How jealous are you and what would you consider cheating?

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

I was curious so I thought I'd start this one up. I'll be straight up honest and say I really don't get jealousy at all. I don't mind if other girls/guys flirt with him and he flirts back a bit or if he tells his friends things or whatever. I guess it just doesn't cross my mind that he'd ever leave me because I'm 100% secure and trusting of our relationship. He also grants me the same respect and he doesn't mind if i flirt with other girls or guys or whatever because he trusts me just as much. If he met a cute girl and wanted a fling, my only condition is he tells me and that i get to at least watch lol. There isn't many people who will understand that stand point unless they're in an open relationship themselves or in a poly relationship.

So I guess I was wondering what your view is? Do you get jealous? if so to what extent and what would you consider to be cheating?

 

[Trunkmonkey]

There's an old saying that goes 'Jealousy is just insecurity expressing itself'. Personally I'm not at all jealous and if my wife wants to flirt then go for it. I don't think I'd approve of her having a fling with another guy. I would approve of her having a fling with another girl and I really don't care to be involved in it. I think, for example, if I was talking to another woman and it got flirty and I tried to hide it from my wife THAT would be wrong. Same is true for her. But, since I have no reason to have a flirtatious relationship because she is all I can handle, I don't particularly worry about it.

 

[DominicanBarbie]

I have a jealous side. Takes a lot to get me jealous but it does occue. As far as cheating goes any kissing or sexual act is cheating,going to the strip club is cheating in my mind.I know a lot of people are going to disagree with that one but I feel super strongly about that one.

 

[SparklingWaves]

My husband & I are possessive of each other. I am his and he is mine period. Everything is very simple. Jealously is there to a degree, but not severe. I don't say, "You can't do this or that." He doesn't try to control me. We do so much together too. We love to be together. I don't know how to answer. I think people who know us see how close we are and don't interfere.

I have seen males and females flirt with him, but he seems oblivious to it. It amazes me. I will tell him, "Didn't you see that woman stick out her chest as much as she could by the pool table for you?" He will just yawn and say, "No."

He will notice if a man is coming on to me. He will walk up and put his hand on the man shoulder and say, "That's my wife pal."

If I don't go places with him, he gets upset. He really wants me to go everywhere with him. That really makes me feel great.

 

[Loveleighe]

i have to admit i do get jealous my HTB has cheated on me a lot in the past not only physically but emotionally and lied straight to my face even with proof. so even though i've gotten over it and some of that trust has been restored, i still find myself insecure about it. I know now that he wouldnt dare be unfaithful but i can't help but worry sometimes that hes going to be tempted. I mean i don't look like pictures of myself when we started dating and i def. sometimes feel like a hamburger & sometimes i think he loves me but is secretly waiting for a prime rib. .... when i'm on top of my game, i honestly don't care what he does. so it's def. a self-esteem issue. honestly though hes pretty bad bcus he'll walk off if the shoe salesman compliments my feet and claim that he was rubbing them suggestively .
oh and yes i am one of those people who pretty much thinks everything is cheating. I mean obviously if you are sleeping with someone behind my back you are cheating, but i think it's cheating when you are logging onto dating sites and arranging meeting with girls even if you have no intention to actually meet, or having cyber sex, mailing dirty pics back and forth, saying i love you's and doing things we would do in our own relationship. It's like if you are telling someone else you love them and that you want to have hot sex with them then why am i even around. i know a lot of people don't see it that way but i do.

 

[Shimmer]

If it's hidden, it's cheating.

 

[n_c]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer If it's hidden, it's cheating.

Agree 100%

 

[AmberLilith]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shimmer If it's hidden, it's cheating.

Agreed.
I'm ok with 'I just kissed *name*'... good for you.
I know my boyfriend is coming home with me. It'd be totally different if he did anything behind my back or if the girl he kissed thought it was more than that. It'd be totally different if he slept with someone, I wouldn't stand for that and i wouldn't do it either.

And if he wanted to go to a strip club, i'd want to be invited.

 

[Dahlia_Rayn]

I also am very secure in my marriage, so I don't ever get jealous, we're going home together, bottom line. However, there was a girl once who thought she was so cute and so much better than me that she actively tried to sabotage my relationship for months. Joke's on her, my guy laughed at her and showed me everything she ever sent him, but I was still ticked at her for being so brazen with a gentleman who was obviously happy in a relationship.

 

[Shimmer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmberLilith Agreed. I'm ok with 'I just kissed *name*'... good for you. I know my boyfriend is coming home with me. It'd be totally different if he did anything behind my back or if the girl he kissed thought it was more than that. It'd be totally different if he slept with someone, I wouldn't stand for that and i wouldn't do it either. And if he wanted to go to a strip club, i'd want to be invited.

Last time I went to a titty bar, I got tackled by a male customer while I was sitting at a table. Boo.

 

[AmberLilith]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dahlia_Rayn I also am very secure in my marriage, so I don't ever get jealous, we're going home together, bottom line. However, there was a girl once who thought she was so cute and so much better than me that she actively tried to sabotage my relationship for months. Joke's on her, my guy laughed at her and showed me everything she ever sent him, but I was still ticked at her for being so brazen with a gentleman who was obviously happy in a relationship.

The opposite happened to me... a guy who thought he was so much better for me in every way than my partner wanted to break us up.... a few years later, we don't speak to him. We definitely disagreed with him!

 

[AlarmAgent]

I'm incredibly jealous, and not at all insecure. I just find any sort of intimating of attraction to another woman while me and a man are in a relationship to be very insulting.

I don't at all mind if someone thinks it, because hell, if we measured faithfulness by what is actually going on in your mind and heart, than I would be the most unfaithful person I ever met. I never express it, though. I've never told a guy I was dating how attractive I think say, his friend is. I'd expect him to never say the same to me, but who am I to control his thoughts?

For me, as long as I never find out, I don't care what you do or what you think. If I'm never made to look foolish, it's no problem. I'm just not the type of girl who is going to go along with any elbowing me in the side and pointing out how hot some broad walking by is. Think whatever you want about her, gawk at her all you like, but make damn sure I don't see it.

Because, in my mind, I see it as my mate having some sort of agenda. Everything we say and do has some sort of motive behind it. Why would you want to make sure that I know you find someone else attractive? To try and make me feel inadequate, and just happy enough that I have you? To remind me you have options? What is it, why would you bring it to my attention? Make me afraid, work harder for your affection?

Now, I know I am completely paranoid in this, I really don't think I'm right to feel that way. How do you get over jealousy? It truly isn't confidence. I'm cocky to a fault.

As for what I define as cheating, I'd say actively trying to encourage or solicit a serious or intimate relationship with another person. I don't think harmless workplace flirting or what have you to be cheating, but if I were to feel there was actually a pursuit, and not just a fun little back-and-forth, I'd be angry. Hmm...I'm very harsh about these things, but pornography, strip clubs, and masturbation don't bother me at all. Again, though, keep me out of it, I don't want to hear about some girl's titties just bouncin' up and dooown last time you were at the gentleman's club.

Because, like I said, we're incapable as animals to ONLY have lustful eyes for ONE person, it's a matter of acting on it, or reveling in it and making your partner feel like shit because of it.
I wouldn't be happy with a guy who was open with all of his minute, everyday attractions, is what I'm saying. I follow the same rule, though, and don't discuss that sort of thing with partners.

Maybe I'm really wrong on this, I feel like it; what do you all think my deal is?

 

[alien21xx]

I don't think I'm very jealous, but mainly it's because my boyfriend doesn't have a life (gaming geek, internet nerd and all). Generally, I'm very permissive, but I draw the line at flirting with other girls and beyond. I think I can do a lot of really nasty things when my SO cheats on me.

 

[lovelyweapon]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SparklingWaves My husband & I are possessive of each other. I am his and he is mine period. Everything is very simple. Jealously is there to a degree, but not severe. I don't say, "You can't do this or that." He doesn't try to control me. We do so much together too. We love to be together. I don't know how to answer. I think people who know us see how close we are and don't interfere. I have seen males and females flirt with him, but he seems oblivious to it. It amazes me. I will tell him, "Didn't you see that woman stick out her chest as much as she could by the pool table for you?" He will just yawn and say, "No." He will notice if a man is coming on to me. He will walk up and put his hand on the man shoulder and say, "That's my wife pal." If I don't go places with him, he gets upset. He really wants me to go everywhere with him. That really makes me feel great.

You just described my relationship verbatim. I can be the jealous type and he definitely is too, but we never really give each other a reason to be jealous at all. I love that man he is my soul mate!

 

[lvgz]

agreed with shimmer. hidden.. well if there wasnt anything wrong with what he was doing, then why bother hiding it? im not the jealous type, but if hes flirting TOO much with ONE specific person and spending extra time with her, yes i would say something. i wouldnt be mad sad or jealous. i would just call it out as it is.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I don't want my SO to step out on me. I don't trust everyone, and I'm sorry but in this day and age, I don't want to get something permanent like HIV because my partner was honest but whomever s/he hooked up with was not.

I don't consider flirting cheating, unless it's done to try to bed the other person. Kissing- it depends on what the context is. Same with checking out others, going to strip clubs, etc.

Part of this also boils down to I'm very pro-equality in relationships. I want my SO to feel the same way about me as I do about him/her; when I've been serious about someone, I don't have any desire to be with anyone else but him/her.

 

[S.S.BlackOrchid]

I am not very jealous, (I'm not bothered if girls check him out, if he looks) but yes I do have standards for the guys I date. If they want to be flirting with every woman, going to strip clubs, etc, they might as well just be single instead of trying to keep me as their doormat and doing whatever they want.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

I used to be extremely jealous. I would get mad at things that I really shouldn't have (ie: him knowing a girl that was a waitress at a restaurant we went to)

I'm getting better but I am still jealous. And I don't care. I won't stop anytime soon. Thats just the way I am. he's the same way. Don't fuck with me. Don't talk to my man....you know him from the past then thats fine just don't disrespect me. Period. Don't flirt with him in front of my face, don't touch him, don't give him your fucking number. Don't go there. I don't do that to anyone's boyfriend. Don't do it to me and my boyfriend.

Theres just a certain respect you should have for people's relationships. And girls are bitches. I am not an idiot--I know that you are trying to make me mad by giving my man a hug and saying his name all flirty while looking me up and down and rolling your eyes. My boyfriend may not see it, but I do.

Just today I went through his phone. (We stopped doing this awhile ago, but today i just did it to be stupid) Low and fucking behold, he had a girls number in there. It was his best friend's sister that he's known since childhood. I don't care! He isn't friends with her they just know eachother. They ran into eachother and the bitch decided to give my boyfriend her phone number. He doesn't know how to say no and pretend to take someon'es number. I felt disrespected--more so on his part. And he got screamed at for it. He hasn't cheated on me and I trust him like 99%. That 1% isn't really me not trusting him because I think he'd do something. Its just my insecurity.

If I did something like that, he'd be calling me a cheater. Yes I am a jealous woman. I will marry this man someday, but even when I'm his wife--Don't freaking disrespect me. Thankshaveaniceday

Oh--and what do I consider cheating? Everything. Don't flirt, don't talk to another girl behind my back, don't do something or say something that you wouldn't do/say if I was standing right there, don't go out for lunch or dinner or a movie, no strip clubs, no holding hands, no kissing, no sucking, no sex, no hugs, no winks, no "looks", no conversations, no giving rides. JUST DON'T DO IT. LoL I know I sound reeeeeally insecure but you guys have to understand: this is how our relationship was started. He feels exactly the same way i do--If I did any of the above, he would be in a rage. We are like the same person--both a little insecure and both jealous. it works for us. I respect him especially since I know I feel the same way, and vice versa.

If we went into the relationship and he had friends that were girls and wasn't willing to give that up, that would be another thing. He doesn't have friends that are girls--he hasn't since high school. I was the same way. For us to do anything above, that would be suspicious--why would you do that out of the blue with some chick, when we've been together 2 years and you've had no female friends??

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Oh, and the whole "thinking about other girls/looking at them" kills me.

It absolutely kills me. I've asked him before if he looks at other girls, of course he tells me no. He knows how I get. i know he looks...he has to! I can honestly say that I don't look. I can shamefully say that I have in the past but would never take it to that level--EVER. We have both done questionable things but I think that was more like the first 6 months of our relationship. We have become more mature and faithful and honest as the years go by.

It kills me to think that he would ever look at another female and think "damn she looks good" Oh my God, that hurts my heart. But then on the flip side, I want to know if hes doing it--don't lie to me! He just seems so sincere and honest when I ask him, like I truly believe he only loves me and only has eyes for me. But if a really attractive woman walks past, of course I'd expect him to look and have thoughts. And to consider that cheating is silly--a person is entitled to their own thoughts...but then I don't feel that its right either.

There have been times we were in the car stuck in traffic and he is looking around and I'll think he is looking at the young girls in the car besides us. There have been times girls in tight pants were walking right in front of us and I thought he may have been looking at her ass. Is this jealousy that he was or my imagination/insecurity? Its just scary to think he could ever be attracted to anyone else. Its like a slap in the face, and it makes me even more insecure.

 

[Loveleighe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantAffordMAC Theres just a certain respect you should have for people's relationships. And girls are bitches. I am not an idiot--I know that you are trying to make me mad by giving my man a hug and saying his name all flirty while looking me up and down and rolling your eyes. My boyfriend may not see it, but I do.

Dude i think it's a Jersey thing... you don't even know how many times we've been out and some girl has rubbed up against my fiance, or given him her number like right in my face our arms linked and all. I would never disrespect someone like that esp. not myself. I honestly think out loud "some f*ckin' balls you have lady". I'm always sort of just amazed and we find it humorous. and the guys are the same way i've been groped in front of my boyfriend, "holla'd" at on numerous occassion. i really don't get it. Even if i was a huge flirt i'd have some nerve to be like "yea we can chill, get drunk and see where it goes" (yes i've been asked this in front of him).If i did that He would kick me right in the neck and walk out.
Neither of us are violent but i do feel there is a certain level of possesiveness on both parts. I'll share everything i have but not my man