Goat Goat Etc.
Well-known member
Ugh I just commented on a FB friend's post. She just asked, " What exactly is a "friend" and is it something that need constant evaluation?"
I said, " Yes, it needs tons of evaluation all the time. A friend definitely doesn't use you at convenience, they give you constructive criticism and don't relish going in on you to feel good about themselves, they seek your advice, they give you their time, you have things in common you like, and they know you are not their therapist. Oh and they can sincerely be happy for you!"
Then added my own personal rant in there saying, "Oh and let me add, if you ever bring up an issue between you and a friend, they have a moment of introspection rather than withhold their friendship like a petty child. A former friend of mine was quite passive aggressive when I told her I didn't appreciate her telling me I didn't understand culture or people because I wasn't from LA like she was. She was always bashing Texas and generalizing everyone around her and that included me sometimes. So it finally came to a head where I had to say I felt like her comments were projected at me at times and that she shouldn't have those feelings toward me. Well rather then be genuinely apologetic and have introspection, she sent me a auto response apology that a business would send anyone and never spoke to me again. So she informed me with her actions, that she thinks withholding her friendship is more important than continuing ours. She wanted to punish me there by saying that she was more valuable and needed to control the friendship. So yeah, queen bee friends that need to be infallible are NOT friends. Someone who needs you to apologize to them and be the bigger person when the scale tips in their direction is NOT a friend."
I honestly want to sit and think about this question the more and more as time goes on. I do wish I could be friends with that other person but it's like a switch went off and them and they're defensive. I just don't want to be controlled or belittled in a friendship.
Thoughts? Personal Observations on the subject?
What is a friend to you?
I said, " Yes, it needs tons of evaluation all the time. A friend definitely doesn't use you at convenience, they give you constructive criticism and don't relish going in on you to feel good about themselves, they seek your advice, they give you their time, you have things in common you like, and they know you are not their therapist. Oh and they can sincerely be happy for you!"
Then added my own personal rant in there saying, "Oh and let me add, if you ever bring up an issue between you and a friend, they have a moment of introspection rather than withhold their friendship like a petty child. A former friend of mine was quite passive aggressive when I told her I didn't appreciate her telling me I didn't understand culture or people because I wasn't from LA like she was. She was always bashing Texas and generalizing everyone around her and that included me sometimes. So it finally came to a head where I had to say I felt like her comments were projected at me at times and that she shouldn't have those feelings toward me. Well rather then be genuinely apologetic and have introspection, she sent me a auto response apology that a business would send anyone and never spoke to me again. So she informed me with her actions, that she thinks withholding her friendship is more important than continuing ours. She wanted to punish me there by saying that she was more valuable and needed to control the friendship. So yeah, queen bee friends that need to be infallible are NOT friends. Someone who needs you to apologize to them and be the bigger person when the scale tips in their direction is NOT a friend."
I honestly want to sit and think about this question the more and more as time goes on. I do wish I could be friends with that other person but it's like a switch went off and them and they're defensive. I just don't want to be controlled or belittled in a friendship.
Thoughts? Personal Observations on the subject?
What is a friend to you?
