What would you do in this situation...?

[westindiesangel]

Hey guys. Well it's been a little over a month since I moved out and rented a place. I moved around May 7. No computer access, that's why I didn't post back! Thanks again for all your advice and support!

Things have been amazing, like a dream! At first my mom was very angry and hurt and obviously couldn't come to grips with things, but she has turned around amazingly. We met up the other day and she said that what she wants with me is to have a great friendship between us, where I can tell her anything. She said she won't force religion on me anymore, although she hopes I find my way back to Islam. And she admits she was really controlling and will let me be an adult and myself from now on, even if she disagrees. It's really amazing on how much things have changed... I'm really elated and do plan on coming back home after another month or two.

 

[iadoremac]

Quote:

Originally Posted by westindiesangel Hey guys. Well it's been a little over a month since I moved out and rented a place. I moved around May 7. No computer access, that's why I didn't post back! Thanks again for all your advice and support! Things have been amazing, like a dream! At first my mom was very angry and hurt and obviously couldn't come to grips with things, but she has turned around amazingly. We met up the other day and she said that what she wants with me is to have a great friendship between us, where I can tell her anything. She said she won't force religion on me anymore, although she hopes I find my way back to Islam. And she admits she was really controlling and will let me be an adult and myself from now on, even if she disagrees. It's really amazing on how much things have changed... I'm really elated and do plan on coming back home after another month or two.

I am really happy things have worked out for you, i have been checking the thread for updates hoping you were ok. But do you really want to go back home after tasting freedom.............

 

[Makeup Emporium]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iadoremac I am really happy things have worked out for you, i have been checking the thread for updates hoping you were ok. But do you really want to go back home after tasting freedom.............

That's what I was thinking. Also are you sure she is not just saying what you want to hear so that she will get you back home? Then what's to stop things from going back the way they were once you are back in your parent's house? Hopefully she is sincere and I wish you all the best!

 

[InspiredBlue]

I am happy to hear you are doing well. That being said: The others have said exactly what I was thinking. Maybe this is a good opportunity to work on becoming an independent adult? There's no reason you can't have a good relationship with your parents but not live under their roof.

 

[Strawberrymold]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blondie711 I can't speak to anything in relation to the culture, but can for having a parent that I believe is a blatant racist. I am quite a bit older than you and it has been a factor for me my entire life. I will say that the older I am, the more I know that I am not responsible for my parents, or anybody else in my family's, behavior, beliefs, morals, ANYTHING. I am my own person & I dance to the beat of my own drum, I always have. I no longer feel the anger, I just really feel sad for my father. He has missed out on so much because of his bigoted ways. I am just eternally grateful that I am not that way and neither are my children. I agree with Dietcokeg, save your money, move out and live your life on your own terms. It is not necessary, as much as we would all like it, to convince your parents they are wrong. In their "world" they are right, I don't think you can change that. Change your generation. Good luck and know that you are not alone.

Right on! I think this is great advice. I am not Muslim, but I too have had a "damaged" parent that made my life difficult. It's so hard because reguardless of how much they make you sad, unhappy and fustraited - they are your family and you can't change that - you are connected and bound by love to them. It hurts much more when it is family because when you know they are wrong you can't let go because you want them to be able to see the error of their ways. You can never completely let go, and it becomes harder when you know you will never be able to make them see what you know in your heart is right.

All I can say is hang in there and everytime their intolerance breaks your heart just remember that YOU ARE NOT THEM.

Clearly you have a much more open mind... pass it on... stay strong. Sometimes all we can do is not to be the people that spread the hate. Often it feels like you are doing nothing, but I assure you it's not. Being a good person is a powerful thing!

HTP

 

[Meisje]

Quote:

Originally Posted by westindiesangel Hey guys. Well it's been a little over a month since I moved out and rented a place. I moved around May 7. No computer access, that's why I didn't post back! Thanks again for all your advice and support! Things have been amazing, like a dream! At first my mom was very angry and hurt and obviously couldn't come to grips with things, but she has turned around amazingly. We met up the other day and she said that what she wants with me is to have a great friendship between us, where I can tell her anything. She said she won't force religion on me anymore, although she hopes I find my way back to Islam. And she admits she was really controlling and will let me be an adult and myself from now on, even if she disagrees. It's really amazing on how much things have changed... I'm really elated and do plan on coming back home after another month or two.

I'm so happy for you. You did handled this in a really mature, classy way, but that doesn't always guarantee others will respond the same. I'm so glad your Mom now recognizes your autonomy and adulthood. I know it's really hard to respond to parents when they're expressing prejudices that horrify you, but you did a fantastic job.

Just as a precaution, in case things get bumpy again, I would keep your finances separate from and unreachable to your parents.

 

[westindiesangel]

Hey again everyone...

Well I moved back in almost a month ago. Things have been bumpy but generally good. Obviously me and my mom butt heads over things like me going to the bar, or club, or staying out late, but she's slowly getting accustomed to the fact and allowing me to be free. I admit it's sometimes stressful to deal with the differences but now that there's open lines of communication I feel like I can start to repair my relationships with my family, slowly.

My mom even knows about my boyfriend, and she doesn't mind, which is a shocker, lol. He's from a Hindu family. Not too big on religion like me, though.

 

[reesesilverstar]

I was raised muslim too, but when it comes to religion, the book thumpers don't sway from their points of view, only their tactics change. It's not an issue that is peculiar to Islam. Every child of every religious fanatic goes through it. No matter how old you are they still feel obligated to "save you from the hell fire, even if you don't wanna save yourself." So, I'd be wary of your situation now. You're under your parents' roof now so you technically cannot argue with their beliefs or requests (read: demands) for adherence.

Don't think everything is honky-dory at all. I've been away from my own mother for years (almost a decade) and it never ceases when we're in each other's company how it dissolves into mental gymnastics about the choices I've made.

 

[k.a.t]

I would've stayed at my own place if I was you...