boyfriends

[as_cute_as_pie]

so how is it that as soon as a friend gets a new one they seem to want to tell you every single detail about them non stop?
my friend rang me and basically said 'ok so ive been shopping got a top, pants and a necklace was only £23 bargain huh? yeh so richard picked me up last night went to the pictures, aww he took me to work today how sweet, ee he came to pick me up at work but i wasnt even there, he hasnt text me back yet, he better i think hes annoyed at me ok ive got to go bye'
im like

she only met him on sunday does this phase eventually 'phase out'?
im not jealous but i just really don't want to hear ALL about someone ive never met, is that selfish? ok i can handle like yeh we had a good time we done this blah blah but not the whole conversation dedicated to it when your'e trying to say something

phew i feel better

 

[ben]

wait until the honeymoon period is over, you'll get her back!

 

[Hawkeye]

It drives me absolutely up the wall when this happens. When my former best friend started dating her husband she called him every freaking 30 minutes on a trip that was supposed to be just girls. She wasn't married to him or anything.

SHe then proceeds to tell me every damn thing about him. Now she wonders why I refuse to be friends with her and then goes around spreading lies about how mean I am etc. Well fine, I'm mean but I still want to have a conversation where your DH (now) is no longer involved and would like to spend time with you without that damn cell phone on your head! Yes, we are no longer friends because I found it absolutely repulsively rude of her to do that. And I told her and I told her point blank that until she realizes the world does not revolve around him I will not be her friend.

I personally have learned to just say point blank: So and so-I know your happy but quite frankly, I don't care. I used to get all quiet and everything but nope. That never worked they never get the hint.

Who knows why they do it? Infatuation is a crazy thing. And it only makes other people not want to hang around you.

It's OK

I totally know where your coming from. Just tell her point blank you'd rather talk about something else. If she doesn't get the hint-you can wait it out or you can do what I did. I wouldn't advise doing what I did until she starts calling him every 30 minutes, texting him every 5 and so forth though

 

[Vicky88]

My best friend has been with her boyfriend a year (it's their anniversary today!!! yay lol) and it's still the same.

It does get a bit annoying... but what can ya do?

 

[Raerae]

hahaha...

I'm clingy like that too lol...

I dumped my last ex because he had out of state friends come into town that he hadn't seen in a long long time, and spent the weekend with them, and no time with me LOL...

 

[LisaR]

Not only does my BF tell me every detail but she's usually texting or talking on the computer with her S/O while she's doing it. Either that or we're rushing through dinner so she can get back home to see them...

But who's the first one they call at the sign of trouble? Us...

 

[YvetteJeannine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raerae hahaha... I'm clingy like that too lol... I dumped my last ex because he had out of state friends come into town that he hadn't seen in a long long time, and spent the weekend with them, and no time with me LOL...

You dumped him 'cause he spent some time w/ his friends???


I'm always trying to encourage my husband to spend "guy time" w/ his friends...but he always says "I've had years to spend time w/ those guys...I've waited years for you.."

Not to hijack the thread or anything (sorry cute_as_pie

), but I think it's not only important, but neccessary for men and women to spend personal time w/ their friend w/o the S.O....After all, what kind of relationship is it when you can't "allow" your S.O. to be w/ other people w/o you? (I'm talking about reasonable time...not excessive, or constant..as I know some fellas spend every waking min. w/ their buds watching the "game", going to bars, etc.). I know women that don't even like their S.O.'s going out once a MONTH w/ their friends...how selfish is that?!?

 

[Katura]

Quote:

Originally Posted by YvetteJeannine I think it's not only important, but neccessary for men and women to spend personal time w/ their friend w/o the S.O....After all, what kind of relationship is it when you can't "allow" your S.O. to be w/ other people w/o you? (I'm talking about reasonable time...not excessive, or constant..as I know some fellas spend every waking min. w/ their buds watching the "game", going to bars, etc.). I know women that don't even like their S.O.'s going out once a MONTH w/ their friends...how selfish is that?!?[/color][/b]

Thank You! wow, my experience with this:

I started dating Tj about a year ago (we sort of broke up for a bit while things were hectic for me at school) and got back together in April. We spend alotof time together, but we've both got different groups of friends, although his group has pretty much adopted me

But we have no problem going our separate ways for a night or *rarely* two. I dont feel the need to glue myself to his side, he's 21, I'm 19, and both of us are pretty independent people. We love time together but can still enjoy a night alone (makes the next time we see eachother even better right

)

Anywho. In 'his' group of friends, theres this couple that started dating last summer as well. we'll for the sake of talking call her Jane and him bob. haha Well, Jane and bob love getting high together, they are glued to eachothers sides, and I'm pretty sure they hardly ever sleep a night alone. The uncomforatable thing is, that Jane doesnt really like being out in sociable situations (maybe because shes messed up almost 24/7???) and thinks that when shes not around bob is going to cheat on her(she wont say exactly that to anyone, but we know its the case). she has huge anxiety attacks whenever bob goes out to do something without her. So bob goes out with tj and his friends after he drops jane off at home for her to sleep and proceeds to have fun, only to tel tj, me, or whoever else he's with that we cant say anything about the night. JUST so she wont flip out on him.

I know they care about eachother alot, but she is wayy to posessive and full of distrust. And he's in the wrong because it'd be better to tell her whats up instead of leading her to beleive he goes home when he's not with her.

It's a little frustrating. A little trust in a relationship goes a long way and I think it makes spending time with your SO so much better and spending time away much easier.

Sorry for writing a book, it was actually a topic that came up between tj, abother friend and i last night.

Any ideas on what I could do to help her? what anyone could do to help her?

<3Katura

 

[Katura]

Didn't mean to hijack the thread either, but this is a great great topic you started as_cute_as_pie!

Thanks!

 

[dollbabybex]

when i met my bf (we've now split after 2 and a half years)

i said 'look im out with my friends all the time, ok'

and i went out clubbin with my friends 3 times a week....

sometimes he'd be in the same club, we'd say hi, but we were both out with our own friends....

and if my friend phoned me when i was with him i'd answer and have a gossip

and now we live together (even tho we've split its cool) even when we were goin out i'd always have my gf's staying over.

if you make someone your everything.... when theyre gone you have nothing.

my friends can never say...'you never bothered with me when you had a bf'

 

[Katura]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dollbabybex if you make someone your everything.... when theyre gone you have nothing. my friends can never say...'you never bothered with me when you had a bf'

Thanks for this, I agree. If you become totally wrapped up in him, and ignoring and not being there for your close fiends, then if it ends badly, no ones going to want to be there....

I've gone down that route, of cutting myelf off from friends with my first 'love' and it was a disaster now that I look back. I lost my two best frkiends because he wouldnt le tme be without him. and I didnt complain/fight back/care.

Its not healthy really to glue yourself to someone. I think theres a name for it, and its not a good thing in this situation.

Codependence.

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

My boyfriend has a TON of friends, some of them with girlfriends that I sometimes chat with when they are around. EVERY SINGLE one of my girlfriends has moved out of state. So i currently .. thats right. have to friends. and it sucks .Luckly whenever my boyfriend and his friends do something they bring their girlfriends, and they say "bring your old lady too" so It all works out. Althought he does have his guy time when they are down at the barn working on cars and whatnot. When my friends DO come into town though. I can have a good time and I dont talk to him AT ALL. maybe 1 time a day if im lucky to get the time and also is he.

I lost my best friend of SEVERAL years because,well we started dating these friends, so they were best friends, and her and I were best friends. everything was awesome for a while . Then things fell apart with my end , She got pregnant, and stayed with her end for a short while but after My ex and I broke up i HARDLY EVER saw her! she stopped calling me and everything it was terrible. I couldnt be at her house for 5 minutes talking about something in my life when she would interupt with something about her piece of shit boyfriend...

 

[Wattage]

Sometimes I lose friends to relationships... but hey, it's just part of life. Now, I mostly have "couple" friends. After a while, I think it can be hard to have single friends. Sometimes they feel like a third wheel or prefer to hang with other singles.

To be honest though, I enjoy hanging out with my SO most of all. Still, we have separate friends and don't call each other every five minutes when we're apart.

It's all about balance

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

ITs funny because when im with my friend who CONSTANTLY would talk about or TO her boyfriend like every 20 minutes, If i hang out with her all day, and she goes "wow dont you ever talk to your boyfriend?" "

 

[Raerae]

You dumped him 'cause he spent some time w/ his friends???


It was a new relationship and he didn't even bother to call me =P We had only been dating a little over two months at the time. And it's not like we were with each other 100% of the time. But if I'm in a relationship (especially a new one) I at least expect a call from him, not for him to go MIA Fri-Sunday, and then act like nothing had happened. It's not like I got to spend a lot of time during the week with him, we both have to work, so weekends were our together time.

Plus if your going out to fun places, hello I'm not invisible lol...

But like I said, i can be really clingy in my relationships. I like to hold hands when I'm walking, not have you powerwalking 10 feet ahead of me. And I want phone calls or text messages from you involving me in your life. If I'm talking to my Mom daily, I should get at least the same from my boyfriend, if not more. My parents are always on the phone with each other letting each other know whats going on, where they are going, if they can do things for each other while their out, or just calling to say, "I love you." And they have been going strong for 19 years now. My dad even brings home flowers on days other than her birthday, aniversary, and Valentines day, just because he felt like making her smile.

I was already not totally happy with that relationship at the time, and that was just the icing on the cake.

 

[Lalli]

my best friend is currently stuck up her bf's arse and to make it worse i encouraged him to ask her out, hes MY bf's best m8. now when they fight they both come running to me to sort things out and its got to a stage where im sick of it. she doesnt spend no time with me and its like we've drifted apart. well she thinks we havent. oh well

 

[pr1nces583]

i think its natural for people to be totally wrapped up in their new bf/gf when they first get together. its just the way it is. my friend is like that at the mo, and i dont mind (apart from when she goes into detail about their private life, which is just eww..i dont wanna know!). she hasnt had a relationship for a long time and her last bf was evil, so im happy for her.

but i do think that its important to get the balance between relationship and friends right. everyone needs to spend time with their friends

 

[Beauty Mark]

Is your friend generally self-centered? If so, this behavior would show up in other parts of her life and would be a good reason to end the friendship. However, she just might be excited to have a boyfriend, especially if she's insecure or he's her first boyfriend.

When my friends do this, I change the subject to something else. If they don't get the hint, I tell them that I'm happy for them but obsessing is getting annoying. I have the kind of relationship where I can be blunt with my friends, but if you don't, you can be much more subtle and nicer about it