so bad if it didn't already kill me, but holy fu*k that hurt! We waited a while, he came back in and his nurse said I sounded a lot happier. I was because my entire ass was numb! As he was removing it, he said it was just clear liquid drainage, he then removed the actual cyst and my mom said puss came out like a fountain! Gross. I was asking him why he thought this happened to me, he just said usually it's an ingrown hair, but he said I had no hair at all back there so thought I waxed, but don't do that either. He said in my case it was probably because I sit all day at work, but it's hard to say. He said I wasn't the first person in his office with the same thing today and on average they have at least 1 a week. I didn't realize how common they are! It was so relieving to get it removed, but once the numbness wore off, that was another story. I had an appt with my dermatoligist yesterday after the procedure and once we left her office, I thought I was going to die. My mom got me home to her house and I cried like a baby again. It hurts so bad. I now have this huge hole like an inch below where my crack starts and my mom has to shove a qtip in there 2 times a day to keep it draining. That hurts too. I am getting so woozy from the pain meds and I can't sleep still. I woke up like every hour last night. There is not one comfortable position that I can sit in. I've missed work for 2 days now. I hate it! Hopefully in a few days I'll be good to go. Thank you ladies for sharing your stories! Being a woman can be crazy sometimes! The body works in mysterious ways....

I'm glad you had that taken care of...painful but worth it! Here's hoping you have a speedy recovery. My prayers are with you!