Venting ...

[sitasati]

Right now, I just want to dig a hole and hide in there for the rest of my life. I'm really mentally and emotionally tired. I feel very ugly and fat. I feel like I've not accomplished anything in life and I just feel very angry at myself right now. I want to lose weight so badly but I keep giving up after every so called "diet" or attempt to eat healthy. I feel like I shouldn't even be spending money buying makeup because I'm too ugly to wear it. Makeup is only for pretty girls, not me.

I have this image of this girl who is curvy yet in shape ..who wears sexy yet sophisticated clothes but that girl is not me. I want to be her. I want to feel like her. I know a lot of men don't prefer to be with girls who are overweight. I think this is why I feel so hurt right now because I'm lonely. I haven't been in a relationship since my last one ended 3 years ago. I don't need a man to validate me but I want to feel loved. I'm tired of hearing other women brag about their boyfriends..and how much drama they have in their lives but they are happy, and guess what? those women are skinny. Atleast skinnier than me.

There was this guy I vented about couple of months ago, I feel like he didn't like me either cause im overweight and ugly. Does that happen to a lot of women? Rejection makes you feel ugly and not worthy of love? That's how I feel right now. He is out with some girl right now..probably gettin' laid. That bothers me, I've still not let go of how I feel about him. I think that's because of my low self esteem. I don't know how to get over this self image of me. It just sucks. My life sucks right now. Work sucks even worse than anything else right now.

I don't even like going to MAC anymore. The MA's there look so pretty and so skinny and everytime I go to the mall it hurts me..cause' I wanna be that girl walking around the mall with my boots and jeans and fitted tees on.

You know I've also felt like I give so much of myself as a person to my family and friends. I care for them and I do things for them but I never get any of it back. I just don't wanna care anymore. I don't wanna be the nice one anymore.

 

[bAbY_cHiCkEn01]

Happiness has NOTHING to do with weight loss. You could be 150kg and somebody will still love you, trust me. Diets never work either, let me guess, after eating so much "healthy, diet" food you binge on "junk". Thats because you have to balance it out. Eat healthy, but also eat junk, just in small amounts and not so often. You're still getting that satisfaction, but not feeling "bad" because you've done a food sin. Skinny people are not always happpier and the be all of everything. Hell I used to be skinny, and since I've put on about 7 kg, this is the happiest I've ever been, especially with my weight. and no I was NEVER anorexic.
No offense either, but that crush has probably been "turned off" you, not because of your weiht but because you see yourself as such a lowly person. You have to realise you are beautiful no matter what weight you are, whose hanging off your arm, what you wear or anything superficial like that. Yes those things feel great and so fantastic but you should concentrate on your inner you and your confidence before trying to be the part. Once you have self confidence, you WILL be the part if that makes sense. And not to offend anyone here, but why do the "pretty" girls wear makeup? To make them PRETTIER! Otherwise they probably wouldn't wear makeup (or not as much). Make up enchnces what you already have, so you need to focus on your best feature/s and play them up to the max! and if its something you like, then you should NEVER give it up!

Just my 2 cents worth...

 

[MACATTAK]

The way you feel inside is what you are projecting on the outside, and that's a turnoff. YOU have to believe that you are worth it, and worthy of happiness. Nobody can lose weight for you, or make you happy...you have to do that for yourself, but you have to be ready for that. That comes from within. I know it's easier said then done, but it's really up to you how you want your life to be. You need to "show up" for yourself.

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

Yeah what the ladies above said. To be honest if said blokes that you chase will only go out with the skinny chicks, would you really want to go out with a guy that shallow? maybe it's time to start chasing different blokes. And yes you do have to get your mind in order before you can let someone in. You wouldn't let anone into a messy house would you?

Being skinny is not what it's cracked up to be. Trying to stay like that is just like being in a little prison in your mind. Beleive me when I say you do not want to go there. I'm just over 10stone now and I'm way happier than when I was 8stone. And I feel better. I'm in my natural shape that I was supposed to be rather than looking like a stick. Be proud of who you are and what you got because no one else has got the same bits. Someone will love you no matter how big or small you are but you got to at least be comfortable with yourself. Noting is as sexy as confidence. How are bones showing through remotely attractive?

Be proud to be you. Think of all the positive things in your life and don't compare yourself to other people coz they ain't you! So you can either wallow or make changes and make things better. Up to you.

As for diets, they are bullshit. as long as you are getting the right balance of foods and eating healthy and getting regular exercise then thats all you need.

 

[elegant-one]

" You know I've also felt like I give so much of myself as a person to my family and friends. I care for them and I do things for them but I never get any of it back. I just don't wanna care anymore. I don't wanna be the nice one anymore."

Awe...I empathize with you...that's been me my whole life. Then, I decided at middle age that I was going to focus more on my life and what I needed for myself...not everyone else. Best decision I ever made. Not that I became selfish, it became a matter of refocusing priorities. I'm much happier now!!!

On the lighter side...I don't know one man who thinks that Paris Hilton, or any other of those bag of bones are sexy!!!

On the diet...I have had success with just changing a couple things that has helped me with extra weight:
1) No more cereal/milk - I eat a banana & some whole Almonds (they curb hunger)
2) I do just a few specific very simple exercises for my target problem areas everyday

Thats it - and it works waaay better than dieting.

 

[cami101]

Stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on you. Are you happy with your diet and exercise plan? Does your doctor say your weight is healthy? If so, forget about it!

 

[Edie]

When I read this I thought I was me writing this a few years back!

I had the same thoughts: Im ugly, overweight and unlovable! I tried losing weight and failed because It was hard and I'd get even more depressed and so therefore would eat more!

I wouldn't want to go out with my stick thin friends because I felt uncomfortable. I would wear long sleeves and pants in summer to cover up my arms and legs.

When groups of guys would walk past me laughing I would just assume that they were laughing at me! (How warped is that)

AND THE MAC THING! I think that now! haha. Your so not alone there! Especially when my boyfriend (bless his ignorant soul) tells me that makeup makes me look ugly! haha. I tell him to kiss my ass now but a couple of years ago, I would have hidden in my room with two block of chocolate and all my makeup on the bin!

Fact was I had absolutley NO SELF ESTEEM. That destroys your soul!

I tried every diet: The soup diet, the starvation diet, the only coffee diet, the only fruit diet, the shake diet, the vegies only diet, the one meal a day diet, the atkins: they all lead to the same conclusion, they were a DIET NOT A LIFESTYLE! (Do i really want to have shakes for the rest of my life)!

So after I had a complete breakdown I hauled my ass to Weight Watchers. (not sure if you have that whereever you are? - im a little unworldly like that) It was a slow process. I gave up here and there but got myself back on it. At one point I was determined to kill every last person in my house for a piece of chocolate! (I tried to eliminate chocolate even thought they tell you NOT to do things like that - I caved and allowed myself it but fit it around what I ate that day).

Oh and if excersise freaks you out as much as it did me! Just start small. Walk around your block, up and down your stairs a few times, Hell do what I did, go into your room, blast the music and dance like a crazy person for 20 minutes with shampoo bottle microphone as well! (GREAT WORKOUT!)

I got to my goal weight after a year and a half and have more or less stuck by it ever since. It was easy to follow and motivational and THAT kept me going.

It can be pricey but can you really put a price on your happiness? I think I ended up saving because I spent less on WW than I did on take away meals everyweek. Oh and in case your wondering I still have My Big Mac at McDonalds, but maybe once a month instead of once (or twice) a week. (McDonals Salads PLEASE! Give me the MAC)

In the meantime (because being skinny can seem SO very far away) i offer you one of my stories that I never told anyone because I was too ashamed to admit that I felt fat and ugly:

In the height of my depression I went to a BBQ. I felt like the elephant in the room. Literally. I had a friend come up to me at the end of the night when everyone left and said "Sam really likes you. He thinks your the most gorgeous looking thing he has ever seen". I think I almost died. If she hadn't of told me this, I would never have known and would keep thinking till this day that everyone in that room thought of my as the ugly fat chick. WHY? Because thats what I was telling myself. Not anyone else.

So before you do anything I ask that you assess yourself and tell yourself that you are NOT what you just wrote down. Your in a rut (a big one like I was) but you can either stay there feeling depressed and like crap OR you can DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! As for guys. Try not to even think about them, think about looking after yourself and pleasing yourself. (I remember thinking that I was going to be a single virgin for the rest of my life!)

because darling life is too short to be unhappy especially when it IS A FACT THAT EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL!

Ok enough of my preaching! Sorry its so long, its just that I know EXACTLY HOW YOUR FEELING! I know that everyone on this forum (including me) want to help. Always here if you need help

 

[NutMeg]

Sweetie, listen to everything Edie just said. That's some awesome advice. Try to tell the voice in your head to shut up when you start tearing yourself down. Think about it, would you want a friend who is as mean to you as you are to yourself?

 

[SparklingWaves]

Hon, I have felt ugly all my life and I was thin. It is really how you feel inside. I went to a meeting of all women. All of us had been abused as kids. I heard some say it was, because they were big busted and some say because they were over weight. Others thought it was, because they wore size A bra. It really got to me that it wasn't us. It was the perpetrator. How we looked had nothing to do with it.

I am still carrying a lot of baggage. It's very painful to carry all that stuff that's really not yours.

I want to share this with you. There is that verse that says our body is a temple. That never made sense to me till I went to the church in the French Quarter. I felt like I was in a sacred place. Then, I realized what that means with our bodies. Within our bodies is a sacred place like that, it is just that special. Our eyes are like crystals that see for this temple of ours and our ears have the power to listen to sounds that can move us to tears or enrage us.

No matter what you believe on the outside. Within you is this magnificicient self operating device that takes in deep breaths, eats delicicous tastes, and smells all sorts of things. Your feet have travel many miles to this point today. Continue your walk with your head held higher knowing that you have a special treasure within you that is all your own. You are special. You are a unique gem. There is no one else in the world like you. You are beautiful all the way down to your breath.

Honor yourself an appreciate you have a sacred ground deep within at all times.

 

[sitasati]

Thank you everyone with all your advice. I 'm determined to lose some weight and get rid of everything and everyone in my life that puts me down or is causing negative thoughts/energy. Since my post I've stopped speaking to this guy. Im trying to eat healthie and im enjoying all my mac hehe...thank you so much ..I really do appreciate all the advice and concern. Muahz!

 

[NutMeg]

Good to hear that you're being more positive! Good luck with making your life the life you want to have.

 

[PMBG83]

Girll please let me tell ya a little something . When these chicks have to brag about their looser(well to me anyway) b/fs its b/c theyre trying to convince themselves that their releationships are all that, and 9(well more like 10 ) times out of 10 the relationships arent at all!. So just a red flag to you babe keep an eye/ear out for when they start talking all that "were so happy mess". I use to be like you thinking they had "it all". Lives are very different than what you see in person.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

I've been exactly where you are. I always felt so ugly and dumb and awkward and worthless. I was always nice and giving, but never got anything in return. I was always made fun of and called ugly, and never had a boy to care about me. I think personaly it was just a depression phase, but I understand everything you're feeling. I've felt the same exact way.

All i can say is focus on yourself and love yourself no matter what. You're beautiful, you're a good person, and things will get better in time. When you focus on yourself and try to just be the best person you can be, i think that you will start to get happier and realize how great you are. Things will start to look up. You will find love eventually, but for now, love yourself. Good luck girl. You can always PM me if you want to talk.

 

[tabou82]

It can be hard to learn to love yourself and have positive self-esteem in a society that is based on flawess beauty, flamboyant wealth and super skinny ideals. As a woman of color, I really have to be resilient because there are so few representations of myself in the media unless you are Beyonce. I have issues with my weight but I really believe that these issues stem from comments my father would make to me as a child. My mother is overweight and he would always say that if I didn't stop eating than I would be like her and no man wants a fat woman (of course they weren't together). This stuck with me all thru highschool, college and even now post-baby. If I felt a bulge in my tummy, I would immediately enter crash diet mode. It can be hard when people close to us make comments like that, especially to children, which is why I try very hard not to break my son's spirit even he's only two. I have taken it upon myself to intergrate feminist ideals into my parenting skills. I have always felt that a lot of the problems that women have i.e. low self-esteem about body image, have been dictated to us by men! Everything around us basically places women in the rear of a man, just look at biblical scripture for a prime example. My advice to you is to turn off the T.V. because that's not reality...none of it is real...not even the news sometimes. I've soul-searched for so long, just trying to find my place...y'know we all feel unpretty at times but what I did was eliminated all negative energy i.e. some hip hop music, t.v., magazines that don't celebrate diversity and replaced them with things that made it ok to be me, to be Black, to be a woman. And that's what you have to do, think critically about all the things that your feed your brain and ask the question why. Why are you surrounding yourself with negativity?..whether it is a friend, music, mags, cable, whatever... Slowly but surely, you will grow stronger and then you can look at all those things that make us hate ourselves and shake your head because you've found the goodness of life.

As for that guy, well... some of them are just ignorant and immature. I really wanted my ex to give us another chance but he chose to be with someone else. I felt rejected in so many ways! I became the ultimate green-eyed monster!!! I laid in bed and cried, I basically tried to make him see that I was the real thing. Sadly, he never saw the light (lol)! It took time but I slowly began to find my way back to the center of who I was. I don't hate him anymore (lol) but I feel sorry for him so many ways. His entire way of thinking is convoluted but that's another story for another time. He's not the one and although I wanted him to be it was not the will of God and believe me She knows best!

Personally, I want to go to lawschool but I'm a single mom that has a full-time job and I don't really have the extra time to study for the LSAT. When I read forums about kids scoring 170 on the lsat, I get totally bombed out because I'm not really comfortable with taking standardized tests and I don't think that they are precise indicator of how well someone will do in the future. Nevertheless, I have to take it in order to go to law school (my first choice is Tulane!!!). It can be daunting to just sit down and go over logic games but I have to be determined and stay committed to my dreams and goals. Pray for me!!!

Now, as for dieting and excercise...I've found the Fat Smash Diet to be really good if you stick with it! BUT first you need to get yourself right on the inside because that's the only way your mental is going to be strong enough to stick with a diet/excercise plan. If you're mentally strong and emotionally strong then you can do whatever the hell you want to!!!