Risbebe
Member
I was in a shitty relationship for a bout 2.5-3 years... yea i was one those chicken shit girls that never wanted to leave the relationship because you'd think "it will change, things will change.. it'll work out..." when in reality if it's not working it's not working, yet we become to blind to see the real truth.. cause in my case i was in desperation to feel that "love."
Worst part he WAS my bestfriend before we even got together.. getting together was the biggest mistake he and i ever made.. in the time we spend together.. i never felt like a GIRLFRIEND.. i never celebrated anniversaries.. PDA was minimal.. it wasn't that he was ashamed of me.. it was that leap of bff to Bf never switch in his brain.. yet through his words.. he "loved me", and some time in the "relationship" he told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.. yet another month later he "loved me but was not in love with me", then another month later he loved me and i was everything to him.. and so u catch the rollercoaster hell of a relationship i was in.. and this was supposedly my bestfriend.. he was a fucking flirt.. he never told girls i he had GF until i meet them and they;re faces drop and act like complete idiotic-b***** in front of he and i.
and within in this relationship.. i was told.. i needed to lose weight.. i was everything he ever wanted.... but that extra 10 pounds needed to go.. and i'd be a "perfect ten"... WHAT-F****-EVER... hearing that i need to lose weight is a feat that i've heard ALLL MY LIFE>. so coming from him it hurt cause i thought he was the ONE person that wouldn't be like everyone else in my life telling how much "PRETTY" i would be if i lost that 10 pounds... ha now that 10 poounds has trickled to 25 pounds.. and he saw it..and he lost interest i felt it.. but he loved how i treated him what role i played in his life.. the one who gave him the love.. but never returned it..
he broke my spirit.. i finally after many tears, many angry exchanged words, i broke it off.. well after breaking up ten billion times.. i finally stop answering the phone, stop rearranging my sched for him so i can see him and i STOP the effort that kept the relationship going... and it's been a year since and it still feels like the first day of a year ago ... i haven't healed.. i still feel broken torn and with no ounce of confidence in me.. yea today i was given a dirty look by my mother, father, aunt s i reached over for a sliver of banna creme pie... i was told i was getting big.. i got scolded because i was up the night before till 2am, and they think i'm EATING , which they don't know is that some nights i'm just so pented up with thoughts and stresses that i can not sleep.. i'm stressed i've been stressed over so many things... and my face and body shows it.. but back the ex relationship... after all that is said and done.. me leaving him alone. just left me more lonely, a big huge hole, and emptiness and i apparently haven't gotten over it.. i went through sooooooooooo much crap with him.. and recently i started picking up the phone and answering the phone.. but being a bitch.. he knows i hate him but he continues to call and be persistent in having me in his life... he misses me.. i know that but i don't care.. it doesnt erase the shit i went through. it doesnt erase the frist year of our relationship it was rocky and he kept me on the back burner and then was talking to another girl and at times forget i was his gf cause he was use me being his bff and thinking it never hurt me, it doesnt erase him calling me a fat asian bitch in front of his friends. it doesn't erase the fact that he was never there for me when i needed him but i was there forhim.. yet all he can offer is an i'm sorry.. and pleads to still be apart of each other's lives.. for WHAT!
to make me miserable.. to let him win.. to let him have the only good asset in his life and have me suffer go through the why didn't work out, is it me questions over and over again...
today i actually answered one his calls and he asked if i wanted to go hang out.. i said no like usual and he argued his exact words.
"i'm tired of going to stuff by myself. if we were together you'd go with me. When we were together made time for me and now that we're not you have no time for me.. your 'busy' all of a sudden."
THE F***! isn't that the point of a break up.. it's been a F****G YEAR.
and i'm suppose to still have time for him.. what kind of dellusional world is HE living in.. or is it me being the cold heartedbitch..
argh. i'm so pissed angry upset sad lonely and all the synomyns that go with those words because of him and i just cant seem to shake him off... it's not even flattering anymore.. i just feel sorry for his pathetic ass.. but then i remember how i feel and i don't feel sorry.. argh.. gives me more motivation after cosmo school find a job out of this place and have a change of damn scenary...
i don't know i just needed to vent..
probably doesnt make any sense but its giving me some peace of mind that i kinda vented out there anywhere.
Worst part he WAS my bestfriend before we even got together.. getting together was the biggest mistake he and i ever made.. in the time we spend together.. i never felt like a GIRLFRIEND.. i never celebrated anniversaries.. PDA was minimal.. it wasn't that he was ashamed of me.. it was that leap of bff to Bf never switch in his brain.. yet through his words.. he "loved me", and some time in the "relationship" he told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.. yet another month later he "loved me but was not in love with me", then another month later he loved me and i was everything to him.. and so u catch the rollercoaster hell of a relationship i was in.. and this was supposedly my bestfriend.. he was a fucking flirt.. he never told girls i he had GF until i meet them and they;re faces drop and act like complete idiotic-b***** in front of he and i.
and within in this relationship.. i was told.. i needed to lose weight.. i was everything he ever wanted.... but that extra 10 pounds needed to go.. and i'd be a "perfect ten"... WHAT-F****-EVER... hearing that i need to lose weight is a feat that i've heard ALLL MY LIFE>. so coming from him it hurt cause i thought he was the ONE person that wouldn't be like everyone else in my life telling how much "PRETTY" i would be if i lost that 10 pounds... ha now that 10 poounds has trickled to 25 pounds.. and he saw it..and he lost interest i felt it.. but he loved how i treated him what role i played in his life.. the one who gave him the love.. but never returned it..
he broke my spirit.. i finally after many tears, many angry exchanged words, i broke it off.. well after breaking up ten billion times.. i finally stop answering the phone, stop rearranging my sched for him so i can see him and i STOP the effort that kept the relationship going... and it's been a year since and it still feels like the first day of a year ago ... i haven't healed.. i still feel broken torn and with no ounce of confidence in me.. yea today i was given a dirty look by my mother, father, aunt s i reached over for a sliver of banna creme pie... i was told i was getting big.. i got scolded because i was up the night before till 2am, and they think i'm EATING , which they don't know is that some nights i'm just so pented up with thoughts and stresses that i can not sleep.. i'm stressed i've been stressed over so many things... and my face and body shows it.. but back the ex relationship... after all that is said and done.. me leaving him alone. just left me more lonely, a big huge hole, and emptiness and i apparently haven't gotten over it.. i went through sooooooooooo much crap with him.. and recently i started picking up the phone and answering the phone.. but being a bitch.. he knows i hate him but he continues to call and be persistent in having me in his life... he misses me.. i know that but i don't care.. it doesnt erase the shit i went through. it doesnt erase the frist year of our relationship it was rocky and he kept me on the back burner and then was talking to another girl and at times forget i was his gf cause he was use me being his bff and thinking it never hurt me, it doesnt erase him calling me a fat asian bitch in front of his friends. it doesn't erase the fact that he was never there for me when i needed him but i was there forhim.. yet all he can offer is an i'm sorry.. and pleads to still be apart of each other's lives.. for WHAT!
to make me miserable.. to let him win.. to let him have the only good asset in his life and have me suffer go through the why didn't work out, is it me questions over and over again...
today i actually answered one his calls and he asked if i wanted to go hang out.. i said no like usual and he argued his exact words.
"i'm tired of going to stuff by myself. if we were together you'd go with me. When we were together made time for me and now that we're not you have no time for me.. your 'busy' all of a sudden."
THE F***! isn't that the point of a break up.. it's been a F****G YEAR.
and i'm suppose to still have time for him.. what kind of dellusional world is HE living in.. or is it me being the cold heartedbitch..
argh. i'm so pissed angry upset sad lonely and all the synomyns that go with those words because of him and i just cant seem to shake him off... it's not even flattering anymore.. i just feel sorry for his pathetic ass.. but then i remember how i feel and i don't feel sorry.. argh.. gives me more motivation after cosmo school find a job out of this place and have a change of damn scenary...
i don't know i just needed to vent..
probably doesnt make any sense but its giving me some peace of mind that i kinda vented out there anywhere.
