Have you ever cheated?

[melliquor]

I have been married for almost six years and I love my husband very much. We do have problems in our marriage and a lot of it has to do with his personality. We argue sometimes and I am not the kind of person that argues and I hate it. He is very confrontational and argumentative... he can explode in a split second and rants and raves about stuff. I love him but the way he is drives me mad. Sometimes, I think about leaving him but I know I want to grow old with him because I love him very much. I just consider him very passionate about his beliefs. He doesn't put me down or directs his anger at me. I trust him with my life. I was in a very bad relationship before him and never thought I could ever trust anybody again but I do trust him. I know he will never cheat on me, never lie to me, or never hit me.

Anyways... there is this guy that I have sort of been flirting with the last few months. I know he likes me and is very interested even though I am married. He knows I am married... I told him one day when he asked but he still flirts and sort of suggests that he is interested.

I don't know what to do because I am seriously considering having an affair with him. I think... could I be happier with him or is there something wrong in my marriage that I am considering it. We haven't done anything or even went out yet. It is flirting and talking. I sort of feel drawn to him and I have never felt like this before except for with my husband.

I have NEVER cheated before and never thought that I was the kind of person to even consider it... but now... I don't know. I feel very confused and just feel like this is heading in the direction that I can't control. I also am trying to think like... if this guy knows that I am married and is still trying to chat me up... then what kind of guy is he? He is also younger than me... which really bothers me. I think he is around 25-28. I think he is more near 28 but that is is still 5 years younger than me. I don't like younger guys... never, ever have. This is what is running through my mind right now... trying to talk myself out of anything. I don't want to hurt my family... my husband would leave me and my daughter would hate me. I know I can stop it now but I feel like it is out of control and my mind isn't listening to me.

If you have ever had a similar experience or any words of wisdom... would be greatly appreciated.

 

[JustDivine]

You better start telling your mind who is in control.

You can't afford to lose yourself (and your family) over a young man who gets you excited cos he flashes a smile at you. Don't act like you have no-self control or are helpless to his advances. You are in control, you decide your actions, and it's down to you to make it clear that you're not interested.

He's just trying to get what he can. Do you think he cares that you're married? Is that his problem? No, it's yours, and its for you to set the standard that he will follow. By the sounds of it, he can tell that you're not exactly unwavering in the decalaration of your status as a married woman.

How would you feel if you found out your husband cheated on you???

All I'll say is, if you do this you will regret it forever. It will be a meaningless relationship and when he's done, he'll move on and you'll be left feeling guilty and lonely. He's young and free, no responsibilities or loyalty to anyone. You are married, with a child. You said it...if he knows your status and is still trying it, what kind of man is he?? Is this the kind of man you want??

Don't condemn yourself for considering it- you're married not dead. It might be strange if you never found someone else appealing. However, are your marriage vows "for better for worse, forsaking all others" really worth abandoning for some guy who......well.....is suspect IMO.

From the sounds of it, you have a great marriage. And marriage is for life. There is no perfect man, but you've got one who you "trust with your life" and who you'd "like to grow old with". We've all got things ppl don't like about us....but don't use his imperfections as a justification to get rid. You may not find someone like him.

 

[madame_morbid]

Quote:

Originally Posted by melliquor I have been married for almost six years and I love my husband very much. We do have problems in our marriage and a lot of it has to do with his personality. We argue sometimes and I am not the kind of person that argues and I hate it. He is very confrontational and argumentative... he can explode in a split second and rants and raves about stuff. I love him but the way he is drives me mad. Sometimes, I think about leaving him but I know I want to grow old with him because I love him very much. I just consider him very passionate about his beliefs. He doesn't put me down or directs his anger at me. I trust him with my life. I was in a very bad relationship before him and never thought I could ever trust anybody again but I do trust him. I know he will never cheat on me, never lie to me, or never hit me. Anyways... there is this guy that I have sort of been flirting with the last few months. I know he likes me and is very interested even though I am married. He knows I am married... I told him one day when he asked but he still flirts and sort of suggests that he is interested. I don't know what to do because I am seriously considering having an affair with him. I think... could I be happier with him or is there something wrong in my marriage that I am considering it. We haven't done anything or even went out yet. It is flirting and talking. I sort of feel drawn to him and I have never felt like this before except for with my husband. I have NEVER cheated before and never thought that I was the kind of person to even consider it... but now... I don't know. I feel very confused and just feel like this is heading in the direction that I can't control. I also am trying to think like... if this guy knows that I am married and is still trying to chat me up... then what kind of guy is he? He is also younger than me... which really bothers me. I think he is around 25-28. I think he is more near 28 but that is is still 5 years younger than me. I don't like younger guys... never, ever have. This is what is running through my mind right now... trying to talk myself out of anything. I don't want to hurt my family... my husband would leave me and my daughter would hate me. I know I can stop it now but I feel like it is out of control and my mind isn't listening to me. If you have ever had a similar experience or any words of wisdom... would be greatly appreciated.

I haven't been in this situation but I have been 'the other woman'. Being involved in any kind of secret fling can only lead to heartbreak. You need to weigh up the pro and cons of what you will gain and lose from becoming involved with this other man. I can almost guarantee that it will not be worth it. I would try talking to your husband...perhaps tell him you feel you need to seek comfort from other people because he is not giving you the right kind of attention.

 

[jbid]

i know that flirting with a stranger is soo exciting but the guilt you'll feel afterwards -and for the rest of your life- is not worth it!
i left my bf -now my husband, thank god!- over a guy that i knew for a month and ended up hating him, hating myself and the guilt i've been feeling is still unbearable. (even tho it's been 8 years!)
you're drawn to him simply because relationships get old and you get tired, but it's a phase and it'll go away.

 

[rbella]

Quote:

Originally Posted by melliquor Sometimes, I think about leaving him but I know I want to grow old with him because I love him very much.

If you cheat on him, you will lose any hope of growing old with him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by melliquor I know he likes me and is very interested even though I am married. He knows I am married...

What does this tell you about this guy's character?

Quote:

Originally Posted by melliquor if this guy knows that I am married and is still trying to chat me up... then what kind of guy is he?

Exactly!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by melliquor I don't want to hurt my family... my husband would leave me and my daughter would hate me.

What exactly do you think will happen? The only person who won't get hurt in this is the younger man who is probably just interested in an off-limits piece of ass. Sorry for sounding rude, but he is in his twenties, knows you are married and still pursuing you? I don't think so....

I understand where you are coming from. It is exciting, he makes you feel good about yourself, you look forward to seeing him more than your husband. Perhaps if you focused all the excitement and energy you are wasting on this guy and invested it back into your husband, you might be happier. I would talk to your husband, let him know you are feeling distant and that you want things to work out. There is no need to tell him about this guy right now, nothing has happened. But nip this in the bud before you completely ruin what could be a beautiful life. Marriages aren't perfect, they are all going to have bumpy roads....

EDIT to add: I'm sorry this is happening to you. Please know I'm not judging you, I just don't want you to see anything bad happen to you. {{{Hugs}}}

 

[GlossyAbby]

try and distance yourself as far as you can from him. Trust me from experience this will save you a lot of heart ache and pain in the end.

 

[M.A.C. head.]

If you've thought this far about cheating on your husband, why don't you just get a divorce? I mean, you say you love him and want to grow old with him, but is personality doesn't match yours and you fight all the time.

Love isn't always enough hon.

 

[User93]

Just IMHO you shouldnt do it, and thats a temorary passian vs the love of your life maybe. I think it would be awful to lose all you have just because of this guy. I think nothing else matters more than having your partner with you, and nothing matters more than trust you say you have. Plus, even if he wont find out the guilt would be with you always.

My long distance boyfriend kissed another girl when we were not that serious like now. And he told me it in 3 days, said he couldnt live with it and he had to tell me. I really felt guilt in his voice. Anyways, we were in an internet relationship that time so i took him back, but still it hurts me so damn bad, and still i cant trust him for 100 percent. Keep in mind we were only in an internet relationship, not married, not even really together, but that was an awful pain.

Im sorry if i sound harsh but i find cheating one of the dumbest thing ever. If you're not happy with your partner, then just leave, but if you do love him, dont risk it all. Hugs to you.

 

[makeba]

always make decisions you can live with!!! my husband is very confrontational and argumentative and i too think that its more than i can bear at times. what i have learned to do for myself is tell him to "Shut the hell up and Sit down some where" and mean it from the bottom of my soul. i hate to argue too but the rage he gets into is way to much and i hate to be tried. i have thought of the idea of cheating and actually felt sick to my stomach. so for me i wish to handle the issues i have with him the best i can and if it doesnt work after knowing i gave my all then i have to call it quits; but not result of my interest in another person becuz that could add more hell/problems. i once flirted a little to much with a guy who was fixing my bathroom, during the time me and hubby were seperated. i could talk with the guy about different things and flirt etc; but i soon began to think that he felt that i was sooo lonely and scarred that i was dying to sleep with him so i backed away becuz his advances were to strong. he in turn got mad and became a nuance and that scared me. he eventually left me alone, well after i called him everything but a child of GOD.

 

[Brittni]

I think that before you try to fix the problem with an outside source, you should try to fix the exact problem which is you & your husband, not you, your husband & this other guy, y'know? Whether that means counseling, telling him about these feelings, whatever is nessasary to get the decision of either truly wanting to be with or without him.

I don't think there is ANY justification for cheating.

 

[JustDivine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by M.A.C. head. If you've thought this far about cheating on your husband, why don't you just get a divorce? I mean, you say you love him and want to grow old with him, but is personality doesn't match yours and you fight all the time. Love isn't always enough hon.

I have real issues with this kind of advice.

Why is divorce the first option?? What happened to working out a marriage instead of running off when it gets a bit tough? Is marriage just not sacred to people anymore???

It's not a case of just get a divorce. Do you know what the effect and impact of divorce is? Divorce, like marriage is not something to be taken lightly. This is not just some hookup....this is marriage. No one said it would be perfect or easy. What about counselling, mediation, being openly honest and trying to work things out.

Every single person has their issues that will frustrate the next person. So you can divorce and go be with someone else. I guarantee you the next one will also have certain things that will drive you up the wall.

 

[M.A.C. head.]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustDivine I have real issues with this kind of advice. Why is divorce the first option?? What happened to working out a marriage instead of running off when it gets a bit tough? Is marriage just not sacred to people anymore??? It's not a case of just get a divorce. Do you know what the effect and impact of divorce is? Divorce, like marriage is not something to be taken lightly. This is not just some hookup....this is marriage. No one said it would be perfect or easy. What about counselling, mediation, being openly honest and trying to work things out. Every single person has their issues that will frustrate the next person. So you can divorce and go be with someone else. I guarantee you the next one will also have certain things that will drive you up the wall.

Divorce is AN option.

If HER first option was to try to work it out, she wouldn't be talking about cheating, now would she?

 

[hr44]

It honestly won't do any good. In the end you will end up hurting the most.
I was cheated on 2 years ago and HE was the one proposing marriage. There was nothing wrong with the relationship (except that nobody thought he was for me) but some slight distance (location wise). The moment I found out, I dropped him out of my life like he was nothing to me because that's what I felt he thought of me because of his actions.
(He wasn't good for me anyways and no one wanted me to be with him) but the pain and hurt is all the same no matter who it is. Don't do that to yourself and your family.

My uncle was cheated on by his ex-wife four years ago. She had some fling with a guy and my uncle (the soft-hearted, puppy personality type) was broken. She thought he wasn't going to do anything because he was/is too much of a nice guy. He filed divorce and now he is remarried to one of the greatest women I have ever met in my life (so glad she's my aunt!) and the woman who cheated is alone, except every other week when her two grown children visit her.
That woman is destroyed. Her son had a function and she was there and when she hugged me it was like she was trying to hold onto something that was.

You can't change the past but you most certainty can prevent future events.

Don't cheat. If you feel something is missing talk to your husband about it, don't do something you'll most likely regret for the rest of your life.

 

[rbella]

My biggest concern, Melliqour, is that you are running away from your problems with your husband. Those problems need to be addressed. At least give him, yourself and your family a fighting chance.

I guarantee that the youngin' won't be around for the long haul. It is hard to find a good man. You seem to truly believe your husband is. I can't help but think your current judgment of him is being clouded by the excitement you get over the attention you receive from this other guy.

Think back to times in your life when you had instant gratification. That's all it was-instant gratification. Not exactly the most fulfilling way to live. Perhaps you are acutely aware of your husband's annoyances because you feel you have someone else to turn to. What happens when you turn to that other person and then he is gone? Then, you've lost everything. Including your self-respect.

 

[Monica22]

Being the Other "Person in the Situation is the most hurtful thing in the world
Block the other guy, Dont even talk to the other guy if its soo tempting.. What your problly feeling is "the excitment of talking to somebody knew.. Its that same feeling you got when you frist met your husband or any other guy before him right" its just The feeling you want to feel again, And its taking controll Over you..

Once you cheat.. You will have this Guilt hang over you. dont do it..

My boyfriend Cheated on me and Iv learn to forgive him but I still remeber it.. I stilll hurt about it.. and Wont let him do anything on his own anymore... Not untill I can fully trust him agian but yet again i dont no if i will EVER fully trust again...

 

[rbella]

^^^Good advice. Keep in mind what everyone is telling you. This guy is NEW. If he does stick around, in 3 mos he'll be biting his toenails or farting during the big game, or chewing with his mouth open, or he won't open the door for you, or he will be a condescending dickhead. There are a million different things that could and will annoy you about him as well....

 

[n_c]

I can almost guarantee that if you cheat with this young guy thats it... its just sex...its not going anywhere else. If your husband finds out...omg not even worth it.

 

[JustDivine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by M.A.C. head. Divorce is AN option. If HER first option was to try to work it out, she wouldn't be talking about cheating, now would she?

I didn't say it isn't an option. I said it shouldn't be the first one.

And she's talking about cheating because the circumstance arose. Not because she went looking for a way out of a troubled marriage.

 

[Shimmer]

Lust is never worth it, just so you know. In caving to lust, what is lost...a history together and a real relationship, no matter how rocky...can't really ever be regained.

I encourage you to read The 5 Languages of Love.

Good luck.

 

[couturesista]

Basically Everyone Is Giving You The Same Advice, Talk To Your Husband! Stop Talking To This Other Guy. The More You Chit Chat To Him The Worse Your Problems Are Going To Get. If You Have Been Discussing Your Marital Problems With Him That Is The Biggest Mistake Because He Now Knows Your Weakness And Will Feed On That. If You Do Cheat This Will Not Be About Your Husband's Personality Or The Other Guy, It Will Be About You Not Talking To Your Husband. At That Point The Blame Is On You!