Give me insight please!

[cmariemac]

I am a senior in high school and have been on/off with my bf since the 6th grade. We just recently broke up because of some things that he can't get over. The problem is he has some major jealousy issues which I imagine revolve around his insecurity. I am on dance team and whenever I perform he gets all pissy and thinks I try to show off and dance bigger than everyone else. I am a good dancer and I happen to love it when people watch me. I understand that some moves are sexy and he feels uncomfortable knowing other guys are watching me. I will never stop dancing for him because it is my passion and one of the few things I am really truly good at. He is the absolute sweetest guy and I love him to death but I can't stand the way he gets sometimes. My halloween costume was a sexy maid and he told me not to wear it to school and guess what I wore it. I want him to support me and tell me good job or you look hot, but no it's always "guys are gonna look at you." I will never let him control me but I sort of understand where he comes from. He is scared to lose me.
There is also the times when he doesn't get what he wants ahem, you know... and then he turns into a grump.

I am a smart almost 18 yr old and if this kind of behavior was shown in a bf I haven't been with for long than he would be out the door. But, I have been with him FOREVER and when you are with someone for that long their true side comes out. Please offer some advice ladies

 

[FiestyFemme]

I dated the same guy from the time I was 14 to 20. So a long, long time! He was really insecure, and he tried to pull that same crap on me. He hated anything he thought drew attention to me, and he couldn't stand for other people to pay me any attention. He would get so mad at me, like it was my fault someone wanted to look at me. His insecurities ended up ruining our relationship. He was always so afraid that one day I'd leave him for someone else, so he was always looking for the backup plan. He ended up cheating on me (after all that guilt over something I couldn't control, imagine that!), and we split up. I can say that his next GF (the one he cheated with) and his now wife (different woman) are not nearly as attractive as me, and I imagine much more suited to his insecurity level. I guess my point is, you cannot change your BF, ever. It sucks he's insecure, and it sounds like your personalities aren't very compatible. You're so young! I can't imagine you'll want to be dealing with all this drama for the rest of your life. I regret wasting so much of my young life on my ex, but you live and learn! Good luck in whatever you decide! I know it's not easy to face being single again or the dating scene, but just know it is do-able.

 

[..kels*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmariemac I am a smart almost 18 yr old and if this kind of behavior was shown in a bf I haven't been with for long than he would be out the door. But, I have been with him FOREVER and when you are with someone for that long their true side comes out. Please offer some advice ladies

I think regardless of how long you've been with him, he should be out the door for this kind of behavior. It really concerns me that he gets cranky when you perform.. guys are always going to look. And there WILL be a secure guy out there for you who understands that & will support whatever dreams you may have. Life is too short.. don't waste your time on someone you need to make excuses for!

Edit: Here's a quote for you to consider..

"...Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
-Marilyn Monroe

 

[Strawberrymold]

It doesn't matter if you 17 or 100, you can never change a person. They can chose to change themselves, but that is always a personal choice.

It becomes difficult when you have been with someone for a long time, there's always so much good mixed in the bad (and our hearts always tend to want to linger on the good) But I agree with fiestyfemme, do you really want to put up with this kind of crap forever?

It sounds like he loves you and if he can change give him the support he needs to do so, but if he can't... don't waste your youth being with someone who can't accept who you really are.

Just my two cents.

Best of luck!

 

[MaskedBeauty]

I agree with everyone! And I totally know where you are coming from.. I was with someone for a long time and I could be wearing jeans and a t-shirt and have my hair straightened and he's snap at me "why are you all dressed up!?" and one time his friend just looked at him and was like "dude, shes wearing jeans and a t-shirt!" And then he stopped. It does get annoying and I hated dealing with it. I would have a talk with him and see what he has to say about it.

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

yes, you can't change a person. you should sit down and have a real talk with him and tell him everything you feel. you are doing nothing wrong. he can't control you so tell him that. if he feels comfortable, he'll trust u, if not then he's not worth it. this will just lead to bigger issues. good luck!

 

[LMD84]

honestly i think unless you have a proper chat about it and tell him to change his ways things will just get worse. because i've been in a relationship like that and it did not end well at all

what about if you go off to different universities? how would he cope with a long distance thing if he's jealous when you're there all the time now? try and make him see that the way he is acting is not acceptable and that you won't stand for it anymore. it'll be hard because you've been together for so long but it needs to be done.

and good for you for refusing to give up your passion for him.

 

[cmariemac]

Thanks for all the advice. I will have a talk with him and if nothing changes we are done. I hope he will realize he has a great girl and his jealousy could ruin it.