reallyREALLY bad situation :[

[jokers_kick]

Okay wow. So basically this guy is completely attached to me. It's partially my fault. I lost my virginity to him a few weeks ago, I can't give you any reason other than the time just felt "right" for me, and I still don't regret it. Anywho, I've only had sex with him once, and actually hung out with him twice. He is constantly trying to talk to me, call me, chat with me...but I just don't like his personality and generally the way he looks/is. I know it sounds harsh, but it's the way it is, and I'm not about to ask him to change everything for me. He's gotten SOOOOO attached, and I just sort of want to cool it. I don't want a relationship with him at all, and the personality issue gets to me when I hang out with him.

So he sends me a message about a week ago saying that he's starting to tell people I'm his girlfriend EVEN THOUGH I told him bluntly before that, that I didn't want a relationship. In his words: "hey both my neighbor and his wife think yur hot and they asked me if u were my girlfriend and i sed yea. i know tht u dont want a relationship, but if ppl ask me if yur my g/f then im gonna say yes. i dont care if u dont call me yur b/f, but if u decide to go out with some other guy, let me know first, but im pretty sure u woodnt do tht without telling me" He totally disregarded my words which pissed me off.

We also were talking a few days ago, and he tells me that having sex with him was a "rookie" decision. That got me REALLY pissed. He was begging me...I mean BEGGING me the first time. I mean, I still don't regret it, but I think I should have acted in a totally different way. It's tearing me up inside because I can't be rude, mean, or blunt to him, I can't just tell him "I don't want to see you anymore." I'm losing sleep over it(its 2:30 in the morning) and I've shed tears, felt sick blah blah. It hurts sooo much because I feel sort of a tie to him because of what happened, but I don't like him in general. I would put myself through emotional and mental torture if I even tried a relationship with him. I never thought I'd be in this situation...but here I am.

 

[bAbY_cHiCkEn01]

God thats awful! Sorry, but nobody likes a clinger... Can I ask, and this is pretty damn personal... Was it his first time too? Is he popular with chicks, as in has he had gfs before etc etc? Because this guy sounds like he probably doesn't, and even though he knows how you feel, he's still holding on because you guys slept together and your obviously one hot chicky and he may be using that to "boost" hmself up there... I know you don't wanna be mean or rude or anything but you're really gonna have to make it clear otherwise I can't see him getting the point and giving you some space/leaving you alone... It's hard when you lose your virginity, even though you don't regret it, sometimes it really does change things - and people... You really need to tell him what you want, you don't need to be mean or rude, just assertive... Don't feel bad about it, because yes you did it, but no you don't regret it, but this IS his problem, you haven't led him on or made him believe in something that isn't going to happen... I would remove yourself from him because if he says stuff like he does in that message to you, thats pretty damn creepy... You don't need to be brutal even, just don't take his calls, etc etc...

Hope that makes sense and helps a lil'...

 

[inlucesco]

Just tell him what you told us, no matter how hard it is. It's the only way he's going to go away.

I hope it works out for you, that's got to be tough.

 

[jokers_kick]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cookie_monsta2504 God thats awful! Sorry, but nobody likes a clinger... Can I ask, and this is pretty damn personal... Was it his first time too? Is he popular with chicks, as in has he had gfs before etc etc? Because this guy sounds like he probably doesn't, and even though he knows how you feel, he's still holding on because you guys slept together and your obviously one hot chicky and he may be using that to "boost" hmself up there... I know you don't wanna be mean or rude or anything but you're really gonna have to make it clear otherwise I can't see him getting the point and giving you some space/leaving you alone... It's hard when you lose your virginity, even though you don't regret it, sometimes it really does change things - and people... You really need to tell him what you want, you don't need to be mean or rude, just assertive... Don't feel bad about it, because yes you did it, but no you don't regret it, but this IS his problem, you haven't led him on or made him believe in something that isn't going to happen... I would remove yourself from him because if he says stuff like he does in that message to you, thats pretty damn creepy... You don't need to be brutal even, just don't take his calls, etc etc... Hope that makes sense and helps a lil'...

No it wasn't his first time, and the weird thing is that he's not bad looking, just not my type. Ughh I'm going to have to call him today and just tell him. It's gonna suck : /

 

[blueyedlady87]

Dude, that could get to be a dangerous situation. He could turn into a bonafide stalker. An ex-boyfriend was like that to me. He seriously wouldn't let me break up with him! When I finally did, he started stalking me. I would be shopping in the mall and look over and see him watching me through the glass of the store. It was creepy. I had to be blunt and just say I'm interested. I'm sorry you have to go through that! Goodluck, and be careful!

 

[Piaqua]

I had a very similar situation with my first... if you want to talk about it, please PM me. It's really rather personal, and so I don't want the whole world to have access to it (I mean I love all you specktra girls, but you never know who is just lurking). If you don't though, that's cool. I will say however, I wish you the best of luck. This is a very hard situation, especially since you do have something special with this guy, even if the guy himself isn't special. Basically, I think you need to make it clear that while he is a good guy (even if you have to make that little bit up- it will make it less hurtful), he's just not great for you. Tell him he deserves to be with a girl that actually wants to be his girlfriend, and that you're simply not that girl. Its a hard balance, you don't want to be too mean to the guy, but you also don't want to be so nice you leave him with false hope. Make sure you are clear that you're not interested, and won't be. If after all that he still doesn't get it, be as aggressive as you need to be. You should not have to worry about this guy, and you should do whatever you need to to ensure you're happy, and safe (in case he gets even more stalker-like).

 

[Janice]

If you're "nice" about it he won't get it. Period. Men who really WANT something won't understand anything but complete brutal honesty.

Of course intimacy complicates things. If you keep contact with him he's always going to think you two are an 'item' if if you're never physical with him again.

 

[lovejam]

He sounds like a jerk, not taking your words seriously.

I agree with Janice. Guys who want something from you (sex, a relationship, etc.) will seriously not give up if you're nice about rejecting them. Sometimes, you've gotta be downright cruel for them to get the message. You've tried being nice, and he didn't stop. The only solution is to give him a piece of your mind, and then cut him off. Let him know he doesn't even have a chance at friendship with you after the crap he's pulled.

I know it sounds harsh, but in my experience, that's usually the only way to get them to back off.

 

[mel0622]

that sucks. but you should really tell him how u feel. communication is MAD important in a relationship even if u dont want him at all. thats so weird that its not his first time but he's hella attached to you, normally its ur 1st ur seriously attached to. hope things go well. "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" i found that out in late '04.