HELP! My sister is being terribly abused!

[RedRibbon]

Quote:

Originally Posted by highonmac Hi Ladies, I would to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the advice you have given me. I did exaclty what all of you have said and i know i haven't replied in a while but it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. What eventually happened was I cancelled my trip told my mother and like I said she and my dad where extremely supportive. My boyfriend's parents (god sent people) came to my house and talked to my sister and my parents giving their advice and have been very supportive with providing help. His mom especially has been keeping intense contact with my sister and being the individual she can talk to when she can't really express it to myself or my parents. On Friday they called the police and he was in jail (his brother made bail) he is under house arrest and has a restrainning order against him. He has court on the fourth of august and my sister is seperated from him. the cops took pictures and got all the medical details. She is living with my family right now. We called the battered womens hotline and she got all the information. She is currently getting goverment help for money and she is going back to school and already is on her way. She is still very bruised with black eye and all but my family and my boyfriends family make her smile a lot I am so grateful because if it wasn't for you ladies, I would not know what to do nor would I know exaclty what say. We would not be the way we are today...THANKS! Just to show you. This is my sister and I. I am on the right and my sister is on my left. Thanks....this is happiest in the picture i have seen my sister. Thanls. I love you guys

Firstly

Secondly, you are both gorgeous

Thirdly, excellent news on taking action so fast and especially for your sister of not falling in the trap that "he will change". I'm glad you've taken a step in the right direction and that she has decided to go back to school and make it on her own instead of hiding away.

I wish her and the rest of your family all the best in getting over this, I'm sure having a sister as fabulous as you will make it a hell of a lot easier

 

[shadowaddict]

Thank you so much for updating us on this. I have been worried about her and praying for her all weekend. I am so glad you guys took action.

I was abused throughout my first marriage. I told my family the first time he hit me and then I never told anyone and covered up with clothes and make-up. I found out I was pregnant three months into the marriage. I was beat up 2 to 3 times a week throughout my pregnancy and after. I finally left when my son was almost six months old. It was hard to tell my parents. Although of course my daddy and brothers wanted to kill him they were very supportive. I lived with my parents for four years until I remarried to a great man and we've been married now over 22 years.

Try to keep the focus on her. Even though you want to bash him and say ugly things, she may not be ready to hear that. In her mind she will find a million ways to justify the abuse and blame herself. That's just what abusers do. They make you feel bad about yourself, turn you against your family and friends so they have you isolated. Then you feel you can't tell anyone becuase they don't understand and are just out to ruin your relationship and they don't want you to be happy. It is such a rollercoaster of emotions that she will probably go through.

You both are so pretty and I'm glad she has your support. My sister is 8 yrs older than me. Not long after that first time my sister asked me if he ever hit me again and I said no, which was such a giant lie. By that time things had gotten so much worse. Trust your gut feeling and keep telling how lovely she is and that she deserves so much better. She probably feels ugly and that nobody would ever want her because that's what they do to you.

Some of the sites listed below you are able to order some info for free and they have great info on their sites. There are stories of others who have been through this so it may help her to read about others and not fell so alone or like she's stupid. That's how I felt, just so stupid and ashamed.

Please keep us updated on how things are going. You guys will be in my thoughts and prayers


Love Is Not Abuse sponsered by Liz Claiborne
Love is Not Abuse

RAINN
RAINN | Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network | RAINN: The nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization.One of “Americaâ€s 100 Best Charities" —Worth magazine

National Domestic Violence
National Domestic Violence Hotline

 

[highonmac]

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadowaddict Thank you so much for updating us on this. I have been worried about her and praying for her all weekend. I am so glad you guys took action. I was abused throughout my first marriage. I told my family the first time he hit me and then I never told anyone and covered up with clothes and make-up. I found out I was pregnant three months into the marriage. I was beat up 2 to 3 times a week throughout my pregnancy and after. I finally left when my son was almost six months old. It was hard to tell my parents. Although of course my daddy and brothers wanted to kill him they were very supportive. I lived with my parents for four years until I remarried to a great man and we've been married now over 22 years. Try to keep the focus on her. Even though you want to bash him and say ugly things, she may not be ready to hear that. In her mind she will find a million ways to justify the abuse and blame herself. That's just what abusers do. They make you feel bad about yourself, turn you against your family and friends so they have you isolated. Then you feel you can't tell anyone becuase they don't understand and are just out to ruin your relationship and they don't want you to be happy. It is such a rollercoaster of emotions that she will probably go through. You both are so pretty and I'm glad she has your support. My sister is 8 yrs older than me. Not long after that first time my sister asked me if he ever hit me again and I said no, which was such a giant lie. By that time things had gotten so much worse. Trust your gut feeling and keep telling how lovely she is and that she deserves so much better. She probably feels ugly and that nobody would ever want her because that's what they do to you. Some of the sites listed below you are able to order some info for free and they have great info on their sites. There are stories of others who have been through this so it may help her to read about others and not fell so alone or like she's stupid. That's how I felt, just so stupid and ashamed. Please keep us updated on how things are going. You guys will be in my thoughts and prayers Love Is Not Abuse sponsered by Liz Claiborne Love is Not Abuse RAINN RAINN | Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network | RAINN: The nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization.One of “Americaâ€s 100 Best Charities" —Worth magazine National Domestic Violence National Domestic Violence Hotline

Thank your for being such a beautiful person and helping a complete stranger. your advice really means a lot. I will definitly check out the sites and I give you so much love and I am glad you are happy now. You deserve it and for you doing this for me tells me how much so many good people get treated badly!

A kiss from me to you!

I will keep updating you since its only been 3 days since the incident. We still have a lot of work ahea of us especially since his trial is next month. Hopeuflly all will go well and he doesn't decide to go after her in revenge....he is a terrible person. For him to laugh at his own wife at her weakness taunting her while he beats her badly is disgusting. I can only imaginge how angry he is right now. Love you all again.

 

[3jane]

I think it's something like... it takes a victim 7 times, on average, to leave her abuser for good. It may be difficult to understand, but the important thing is that she's away from him. Keep sticking by her, like you're doing.

 

[jungleland]

Well done, I'm really happy your sister is having the help she needs.
I really hope everything will turn up good for her.
And I concur with the other ladies, you're both gorgeous!
I'm sending good vibes towards you guys!

 

[user79]

That's great that she is safe for now, but your sister will continue to need help, I think she should visit a counselor or a support group so that she doesn't relapse and her next relationship isn't with another abusive guy. Obviously she has some self-worth issues that caused her to stay in an abusive relationship, it's important she continues to get help to end the vicious circle.

 

[Okami08]

Good for both of you! You absolutely did the right thing, and it's wonderful to know that your sister is willing to leave him and testify against him. It sounds like she has a wonderful support network, but I definitely agree with everyone who said that she should probably have counseling or therapy - abuse is incredibly damaging, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. I'm so glad to hear that you all (you, and her, and all the people who are helping her now) did the right thing, and I'm so glad, and relieved, to know that she's not with him now. He needs to be stopped, so he doesn't do this to her or anyone else.

Hugs for you and your sister - it's tough, but you're both doing the right thing!

 

[cazgh]

Sending you love from the UK - hope your sister will get through this - it sounds like she has your help and love which must really make a difference.

What an evil guy

 

[AmandDUR]

good for your sister!

 

[shadowaddict]

I also agree with other in that counseling is a really good idea. There is so much help out there these days. She could proably get free counseling. I don't think anything like this was available 25 yrs ago for me, probably not in my little town I lived in then. I would have benefited greatly from it. She is so lucky to have you. It is very is to just withdrawl into yourself. I focused on my baby son and burried my feelings which is not good either. I think counseling would have helped me a lot. But it probably would have taken a lot of little pushes and nudges to get me there at first.

So be gentle but please do encourage her to get some help. Even though she has her family it is good to talk to a trained objective person who deals with sort of thing and to talk to others going through this. She can gain a lot of strength through others in the same boat. Stay strong for each other and let her know that her strength is helping you. This will make her feel like she has a purpose, a reason other than herself. Because right now she doesn't value herself but she may stay away from him for you until she gets stronger in her resolve to stay away. I hope that made sense.

 

[jungleland]

I agree with the other ladies, she needs costant support and maybe counselling could be an answer.
I repeat myself I spoke from experience,, both of my sisters were in abusive marriages.
One divorced and now she rebuilt a life with someone else.
The other one is always on the verge of divorcing and never does so, she drives me mad!
Me and our mum are always there for her, but after a few days passes she always ready to forgive him and give him another chance!
And this situation lasts since 20 years!!!! I was a child when things were getting sour between them
Sorry i needed to vent!
But I'm really happy that your sister is pulling herself together!

 

[Kazzii-Loves-MA]

Men like that make me feel so infuriated. Hunny all you can do is be there for her, as you are. my sister is going through a horrible situation. she is going through a divorce and fighting for custody of her children. but her ex husband is making up vicious lies

. i hope things sort there selves out real soon x

 

[Dr_Girlfriend]

Quote:

Originally Posted by COBI The hospital didn't contact the police? What did your sister tell them happened? I know it's not uncommon for abused women to make up a story to cover, but surely with her injuries, she looked like someone who got the sh-t kicked out of her. I would think they (the hospital) would have notified the police at a minimum?

No kidding! At the bare minimum a social worker and a counselor.


ETA: There is absolutely NO REASON that the ER physician should have released her if her injuries were that severe. Especially with the severe concussion. In my opinion that borders on negligence or malpractice. I understand that emergency rooms are busy and chaotic but damn...

 

[User27]

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[Babylard]

im glad to hear things have worked out for you. i hope things get better for your family and i hope this is somethign that will bring your family closer together. take care.

 

[dietcokeg]

seriously just call the police and also take pics as other ppl said cuz she will probably deny it cuz shes afraid. she might hate u for it a little while but trust me her heart will be thanking u forever more.

 

[MaskedBeauty]

I think she doesn't leave him because she feels insecure. We learned about this in one of my psychology classes. That along with physical abuse there is usually mental abuse, for example how your sisters husband tells her shes fat and that no one will want her. The person usually believes it and that is why they don't leave. they feel hopeless and start thinking "what if theyre right?? what if no one will want me??". They end up thinking there is something wrong with them. Honestly ive always said that if a guy ever beat me he better hope to god he kills me because i'm gonna get back up and hit them with anything I can. If they want to act like a bitch cuz it makes them feel like a man then i'd treat them like a bitch. There is no excuse for a man to hit a woman and I have no tolerance for it. My mom was in an abusive relationship with her first husband and both of my aunts husbands had abused her. Its unacceptable. I think you should call the police whether she approves of it or not. Good luck and I hope everything works out!