dissapointed in my parents rant

[sweatpea559]

When I think of parents I think of people that provide for their children, put their children before themselves, and are role models. My parents are not this way at all.

My mom hurt herself at work a long time ago and hasn't worked since. She gets social security and stays home all day. I guess I can sympathize with her since she actually has something wrong with her. My stepdad, on the other hand, just seems to hate working. He has had so many jobs in the past 5 years, but hasn't stuck with any of them for more than a few months. He's been unemployed about 20 of the last 24 months. He has no college education so not too many good paying jobs are available to him, other than trucking. He's qualified for so many trucking jobs but he just doesn't apply for them. Just recently he got a call from a company saying he could have a job with them if he just took the required tests at the DMV. He has to take quite a few since he'll be dealing with hazardous materials, but he hasn't even started studying. They called last week and he still hasn't done anything! He is so lazy... and he constantly complains about how much everything costs and how poor he is! It's like he expects to just be able to sit on his ass all day and get paid for it! He kind of does, too... unemplyment gives him $1600 each month. BTW he spends $600 a month on cigarettes and alcohol, and our rent is $1400 a month.

Then my mom is always complaining about how lazy my stepdad is and how he's not providing for his family. I totally agree but if I were her I'd do it myself. I knows she's hurt, but social security only gives her about $900 dollars each month. If she's so convinced my stepdad is lazy and won't provide for the family shouldn't she take one for the team and get a job herself? Sometimes she talks about it but says she needs to get paid under the table or use a different SSN so she can still get her social security! That is totally appalling to me! What kind of person wants to collect money from SS (that is totally running dry) that they don't even need? She's always complaining about how they don't give her or anyone else enough money and then she talks about abusing it like that... people like her are the ones screwing it up!

Another thing my mom likes to complain about is the governator and how he hates poor people, yet she's a republican, which just confuses the hell out of me. She hates democrats, and HATES Obama, but LOVES republicans, just not their legislation... WTF? I don't think she understand politics very well. She's a social conservative and an economic liberal... I'm totally the oposite... I don't think she knows this about herself though. She just knows she loves Jesus and hates abortions, but wants to take rich people's money and pocket it. *sigh*

Soon I won't have any health insurance, and niether of them even cares. What if I need it? I'm in desperate need of a Chiropractor, and I get cavities really easily. I asked what happens if I get a cavity and she told me I'll just have to pay for it myself (however many hundred it costs).

They also get on me sometimes about eating the food (which we never seem to even have any of) and using the electricity without contributing to the household. I just moved back from college (which I dropped out of by the way because I couldn't afford it, going to CC now) and have been looking for a job. I finally got one but seems to be a dud so far. I keep telling them that unlike them I have to work for my money, and that I'm saving it for a car and grad school, and my future, and to buy myself the shit I need (haven't bought new clothes in over a year). They don't seem to understand. Why should I have to work full time and go to school full time, and give them my hard earned cash when they just sit on the couch and collect from the damn government!

I don't expect them to provide me with everything I want, I just want to have some health insurance and some food to eat. I don't think that's too much to ask of them.

I just want a decent life for myself. The last 18 years of my life have been seriously lacking in any kind of life experiences or fun. I'm doing my best to make my future better, and that means making money for myself so I can take a couple trips, and buy a car and not be too overly poverty stricken when I'm in grad school. Whenever I have money they make me feel selfish for not sharing it with them! If I shared my money with them I would have nothing, now or ever!

Every day I spend with them I respect them less and less. I just want to do everything possible not to end up like them! The things they say and do literally make me sick.

They just piss me off so much. I desperately want to move out but I'd never be able to afford it, and even if I could I wouldn't have a car, or enough money to spare to save up for one. I'm stuck here in this hell for at least 3 more years and it is totally depressing!

 

[TISH1124]

Well, I know it is a tough situtaion...And I do sympathize...But honestly that is the man your mother has chosen...good, bad or indifferent he is still her choice. If she does not make changes then it is really not your place to really expect her to ...You can't expect her to work just because it is the right thing to do...Unfortunately some people are content with just barely getting by......Just set higher standards for yourself and be better...Seems like he is a loser but she tolerates it...I can understand the things in the past that they did not do for you that they should have as parents when you were a minor...food, clothing, etc...But you are 18 now and sometimes as tough and f'up as it is you have to start providing for yourself as best you can...maybe you want have a car for awhile...people make it without cars...maybe you can get a student loan and live on campus......since it's obvious they are not going to or care too help you..you have to just start helping yourself. It's better to have peace of mind and a bus pass than to live in that environment IMO

 

[gildedangel]

I'm sorry. I agree with Tish, you have to start helping yourself because it sounds like your parents are not going to. I am so glad that you hold yourself to a higher standard and that you want to better your life. I know that you will figure it out. Good luck!

 

[anita22]

I'm really sorry you're in this situation. I don't think that what you're asking for is too much to expect for someone who is at college - health insurance and food aren't exactly extravagences. As hard as it may be, it sounds like you're just going to have to deal with this on your own. When I started out at college, my parents weren't in any shape to give me financial assistance, so I was also on my own. No car, no holidays, no health insurance - I didn't even buy textbooks but did all my reading in the library instead. It wasn't a fun time, but eventually things got better over time as I got more work experience I was able to get part-time jobs that paid better. So hang in there, the situation won't last forever... perhaps in the meantime you could find out if there are any scholarships that you might be eligible for, that might provide some relief to your situation?

Regarding the money they're asking you for, this will sound rough but the fact is you are an adult living in their house, they're not obliged to have you there, so I don't think it's unreasonable to ask you to contribute, even if it's just a small amount. I know it's hard since they don't work for their money, but they're legally entitled to what they get and to choose how they spend it, and they're not required to spend it supporting you. Agree to a token amount that you will pay towards covering the basic costs and stick to it. If you happen to have more money than that, tuck it away somewhere and don't mention it to them.

I hope that helps... good luck and try not to let them get to you, you'll have your own life out of home soon enough.

 

[kaliraksha]

Well, at the very least you have a driving inspiration to not go down the same path. I totally see how unfair it is... some kids have their parents pay for everything, others parents pay for nothing... and a lot of us are/were somewhere in between. It's a trade off here... you aren't paying for rent or utilities which gives you more money for a higher quality of life... or you can scrape and make it on your own with a room mate. Every time your frustrated you really have to keep that in mind.

I think the great equalizers are health and education... if everyone was offered that then I feel like people would have the necessary tools to go out and make a life of their own and change their situations. Absolutely apply for scholarships and fill out your FAFSA.. you can even get money for the last semester. This is going to make you so much stronger and honestly better educated in the ways of life than most people that only go to school. Something that really opened my eyes was taking a Sociology class... if you ever have the oppurtunity you should take one.

 

[sweatpea559]

Thanks for your responses.

Tish: It seems like you always respond to my topics, well everyone's really, and you're always helpful so thanks. I was living on campus last year, but like I said I don't go there anymore. That school was about $50,000 dollars a year, and even though I filled out my fafsa, got private scholarships, and a huge grant from the school, the remaining $10,000 was just too much to take out in loans. I don't want to be overwhelmed after grad school. While I was there I realized that I hate living with people, and will not be doing that again unless I have my own bedroom and bathroom (which would still be cheaper than the room and board at my last university btw!). That may or may not be an option once I have a steady job.

anita: I totally see what you're saying about pitching in. I was originally going to do that but then they started pestering me when I hadn't even found a job yet, and not for lack of trying. I go back and forth everyday trying to decide if I should be nice and give them money (once I actually have some of course) or be greedy and only give it up if they treaten to kick me out (my mom would never do that anyway). We'll see what happens in the next month or two. I know I'm lucky I have a place to stay but I'm feeling like it's okay to be selfish and greedy and take whatever they happen to be willing to give up for as long as they are willing if it will benefit me. I'm so over caring about other people and what they want.

kaliraksha: I took a sociology class last semester, and though it was interesting, I think it was more eye opening for my filthy rich classmates than for me. I think living in the environment that I did for 8 months has made me expect more out of life than I'm getting, in both positive and negative ways. It just seems like they're having these great experiences. They travel with their families all over the world, they go to an amazing private school, and they study abroad for a year and I don't get to do that. I feel that if I died tomorrow it would just be so sad because there's so many things I've never done. I've never even ridden a horse or been on an airplane let alone gone on a real vacation. I just want to see the world and I'm so scared that I'm so strapped for cash that I'll never be able to, or that I'll be really old when I do. I want to have fun while I'm still young. It seems like whenever people put things off until they're older they never happen.

update:

So my step-dad started studying for his tests. He's taking them tomorrow. Hopefully he passes everything and gets the job. I hope he didn't wait too long.

I also start summer school in a week and a half so that will give me something to do other than worry constantly about how much food I eat/don't have to eat, and all of things I need but can't buy. Oh and anita good idea about reading in the library... might just do that!

 

[User35]

I went through a very very similar situation when I was a kid. My dad got hurt at his job, and my houswife mom had to step up and basically support my family.

My dad is a raving asshole, and doesnt support all that my mom does for him and my little brother who still lives at home ( he treats her like shit as well). My brother has type 1 diabetes since he was about 6 or 7 and he uses it like a crutch...like he has terminal cancer so my mom can cater to him hand and foot. ANYWHO.

I lived in a very poor and disfunctional family. So I get where you are coming from. I moved out at about 16 or 17 years old and worked shitty jobs, didnt make a lot of money but I was happy as hell I was out of that home. My folks made me feel guilty for leaving. They still try to make me feel guilty for growing up, getting married,being sucessful. Hell I thought thats what the goal of being a parent is..teaching your kids to be happy and successful in life.

Just know it will be hard a first, but with enough hard work you will do great things, you will make yourself proud. I know it is soooo cheesey but I know Im living the american dream. I used to have nothing and with hard work I have been able to do and have things I have never thought was possible from me. Great things are out there for you, just take them.

 

[purrtykitty]

Not to defend you mom or anything, but there is a limit to how much she can earn. If she earns too much, she will lose her benefits.

That being said, that absolutely does not excuse your stepdad. His ass should be working hard to provide for his disabled wife.

Kudos for you realizing that in order to have what you want, you gotta work hard for it. Keep it up, it'll definitely pay off in the future!

 

[sweatpea559]

So my stepdad studied for his tests, took them, passed them, paid for them with what little money my mom had left, went to la to get hazmat endorsements, paid more money, and lost the recruiters number. He has no idea what company she was even calling from. Smart guy right. Oh and to make things better his unemployment has expired...
My mom just found out she owes the gov't or a lawyer or someone 3,500 dollars and if she doesn't pay it (which she can't) they will withhold her social security.
My medical (state-insurance) is officially expired.
We no longer qualify for food stamps because we make too much money!
And I got 0 hours this week at work. The three days I worked they didn't train me to do what I was hired to do. Then they started cutting everyone's hours. Seriously why hire 20 new people if you are going to cut hours? I made under $100 after taxes. Didn't get too much out of that experience.
I applied at an emergency pet hospital because I need the experience, but they aren't hiring. I am going to apply for a hostess job at a restaurant since I know someone that works there.
With zero income at this point who knows how the rent will get paid.
Not really my concern though because I can just live with my aunt if they can't get their shit together.
I don't know whether to hate them or feel sorry for them. Whatever. I'm just gonna focus on school and volunteering to get the experience I need for vet school because I obviously can't rely on my parents or any job to provide with any sort of security whatsoever.