MizzTropical
Well-known member
Thanks everybody...
How do you get over your first relationship?
- Thread starter MizzTropical
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gildedangel
Well-known member
First relationships are so hard to get over. I couldn't taste food for a couple of days after my first breakup; I just felt very numb, I certainly wasn't anywhere as close as invested as you seem to be. It hurts the worst the first time, after that breakups get progressively easier to deal with, although they are still hard.
I didn't get over him for over a year because we always hung out even after the breakup because our two friend groups meshed into one during our relationship. I was naive and thought that he would figure out that he wanted to be with me. It wasn't until a year later when he did figure this out, and took me out on a semi-date thing when he then again changed his mind and I ended up pushing him into a river (I think that I mentioned this in another thread awhile back). I learned a lot and grew up a lot in that moment.
I know it hurts now; but trust me when I say that it gets better. You will fall in love again; I promise.
I now have the best man that I have ever met, and I am so glad to not be with that jackass that I first dated, because in hindsight, he was (and still is) an ass even if I didn't realize it at the time.
Be sure to spend time with your friends, they can help you out a lot through this. Although sitting around and moping is very cathartic for the first couple of days, you do need to get out and go do things. You still have a whole life ahead of you to not only meet another guy, but to have fun too. See this closed door as the opening of a new door instead; it is way fun to be single! You get to flirt and meet new people and enjoy life without the obligation of being attached to someone. Enjoy it, and before you know it you will find that perfect guy. I hope that you feel better soon!
I didn't get over him for over a year because we always hung out even after the breakup because our two friend groups meshed into one during our relationship. I was naive and thought that he would figure out that he wanted to be with me. It wasn't until a year later when he did figure this out, and took me out on a semi-date thing when he then again changed his mind and I ended up pushing him into a river (I think that I mentioned this in another thread awhile back). I learned a lot and grew up a lot in that moment.
I know it hurts now; but trust me when I say that it gets better. You will fall in love again; I promise.
Be sure to spend time with your friends, they can help you out a lot through this. Although sitting around and moping is very cathartic for the first couple of days, you do need to get out and go do things. You still have a whole life ahead of you to not only meet another guy, but to have fun too. See this closed door as the opening of a new door instead; it is way fun to be single! You get to flirt and meet new people and enjoy life without the obligation of being attached to someone. Enjoy it, and before you know it you will find that perfect guy. I hope that you feel better soon!
HockeyChick04
Well-known member
I feel your pain. My first serious boyfriend; the first guy I ever said I love you with, and the guy I lost my virginity to just dumped me... on christmas day. He said I wanted to spend too much time with him and he had other priorities that were more important, as it was I saw him like once a week (not even the whole day, sometimes only like an hour or two). I feel like everything is in slow motion and I want to stop crying so bad, but I just start crying at anything. I just want to feel normal again. I'm terrified he doesn't hurt at all and that I didn't mean anything to him at all. I spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas eve with his family. I just don't understand. I'm doing pretty much the same thing you are. Still have his photo on my phone and keep checking facebook like a crazy person (probably am right now). I go from wanting to just sit down on the floor and stare at my shoes for hours to being so wound up I cant sit down, yeah i really haven't been sleeping either. I don't think you are being immature, you tried to make the relationship work, he obviously didn't. Don't know how long before the hurting stops but at least now we both know we are not the only person in the world feeling this way. I want my guy to come running back saying he made a giant mistake, but at the same time I never ever want to see him again. I want someone new too, just to prove I'm not some un-loveable monster and make me feel important.
Sorry to ramble on and take over the thread and not even give you any real advice. I just know exactly the way you feel and am glad I am not the only one who has felt like this. I'm more then happy to offer whatever help I can as an understanding shoulder. We can figure all this miserable crap out together. Us girls have to be there for one another. Good luck and as I have been told many times the last few days, this too shall pass and the people who are worth your tears shouldn't make you cry.
Sorry to ramble on and take over the thread and not even give you any real advice. I just know exactly the way you feel and am glad I am not the only one who has felt like this. I'm more then happy to offer whatever help I can as an understanding shoulder. We can figure all this miserable crap out together. Us girls have to be there for one another. Good luck and as I have been told many times the last few days, this too shall pass and the people who are worth your tears shouldn't make you cry.
MaskedBeauty
Well-known member
Yea it is VERY hard. I believe that if you really do love the person you'll never fully "get over" them. They will always have a place in your heart. I know exactly how you feel. I cried and cried for days. I couldn't eat anything. Everytime I ate, I threw up. I was so stressed and depressed I just didn't know what to do. I thought for sure I was going to marry the guy and have family and be happy, etc. But things change and people change. You just got to tell yourself that you gave it your all and did all you could do to make it work. Its his loss for sure. One day he'll realize what he lost. Its gonna take time and you're gonna cry a lot and be sad and then mad and then sad again. You'll think about it a lot and you'll even blame yourself for it. But just always remember that you did everything you can. Keep busy to keep your mind off of it and one day Mr. Right will come right to you. It's just going to take time. Hope you feel better.
claralikesguts
Well-known member
i'm currently in my first serious relationship.. i can't imagine not spending my life with him. i love him more than anything and would give up absolutely anything for him.. if we ever broke up i can't imagine how i'd handle it.
i'm absolutely no help, but i really hope you feel better. he's an asshole for taking you/your actions for granted, and it'll only take time to realize it. feel better soon
i'm absolutely no help, but i really hope you feel better. he's an asshole for taking you/your actions for granted, and it'll only take time to realize it. feel better soon
however tommorow is a new year. and maybe you can use this oppotunity to start a fresh. i won't say don't think about him again because that won't happen. but maybe delete all but one picture of him from your cell, perhaps set yoru self a new goal each day - like listen to your favourite happy song and dance around your room - it may sound silly but it could cheer you up!
think of this as a new chapter in your life. he was your learning curve. think about all teh exciting oppotunities waiting for you. lots of cute guys, maybe even go on a short break with your girlfriends. i know things seem bad now but i promise you they will get better with time.
LoveMakeup4Real
Well-known member
....................
dietcokeg
Well-known member
I just got out of a 4 year relationship over a month ago and while it hurts like hell i think its the best things thats ever happened to me! I have to say the advice offerred by the ladies her is very comforting and like they said time is the best healer. i too, the second i found out he was cheating (my friend saw him with another girl...UGH...what an asshole) i deleted all his pictures his number and everything. i still havent gotten over it and yes it still hurts but all of my time with him was worthless,e very kiss, hug, 'i love you' was a lie and thats whats helping me get over him. I wouldnt want anything to do witht he guy anoymroe and if i ever saw him again id have nothing to say to him and i seriously wish him the ebst. Ive found out that if your not bitter towards them it makes it alot easier to get over things. Although i cant see your post i truly hope everything turns out ok and that you get over him and find Mr Right in the future...
ladies remember, you have to kiss a few frogs to finally find your prince!
ladies remember, you have to kiss a few frogs to finally find your prince!
MizzTropical
Well-known member
Ughhhh so we talked the morning after I posted(he called first and I gave in and picked up), got back together, I felt a million times better, and now we wanna kill each other again today thanks to him, we stopped talking and told each other to F off again. You guys are lucky you have more strength to walk away for good then I do. FML
blazeno.8
Well-known member
I didn't really have an easy time getting rid of him. I wanted to be with him and I knew that if I had lived close enough and he had asked me, I probably would have gone back to him. Distance and putting my mind on something else (my studies) really saved me. After a while I realized that he was really someone who I didn't want to be with, he just didn't know how to respect me. I'm sure he would of if he understood, but I honestly think he just doesn't understand. I realized I was more in love with an image that I had of who I thought he was, part of who he thought he was, but not him as he really is.
Zephyra
Well-known member
I cried every day for two months after my first boyfriend dumped me (and thought I was going to die...I didn't leave my room for a week and missed school, even though I had previously been a straight-A student). It was my senior year of high school and he was a year older and had already gone out of state to college and wanted to be free to check out his other options. I had been very depressed in the months leading up to the breakup and was suicidal for a short period. It was a very dark period in my life. I enrolled in counseling and took antidepressants for a year and learned how to be happy by myself again. I've had several serious relationships in the 10 years that followed (and some not-so-serious), and some of those breakups were very painful and some meant nothing to me (and it hasn't just been the breakups of serious relationships that has thrown me for a loop).
The good news is that nothing could really scar me after that first breakup; I knew I had made it through that, and I could make it through the next one, too. The fantastic news is that I found love again, and have had a chance to really evaluate myself and my relationships through the eyes of hard-earned life experience. I am now engaged to my best friend, a guy I have known since before I even started dating that first guy who broke my heart way back when, and it feels amazing to be so in love with someone with whom I share such a strong, long-term bond. We could never have had what we do now if we both had not been kicked around by life for awhile (and had each others' shoulders to cry on periodically in the process).
I second the other posters' advice to distract yourself and to indulge yourself in things that make you feel good. This is a really tough period. I have been through a lot, but I'm not sure anything that has happened to me thus far has been as painful as that first breakup. If you can, channel the negative energy you're feeling into something that really benefits you. I owe it to one of my breakups that I finally got my act together and made and started a 3-year plan to get into graduate school. (And it doesn't hurt that I expanded my social circle as a result.)
What I always tell myself for some comfort is: As long as the two of you are not separated by death, if it is really meant to be, at some point in the future you can always find each other again and start over. While I have often wished (and sometimes still wish) that those partners who have hurt me would suffer in some horrible way to reflect the pain I felt, I have also grown to appreciate the value of allowing both of us to move on, and later, to re-establish ourselves as friends. I know a few of my exes will give me the straight truth when I need it, because the dirty laundry aired between us means that nobody has anything to hide anymore. And some of them have just moved on without me, and I'm ok with that now that time has passed.
A breakup really is a period of bereavement; take heart, if you can, that you have the ability to feel so strongly and to participate in a moment so human, and do whatever it is that you need to do to get you into through the next five minutes until the pain subsides just enough that you can think about the five minutes after that. Take care of yourself, first and foremost, and it will get better. Your suffering is not in vain. Reach out to your support network (that includes us!) for support when you need it; we will do what we can to help you through a difficult time. If you are tempted to get back together with your ex, just try to clarify for yourself whether you're doing it because you are really a good fit for each other, or because you really don't want to be feeling the craploads of pain and suffering a real breakup entails. There have definitely been times for me when I preferred the bad relationship to the painful breakup, but those periods kept me from moving forward, too.
Finally, only if all else fails, I grudgingly admit to having resorted to the quick-and-dirty breakup remedy: The rebound. It's a terrible idea and it's almost guaranteed to be a mediocre relationship, but it's one of life's most potent distractions. And hey, by the time it's over, you're that much further away from the one that really hurt, so in that sense, it works. For use in desperate circumstances only. If you can muscle through it without a rebound, that is always my first choice.
Hang in there!!!
The good news is that nothing could really scar me after that first breakup; I knew I had made it through that, and I could make it through the next one, too. The fantastic news is that I found love again, and have had a chance to really evaluate myself and my relationships through the eyes of hard-earned life experience. I am now engaged to my best friend, a guy I have known since before I even started dating that first guy who broke my heart way back when, and it feels amazing to be so in love with someone with whom I share such a strong, long-term bond. We could never have had what we do now if we both had not been kicked around by life for awhile (and had each others' shoulders to cry on periodically in the process).
I second the other posters' advice to distract yourself and to indulge yourself in things that make you feel good. This is a really tough period. I have been through a lot, but I'm not sure anything that has happened to me thus far has been as painful as that first breakup. If you can, channel the negative energy you're feeling into something that really benefits you. I owe it to one of my breakups that I finally got my act together and made and started a 3-year plan to get into graduate school. (And it doesn't hurt that I expanded my social circle as a result.)
What I always tell myself for some comfort is: As long as the two of you are not separated by death, if it is really meant to be, at some point in the future you can always find each other again and start over. While I have often wished (and sometimes still wish) that those partners who have hurt me would suffer in some horrible way to reflect the pain I felt, I have also grown to appreciate the value of allowing both of us to move on, and later, to re-establish ourselves as friends. I know a few of my exes will give me the straight truth when I need it, because the dirty laundry aired between us means that nobody has anything to hide anymore. And some of them have just moved on without me, and I'm ok with that now that time has passed.
A breakup really is a period of bereavement; take heart, if you can, that you have the ability to feel so strongly and to participate in a moment so human, and do whatever it is that you need to do to get you into through the next five minutes until the pain subsides just enough that you can think about the five minutes after that. Take care of yourself, first and foremost, and it will get better. Your suffering is not in vain. Reach out to your support network (that includes us!) for support when you need it; we will do what we can to help you through a difficult time. If you are tempted to get back together with your ex, just try to clarify for yourself whether you're doing it because you are really a good fit for each other, or because you really don't want to be feeling the craploads of pain and suffering a real breakup entails. There have definitely been times for me when I preferred the bad relationship to the painful breakup, but those periods kept me from moving forward, too.
Finally, only if all else fails, I grudgingly admit to having resorted to the quick-and-dirty breakup remedy: The rebound. It's a terrible idea and it's almost guaranteed to be a mediocre relationship, but it's one of life's most potent distractions. And hey, by the time it's over, you're that much further away from the one that really hurt, so in that sense, it works. For use in desperate circumstances only. If you can muscle through it without a rebound, that is always my first choice.
Hang in there!!!
Shanti
Well-known member
You guys make me scared shitless to give away my virginity.
My first relationship was pretty short-lived and we never got that far, but I liked him so much nonetheless. We broke up 11 months ago.
I still cry when I read old sweet messages he sent me to this day, so I can't say that I'm over it.
Knowing other guys are interested boosts the ego a bit though.
My first relationship was pretty short-lived and we never got that far, but I liked him so much nonetheless. We broke up 11 months ago.
I still cry when I read old sweet messages he sent me to this day, so I can't say that I'm over it.
Knowing other guys are interested boosts the ego a bit though.
yu.neek
Well-known member
Its really hard to get over your first real relationship. Looking at old pictures, video, and just thinking of how they used to make u feel soo special, really kills. But you should look at all the bad things too. There weren't always good times; there were plenty of bad times too. I dont think you ever completely get over it; you just learn to accept it.
Life goes on... one single person who didnt realize how special you are just isn't worth it! <3
Life goes on... one single person who didnt realize how special you are just isn't worth it! <3
Makeupaddict88
Well-known member
It's really hard. I remember I didn't go out and do anything for a really long time because everything seemed to remind me of them. Honestly, my friends and family is what helped me through. You have to keep your mind busy and do things that are fun so your not sitting around all day thinking about that person because that will just make it harder for you to get over them. Go out for a walk, go out with your friends, run errands with your parents. ANYTHING. Doing something is always better than doing nothing.
User93
Well-known member
Paramnesia
Well-known member
Hey I hope you're feeling better.
I'm currently going through a tough break up myself, it's definitely not easy. Reading all your posts has been really helpful. For the past 6-7 weeks (I think, not sure how long ago we broke up its all been a daze) I've been a complete mess, I didn't really know what happened, all of a sudden he didn't have the time for me, we had a fight and bam now we're not together. Everybody thinks I'm happier and doing so well but secretly I'm hurting as much as I did when it first happened.
I'm trying to be positive and productive. Doing good things for myself and others (I do talks on mental health and part of a youth representative group) but I've just been overwhelmingly lonely lately. My ex was my best friend and I don't really have any friends where I am. I suffer from depression and anxiety so it's been hard to make/keep friends.
Sorry to hijack the thread lol.
I'm currently going through a tough break up myself, it's definitely not easy. Reading all your posts has been really helpful. For the past 6-7 weeks (I think, not sure how long ago we broke up its all been a daze) I've been a complete mess, I didn't really know what happened, all of a sudden he didn't have the time for me, we had a fight and bam now we're not together. Everybody thinks I'm happier and doing so well but secretly I'm hurting as much as I did when it first happened.
I'm trying to be positive and productive. Doing good things for myself and others (I do talks on mental health and part of a youth representative group) but I've just been overwhelmingly lonely lately. My ex was my best friend and I don't really have any friends where I am. I suffer from depression and anxiety so it's been hard to make/keep friends.
Sorry to hijack the thread lol.
Cydonian
Well-known member
Hm... gonna skip first relationship and go into first love/who I lost my virginity to.
It was hard but I broke things off when I found out that he was dealing pot and drinking/partying (we were 16, so that was a big turn off for me... it is even now but then I was totally freaked by it). We just weren't the same people we were when we started dating. When we first liked each other, he was clean shaven and a little cutie wearing Nautica shirts and khakis. By the time it ended a year and a half later, he had long, disgusting hair, barely bathed and a goatee down to his mid neck.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with guys like that -- I dated another guy like that later on, but it was such a durastic change that I felt like I didn't know him anymore.
We went our separate ways -- I stayed single for about a year before seeing someone new... he ended up getting caught up with two girls at the same time.
6, nearly 7, years later we still chat occasionally and I get together with him for coffee whenever he is in town from school. He's grown up -- perfectly nice guy. I wish him well
It was hard but I broke things off when I found out that he was dealing pot and drinking/partying (we were 16, so that was a big turn off for me... it is even now but then I was totally freaked by it). We just weren't the same people we were when we started dating. When we first liked each other, he was clean shaven and a little cutie wearing Nautica shirts and khakis. By the time it ended a year and a half later, he had long, disgusting hair, barely bathed and a goatee down to his mid neck.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with guys like that -- I dated another guy like that later on, but it was such a durastic change that I felt like I didn't know him anymore.
We went our separate ways -- I stayed single for about a year before seeing someone new... he ended up getting caught up with two girls at the same time.
6, nearly 7, years later we still chat occasionally and I get together with him for coffee whenever he is in town from school. He's grown up -- perfectly nice guy. I wish him well
Paramnesia
Well-known member
Thanks abbyquack.
I've been trying to keep busy which has been tough lately most of my commitments seems to have gone on holidays for a month.
I guess spending easter alone hasn't been easy either, I just think about him and how this was his sons first easter (who I love too) and his sons 1st birthday is coming up.
I've been trying to keep busy which has been tough lately most of my commitments seems to have gone on holidays for a month.
I guess spending easter alone hasn't been easy either, I just think about him and how this was his sons first easter (who I love too) and his sons 1st birthday is coming up.
