Relationship blahs

[GreekChick]

deleted

 

[macface]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years and I think it happends to every couple after so long.when we first got together we were all over each other within time alot of stuff change.sit down and talk to him and tell him what bothers you remember you can not change him he has to do it for himself he has to want it to.tell him what you feel.good luck

 

[kaliraksha]

Been there! Every word you were saying was like reading out of a journal page in the past of mine. Seriously, what I realized is that after all of that fades (and it does, but dont fret there are ways you can bring it back) all you have is each other and love. Being with someone that long is learning to be yourself but just with someone else. I know that sounds like terrible advice, but it's true for me. I did have to sit and talk to my boyfriend explain what I was missing from it and how I love the comfort but I want some of the other stuff. We have to try harder... sometimes I dress up for him for no reason, sometimes he brings home flowers... then the sparks fly... sometimes we make it a point to take 2-3 hours out of the night to "make love". It can still be done, don't give up!

 

[bAbY_cHiCkEn01]

Seriously hon just CHILL! Most relationships do this, I've even thought myself that "OMG he wants out" coz it wasn't so "lovey dovey"... BUT its obviously not true, he's trying to connect with you by giving you lil' smooches and hugging you all the time, the fact he can fart in front of you is a feeling of trust, that he trusts you and that hes comfortable around you and feels like he can be himself. All guys fart, burp and scratch their butt etc etc, they're guys, I'm sure there are "repulsive" and some not so nice things you do that he thinks is gross, but they're your quirks, like he has his. Again, thats the same with the "penguin" remark, it isn't offensive and shouldn't be taken that way, it sounds like he's using it just as a "pet name" for you, and who doesn't think penguins aren't gorgeous/cute? Penguins are *squishable*.
And ya know what, I gained weight within a year of being in my relationship (and I'm actually the heaviest I've ever weighed) but thats because I'm so content and happy with who I am, that I don't have the pressure to be thin, blonde, leggy and gorgeous or whatever.
You say you want the spark back but you admit to being lazy, he would LOVE it and get so heated if one night you treated him to a sexy massage with lingerie on or something, seriously...
Its simple but if you haven't done anything like that recently, it'll be unexpected. To stop the rowing I'd just give him a kiss as soon as he opens him mouth to shut him up. Then he might want more kisses and the flow on effect... more luvvin' honny!

 

[shootergirlnc]

I agree with everyone who says all relationships go through this. I'm only 22, but I've been married since I was 18. We were all hot and heavy in the beginning, but it just faded. We joke about it now. Our relationship has been tested many times. He's a marine, and has been to Iraq 2 times already, and is getting ready to leave next year. He even missed our daughter being born because he was over there. It was when he was gone that I realized how much I missed those farts and stupid nicknames. He does this because he's comfortable around you and can let his guard down. Just like you're comfortable around him, so you don't feel the need to get all dolled up when you're around him. And believe me, everyone gains weight during relationships. My hubby has gained weight since we've been married! Don't stress it. He still loves you for you, just like I still love my hubby. The way you look doesn't change his love for you. This phase will pass, and everything will be fine.

 

[giz2000]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreekChick I recently read an article describing the different stages a relationship goes through, once the initial passion has faded away. It got me thinking how my one year relationship has been in this comfort plateau for the past few months. Now it's nice and sweet and everything, but I want out!!!!!!!!! (of this phase I mean, not the relationship itself) At first it was super intense: we couldn't stop looking at eachother, needed to be around eachother, had to touch eachother, always longed to hear eachothers voices, etc etc... Now this phase lasted for 2 years almost (and 6 months into the relationship)...It's like we would be in a room full of ppl, and we couldn't stop looking at eachother...The sparks were flying like crazy! Anyways, so its been 4 months now and I feel like with every passing day, almost all of that has been fading away...For God's sake, the guy farts in front of me now!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!! Ok it's funny in the beginning but after a while its like stop killing me with your fumes!!!!!!! Am I suppose to find that sexy??? Lol it's not only from him, it's me too....It's almost like I don't feel like putting effort anymore, I have gained soooooooo much weight recently its crazy, I sometimes don't fix myself, etc...He doesn't respond in a negative way, he's more like "Awww you're so cute!!!! You're my little penguin!!!! With your little belly and everything...!!!" I DON"T WANT TO BE YOUR PENGUIN!!!! Ok from time to time, I don't mind being cute, but I feel like i've lost all seduction, etc, haha...He likes giving me little kisses, holding me..I mean its cute, puppies and kitties style, but my god, what has happened to the spark?? The "Oh my god I want you so bad right now!!!!!!!" kind of thing!! Ah bring it back!!!!!!!! It's not only that, our fights have been multiplying....we're both irritated from the slightest thing...example: me:"let's go see this movie" him:"No, that one instead" me:"but its the second time you choose" him:"what do u mean it's the second time I choose, why are you always criticizing me?? you used to love me so much.etc etc" me:"rolls eyes" him:"did you just roll your eyes???" *Begining of chaos* I really think its all a mathematical equation: the sparks left slowly....it kept us from fighting....the more it fades, the more we fight...and the more we fight, the more there's resentment, accompanied by doubts, accompanied by less and less spark...It's like a vicious cycle. Now I know it's normal, and I know it happens to every relationship, but I feel like if we somehow don't gain some of this back, we will be heading for a breakup....I want him to want me like he used to you know, to miss me all the time...and me too....There are days where I feel like "Oh my god not you again.." If this has happened to you, what did you do about it? I know it's not about losing feelings, but it's not like we're really feeding them either....it's more like a steady "I don't care if you see me vomit" type of thing....and I hate it!!!

Actually, it's a good thing that you're so comfortable with each other that he farts in front of you and all that stuff...this is the phase in a relationship where you see the "real" him, and he sees the "real" you. Of course, it's always good to maintain some mystery in the relationship...you don't want him to see EVERYTHING, do you???

 

[ms_bloom]

I'm in no way an expert (I'm a psychology student and have done relationship courses but my specialty will soon be organisational psychology) but I think one of the keys to getting the spark back is to look after yourself first. Take care of yourself, whatever this means for you. For me this means immaculate grooming, pampering myself, and gorgeous lingerie for me, not just for him. It shows how much you value yourself, and raises the bar for him (in how he treats you and how he looks after himself). I also think you'll probably need to be the one to kick start the "rekindling." Not just because he's the guy and they're less focused on stuff like that, but because if everyone waited for the other person to start first, nothing would ever change! If you can afford it, a romantic/naughty weekend away is a perfect relationship reboot, away from everyday stresses, annoyances, and chores.

Some good resources:
http://www.wikihow.com/Maintain-Romance - I came across this accidentally (serendipitously?) after reading your post (I was looking for help on maintaining my PC); it has some good, basic, but often overlooked advice.

http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com/ - this guy is a marriage counsellor and he's good; I have his ebook (which my BF is also reading

), he also has free articles and a free ezine (which has excerpts from his ebook). He has also given me email counselling for free.

Good luck!

 

[kaliraksha]

Do one of those rekindle books together? My boyfriend and I bought like a pre prepared scrap book... you each have to fill out pages individually and then compare each others notes... like how you met... what you were each wearing on first date.... where you went on date... first time you knew you loved each other, etc.

Also, we bought this cheap corny 1001 romantic things to do.... and like twice a month we go through it and pick something random together to just go do.

Do date night! Get ready at a friends and have him pick you up... or it's even sexier getting ready together.

Have fun with it... this is a time that you can have the best of both worlds... comfort and all the sexiness.