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Originally Posted by AliVix1
as someone who has been cheated on and more importantly as someone who has cheated.. those do sound like some serious signs... first off if he is defensive thats bad news to start.. a significant change in grooming/showering habits is a telltale giveaway (the time i was cheating on my bf was when i was into makeup the most).. sneaky phone behavior is def a sign.. when my bf was cheating on me he made up this excuse that his phone "wasnt working right" and i did believe him for awhile bc he did have a really shitty cheap phone.. but one night he came home really hammered and admitted he was just ignoring my calls.. asshole, so id say u do have some pretty serious signs..
does he act differently around you now? (aka not as lovey, not as interested in sex) thats another HUGE sign...
shit bfs home so i gotta go but goodluck and i hope hes not cheating but please do be smart and listen to your heart/intuition!
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THIS
Now you need to get smart about this. The thought of him cheating hurts, but don't let it turn you into his doormat or an emptional disaster.You owe it to yourself to keep your head on straight. If you start crying and accusing him and sneaking around, he will clamp down and hide and destroy any evidence. If you want to find your proof, then play cool, like you don't notice a thing. He will get comfortable and let his guard down. That's when he gets lazy about hiding things and starts to make mistakes. This gives you your opportunity for proof, which can be used in a court of law if necessary. Further, typically cheaters will deny till they are blue in the face that they are cheating, unless they are confronted with indiputable evidence, like printouts of texts messages, emails etc. So getting emotional is counterproductive. You won't get him to admit anything. Give him enough rope to hang himself with.
It sounds cold, but if he is breaking his marriage vows and exposing you to STDs, you need to realize that HE is the one that is the problem, and you need to protect yourself. NOTHING you have done is an acceptable excuse for cheating. NOTHING. If he's that unhapppy, he owes you the respect of breaking it off and leaving before he starts chasing tail.
After you confront him with evidence you can decide if you want to pursue counselling or not. That's up to you. But you will never get him to admit anything without that evidence. And you will not get that evidence if you get up in his face all suspicious and accusing. Pretend you don't notice a thing. Trust me, the evidence will jump right into your hands, you don't need to do anything.
BTDT, have the t-shit, I owned him so bad he even wrote a 3000 word essay on how cheating affects others, just because I felt like it.
Don't be a victim, take control of the situation.