Complicated Situation

[sja103]

I am desperate for your advice!

I'm a manager at work and I am young. I'm dating a guy and his brother works there too. Everything was fine up until I became a manager, and he is too young to be one. That's when it became terrrrible.

I stress over it at night all the time because it's almost impossible to work with him. He tells me people say bad things about me, he becomes all close with the higher managers and tells me they said I did this wrong and that wrong, he corrects me if I'm right, corrects me if I'm wrong, comes into my area and tells me how to do things even when he isn't working, threatens me with lies saying, "Yeah do whatever you want and I'll just tell them you stole and did this and did that, they won't ever effing believe you, I can convince them of anything." He gets mad when I don't take him to count money or ask him to do certain things. He ALWAYS needs to know whats going on so he can correct me or say he heard this or that about me. I'm so repetative sorry.

It all comes down to the fact that he's my boyfriends brother and I truly can't put him in his place and I doubt my relationship with my fellow managers over his. He's still in high school and its hard to deal with someone who is so immature and insecure. I wouldn't dare tell him the things people say about him because I'm not like that, he talks a lot of crap about people and they know. No one really likes him but he has no idea because no one will say anything. He's really sensitive and brings people down ALL the time, I don't like him trying to bring me down, so I wouldn't do that to him.

Were in close quaters as I'm at my boyfriends house and I work with him. He calls me bi tch, tells me not to give him attitude or he'll get me fired, in work and outside of work.

Its really stressing me out and I never let people walk all over me, its just a diffrent situation now. My boyfriend is leaving in two months and I know I won't be able to play nice forever. I can't be mean to him because he's my boyfriends brother, I cant say anything because he threatens me and he is REALLY emotional.. Like really. I feel so blackmailed and backed into a corner, we've all made mistakes at work and so has he but their mistakes and in the past. I feel like he'll just create lies as he loves to fabricate stories.

What should I do? I've talked to him many times but he's favourite words are I can just get you fired. Should I quit? I'm scared to go to my superiors because he's a little brown noser and is close with them. It's so hard because I love my job. Its hurting my relationship with my boyfriend, his family, fellow workers.

Lots of repeating sorry!

 

[ForgetRegret]

Wow hun...this sounds like a pretty crappy situation to be in. First of all, hell no, don't you dare quit. Then he wins. He's jealous because you're his manager, and he's lashing out because of his immaturity. As far as your job is concerned, I'm guessing you've got a good reputation there, you work hard, etc. otherwise they wouldn't have promoted you to manager, right? What I would do is sit down with your immediate boss and express your concerns over this kid. Tell him/her everything about him threatening to lie to get you fired, etc etc...and include the fact that he's your b/f's brother...it may seem trivial, but I guarantee it's playing a role in what he's doing. If he didn't know you outside of work, he likely wouldn't be such a little prick to you, actively trying to get under your skin. Just be honest with your boss, and express your concerns that the kid may, in fact, follow through with what he says, and start lying to try and get you fired. Also, whatever you do, DON'T let him know that he's getting to you. That's exactly the reaction he wants. Just pretend it doesn't bother you at all, and go about your business normally. Often times with little troublemakers like that, once they see that they're not getting a rise out of you, they'll leave you alone, because there's no fun in hassling someone who doesn't react.
Have you talked to your b/f about the situation? If not, I'd recommend you do that...just sit down with him, let him know what's going on at work, and that you want to get along with him, because he's your b/f's brother, but he's making it very difficult for you. He may be able to help in some way, being that he's known the kid all his life...at the very least, he could pull the big brother strongarm, and force him to stop being a prick. Hehe.
Anyway, I hope things work out for you hun...just be strong, and don't let him drive you to quit your job.

 

[Girl about town]

tell your boyfriend and your bosses about this its bullying pure and simple, i wouldn't let anyone get away with it!!!

 

[kaliraksha]

Does your boyfriend not know the way he treats you? My boyfriend doesn't even let my brother treat me poorly. I totally understand the not wanting to bring drama to your workplace- only as a last resort. But wanting to spare his feelings? You can still put him in his place without being horrid about it, there is a certain level of necessity involved here.

 

[iadoremac]

I think you should tell your boyfriend everything about how his brother is treating you and that if he doesn't change you would fire him. And if your boyfriend refuses to do anything or if his brother does not change set a trap for him and get him fired. He is simply playing on your insecurities and only has power over you because you let him. You are a woman show him that regardless of what he thinks you are stronger and older than him and you are his boss. Girl its time for you to start acting like his boss and not his subordinate.

 

[chiquilla_loca]

Sorry you're going through this.
Don't allow yourself to be victimized in the workplace.
Talk your boyfriend before he leaves & to your boss at work. Your workplace shouldn't tolerate co-workers harrassing each other.

 

[iadoremac]

i also think you should keep a log of what he says/does to you. and email it to yourself everyday so that there is a time and date. You should do this for about a week or two before talking to your superiors about this

 

[gildedangel]

I would first talk to your boyfriend about it and see what he can do. His brother has no right to treat you this way. Next, keep a log of when this guy harasses you, record his voice if you can. Then take it to your superiors, explain to them what is happening. Just remember that he cannot fire you, he can puff up all the smoke he wants but he can't fire you. If he were to walk in with allegations that you stole something or did this and that, then he would look like an idiot because he will have no proof.

 

[sja103]

Thanks a lot of the advice.

I've talked to my boyfriend a lot before but he says that he was teased when he was younger so its his way of "getting back" and he tells me just to ignore it. He's an ass to everyone but doesn't realize nobody likes him.

I'm going on a trip with their family in August and I don't want things to get awkward so I'll say something to my boss after then. Blah.

 

[ForgetRegret]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sja103 Thanks a lot of the advice. I've talked to my boyfriend a lot before but he says that he was teased when he was younger so its his way of "getting back" and he tells me just to ignore it. He's an ass to everyone but doesn't realize nobody likes him. I'm going on a trip with their family in August and I don't want things to get awkward so I'll say something to my boss after then. Blah.

OMG really? Sweetie I don't know if you should wait that long...even if you just go talk to your boss to make him/her aware of the situation, so you're not always looking over your shoulder. Let your boss know you're not looking to get the kid in trouble, but you're concerned because of the threats he's made, and you just want to make sure he/she knows what's going on, in case this little brat does try and start some sh*t.

No offense or anything, hun, but it sounds like your boyfriend's an a**. It's one thing for a kid who's been teased to lash out at the people who've teased him, but you have nothing to do with it, and he has no right to treat you the way he does. I'd think that your boyfriend would be a little more understanding about it, especially since his little dipstick brother is threatening your job. Well, since it's obvious you'll get no help from him, have you tried sitting down with the little twerp and talking to him? I know it's probably the last thing you want to do, but who knows, maybe some good could come of it.

I dunno hun...whatever way you choose to go about it, I really don't think waiting until August is necessarily a good idea. Like I said above, even if you just say something to your boss so that he/she's only aware of the situation, you can make it clear you don't want anything done, but you want management to know what's going on. GL sweetie, and I really hope this works out for you.

 

[snugglebear4now]

Tell your superior about this mess and put him in his place. I cant believe he would think he could push you around like that. Dont let him walk over you...remember your the boss and his superior