Have you ever written a letter to your Ex to get over a breakup?

[Half N Half]

I recently went through a breakup (about a month ago). I was seeing a guy for about a year on and off. We quit seeing each other in November and I honestly thought it was over for good. It took me a really long time to get over him. In March he called me out of the blue, and things started back up. Things really seemed to be going well, we didn't have any serious arguments. We were talking/texting almost every day and seeing each other several times a week.

Then one day I texted him, he replied. I texted him back, and he ignored me. I let it go for about a week and then called him to see what the deal was. I usually have a pretty good sense about things and something just didn't seem right. I asked him if there was something I said or did and he told me no, that he's just been busy. I asked him if that was really it. THEN he tells me he thought he might have jumped back into things with me without really thinking it through and I was basically left thinking HUH?! It didn't seem right to me, so I told him I thought he was seeing someone else and he admitted that he was!

I don't think I was ready for that answer, so I was pretty much shocked. He didn't have anything to say except "I don't know what to tell you" and "you're right, I should have told you sooner" Not once did he say he was sorry, even after I started crying. I was so caught off guard that I just had an emotional meltdown and told him he's a POS and to go F himself and that was it. The NEXT day he started posting pictures of him and this new girl on his facebook and 3 days after that someone asked him if that was his girlfriend and he said "as of today yes". I know I shouldn't have looked at his facebook because it just made the pain 10 times worse, but at the time I just couldn't help myself.

Anyway, this was a month ago. I've been trying to find ways to stop thinking about him & this new woman. I've just had her face in my head the whole time. I came across an article online that said to write your ex a letter, but of course not to send it. At first I thought this would be kind of a waste of time, but this morning I finally decided to do it, since I'm still having a hard time with feeling rejected.

So I wrote a 3 page letter, wrote everything I felt about him, all his flaws and how he made me feel. I think it kind of helped. I read over it several times and it's making me realize that maybe I'm better off without him.

Sorry for the super long post! My question is: Have any of you written a letter (that you didn't send) to your ex? Did it help you? Any other advice?

 

[LMD84]

i'm sorry you have been treated like crap by this guy. but i'm pleased that writing down how you feel in a letter to him worked. but yes, never send it! i personally have not written a letter to an ex but i have written a letter to my father which i did not send. it helped my make peace with myself as to why our relationship is like it is. i guess writing 'letters' is a way of getting things out of your system and getting some closure.

 

[JustAddSparkles]

Whoa....that story sounds oddly familiar. You weren't dating a guy named Dan are you? haha

I've written letters. A books worth of letters, I should really just have it published and make money off of what that a-hole put me through. Hang in there.

 

[liibyz]

I had a boy do almost the exact same thing. :/ awful, i tell you, awful. & Yup, I've written letters all the time. Even for family members that upset me. Helps a ton!

 

[Half N Half]

Thanks guys! No his name is not Dan, haha...seems like there are a lot of guys out there like this. I just don't understand what's so hard about ending a relationship BEFORE you jump into another one

 

[JustAddSparkles]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Half N Half Thanks guys! No his name is not Dan, haha...seems like there are a lot of guys out there like this. I just don't understand what's so hard about ending a relationship BEFORE you jump into another one

Why would they take you off the back burner before they know that the one in the front is going to boil?

Okay, worst analogy ever. But generally, guys aren't confrontational. If they can test the waters with someone that catches their fancy, they aren't going to dismiss someone who they KNOW they can have whenever they want until they know the new thing is going to work out. It's stupid, and there are guys who NEVER let go of that backup relationship regardless of their relationship status with the new girl. They're toxic, these men.

 

[cazgh]

wow - yes i have!! Mine was about 3 pages long and I didnt send it. And about a year later I was tidying up to move house and found it, re-read it through and it was amazingly theraputic as somehow I had managed to forget how bad the relationship really was and the letter reminded me of all the reasons that it just wouldn't have worked. At this point I was ready to tear up the letter - it was just a little final goodbye to re-read it. I was glad it had ended, and still wake up everyday smiling and happy ( over 4 years later) which proves those reasons were all good and worthwhile.

Sorry for your pain though - but things will get soooooo much better so hang on in there - even if you do a few sleepless nights and sad days

 

[InspiredBlue]

I haven't done it myself, but I can completely understand the cathartic function of it. Hang in there, I hope you feel better soon

 

[xFlossy]

Im so sorry that you were treated like that. I have written a letter to my ex and burnt it. It helped me to move on.

 

[tacobelle88]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xFlossy I have written a letter to my ex and burnt it. It helped me to move on.

thanks^^^^

hhrmm maybe i should try that....i feel i have the need to do so but i think its wrong or gives the wrong impression to do so.....but maybe still writing it without giving it might be just what i need to let go

 

[euphrosyne_rose]

I went what I considered to myself the low road and actually sent him a message on Myspace and put in the subject "does she know that you are a liar with no balls?" and typed out what I had to say. Even if he didn't read it (which I bet he did or just flat out deleted it), it helped me alot to be able to "say" what I needed to say since I didn't really get the chance when it happened. This was a few years back but we had started dating and to my knowledge, he wasn't seeing anyone else. After about a month, he started acting weird and doing the "I'm just tired" or "I'm just really busy at work" routine but he did keep calling and doing stuff with me but he kept pulling back. Eventually I told him that he needed to tell me if he didn't care about me the way I cared about him b/c it would be better to end it before we got too involved in it and he kept insisting I was worrying over nothing. Finally after about 7 months had rolled by, I had enough and decided I needed to tell him how I felt and that he needed to decide if he wanted to be with me or not. I felt like 7 months was more than enough time to figure out if he at least cared about me or not and he pretty much said he wasn't sure and needed time to think about it. Weeks went by and I never heard from him so I knew that was it. I happened to hear he had a new g/f a few months later and I came across her Myspace page b/c she was actually a friend of my neighbor's and long story short, he had started dating her about a month before he quit calling me and never had the guts to tell me.

Anyways, after that long ramble, I'm glad that you found and outlet for your anger, hurt and frustration and were able to do something to make things better for yourself. I finally learned after that relationship that sometimes you have to find "closure" without any help b/c you don't always get the answers you need when you need them. Keep your head up and know that better things are headed your way!

 

[xmakeupfanaticx]

I have actually written a couple letters to one person, but thankfully I never actually sent them. I think it just helps to get it out and let it go so that you can move past it. I definitely don't think you should send the letter. And if at all possible stay away from the Facebook! That is torture. I see my sister go through the same thing. It's so hard to resist the urge to look at their page, but that will never make you feel better.

 

[xFlossy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xmakeupfanaticx And if at all possible stay away from the Facebook! That is torture. I see my sister go through the same thing. It's so hard to resist the urge to look at their page, but that will never make you feel better.

Yup I agree, it's just putting extra stress on you and making you more upset than you need to be. I don't like holding onto letters because if your anything like me, you will read and re-read it over and over, mulling over what you said and what happened between you two. Which is why I believe in burning it. Once it's burnt, that's it, gone, never to be read by you or anyone else again. That in itself makes it easier to move on.

 

[Half N Half]

Thanks so much guys for all the input! I'm definitely staying away from Facebook! I've learned my lesson & there's no point in making myself feel worse. It was hard at first because he's one of my best friend's sister's best friend (that's a mouthful, lol) but I've blocked him, his new girlfriend, and anyone in between! I'm starting to feel so much better. I've been telling myself that I really don't care what's going on in his life and I think I'm actually beginning to really NOT care. I'm trying not to hold a grudge and jush wish him well. I guess it wasn't meant to be and I know there's someone better out there for me. It feels good to let it go...and I think I might have to try the whole "burning the letter" thing...it might be fun

 

[xFlossy]

Well done hun! Now slap some gorgeous red lippie on and have fun! Your mr. perfect is right around the corner.

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

awwww honey *hugs* I have not done this my self but this sounds like an excellent idea. There will be someone that will come around that will treat you like the princess that you are. Look at this experience as a gift. God Bless

 

[esmeralda89]

Damn... why are guys assholes in the first place, they get mad if we care too much, they get mad if we dont. If they cheat its no big but if we do any sort of insignificant action then were the one to blame... ughh. Your situation pisses me off because you dont deserve that and i know how it feels

. Well I have this journal two actually one that has my life in it and th other one is dedicated to my feelings of hate twoards him because hes hurt me soo bad that i hate him or just thougts about how wonderful everything was before she came along and destroyed everything because she did and he was stupid enough to let her into his life and then what? that stupidity didint work out so he came back and his pea brain dosent comprehend how much that hurt and why i cant let it go.

So yea keep a journal write him a letter and then read over it, this methood has helped me in previous situations, its like you get all the negativity out of your heart. And thinking back I told my councelor how I wished I could write a letter to that girl and tell her how much she hurt me so I think it must work both ways right?

If anyone has any advice on how to stop hating them so much for what they did I would really appreciate it

. I read praying for them for two weeks works but that hasnt helped much.

 

[blazeno.8]

I'm sorry to hear that. I have actually written a letter to myself to help me get over a break up. After feeling more detached from him, I went back and read the letter to myself and it was an assurance to me that I was headed on right track.

 

[tarnii]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blazeno.8 I'm sorry to hear that. I have actually written a letter to myself to help me get over a break up. After feeling more detached from him, I went back and read the letter to myself and it was an assurance to me that I was headed on right track.

I did this as well wrote a long and detailed letter to myself about what had gone wrong, why it had gone wrong, what I could have done differently etc and how I didn't know if I could make it through - whats wrong with me that I always choose the wrong guys. I then put this letter somewhere safe and just just got on with life.

I found the letter just recently, a couple of years after, and I tell you what - laugh

I could not believe some of what I had written. It just goes to show you what perspective a little bit of time can give you. Sometimes you are just too close to really think straight it seems

Hang in there - major jerk or not the sun will always come up tomorrow

 

[Half N Half]

Quote:

Originally Posted by esmeralda89 If anyone has any advice on how to stop hating them so much for what they did I would really appreciate it . I read praying for them for two weeks works but that hasnt helped much.

This might not be the best advice, but just try not to think about him. I woke up almost every day thinking about my guy and how much I hated him for not having basic respect for me, but you're just making yourself angry and bitter. I finally decided I have to FORCE myself to just let it go. Your anger is not affecting either of them, it's only affecting you. I know it's easier said than done but just find something to keep your mind off of the situation. In time you will move on. I've been doing a lot of reading, connecting with old friends, and really focusing on myself. I'm taking a lot better care of myself, I've lost 10 pounds (yay!) and I'm seriously staring to love life again. It's cliche, but time really does heal all wounds