rnsmelody
Well-known member
my bf is leaving to iraq =(
- Thread starter rnsmelody
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CaraAmericana
Well-known member
I know it is hard for you, but it is harder on them because he has to go fight a war where hundreds have already died and I am sure he feels bad for you, leaving you back in the states. So I know most people may feel this is bad advice but other than to tell him you love him and that you will be thinking about him, don't tell him how hard it will be to go thru life without him there and how you don't think you can make it...etc. Find a support person or group for those feelings.
(I dated a military man for 1 year and he was always getting deployed all over this country, but for weeks at a time)
(I dated a military man for 1 year and he was always getting deployed all over this country, but for weeks at a time)
SparklingWaves
Well-known member
Oh, I get sad just reading this. I have been with my hubby for so long. I can't imagine being separated that long. Maybe you could have something that he wears like a piece of jewelry or a jacket to help feel that continued closeness. Love can't be separated by miles. I hope he will be back home before you know it and come home safely.
Please, give him something too to feel close to you while he is over there. He will really appreciate it more than you know when he longs to see you while he is overseas.
Please, give him something too to feel close to you while he is over there. He will really appreciate it more than you know when he longs to see you while he is overseas.
kimmy
Well-known member
i've had friends and family serve overseas...and it won't be easy, i'm not going to lie to you.
keep him in your thoughts and prayers, and like sparklingwaves said, give him a little trinket to take with him to remind him of you. this is going to be difficult for the both of you, you have to be strong for him and always let him know you'll be there when he gets home!
keep him in your thoughts and prayers, and like sparklingwaves said, give him a little trinket to take with him to remind him of you. this is going to be difficult for the both of you, you have to be strong for him and always let him know you'll be there when he gets home!
TUPRNUT
Well-known member
Wow, hon, I know this is tough. My husband left around this time last year for Iraq and came back after a 6 month tour. For me, the anticipation of his deployment was the hardest part. It was like a constant dread until the day he left for the base.
Talk as much you can right now before he leaves about expectations... what does he need from you? (letters, goodies from home) What do you need from him? (I loved emails and the ocassional letter). Also, my husband made it clear that the war had to be his focus, so he kindly asked me not to talk about too many problems at home. Our conversations/emails were about our daughter and my day to day stuff.... he loved hearing about the boring stuff at home!
Before he left, I also formed my support team... I didn't want to be involved with a bunch of strangers at the base's Family Readiness program, but I had a great group of friends and family that were my go-to people. Some days I just needed to go out to lunch with someone and talk, other times I needed help with car problems.
Something else that made me feel better was knowing that this was what he was/is trained to do. The military wants our loved ones in one piece too, and have invested hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of training and equipment to make sure that each soldier is taken care of.
If there's anything I can do or any advice I can give to you, please don't hesitate to ask. My heart goes out to you and I'll be praying!
Talk as much you can right now before he leaves about expectations... what does he need from you? (letters, goodies from home) What do you need from him? (I loved emails and the ocassional letter). Also, my husband made it clear that the war had to be his focus, so he kindly asked me not to talk about too many problems at home. Our conversations/emails were about our daughter and my day to day stuff.... he loved hearing about the boring stuff at home!
Before he left, I also formed my support team... I didn't want to be involved with a bunch of strangers at the base's Family Readiness program, but I had a great group of friends and family that were my go-to people. Some days I just needed to go out to lunch with someone and talk, other times I needed help with car problems.
Something else that made me feel better was knowing that this was what he was/is trained to do. The military wants our loved ones in one piece too, and have invested hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of training and equipment to make sure that each soldier is taken care of.
If there's anything I can do or any advice I can give to you, please don't hesitate to ask. My heart goes out to you and I'll be praying!
TUPRNUT
Well-known member
Oh, one more thing I hope you'll find encouraging - our marriage is better now than it has ever been! I attribute this to our separation during his deployment. It made us really appreciate each other, even just for simple every day things. We know that every day together is precious, and we work really hard to live this out daily.
MAC_Whore
Well-known member
Just try to enjoy the time you have with him before he leaves. After he leaves, communicate as much as possible. Remember that he may not have access to communication on a daily basis, so don't feel left out if you don't get regular letters. They have a lot on their hands over there.
Try to keep yourself occupied and utilize any family/friend support you have.
When he comes home, you guys need to give yourself time to adjust to being around each other again. It's kind of like he will be spending the next 407 days on Mars, so him coming back to the US and regular life will be an adjustment for both of you.
I wish you both the best.
Try to keep yourself occupied and utilize any family/friend support you have.
When he comes home, you guys need to give yourself time to adjust to being around each other again. It's kind of like he will be spending the next 407 days on Mars, so him coming back to the US and regular life will be an adjustment for both of you.
I wish you both the best.
*Stargazer*
Well-known member
I've done it twice. Both times while pregnant. You WILL get through it. It isn't easy but it will make you discover amazing strength within yourself. Find a hobby, set a goal, whatever you decide make sure you fill your down time.
Do you go to any military support sites? What branch is your DB?
Do you go to any military support sites? What branch is your DB?
*Stargazer*
Well-known member
I just realized this thread is several months old. I wonder how the OP is holding up?
Babylard
Well-known member
i dont have any experiences like this but i've read a lot of non-fictional stories like this.
my impressions are these:
definitely get him a special necklace or some sort of item with personal significance... so that he remembers that he has you back home and that motivates him. i've always read how these things really keep people going when things go south.
i agree with one of the posters up there. its best to keep the conversations problem free. he needs support, focus, and a mind at ease. its diffinitely a time to appreciate the simplest things in life.
best wishes to you and your husband!
my impressions are these:
definitely get him a special necklace or some sort of item with personal significance... so that he remembers that he has you back home and that motivates him. i've always read how these things really keep people going when things go south.
i agree with one of the posters up there. its best to keep the conversations problem free. he needs support, focus, and a mind at ease. its diffinitely a time to appreciate the simplest things in life.
best wishes to you and your husband!
faithhopelove24
Well-known member
You are in my prayers
I have had a brother and sister and several close friends to serve in the war. My husband and I were both in the military as well .but here's what I learned.. 1. it will be hard but to the best of your abiLity enjoy the time you have together right now. 2. Send him lots of care packages, he'll love them
3. When you do get a chance to talk while he is deployed keep the conversations fairly light-hearted, It doesn't help to be at war and still have to deal with bad things going on back home.
4. don't push him to talk about what is going on where he is, he'll open up when he is ready.
Again, My heart goes out to you.. you and your family (and His) are in my prayers
God Bless you!
4. don't push him to talk about what is going on where he is, he'll open up when he is ready.
Again, My heart goes out to you.. you and your family (and His) are in my prayers
urbanlilyfairy
Well-known member
I Know how you feel hun ..and im sorry you are going through this. My hubby was deployed to Iraq in 2004 in bagdhad ...his base was all tents ..and was constantly being hti with IUDS. ANd now he is leaving for a second time at the end of this summer.
So when I say I know how u feel ..I know hun. And the best advice I can give you ..Is be strong. Be strong for you hunny ..because even though its hard for us wives,grilfriends its even harder for our men out there. They are put in this enviorment without any of the comforts they know ...with constant fear ..its the hardest shit they will ever go through.
Its hard ..its going to be a tough long road ..and you will cry ..you will miss ...you will prob even fight over the phone or little things like ..where where u when i called ...srsly ..the stress.... is insanse.
Its gonna be hard for you ..but harder for him ..and u need to be strong for him. Keep in touch as much as possible. Send him letters everyday ..send him care packages ...get your friends/family to send him letters and packages. The guys get lonely there ....
for you ..Try and keep yourself busy. Find anew hobby ...take an extra class at school..get a part time job ...make friends..try not to dwell on the amt of time u will be apart. Just remember how wondeful it will be when u are reunited.
It sucks ..thats the simple truth. But kudos to your man for serving his country. You don't have to be for the war ..but support the troops for sure.
The first few weeks will be tough ..but once u get used to not having him around ..you will get in your rotuine and things will get easier. By the time you guys reach that half way mark ..youwill be ok ..the hardest is that anticipation last month of knowin he is coming home!
Awh man I wish I could tell you more ..but its just something you will have to endure and get through. Just surrond yourself with good people, family and friends and keep busy and it should help pass the time.
good luck to you ..and I hope your guy arrives and returns safely.
Hugs..and if you need to talk or ask anything ..feel free to pm. Im not going through this right now ..but come august i will be. Its life as a military spouse.=/
So when I say I know how u feel ..I know hun. And the best advice I can give you ..Is be strong. Be strong for you hunny ..because even though its hard for us wives,grilfriends its even harder for our men out there. They are put in this enviorment without any of the comforts they know ...with constant fear ..its the hardest shit they will ever go through.
Its hard ..its going to be a tough long road ..and you will cry ..you will miss ...you will prob even fight over the phone or little things like ..where where u when i called ...srsly ..the stress.... is insanse.
Its gonna be hard for you ..but harder for him ..and u need to be strong for him. Keep in touch as much as possible. Send him letters everyday ..send him care packages ...get your friends/family to send him letters and packages. The guys get lonely there ....
for you ..Try and keep yourself busy. Find anew hobby ...take an extra class at school..get a part time job ...make friends..try not to dwell on the amt of time u will be apart. Just remember how wondeful it will be when u are reunited.
It sucks ..thats the simple truth. But kudos to your man for serving his country. You don't have to be for the war ..but support the troops for sure.
The first few weeks will be tough ..but once u get used to not having him around ..you will get in your rotuine and things will get easier. By the time you guys reach that half way mark ..youwill be ok ..the hardest is that anticipation last month of knowin he is coming home!
Awh man I wish I could tell you more ..but its just something you will have to endure and get through. Just surrond yourself with good people, family and friends and keep busy and it should help pass the time.
good luck to you ..and I hope your guy arrives and returns safely.
Hugs..and if you need to talk or ask anything ..feel free to pm. Im not going through this right now ..but come august i will be. Its life as a military spouse.=/
xxsgtigressxx
Well-known member
my twin sister is engaged to an Iraq vet that just got out last may... basically when he was over there for 8 months, it was very hard at first. But then, she got used to it, as weird as that sounds. She got used to waiting for him, he could call her every once in a while, and believe me its worth it to stick around. Most of the guys over there (probably like 95%) are dumped or cheated on by their gfs. You need to make the desicion whether or not you're in it for the long haul. Its ok if you're not, most girls arent cut out for it because its hard. But for the few its very rewarding. You'll get through it, keep yourself busy. There are a lot of internet support groops, and a lot of reads i can suggest about what to expect when he comes back. Its hard. be strong, its been done before, and you can do it too. Surround yourself with friends, pick up a new hobby, focus on school or work, etc. Thats what she did and now they are engaged and extremely happy. It will seem to go really slowly at first, and then all the sudden it will be over. i hope that helps... i can give you a lot more advice if you need it..
CantAffordMAC
Well-known member
wow. I couldnt imagine. stick in there
Bootyliciousx
Well-known member
I am sorry you have to go through this. If my hubby or bf was in Iraq, I think everyday I would want to hear his voice to make sure he was okay. It is really hard when you love someone and they are so far away from you. And plus they are going to area where there is so much uncertainty. It just really sucks. If it helps, distance makes the heart grow founder and when he comes back you'll be attached to him like glue. I'm sorry I couldn't be much of a help. Keep your head up!
