How do you make friends as an adult?

[labellavita7]

How do you make friends as an adult? All my college friends have moved away, and everyone I work with are either middle-aged gay men or friends with the other girl I work with, who used to be my roommate, where it ended in a horribly awful way so they most likely don't want to hang out with me because they're all friends with her. I don't know where else to find friends, I'm really lonely

I also always complain, but then when someone asks me to hang out, I get nervous and freak out and make up an excuse not to go. I have more anxiety hanging out with girls than I would on a first date. I just don't know what to talk about, I've never had a close group of girl friends so I feel very out of place with other girls. But I want relationships like on Sex and the City (unrealistic, but you know what I mean...)

I was never good at this anyway, I think I'm destined to be a loner! I feel like anyone I meet already has their friend quota filled and doesn't need anymore. I don't have the money to take classes to meet people either. *sigh* I'm only 22 and I have no friends in my city.

 

[aussiemacluvrrr]

I wish there was a way I could answer this question for you. However, I wouldn't dare suggest that I know a fool proof way of becoming friends with someone, because I don't. I know a lot of people will try and tell you how to do it, but at the end of the day, you can only do what you are comfortable with.

However i can sympathise with you because I went through a similar stage in my life. In my case, things changed for me when I stopped worrying about it so much. And also when I changed my standards of what a friend should be.. Suddenly people I had never given a thought to, were actually a perfect fit as a friend. But that is my situation, and everyone is different so I cant promise you that stuff that worked for me, will work for you..

I want to say something motivational and compassionate here but I have never been good at that kind of thing :S If it counts for anything, I feel for your and your situation *hugs*

 

[arielle123]

I don't really have any good advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm in the same situation so you're not alone. I haven't been in my current city and I have no friends here. On top of everything I'm unemployed so I don't even have any potential friends at work.

I'm not sure how you make friends as an adult. Don't you miss the days when you were a kid and you played together and you just were friends? It was so easy!

There are all the cliched ways, join a club, go out and do things, do a hobby that you like to meet similarly minded people. But in the end I'm not sure.

Sorry that I don't have anything useful, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone

 

[gildedangel]

It's all about meeting people with similar interests. Join a club or group that discusses or does activities that you enjoy; you would be amazed at how much easier it is to become friends with people who like the same things that you do! Good luck!

 

[lauram]

man i'm going through the same thing. i have social anxiety disorder and even though im better than i used to be but i still dont know how to make friends. i made a few at work but the last couple of months theyve been just hanging out with each other and never inviting me. id love to make new friends but i just dont know how

 

[Face2Mac]

I am somewhat in the same situation. I had plenty of friends up until like 5 years ago, when I got married, but I let them go. I just was tired of the constant drama (man, family and work drama). I let all those people go and it is sad that I had not one quality friend in them.

I think in your case, you should take up a class or clubs. And if you want a conversation started, I have always found if you compliment a person on something that will always starts a conversation that you can continue on about other subjects.

 

[choozen1ne]

i wish I knew , I have way more in common with the people on here that the people in my normal everyday life .............

 

[TISH1124]

I don't know...for me it just sort of happened...My bff was a co-worker and we just had a lot of things in common...we started going out after work occassionally for happy hour...and we would text each other ...even though we worked together we did not see each other a whole lot because we were in different depts...but we would go to lunch a few days a week...go shopping after work....We both had a small son so we scheduled play dates for them....But I don't have a lot of friends persay...and I really like it that way to be honest...I don't trust easily....and I am a loner to a certain degree...unless it is family or my dh.

 

[MizzVivaGlam]

I'm the same way, I'm the biggest loner. I love my bf though, he's the best company I've ever had in my life. I don't really mind not having tons of friends though. If you feel bad about being alone so much, you really need to just make yourself go out whenever you get asked to, don't make up excuses anymore. You might end up meeting a friend of a co-worker or something who could be a great friend to you. It is something that just sort of has to happen.

 

[MrsRjizzle]

I think its really hard after school to meet and get to know people. As nice as it sounds. Their just doesn't seem to be much extra time for me at least. I spend all my time at work or at my daughter school so its the only place I really have the opportunity to connect with ladies! Or of course specktra! tons of lovely ladies on here

But your right. Might be awkward to hang out with a stranger... Im rambling... lol. not much help. but i wish you luck!

 

[LMD84]

i feel for you because i'm kinda in the same situation. i only work with guys who are fantastic but obviously don't want to go on girly nights out. i've been outwith their girlfriends a few times though - does anybody you work with have a nice partner you could get friendly with?

 

[Ursula]

Friendships are an interesting thing. There are lots of bits and pieces to making friendships work. Some may sound like cliches but have great wisdom. Such as "If you would have a friend, be a friend". Showing you care about people opens the door to friendships. When someones dog dies, ask about how they are feeling about their loss after a few days. When a signifigant event takes place in the life of someone you know, share their joy or their pain. Bring a sick aquaintance a meal. I find that most people in this world don't get enough 'love' and when someone offers it, there is instant connection.

Someone else mentioned the need to join clubs with activities you enjoy. This can be a huge help! I can't recommend it enough. Church is a wonderful place to meet people and make friends. Find a thriving church community and get involved.

Volunteering can also be a wonderful way to meet people. Frequent the same places, such as the same coffee house and hang out. Introduce yourself to people you see regularly. To get to know people, ask them questions about themselves. People love to talk about themselves and will respond well. Someone mentioned complimenting people, this is a wonderful conversation starter.

I felt the same as you at that period in my life. It's a bit of a transistion period where many people are moving and settling into new jobs, etc. It may take some time. Use that time to get to know who you are, to find out what you enjoy, to experiment.

I wish you the blessing of friendship!

 

[xxManBeaterxx]

God! I wish i grew up with a close nit group of girls like sex and the city. Do people like that even exist???

You say you get nervous and freak out when people ask you to hang out, especially with females. I think you need to break out of your shell slowly and stop being so afraid!! And unfortunately the only way to do that is to talk to people!! Just talk and if you don't know what to say ask questions about the person so that way they do all the talking.

Start devoting more time into doing/finding things you love, most likely your good friends will share similar interests/ideas. I notice the most social/talkative people (that i know) who seem to have about 1,000 friends on facebook... are very interesting people, they are very talkative, friendly, and opinionated (if you talk about any subject in the world they probably have some sort of semi-intelligent comment to say about it) verses you know.. a shy person who hardly speaks.. they probably miss out on a lot of opportunities to meet new people and make friends.

Getting a job where there are people around your age is a great way to meet others. Join a club in college, arrange a study group, just start talking to people sitting next to you in class... And for those of us who don't have a natural connection with others, there are actually a ton of scripts out there on the web you can read and follow. I know.. i had to read through a billion pages of them ever since i started hosting open houses for my husbands real estate, i have to make him look good and now i converse with hundreds of people in a week. Me.. a once super shy, very introverted person.. who woulda thought... p.s if your wondering im 23.

You will probably go through many social oops and awkwardness before you start becoming more confident and comfortable with yourself. And you will find yourself making a lot of friends and hopefully you will gain your "true" friends from all of it.

..just my opinion..

 

[dollypink]

sex & the city is fiction. My honest answer to your question is "with difficulty" but that's just me.

 

[cherry24]

i try to do a couple of night courses every year. You might not make friends for life but at least you're having nice social interactions and that'll give you confidence. I'm doing a cookery course in a couple of weeks and I can't wait! Even a aerobics/keepfit class is good for meeting people.

My friend moved from england to ireland a few years ago and she joined a field hockey club that i was connected to, she made tonnes of friends that way. Its tough though if you're not into sport or crafts, but you can try something new!

The most important thing is to be open to all offers which is hard sometimes if your shy. Go to every party even if you know only one person, you never know who you might meet and you can always leave!

Hang in there!

 

[kittykit]

It was easier making friends when I was still in uni. I moved here without knowing anyone but my best friend from Australia. I have friends who work in the same company but we don't see one another very often since we're in different departments and are busy with our work/business travelling. My best friend was working in the same company but left earlier this year. I don't have a lot of friends here. The man always thinks I'm very anti-social and I should go out and meet more people. But I don't make friends very easily because I don't trust people easily. I enjoy spending time on my own during the weekends. I just want to be at home, watch some telly, read a book and relax... my weekdays are hectic enough.

I met my bff in a language school. We started going for dinner almost every evening after our classes and spent lots of time together. Then I was relocated in another country due to my work. Right now, I don't have any close girlfriends here... the only best friend of mine is that friend from Australia I mentioned earlier, and he's a guy.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

I am the exact same way as you. Im 20, I dont drink and go to clubs, I dont party and I have no friends. All the friends I had in high school we dont talk anymore, Im not in college, my one close girlfriend is like, the partying type and she has a son, and my other friend moved way out of state. I feel like a loser and I have nobody to hang out with ever. I actually hang out with the women in my job who are much older than me, but I feel like I should have at least some friends that are close to my age.

Im sorry I have no advice but I am the same way you are. My coworker tries to get me to go out with her stepdaughter and some other young girls but I feel very out of place, and insecure and just....awkward. And Im not even that shy.

 

[user79]

I think many people experience this at some point. I used to have tons of friends in university and in high school, I had a couple of really close friends and we were supremely comfortable around each other - almost like Sex and the City, haha!

But then I started moving around and after I left university I moved across an ocean to live in another continent and I've pretty much lost contact with everyone in N. America. I mean, what's the point in long distance friendships when I live in Europe now?

With a full time job of 45 hrs a week, a long commute, and being in a relationship - I too have found it really hard to meet people. Seems like everyone I have met grew up here, haven't moved away ever, and they all have their circle of friends and are not necessarily looking to expand that circle. Or I meet some people and we hit of off to a point, but then we don't have a lot of common interests.

It is really hard to find friends as an adult when you move to a new place and don't have a lot of time. Especially if you work in a work climate where you are not likely to meet people at the workplace.

 

[persephonewillo]

i can only let you know what's worked for me.

i joined a local knitting club. we get together every week to chat and knit. sounds boring, but we have a lot of fun. after a few weeks of getting to know people i was just naturally drawn to those that had the most in common with me... and after more time we became friends. now i have a best friend thanks to getting out, meeting people and letting things take their own course.

it didn't happen over night. i joined a few classes/clubs before finding friends. i had good times during those other classes/clubs but no lasting friendships. finding new friends can suck, but you can't really force it to happen... just be open to it when it does start happening

kwim?

 

[hawaii02]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1124 I don't know...for me it just sort of happened...My bff was a co-worker and we just had a lot of things in common...we started going out after work occassionally for happy hour...and we would text each other ...even though we worked together we did not see each other a whole lot because we were in different depts...but we would go to lunch a few days a week...go shopping after work....We both had a small son so we scheduled play dates for them....But I don't have a lot of friends persay...and I really like it that way to be honest...I don't trust easily....and I am a loner to a certain degree...unless it is family or my dh.

Exactly! I hate any type of drama and would prefer to be a loner than to have a lot of friends who find themselves in that position. I only have a few friends anyway, but thats because I met them when having kids/getting married.

My best advice is to be a part of something you enjoy..club, art classes, etc. But you have to WANT to and accept the anxiety in the beginning. I went to a class once and never knew how to start the conversation but ended up talking to the girl next to me the whole time.