Does HE want to be more than friends?

[sayah]

I really can't tell. Quick background: I've been chatting with this guy, let's call him D. for about 2-3 months now. We play the same sports and I approached him about getting tips for my training. He's competed a lot and have experiences that I can benefit from. Over these months I've been getting great advice that's really helping me. D knows that I have a boyfriend, I've told him several times.

At first we chatted maybe 2 times a week and strictly about training. Now we IM alot more frequently and about other stuff too. He also e-mails me from work. We live in different cities so we don't meet often, in fact we have just met once.

I'm very outgoing and like talking to people, that's just fun. The thing that irks me is for my birthday he sent me a MAC e/s. Sweet, right. I sent him a card for his birthday. Card vs MAC?

When I recently got discouraging news about something he sent me a sweet note and a lipgloss. And yesterday I got an e-mail saying he'd visited MAC and thinks I will be pleased? I don't know what to make of this. I certainly send stuff to my friends if they are sad to make them feel better or to celebrate if maybe someones pregnant, that sort of thing. So since I send people stuff I can't judge whether or not it's weird. My bf is convinced that D is interested in me, I sincerely hope that he's just being nice. What do you think?

I'll update with what this new gift is...

<--- ooops

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sayah I really can't tell. Quick background: I've been chatting with this guy, let's call him D. for about 2-3 months now. We play the same sports and I approached him about getting tips for my training. He's competed a lot and have experiences that I can benefit from. Over these months I've been getting great advice that's really helping me. D knows that I have a boyfriend, I've told him several times. At first we chatted maybe 2 times a week and strictly about training. Now we IM alot more frequently and about other stuff too. He also e-mails me from work. We live in different cities so we don't meet often, in fact we have just met once. I'm very outgoing and like talking to people, that's just fun. The thing that irks me is for my birthday he sent me a MAC e/s. Sweet, right. I sent him a card for his birthday. Card vs MAC? When I recently got discouraging news about something he sent me a sweet note and a lipgloss. And yesterday I got an e-mail saying he'd visited MAC and thinks I will be pleased? I don't know what to make of this. I certainly send stuff to my friends if they are sad to make them feel better or to celebrate if maybe someones pregnant, that sort of thing. So since I send people stuff I can't judge whether or not it's weird. My bf is convinced that D is interested in me, I sincerely hope that he's just being nice. What do you think? I'll update with what this new gift is... <--- ooops

Honestly, it seems to me like you're leading this man on (even if it is not on purpose). I mean, you've only met him once, and yet you two seem so close already. 2-3 months since you've met him and all this frequent talking, is it necessary? Be careful not to send out the wrong signals and vibes to him, it can be misleading. It may seem completely innocent to you but to him, it may perhaps mean a lot more; especially since you approached him first, in his mind he may think you want something more from him than just a few tips and lessons on the sport you both play. Personally, I would not accept anymore gifts from him (he's not your man). I'd let him know that buying me another gift wasn't necessary, but they were very much appreciated and thank him (in a polite way as to not hurt his feelings). But I'm assuming he's buying you MAC because you've mentioned to him that you like it...he's taken note (which men who are interested do lol). So if you're not planning to cheat on your boyfriend (which is bad!!)

lol, then cut down on all this talking with D. Cease the many messages, the IMs, the back-and-forth work emails, he would not keep writing you if you had not keep replying so it takes two people to communicate. I'm not saying to ignore him, but do decrease the amount of contact, just so that he won't hope for something more. You also do not want him to think you're using him, or that you owe him something in return. He seems like a nice guy, and he's aware that you have a b/f, so maybe he's just being nice to someone he enjoys talking to, maybe he really likes the friendship you two have formed, but still keep convos short. Just make sure to keep your boundaries and not tell him too much of your personal life like when you told him about your "discouraging news"...nor should you take the risk of sending him mixed messages. You also do not want to make your b/f uncomfortable and suspicious because of the situation. Let us know what he got you though! Maybe a nice lipglass, yummy

 

[sayah]

Thanks for your answer! I'm certainly guilty of writing him back. Not as much, but still, yes I do. We actually met in the spring last year and I approached him a couple of months ago.

I haven't been trying to lead him on. I don't end e-mails with love or hugs or anything like that. If I've had a fight with my bf I make sure not to talk about it with D. But you may be right about me just being nice to him being enough to get his juices flowing so to speak. I'm not saying something I shouldn't, my bf knows all there is to know and so on. It annoys me that my way of being, which is outgoing and attentive to people, may be biting me in the ass.

On one occassion a few weeks ago he got very upset about a little misunderstanding and took it far to seriously. I then wrote him an e-mail saying that I can't keep having contact if he's going to take things so personal. He replied apologizing.

Haha, not planning to cheat on my bf.

About gifts: previously I've done what you suggest: emailed a short message thanking him and saying that it wasn't necessary and/but I got happy.

Btw: I got Dollymix! Yay!

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

O0oh Dollymix, that blush looks nice! He knows how to shop, that's for sure! I'd keep him around too

 

[SakurasamaLover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sayah Thanks for your answer! I'm certainly guilty of writing him back. Not as much, but still, yes I do. We actually met in the spring last year and I approached him a couple of months ago. I haven't been trying to lead him on. I don't end e-mails with love or hugs or anything like that. If I've had a fight with my bf I make sure not to talk about it with D. But you may be right about me just being nice to him being enough to get his juices flowing so to speak. I'm not saying something I shouldn't, my bf knows all there is to know and so on. It annoys me that my way of being, which is outgoing and attentive to people, may be biting me in the ass. On one occasion a few weeks ago he got very upset about a little misunderstanding and took it far to seriously. I then wrote him an e-mail saying that I can't keep having contact if he's going to take things so personal. He replied apologizing. Haha, not planning to cheat on my bf. About gifts: previously I've done what you suggest: emailed a short message thanking him and saying that it wasn't necessary and/but I got happy. Btw: I got Dollymix! Yay!

That is exactly how you feel when someone you are in love with don't... act as you wish or expect.. plus the gifts.. this guy falled for you no doubt.
And with the emotional reaction I would say it's not only a crush.
It's so not really fun dealing with those things. If only we could choose who we love in life ( I wish that so often it's pathetic) it would be so much simple and fun.
Good luck.

 

[3jane]

According to my boyf, if a guy is talking to a girl when he doesn't have to, he's interested. Period.

The fact that this one went out of his way to get you something thoughtful... yeah, he's at least harboring a crush. Also, guys interpret nice to mean flirty or interested. So cool it down, def.

 

[sayah]

Thanks again! So, what I gather from your answers is you think I should cool down the chatting and e-mailing. Right? I don't think he'll just accept that without wondering what's up. What would you say to him?