best friend?? or obsessive boyfriend?!?!

[LMcConnell18]

ok, so my best friend of hella years has always been a little off.
she gets mad if i cant do anything with her
she ALWAYS wants me to do EVERYTHING with her!
like simple things... the store, doctors/dentist appts... things that people ordinarily do on their own.

well i recently moved into my grandparents house who live about 40 miles away from where she lives, and I used to.

I also go to school full time, and she doesnt. She used to work full time, but now she doesnt have a job.

Long story short... she asks me to go to the mall with her the other day... and i said no i have a lot of homework to do.

[not to mention thats a long ways JUST to go to the mall for an hour and then go home!]

so anyways... that same day, my grandmother and I decided to take a break from house cleaning//homework.. and we went and got our hair cut together.

i posted the new picture of my hair on myspace, and she leaves me a comment saying...

"busy doing homework? or busy getting your haircut? You dont have to lie to kick it!"

i dont understand why she feels its ok to dictate my life, and say rude shit about nothing!!

shes done stuff like this in the past too!

one weekend i wanted to stay in with my boyfriend instead of haning out with [and we usually are together 24/7]
and she called me in hysterics!!
screaming!!
totally ridiculous.

ever since that phone call a few years ago... i try to avoid telling her no by coming up with excuses that are acceptable, like family functions or other things that i cant get away from!

I dont know how to deal with this! i dont think it's normal.

I would love to be frank with her... but i would just rather avoid all the unneccessary drama that it brings...

is it just me? or is there something wrong here? and how should i go about it. I dont want to talk to her about it... because she doesnt believe that there is anything wrong with being like that. shes the same with her boytoy who broke up with her for being so in his business like that... but she still doesnt get it.

what do i do?

 

[Honey B. Fly]

honestly i would write her a long letter if u dont wanna talk 2 her and just tell her how u feel. letters get through to people more then ud think, i wouldnt do it by email or text or im either

people like her need to hear the truth or they'll never change.

 

[darkishstar]

I had a similar experience.

Luckily.
I went off to college and had no reason to call her.
I feel so stress-free now.

Seriously, no matter how good of a friend she was in the past (like mine was), if this keeps up, you will have far more stress than you need. Trying sitting down with her and talking with her. If talking to her doesn't work, you should break it off.

 

[amoona]

girl i have a friend who is very similar to that. she and i decided to do two different things after high school. a lot of people will probably tell you to talk to her about it but if she's anything like my friend is then that probably wont do any good.

i personally try to avoid this friend as much as possible, i never hang out with her anymore because her friendship isn't worth the headache. we're still on good terms and when i see her we talk but i dont go out of my way to see her or be around her.

if she causes more of a problem then being a good friend then let the friendship fade. if her friendship is worth it then talk to her and try to find an understanding.

 

[LMcConnell18]

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkishstar I had a similar experience. Luckily. I went off to college and had no reason to call her. I feel so stress-free now. Seriously, no matter how good of a friend she was in the past (like mine was), if this keeps up, you will have far more stress than you need. Trying sitting down with her and talking with her. If talking to her doesn't work, you should break it off.

=]
thanx a lot!
and you know???
this is SO true!!
i've caught myself thinking well what do i say??
or what if she finds out?!?!

not that when push comes to shove i dont shove back... i dont totally try to avoid conflict...

but i just feel that being someones best friend... you should have more patience with them than any normal joe.

but yes... ive definately noticed that shes caused me more stress than i already deal with lol.

and to tell the truth... she really isnt that great of a friend.

shes one of those that calls to tell you ALL ABOUT something pointless, but when it's time for me to have someone listen to what i have to say... its always... "oh i gotta go!" or "uh huh" like she could care less.

i think i know what i have to do... but shes really the only person i go out with... i moved recently and stopped talking to everyone i knew before, but it might be worth it in the end.

thanx for the help!

 

[MACATTAK]

I've been in this situation before. After telling her nicely that I needed to spend more time on school etc, and I would call her if I could get together sometime...she still didn't get it. I got so fed up with her ignoring my situation that I just went off, and ended the friendship. Sometimes people don't get it. Also, if you feel like this is worth saving & since it seems like she has no commitments...why can't she make the effort to come to you?

 

[chocodcocoa]

I've had a friend who would not get off my back... she was pratically glued to my side... =( She wouldn't let me hang out with other people without her being present... but the thing is people hate her =.=
I didn't have a boyfriend back then but I snapped anyway and finally told her that if she doesn't change I can't keep the friendship anymore... she listened and said she would change, but after two weeks of being sane she went back to screaming yelling and crying O.O
But then I went to a university on the opposite coast, and now I'm all better =)

 

[*KT*]

So what do you do when she calls you all hysterical and screaming? Do you say "Call me back when you're ready to act reasonable?" or do you calm her down? If you're calming her down and soothing her, maybe she's acting out to get the extra attention from you.

The whole thing is ridiculously childish on her part.

 

[glam8babe]

i think alot of us go through this...
im ALWAYS with my boyfriend .. mainly coz well obviously i love him and i love spending time with him but he also lives a 2 minute walk away from where i live.. and my best friend lives like 30 minute walk...
i also sleep at my bfs from a thursday to monday and the rest of the week i like to stay at home chilling and having 'me' time. I see my best friend like twice a week and she still goes on at me for it. its so annoyin because she doesnt understand what its like to have a bf as shes NEVER had one. Im always there for her when she needs me but shes hardly ever there when i need her.. so i cant be arsed with the drama.
I think you should just let her get on with her weird ways of being a so called 'best friend' and she will soon realise what shes like if you ignore her. Everytime my best friend has a dramatic problem she comes crying to me and causes arguments.. i ignore her then the next day she comes back crying to me sayin shes sorry and stuff. I do love her as a friend but most of my bfs friends are better friends than her lol...
and yeh you can do whatever you want.. who cares if you got ur hair done? its none of her business is it

 

[nics1972]

Here's a question for you to ask yourself and answer to yourself honestly.. is she REALLY your BEST friend ? Is this how best friends are ?
When friendships get to a point where you have to lie to do what you want to do, or to be yourself, you need to rethink things.
Any relationship, marriage, frienship.. whatever it is, if it gets to where you feel you personal space and freedom being invaded, you feel "strangulated" in a way, it is time to put some distance between you and the other person.
This clearly is not a healthy friendship.. you need to let her know what you feel in whichever way you find most comfortable and if she IS your true friend, she will understand what her "clingy" and "over possessive" behavior is doing to your friendship and damaging it. If she doesnt and acts like you "wronged" her, just know, you wont be at the losing end.. she will. And, the world is a huge huge place.. some people who exist in it are nicer than you can believe.. among all these nce people, you will a friend who is worth calling a friend..

 

[nics1972]

Quote:

Originally Posted by *KT* So what do you do when she calls you all hysterical and screaming? Do you say "Call me back when you're ready to act reasonable?" or do you calm her down? If you're calming her down and soothing her, maybe she's acting out to get the extra attention from you. The whole thing is ridiculously childish on her part.

Good point.

 

[darkishstar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LMcConnell18 =] thanx a lot! and you know??? this is SO true!! i've caught myself thinking well what do i say?? or what if she finds out?!?! not that when push comes to shove i dont shove back... i dont totally try to avoid conflict... but i just feel that being someones best friend... you should have more patience with them than any normal joe. but yes... ive definately noticed that shes caused me more stress than i already deal with lol. and to tell the truth... she really isnt that great of a friend. shes one of those that calls to tell you ALL ABOUT something pointless, but when it's time for me to have someone listen to what i have to say... its always... "oh i gotta go!" or "uh huh" like she could care less. i think i know what i have to do... but shes really the only person i go out with... i moved recently and stopped talking to everyone i knew before, but it might be worth it in the end. thanx for the help!

Yes, that is almost exactly how that "friend" of mine was. She was really self-centered
and would always talk about herself and if you tried to bring up your own problems.. somehow she ends up talking about herself more. This isn't the sign of a good friendship, it has to be even, it has to have balance, and harmony! (I'm preaching zen, lol) But in all seriousness, she has lost most of her friends already for what she did, not only with me, but with other friends as well. I was one of her friends for the longest, but apparently she doesn't learn from her mistakes, which is why she only has her boyfriend now, and another friend of mine who is starting to get tired and stressed out by her as well.

I mean, I'm still on good terms with her as well.. I guess, but I don't make an effort to keep in contact or make an effort to try and hang out with her.

I'm sure you can make new friends, just put yourself out there and such. Especially in the work place, I'm sure you can make friends. =)

 

[HOTasFCUK]

I had a few freinds like that and trust me, run fast!!! You don't need that shit! She will eventually meddle so much into your life and it will cause problems with your other relationships like family, your bf, or other friends. Girls like this drive me nuts! I used to pray my friends would get boyfriends so they would leave me the hell alone! If she can't accept that you have a life of your own, then there's no friendship. I bet she's jealous and she's already possessive! Concentrate on your school or work, your bf, your family, and other friends but make sure she knows that your life doesn't revolve around her!!!

Amazing if these stories had all been about possessive boyfriends, how quick we would all react and tell anyone to dump that person!!! It should'nt be any different just because its a girl!

Dump this crazy chick!!!