confused.

[Tinkerbell9245]

Guys are so frustrating to me. I seriously have no luck in relationships. I don't know what is going on with the currrent guy I like because he's suddenly all weird so I figured I'd post here. Its a little long winded but if read all of it, I'm really confused and could use the help

So I have a hard trouble trusting guys, as I've posted about before, and I have a hard trouble finding a guy I'm interested in enough to be around. So I've been single for over a year because every guy I go out on dates with, or try to date it doesn't go past that. So theres been this guy at my work (I know. thats bad, but I graduated college recently and will be quitting soon) that has been flirting with me since about september. Everytime I'd work with him he'd make flirty comments to me and I would kinda blow him off and ignore the comments cause I don't want to be go through being hurt by a guy again. So the one night he gave me his number, and then his number changed so he gave that to me also. I was to nervous to ever call him though so I didn't.

One of my bestfriends works at the same place as me and imed me the one night saying she talked to him almost the whole night. She also said that he kept asking about me, and what I've said to her about him and she wouldn't tell him and he kept saying about liking me and stuff.

So then two co workers were leaving the country and a few of the workers decided to have a quickly put together going away party for them. I'm not much of a partier so I wasn't really into going. So then this guy comes over and asks me if I'm going and I'd said I'd go if my friend (same friend that he was talking to at work) would go also. She was adament about not going so he kept trying to convince her to go, so then when she wouldn't he told me I better still go.

So then party night. Everything went good...I kept feeling sick and mentioned going home, and he kept trying to make me feel better in and asking if I'd was feeling alright instead of me just going home. So just generally being an all around nice guy. So then a few days later I go out to my work to get coffee and my friend finds me and tells me all this stuff he's told her.

*Don't talk to him at work anymore/ignore him
*Don't call him (even though I never had)
*Basically pretend he doesn't exist anymore

So then he wasnt working that night, so I went out a night I knew my friend and him was working and when I ordered he wouldn't acknowledge I was there, never made eye contact, didnt tell me my total I was just supposed to know, and then basically left. So I go down to talk to my friend where you get your order at, and he sends one of the other workers down to find out what we are talking about/ and if its about him. And then precedes to hide the entire rest of the time I was out there.

Few days later I go back out late at night, and I start talking to the one other guy working there and he comes walking through...and mutters a hello greeting...but then hides again the rest of the time I'm out there.

I just don't know why things suddenly changed so much when everything seemed to go really good that night, and I was so excited to getting to see him outside of work.

:/

 

[kaliraksha]

Just my two cents and rather abruptly since I’m at work- I think he did/does like you (quite obviously) and he feels like you blew him off. No matter what your reason was for not attending the party it sounds like he put some serious effort to get you to go and by not going he feels rejected. He’s probably doing the stupid all or nothing thing. It’s a really childish thing to do to tell someone else to tell you to stop talking to him (unless I misunderstood this) but I think he is rightfully a bit rejected but is not taking it the best way possible. I say talk to him and this time you do the work to get him to see you outside of work- if you are interested. If at that point he’s still playing hard then drop the thought of being with him and let him know you want to talk and be friends when he’s ready. I don’t think with trust issues you need to date someone who wants to play games. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

 

[Beauty Mark]

For all intensive purposes, you were giving him the cold shoulder for a long time. Depending on how he much liked you (sounds like a lot), he probably is pretty pissed off.

I don't know how you acted at the party towards him, but that might also be a reason why he's upset with you and is acting like this. If he said something at the end of the night, like "Call me so I know you're okay," he might mad you didn't call him. It's kind of an immature response, but it's understandable.

I suggest talking to him and apologizing for being not the friendliest towards him and if he misinterpreted your actions towards him. You don't have to say you want to date him or will go on a date with him, but I think an apology is nice.

 

[Tinkerbell9245]

Okay I'll reply to the two people that posted. And any other advice is appreciated along with the updated posted below. Thanks for the replies! Okay to answer some of the stuff you ladies had in your replies, I did end up going to the party..I might have made that unclear

And I did show interest in him at the party, he sat/laid with me almost the whole night on the couch (since I wasn't feeling well on and off) and we talked and he would kept trying to make a move and I let it go so far until I stopped him and told him I wouldn't do anything more after just one night. So then he was the one that said about calling me, and I didn't believe he would but didn't say anything.

He ended up following me home to make sure I got home, since I wouldn't go back to his house with him like he wanted.

So then theres an update today. I went to work today and finally my one friend tells me she has something she does have to tell me. So she tells me that he's spreading all these rumors about all the stuff we "apparently" did, and how horrible I was at it and how horrible it was for him and how he didnt' want to do any of it and that I basically forced myself on him (me and my 100 pounds) or he would have had nothing to do with me.

So I don't get the sudden change in attitude it was the one that kept trying to make the moves that night, and I'm the one that stopped him. He made no attempt that night to act uninterested, or to stop anything because he was having such a horrible time. And he kept trying to convince me to go back to his house too, and do all this other stuff further than what I was comfortable with...so I don't see how its all a horrible experience for him now.

I haven't seen him since she told me this, and I'm not quite sure how I should act around him now since I was going to try and talk to him next time I got the chance but now I'm not to sure what to do.

 

[Beauty Mark]

What an asshole.

I would talk to him and firmly him to quit spreading those rumors; I presume he's telling your coworkers? If he fails to quit, I would talk to your boss. I think this could be perceived as harassment, especially if you tell the guy to quit doing something and he does not.

 

[Sikfrmthemirror]

hes just a jerk. he didnt get what he wanted so now hes just trying to deflect the attention to you so its not that he was a pushy asshole.

im sorry to hear that. you should tell everyone hes got a little D*ck and thats why you wouldnt go home with him.

 

[Tinkerbell9245]

Thanks for the advice again. I'm really bad at figuring at what to do when guys suddenly change, when at one time they used to be soooo nice and sweet and it seems like those are the only guys I attract. And my friend said she told me because she knows how shy and unforward I am, so for me to force myself onto a guy that I'm not even dating would be soooo out of character for me.

The only people I know that hes told are two of my friends that work at the same area he works at. (Its a plaza so theres like 5 different places to work) and the one girl that works at the same area as me. He may have told more of the coworkers (I'm mainly worried that people will actually believe him and not me...because it soo untrue.)


Quote:

Originally Posted by Sikfrmthemirror hes just a jerk. he didnt get what he wanted so now hes just trying to deflect the attention to you so its not that he was a pushy asshole. im sorry to hear that. you should tell everyone hes got a little D*ck and thats why you wouldnt go home with him.

You sound just like my best friend haha. Only she didn't come right out and say that lol. She was like he thinks its okay to make up rumors and spread them around work, maybe you should make up your own about how you wouldn't sleep with him cause he was lacking in other areas and how he wouldn't appreciate having his "manhood" insulted :lolz:

I'll have to see him tomorrow, after me and my friend go shopping, and thats when the new schedule comes out..and I'm not sure what to do if I see him since he should be working. Any ideas? I want to confront him I just don't know what to say

 

[sexypuma]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sikfrmthemirror hes just a jerk. he didnt get what he wanted so now hes just trying to deflect the attention to you so its not that he was a pushy asshole.

ITA. I would just ignore him and carry on as usual. Don't allow yourself to be dragged down to the level of this looser. It can be tempted to go confront him but that would give him too much importance. Besides you could open the door to more lies, since it is a she said/he said situation.

 

[Tinkerbell9245]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sexypuma ITA. I would just ignore him and carry on as usual. Don't allow yourself to be dragged down to the level of this looser. It can be tempted to go confront him but that would give him too much importance. Besides you could open the door to more lies, since it is a she said/he said situation.

I'm sure you're right..but its soo hard to not want to say something because its like I'm not saying anything, why do you feel the need to tell everyone about this experience that was so horrible for you.

I'd probably be better off just ignoring him and giving him the cold shoulder. Thats also hard when he used to be such a nice guy at work and talk to me alot, but if I confront him about it, it could just make things alot worse.

 

[Willa]

Wow...
Just when you wanted to give him your trust
What a jerk!

Its great that you followed your intuition!

I would also ignore him, and if he tries to talk to you, just give him your best smile because whatever he says and people around believe, YOU know that you ''won''.

 

[Beauty Mark]

He might be the kind of immature person who feeds on any kind of attention. Acknowledging the rumors may just play into his stupid game.

 

[Willa]

Can I ask how old is he?

 

[Tinkerbell9245]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willa Can I ask how old is he?

18 (I figure I should just figure the whole thing happen based on immaturity)..I'm about 3 years older then him if that makes any difference

 

[Willa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tinkerbell9245 18 (I figure I should just figure the whole thing happen based on immaturity)..I'm about 3 years older then him if that makes any difference

It does explain a little... heheh

But its not always the case, my bf is 22 and i'm going to be 27 this summer, he's really mature