Caring

[Essjica]

Has anyone found that as the relationship goes on, your man seems to show he cares less and less? When really we need it more and more. This is happening to my boyfriend and I AND my best friend and her boyfriend at the same time and I don't know what to do about it. Him showing he cares less leads to my insecurities about our relationship which leads to fighting all the time about stuff that used to not matter. I don't know what to do so we're having a sit down and be serious talk tonight. I've even prepared a list of other things that have been hurting me lately. I'm hoping this talk works! Anyone have any other suggestions?

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

yes. I just was in a argument about this last night. I have no advice though. . I cant get my bf to listen to me and all I get out of him is generic "im sorry" , Its lame. im still dwelling on it at this very moment. . Ugghh . Hope you can talk things over with your boyfriend.

 

[xIxSkyDancerxIx]

It happens.. it's almost like a falling out period.. I think it's because you two have been together for awhile now, so he's comfortable in the relationship.. a little TOO comfortable.

I'm going through the same thing right now and I sadly don't have any advice to give you.. except that if you know that he does care then you should try to stick it through. Maybe you can remind him that a relationship is constant work and that you're unhappy with his lack of caring. If he knows that he's hurting you than he might prick up and try harder.. just try not to make the conversation too long or accusing in anyway.. then he'll just get offended and shut you out. HTH

 

[kaliraksha]

Communication is your number one priority in a relationship. If anything is going to get fixed it is going to be through that method. What was offputting about post to me was that you stated he was adding to insecurities. Although I totally understand how you can feel that way- please realize that no one, not even someone as close as your significant other, is in charge of your well-being and happiness more than you.

I bet you if you are secure and have your own life (something that some couples stop doing after an extended period of time) he won't add to any insecurities and may even appreciate the time he gets to spend with you. Start doing stuff that makes you happy and keep communication open. It's just a slump that you can get through if you both want to.

 

[kimmy]

that's the best way to go, communication is the key.

my ex boyfriend started showing that he cared less and less which (in association with a few other things) led me to believe that he was cheating on me and we fought constantly about that. every little thing, i could and would proceed to turn into him trying to hide his infidelity. he still swears to this day that he never cheated, but i'm convinced that he did and i think that if it weren't for his lack of caring, i would have never been given that impression.

we talked about it, and he started showing that he cared, but i had let it go on too long and the damage to our relationship was already done and it ultimately led to me breaking it off. so i would suggest you talk to him about it as soon as possible (tonight, like you said.

) and don't let it get too far gone.

 

[Beauty Mark]

It sounds like the "honeymoon" phase is over. It typically happens when people feel comfortable with each other. All the effort you put in to woo someone stops, because you get too comfy.

Definitely talk to him

 

[Essjica]

Thanks for the help guys! I think kaliraksha is right in a way. You have to have your own life. But then again I think it is that the "honeymoon" phase is over like Beauty Mark said lol.

But anyways, the talk was good. Things are getting better but I'm just waiting for him to forget and go back to not showing. Why is it that we need to be shown?

 

[gracetre123]

wow...I have the same problem....I don't know what happend!!!, right now he's behind me with his laptop (we don't talk each other) and I'm writting this message...I don't know what else to do...I feel so stupid and ugly...

 

[Essjica]

Awww you're not stupid or ugly! As everyone in here has suggested, definitely have a long talk with him. It needs to be in a private place where both of you feel comfortable and just let your emotions out. Don't blame everything on him though. If it really is just like my situation, tell him that he doesn't show he cares enough which could lead to some of your insecurities. Your other insecurities could've been caused by dropping some of your closest friends like many people do when they get into a relationship. Make your life balanced between him and your friends and that should boost confidence and kill the insecurities. Lastly, reassure him that you love him and give him reasons you love him and things he does that you absolutely love. That helps him find ways to show you he cares while not directly telling him to do them. I know it may seem I'm the wrong person to ask for advice, but usually I am the person all of my friends ask for advice. It's just easier to give advice when it's not for yourself. Good luck!

 

[kaliraksha]

So true... the advice thing is tough. Everytime I have to give myself advice I try to be as unsubjective as possible and ask- "What would I tell my best friend?" because I know I would want the best for my best friend.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

ithink im starting to notice it too.

in the beginning of the relationship, he was sooooo into it, and couldnt stop thinking about me, and wanting to see me. he always asked when we were finally gonna make it official, but i was very hesitant. finally i gave in and our relationship was new and fun and great.

now that he has a car (even though he got it 7 months into our relationship) it seems like maybe we see eachother too much. I have no complaints cuz I pretty much want to see him everyday anyways (and we're gettin ready to move in together) but he pays less and less attention to me and it just makes me feel....weird. i get very insecure or jealous and this brings about fights even about things that were a long time ago.

im sorry... turned this into my own situation.