I am too awkward.

[revinn]

Alright, so:

After overcoming depression, I was left with some social anxiety. I have very low self esteem, so it's hard for me to pretend to be confident. I'm getting a lot better at learning to interact with people again, but people I'm interested in still make me clam up.

I'm in my second year of university; I had a few guys interested in me last year, but nothing serious ever happened. I mostly just enjoyed the single life, messed around a little, etc. Now all of my friends (like, literally 3/4 of them) have boyfriends, and while I don't feel like I need a guy to be happy, I wouldn't mind getting back into the dating scene.

So, the problem at hand: There's a really cute guy in my Intro to Lit class. He's a cute alternative boy who also happens to be really smart (at least judging by his answers in class). He sits alone at the back of the classroom, since I don't think he knows anyone in our class. I sit near the front with about 15 people I know from residence/my program. I REALLY want to talk to him, something about him really appeals to me..but I don't know how!

I'm kind of chubby, so I'm scared he'll think I'm ugly. I hang out with all gorgeous girls, so why would he even look at me? I hate that I'm so afraid to try to get to know him, but I'm not sure what I'd say even if I did talk to him. I'm a terrible flirt, and, as the title suggests, extremely awkward. WHAT DO I DO?

 

[chynegal]

i would say start sitting at the back a little more instead of the front and after a couple of days start a conversation with him even if its a friendly hi..........how many people are in ur class

 

[gildedangel]

Go talk to him! Sit in the back and strike up a conversation. The worst thing that will happen is that he won't be interested, which he won't be if he doesn't know that you exist either. If guys were interested in you last year; what makes this year any different? I know that it can be nerve-racking to talk to someone that you are interested in, but I know that you can do it! Good luck!

 

[MissCrystal]

the best thing to do is sit near him, and then randomly through the days just ask him questions or comment about the class and then in a few weeks sit next to him.

 

[revinn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chynegal i would say start sitting at the back a little more instead of the front and after a couple of days start a conversation with him even if its a friendly hi..........how many people are in ur class

About 30-40, my school has pretty small classes. Most of those students are in PR, like me.

 

[KeishaG14]

If I've never learned anything in my 36 years, it's not always how you look (although it helps to try to look your best), but dealing with weight, MOST men will date you and really like you if you exude confidence. Haven't you seen a woman who you thought was just okay looking at best, but with a seriously gorgeous guy. Makes you wonder what he sees in her. And the answer is simple - confidence!

 

[Cherrymint]

You'll never know until you try! As mentioned above the worst that could happen is that he won't be intersted...simple as that! I would have rather been rejected 1000 times than to have wondered the rest of my life "what if..." and besides, there are plenty of fish in the sea if that were to be the case. You will find the right person who will like you just the way you are even if you are a little "awkward".

I agree with these lovely people above...try to sit near him or even NEXT to him if possible so he can notice you(he might even be the one to start talking to you!)...just start a conversation about anything *not too random like:"I collect cabbage patch kids"...haha* Find a common interest like maybe the music he listens to and talk about it. Hmmm...if you chew gum or eat candy maybe ask him if he wants a piece while in class to get his attention?

Good luck!!

 

[MaskedBeauty]

I'd start sitting in the back of the class with him. Be bold, take a risk. Just sit down one day and say "Hi, i'm...". If he blows you off or is a jerk then move on cuz he wasn't worth it anyway. But chances are he'll be so blown away by your boldness and confidence that he'll start chatting with you. good luck and let us know how it goes. remember, No worries! just go for it!

 

[cherry24]

Yep have to agree with everyone else, sit down near him and say Hey, how's it going?

you're totally the one in control here, he's on his own and you've got a gang of people you can sit with if it turns out he's a complete idiot!

 

[kittykit]

Sit near him and start talking to him

Trust me, it's easier than you think it is! Good luck!

 

[MizzVivaGlam]

I have social anxiety and I'm still battling depression so I know how you feel, it's hard just to make eye contact. It took my bf a very long time to get me comfortable, I've always had bad self-esteem. I had to force myself not to run and hide like always though. You just have to pretend you have the confidence and go for it. You'll regret holding yourself back. I was nervous as hell during our first phone call even, but I knew I had to stop worrying so much and I learned to let go. Now I can talk non-stop to him lol I'm still shy around other people, but he really has helped me alot. Hopefully, that can happen for you too

 

[luvsic]

Um excuse me, are you me!?!?! You sound exactly like me

FIRST OF ALL -

Quote:

I'm kind of chubby, so I'm scared he'll think I'm ugly. I hang out with all gorgeous girls, so why would he even look at me?

REVISE THIS THINKING MISSY. If you want to start dating again, or increase your chances of getting asked out, you must own it. It's cliche but true...confidence attracts men. If you're constantly doubting yourself it shows - by the way you talk, your body language. I know we all have moments of insecurity, but telling yourself you're "not good enough" before you even try starts things off on a bad foot. So what if he's not interested? The worst thing that can happen is he flat out rejects you (gives you a weird look, ignores you, or even says something) ouch, it hurts, but it's a learning and growing experience. Be brave! At the very least you can walk away knowing that you put yourself out there instead of forever wondering what could happen.

(man I should take my own advice, there's this cute guy in my speech class who I've been eying for a while, but I don't know a non-awkward way to introduce myself, since we sit in assigned seats...)

I think that you should sit in the back with him, definitely. I have made the tragic mistake of spotting cute boys across the room and not sitting next to them on purpose because I'm shy. What comes out of it? NOTHING! Don't make the same mistake I did - just go for it! Or else there will be no other way to alert him that you exist and when the class ends you'll never know what could have happened between you and him (even if he's not interested, at least you can know you tried!)

I have the EXACT same dilemma as you - I have been away from college for a while and away from the dating scene...now that I'm back I REALLY want to get back into it. But to me it just seems like college boys are shy and awkward too! I've found that with the majority of them, if they don't have alcohol in their systems, usually won't try anything. I sit next to some boys in class and I have befriended them but I am not attracted to them. I feel comfortable talking with them though, and in return I feel like they're comfortable talking to me too. Now I have to try this with guys I am attracted to to see if it still works I think you just have to put your thoughts at ease and silence your inner critic. The only way I feel like I can put myself out there is if I talk to boys in class or in organizations, but a lot of the time boys are still shy and don't open up (and I don't think I'm horribly unattractive. I'm not even one of those pretty girls on campus everyone stares at, but I do not think I am ugly...or I hope not) I tend to leave those buggers alone if that's the case. For the guys who are receptive to me, I continue to talk to them, with flirty banter and such since I've already given them signs, I leave the ball in their court if they want to initiate anything.

I am still experimenting with this method of trying to hook boys, but I'll have to report back because it's only been the first few weeks. And I don't think guys are accustomed to just walking up to you say - if you're studying or walking to class - and just ask you out. Even in class, I've eyed cute boys, they eye me back (I know they do!), but nothing ever happens....if that's the case, you kind of have to take matters into your own hands.

GOOD LUCK!! Please tell us how it goes

PS: I want to see if this Cosmo trick works - make eye contact with him and then smile. Not a full-teeth scary or cheesy or forced smile, just a slight tilt upwards of the lips. Then look away. That should at least give him a sign. I tried this once and it failed lol. He smiled back at me but sat in a different seat (he wasn't that cute, I was just experimenting) I guess I have to keep trying though to see if it really works...(ladies, in your experience if you've tried this, does it?)

Also - don't get discouraged if he doesn't respond. I've flirted with guys before and it's failed miserably. They reacted REALLY awkwardly back to me. I've gotten better at flirting, but i'm still no expert. Once I was flirting madly with this cute guy and he would just clam up an shut up whenever I said something I thought was cute. lol, it was so embarrassing, but I just rolled my eyes and moved on. I tried the same technique on another guy the next day and he was very smiley and responsive, and even flirted back. It just depends. So if it falls flat don't give up on flirting, with the right guy there WILL be chemistry.

 

[LMD84]

i'd deffo go and sit at the back near him and try and get intpo conversation. what's the worst that could happen? he's not going topignore you because that'd be plain rude! and don't worry about the way you look! who cares if you're chubby? people like different things! i'm a big girl but i have leant to be confident - and most of the time on nights out i get more attantion than my much prettier friends. i think it's because i smile alot and look happy.

so go sit at the back wioth him, flash him your best smile and goodluck!

 

[luvsic]

PS: I don't know if this is universally true for college boys, but I find that most of them don't take action unless they're beyond wasted. And usually, that's because they want to get lucky...guys that I have talked to sober who are pretty sweet & shy become animals when drunk. I think for some of them it gives them confidence, and an excuse if they do anything they wouldn't normally do. So be wary of parties if you want to get asked on dates...a lot of the time that's where I made dates in the past, but they ended up not being quality guys.

Maybe I haven't found one who is that interested in me to pursue me sober yet :/