_tiffany
Well-known member
So...how much of a tolerance should I have for my boyfriend's "exes" (and by "ex", I mean more of ex-flings than ex-actual-girlfriends) being around?
A little back-story, if necessary:
I've known him for six years, we've been off and on for most of the time but I'd say we've been good for a year or two now and live together. He cheated on me six years ago, I'd say about three weeks after he "asked me out" - he was 18 and I was 20. He's apologized for it and says that he's grown since then. I think I've gotten better at forgiving him for that and believing that he wouldn't do it again. I know that during our off and on period he would talk to other girls when we weren't seeing each other and these girls are girls that he shares mutual friends with so a lot of them are still around. I mainly see the girls if we go to parties.
I never really got along well with any of the girls he knows because I don't have anything in common with them, so I was never friends with any of them but I always tried to be polite. Recently, he asked if one of his friends could come over but the friend was with his girlfriend and another girl, who we'll call Sally and who I know my boyfriend has had sex with. My boyfriend asked if I wanted Sally at my house and I said no. It makes me mad that he even asked me because he knows I don't want to see Sally or any of the other girls and I really don't want them in my house. I told him that and he said that I just need to let it go like other people do and that I shouldn't hold grudges because they're pointless. I tried to explain that I feel like it's disrespectful to me but he just kept saying "let it go". I thought about it and I don't think I hold grudges against the girls, it's more against him and the girls are just reminders of what he did in the past. Which brings me back to my original question: how much of a tolerance should I have for exes being around? I really can't stand it, I hate seeing the girls and if they're around I most likely will have a bad time. I don't know if I'm overreacting and need to calm it down or if the way I feel is acceptable. Ugh.
A little back-story, if necessary:
I've known him for six years, we've been off and on for most of the time but I'd say we've been good for a year or two now and live together. He cheated on me six years ago, I'd say about three weeks after he "asked me out" - he was 18 and I was 20. He's apologized for it and says that he's grown since then. I think I've gotten better at forgiving him for that and believing that he wouldn't do it again. I know that during our off and on period he would talk to other girls when we weren't seeing each other and these girls are girls that he shares mutual friends with so a lot of them are still around. I mainly see the girls if we go to parties.
I never really got along well with any of the girls he knows because I don't have anything in common with them, so I was never friends with any of them but I always tried to be polite. Recently, he asked if one of his friends could come over but the friend was with his girlfriend and another girl, who we'll call Sally and who I know my boyfriend has had sex with. My boyfriend asked if I wanted Sally at my house and I said no. It makes me mad that he even asked me because he knows I don't want to see Sally or any of the other girls and I really don't want them in my house. I told him that and he said that I just need to let it go like other people do and that I shouldn't hold grudges because they're pointless. I tried to explain that I feel like it's disrespectful to me but he just kept saying "let it go". I thought about it and I don't think I hold grudges against the girls, it's more against him and the girls are just reminders of what he did in the past. Which brings me back to my original question: how much of a tolerance should I have for exes being around? I really can't stand it, I hate seeing the girls and if they're around I most likely will have a bad time. I don't know if I'm overreacting and need to calm it down or if the way I feel is acceptable. Ugh.