work drama

[kimmae17]

sooo
about 6 months ago i had this guy sit in front of me at work (cubical in front of me) anyway we are about the same age, so we chit chat here and there, and then he asks me out. i say its not a good idea since we work together (code for - i just dont like you and want to be nice since i see you ever day) and he keeps asking. i at one point compare it to a sexual harassment training video we watched in which a guy asks a girl out over and over again and eventually calls her a frigid b%tch for saying no. he doesnt seem to get what i am getting at.

i work late regularly (i am a social worker) and he has a flex schedule 10-6. so after 5 we are usually both there. thats when he was the worst. he would come INTO my cubicle (very small space obviously) and just be inappropriate. one time he kept poking my arm saying he was playing connect the dot with my freckles, one time he actually kissed me on the forehead to say goodbye, when i was looking down trying to ignore him. to both these things i replied DONT F*$&IN TOUCH ME.. he also text me things like how he wants to kiss me, i would either ignore or write back that it was inappropriate and ask him to stop. anyway his desk gets moved for a random reason and i just avoid him at all costs. i tell my boss the basics just that if i am ever in an emergency situation out in the field and need a male backup it is NOT to be him. i think its all good.

so TODAy i found out hes trying to move back to the desk next to me. i immediately go to my boss and ask if he can do something cuz i would be very uncomfortable with that. i assume he will just have the seating assignment switched around and that will be the end of it.
he told the office manager. who calls me into the office to talk to about it. i explain that i just dont want him sitting by me. she says that now that she knows of the situation she has to report it. i explained i wasnt looking to get anyone in trouble, and since i started avoiding him altogether i haven't even talked to him in like a month. she says she doesnt have a choice. so i hear her page him into her office. i find out from my boss who was in there that when she told him about all the things i had alleged he had done, like kissing me on the forehead and the texts, he LAUGHED. i mean who does that! my interpretation of a laugh would be that hes admitting it and not taking it seriously at all. obviously if he was going to say it was all a lie he wouldnt laugh. anyway now i am just mad. i was going to be nice about it, but this idiot just does not seem to understand how inappropriate he is.

unfortunately a bunch of my co workers are friends on facebook, and his status was just changed to "___ has nothing left to do but sit back and laugh at how pathetic some people are. "

i know i know. its facebook. but its like i log on and boom there it is on the first page. i am just livid. i hate stupid men that have NO idea how retarded they are. i am sure hes rationalizing this in his head that it is not his fault.

i know there is nothing i can do becuase i am obviously not going to talk to him to explain what an idiot he is. but i just had to vent.


so any suggestions or deep thoughts that might help me calm down ? hhaha

 

[Simply Elegant]

He's not worth getting angry over. Just try to forget it as much as you can. There probably are other girls in your office who believe you because you probably weren't his first girl he harassed.

 

[blindpassion]

Ugh, I knew people like this in high school! They are total ego maniacs and they change their status to things like "laughing at some people" all the time, its just a sad attempt to try and put themselves on a higher level then anyone else but its obvious to anyone that knows them that they have some serious issues.

This guy feeds into the attention. Don't give him any.
As far as he should know, you love your work, and you are too smart and good of a woman to be brought down.

Oh, and delete him off of facebook. Distance yourself from him without having to comfront him.

 

[ohnna-lee]

I take it you deleted the texts... any way of getting them back?

Any unwanted akward advances with a coworker are not taken lightly anymore. He is a douchebag, and yeah take him off your Facebook, if you can't do it because of company reasons then set his access to very restricted and his prompts to the same. That way his bullshit isn't all up in your face. Next time he approaches your cubicle and won't leave, get loud, make people notice he is near you. People will get it.

 

[kimmae17]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohnna-lee I take it you deleted the texts... any way of getting them back? Any unwanted akward advances with a coworker are not taken lightly anymore. He is a douchebag, and yeah take him off your Facebook, if you can't do it because of company reasons then set his access to very restricted and his prompts to the same. That way his bullshit isn't all up in your face. Next time he approaches your cubicle and won't leave, get loud, make people notice he is near you. People will get it.

i still have the texts. i originally didnt want to file an incident report because it was a few months ago. i feel like now that the office manager has talked to him, hes going to be immature, like hes the kind of person i wouldnt be suprised if he keyed my car. i know i SHOULD delete him off facebook, but if he writes something outright about me, i want to be able to see it you know??? ugh. why are people so stupid. the office manager told him to stay away from me, so i doubt he will pull anything. but when he doest come to my cubcile its always after hours. so no one is there anyway

 

[kimmae17]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blindpassion Ugh, I knew people like this in high school! They are total ego maniacs and they change their status to things like "laughing at some people" all the time, its just a sad attempt to try and put themselves on a higher level then anyone else but its obvious to anyone that knows them that they have some serious issues. This guy feeds into the attention. Don't give him any. As far as he should know, you love your work, and you are too smart and good of a woman to be brought down. Oh, and delete him off of facebook. Distance yourself from him without having to comfront him.

yeah i know you are right, its just so new right now that i am still so heated. i KNOW i should delete him off facebook. but i just know hes going to keep posting stuff in reference to me and want to be able to see it.

 

[ohnna-lee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimmae17 i still have the texts. i originally didnt want to file an incident report because it was a few months ago. i feel like now that the office manager has talked to him, hes going to be immature, like hes the kind of person i wouldnt be suprised if he keyed my car. i know i SHOULD delete him off facebook, but if he writes something outright about me, i want to be able to see it you know??? ugh. why are people so stupid. the office manager told him to stay away from me, so i doubt he will pull anything. but when he doest come to my cubcile its always after hours. so no one is there anyway

If he approaches you after everyone has left that is harassment of the worst kind because he is getting to you at your most vulnerable. I would go straight to the office manager about it if he decides it is still a swift idea to engage you in anyway.

I understand about wanting to know his rantings, but sometimes it can be about something else. I have been known to assume someone was talking bad about me when in reality it had nothing to do with me. It will get back to you if he does talk. You will feel it around the office if you haven't already. He found a victim in you, that is why he is being stupid. I really don't know how to stop it because I get harassed also. But it is good that you have saved the texts, you may need them. If he pulls the bs again, get him out of there.

 

[ohnna-lee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimmae17 yeah i know you are right, its just so new right now that i am still so heated. i KNOW i should delete him off facebook. but i just know hes going to keep posting stuff in reference to me and want to be able to see it.

My only concern, and I may be really wrong, is that people would assume you are on his page for the wrong reason. If the other workers are on there they will see him making an ass out of himself. I do understand your curiousity though.

 

[blindpassion]

I still say take him off. Hes only writing those things because he KNOWS you will see them, if you take him off, hes not going to write them... he may write one going "deleting people from facebook so immature" or something stupid to that effect, that after that he will have no reason to publicly put them there anymore because he knows you're not reading them, and thats what he wants, for you to read them and them to get to you.

Seriously - your boss has taken initiative to keep him away from you at work, so you need to do the same and cut contact online too.

Good luck love!

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Another case of a wacko who just doesn't get it! First off I have to say that NO ONE has the right to make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe in a work environment or any place in fact.

So delete his facebook.
Do save the texts he has sent you. If he decides to continue to text you, don't reply back. He just wants to see you get all heated up and he loves the attention he's getting from it off of you. Delete his phone number, block him on instant messenger if he tries to contact you on their.

Its understandable that since you two work in the same place, completely avoiding each other and not speaking to each other is impossible. As long as he keeps it appropriate and completely work related its fine. But if he says anything out of line, make sure you tell him to leave you alone and that it makes you uncomfortable and that you WILL report his ass! And make sure you go through with that, your employer has a right to also know if anything inappropriate is going on. He may even be doing this to another poor woman. I wouldn't even care at this point if I got the sucker fired, he deserves it if he can't act right!

 

[kimmae17]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohnna-lee My only concern, and I may be really wrong, is that people would assume you are on his page for the wrong reason. If the other workers are on there they will see him making an ass out of himself. I do understand your curiousity though.

yeah you are right. i am deleting him as soon as i get home and can access facebook.

 

[kimmae17]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blindpassion I still say take him off. Hes only writing those things because he KNOWS you will see them, if you take him off, hes not going to write them... he may write one going "deleting people from facebook so immature" or something stupid to that effect, that after that he will have no reason to publicly put them there anymore because he knows you're not reading them, and thats what he wants, for you to read them and them to get to you. Seriously - your boss has taken initiative to keep him away from you at work, so you need to do the same and cut contact online too. Good luck love!

yeah i am deleting him when i get home today. it just irks me so badly when people are this ignorant and dont realize THEY were in the wrong. i wish i could just pound it in his head. "if IIII am uncomfortable it doesnt matter if YOU think its not a big deal, its wrong! so dont blame me that it got around the office to the supervisors. you have no one to blame but yourself!" then punch him. ahhhh i can dream cant i.

 

[kimmae17]

Quote:

Originally Posted by X4biddenxLustX Another case of a wacko who just doesn't get it! First off I have to say that NO ONE has the right to make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe in a work environment or any place in fact. So delete his facebook. Do save the texts he has sent you. If he decides to continue to text you, don't reply back. He just wants to see you get all heated up and he loves the attention he's getting from it off of you. Delete his phone number, block him on instant messenger if he tries to contact you on their. Its understandable that since you two work in the same place, completely avoiding each other and not speaking to each other is impossible. As long as he keeps it appropriate and completely work related its fine. But if he says anything out of line, make sure you tell him to leave you alone and that it makes you uncomfortable and that you WILL report his ass! And make sure you go through with that, your employer has a right to also know if anything inappropriate is going on. He may even be doing this to another poor woman. I wouldn't even care at this point if I got the sucker fired, he deserves it if he can't act right!

i know doesnt it just drive you nuts when people just dont get it! its so frustrating because obviously he doesnt get that if he makes me uncomfortable, HES IN THE WRONG. it doesn't matter if he agrees whether or not he thinks i SHOULD be uncomfortable if you know what i mean.
so clearly he has learned nothing. so frustrating.

 

[blindpassion]

All that matters is that everyone knows hes in the wrong, except for him.
He has that type of personality where hes ignorant and hes never going to beleive hes in the wrong.

All that matters is that you know hes wrong, your boss knows hes wrong, and your co-workers as well.

 

[X4biddenxLustX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimmae17 i know doesnt it just drive you nuts when people just dont get it! its so frustrating because obviously he doesnt get that if he makes me uncomfortable, HES IN THE WRONG. it doesn't matter if he agrees whether or not he thinks i SHOULD be uncomfortable if you know what i mean. so clearly he has learned nothing. so frustrating.

I too can't for the life of me stand people who don't realize that they are the one in the WRONG and keep blaming the victim in the situation. He hasn't learned anything and I don't want to frighten you or put you in distress but I don't think he ever will unless he stops getting slaps on the wrist for his behavior. I really do hope this guy gets transferred somewhere else (although that might cause problems for his next unlucky victim) or just fired for your sake and sanity. So if anything continues in the office, PLEASE report it to your higher ups as they are already aware of this situation they may have to take more action about this.

 

[ImMACnificent]

This guy is a social worker?!

He apparently does not know ONE thing about boundaries.


I would report him.
You never know how many other co-workers...or even CLIENTS he could have treated the same way.

 

[kimmae17]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImMACnificent This guy is a social worker?! He apparently does not know ONE thing about boundaries. I would report him. You never know how many other co-workers...or even CLIENTS he could have treated the same way.

yeah hes about the worst social worker ever
he will call out sick to avoid work. one time when he was in my unit he called out the day after a holiday. when his kid was getting removed from their home. He KNEW it was happening that day. so at 10:30 he still isnt at work. like half the office called out sick. so i text him asking if hes coming, running late or what. hes like no i am calling out sick. IT WAS 10:45am at that point and he still hadnt called ourboss about being sick. so i write back "did you know ____ is getting removed today and put in foster care?" and he write that he doenst care and is done with our office. i mean imagine being a 13 year old and being removed from your home. and the person who you know as your worker cant even bother to be there, so a stranger (ended up being me) does it. like its not scary enough!

i have come in when i was SUPER sick just to avoid havnig one of my kids have to deal with a stranger in a situation like that. and he pretty much admitted to not really being sick anyway. ugH!

 

[abbey_08]

he knows he was in the wrong and is laughing about it and making fb status's as a way of trying to get out of it and not look like the weirdo he is.

he prob wants another co-worker 2 comment on his status and ask 'what does this mean?" - people that do vague fb status's like that ALWAYS want a response!! he seems like hes trying to get reassurance that hes not doing anything wrong (when he obviously is)

i would say delete him and continue to avoid him. make a full complaint and use the texts as evidence. if he comes up to you again and acts in a way that makes you feel really uncomfortble or gets alot worse then write it in a diary with the date. that way you can keep a log so if it does get worse you can say how long it has actually been going on for

 

[kimmae17]

Quote:

Originally Posted by abbey_08 he knows he was in the wrong and is laughing about it and making fb status's as a way of trying to get out of it and not look like the weirdo he is. he prob wants another co-worker 2 comment on his status and ask 'what does this mean?" - people that do vague fb status's like that ALWAYS want a response!! he seems like hes trying to get reassurance that hes not doing anything wrong (when he obviously is) i would say delete him and continue to avoid him. make a full complaint and use the texts as evidence. if he comes up to you again and acts in a way that makes you feel really uncomfortable or gets alot worse then write it in a diary with the date. that way you can keep a log so if it does get worse you can say how long it has actually been going on for

yeah i locked the texts in my phone. so even it i do a delete all in my inbox they wont get deleted. he really haS NO idea he is in the wrong. at one point he was switched into my unit , when i found out i straight out said, if we are going to be working together more you have to cut out the inappropriate stuff. he actually said , that i had "serious issues" if i thought anything he did was inappropriate. sending me texts saying you want to kiss me? kissing my forehead when i am clearly looking the other way? THATS not innapropriate??? ugh.

 

[ImMACnificent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimmae17 yeah hes about the worst social worker ever he will call out sick to avoid work. one time when he was in my unit he called out the day after a holiday. when his kid was getting removed from their home. He KNEW it was happening that day. so at 10:30 he still isnt at work. like half the office called out sick. so i text him asking if hes coming, running late or what. hes like no i am calling out sick. IT WAS 10:45am at that point and he still hadnt called ourboss about being sick. so i write back "did you know ____ is getting removed today and put in foster care?" and he write that he doenst care and is done with our office. i mean imagine being a 13 year old and being removed from your home. and the person who you know as your worker cant even bother to be there, so a stranger (ended up being me) does it. like its not scary enough! i have come in when i was SUPER sick just to avoid havnig one of my kids have to deal with a stranger in a situation like that. and he pretty much admitted to not really being sick anyway. ugH!

He doesnt care?!?! Jesus, this guy is clearly in the wrong field.
If I EVER heard any of my coworkers say they didn't care about a client (Im a social worker, too) I would probably immediately go to their supervisor. That is just wrong and UNETHICAL.