I feel like im losing my friends....

[Tinkee-Belle]

Has anyone else been in this situation? I've been really depressed about this for about a year and dont know how to deal with it...

OK... so ive always had the same close group of girlfriends since well... forever. I never had b/f's in high school or anything and was with these girls 24/7 and loved it.. and thats how I always wanted things to be. And after high school we still stuck together and went to the bar every night, went on road trips and shopping and just had fun. None of them ever had b/fs, they were all for just hooking up with random guys at the bar and that was that. Then suddenly about a year ago everything changed. They all got into relationships. At first it didnt bother me so much because I thought it was just a month long phase and they would all be single again but a year later they are all still with their bf's.

They all kinda stoped calling me to make plans, and selling out when we had plans to hang out with their bfs. They do it to each other too so I know its not just because they dont like me anymore. Now I see them like... never and when I do its like pulling teeth. They are sooo different now... they used to be (I say this in the nicest way) self-proclaimed SLUTS (btw-im not at all.. just my friends lol)and now the talks turned to marriage and babies.. 2 things I am not interested in AT ALL! I just feel that my friends have grown up sooo much and I havent and now we have nothing in common.... They are RUSHING to try and get knocked up and proposed to.

Its weird because I feel jelous towards their bfs... like they are taking my friends away from me and secretly kinda wish they would all break up (horrible of me to think this!) I feel like we are young and should be having fun and not wasting our youth. (were all 20-22) I was in a relationship too on and off for 2 1/2 years, but never would ditch my friends. I dumped him because he was getting too serious too and Im just not in that place in my life yet.

So.... does anyone have any advice on what to do? I know I could go get new friends, but I dont want new friends! I love these ones I have now and have trouble trusting new girls and I know these ones will always have my back, even though their acting poopy right now. And getting a bf so I wont feel lonely isnt an option... I dont want one. I tried bringing it up to one of them but it didnt help and I felt kinda stupid telling them I feel weirdly possesive over them and dont want any guys getting in the way!

I dont wanna grow up

 

[malteze_bubbleg]

well theres nothing wrong because they are in a relationship...as you get older things start to change...they never remain the same as when you were 17 or 18. The only thing i dont agree is when they are in a relationship all of a sudden they have no time for their friends....like they forget them.Ive been in a relationship for 7 yrs(am now married) but when my best friend was single she still wanted me to go out with her and what not and i always went out with her and had fun with her. But than when she got into a relationship she never wanted to do anything..she got obsessed with her bf so much that all she wants to do is spend time with her man and if shes not with him she only wants to stay at home!!!!! i thought that was kinda crazy!!!!!I now live in the US and my best friend decided to travel to the US a month before my wedding (up north and i live down south)- she didnt come during the same month of my wedding and come to her best friends wedding...that kinda hurt me cos u know ,i wanted my best friend to share that moment with me.

But thats part of life i guess. many people change as they get older. You start to realise who are your real friends.

your friends are in a relationship and thats not a bad thing as long as theyre happy. Good friends remain your friends forever and you cannot replace them....sometimes its also good for them to meet up with you because being stuck to your bf 24/7 is not good either. but if theyre not so interested in hanging out and stuff,maybe its a good thing to start making new friends.

 

[florabundance]

I think that maybe you just need to support the fact that they are growing up, even if you're not ready to do it just yet.
Obviously, it's not fair that you feel the way you do, like they're blowing you off and whatever, but it's probably that they love you the same as ever, but are just excited to be with the person that has turned them from "self proclaimed sluts" (lol) to wanting to settle down and have a family.
The only way you can combat it really is to either talk to them when you're all together (but not in a omg drama way) or you just make the effort to call them up and try to make a plan. Then if they blow that off, you'd be right to confront them.
Also, it's really not fair to put an age on marriage and family, saying they're "rushing" cos they're only 20-22. I'm 18 and i'm that kind of girl too. It depends on the individual(s) and whether you find someone that you connect with like that.
I think you feel the way you do, because you can't understand the feelings that they feel right now.

 

[carolina]

NAh
I feel the same thing
its terrible
but in the other side.. is a good chance for u to be more time with urselfto know urself better..

maybe we can be friends so

kisses!

 

[snowflakelashes]

Honey,

Sadly people change, relationships change. And while I am sure that you will always love your friends and they will always love you. The time thing is something that unfortunately you have no control over. I think as long as you are flexible, you may have to change when you meet up. If they are free for lunches instead of going out to clubs etc or whatever you use to do, that's when you'll have to see each other. And instead of it being 'all the time' you might not get to see them in person more than once a month. Those are them breaks

Also though, keep in mind once the newness of it all wears off they may have more time for you again, because I'm sure after the 'honeymoon' period their boys are going to want to have boys nights too.

In the mean time you do need to make some new friends to do things with that you enjoy that your other friends are too busy/not into anymore. They will in no way replace your other friends obviously you can't replace that kind of long term friendship with a new one. But you can find people to do things with so you don't feel as lonely and neglected.

And who knows it might surprise you, you may just make a great new friend that you now have time for whereas maybe you never would have connected with this potential new great friend because you would have always been too busy with your BEST friends

Okay sorry just have this tendancy to TRY and look for the silver lining. I do that for myself when I'm feeling depressed and that 'try to positive self talk' carries over to when I talk to other people too.

Hope this gets better for you, either in that they get more time and/or you get adjusted to dealing with it.

xoxo Snowflakelashes

 

[Lizzie]

It's really hard to be in a situation where you feel like someone is taking your friends from you, but perhaps you should be happy that they seem to be changing for the better. While it might have been fun, hooking up with random guys in bars is a dangerous way to live. It seems that they might have gone from one extreme to the other and while you may not be ready to get married and have children, maybe you and your friends can find some middle ground to come together on?

It's a pet peeve of mine when friends get into new relationships and then "ditch" their friends to be with this new person. I can see where a new relationship needs a lot of TLC, but that doesn't mean abandoning the relationships that you already had. I definitely see how you feel and hope that you can 'get your friends back'.
Even if it makes you feel weird, I think you should talk to them about how you've been feeling. If they're as close to you as you say, I'm sure they'll understand.

 

[Tinkee-Belle]

Thanks girls! Last night they called me and said they decided that we need a girl's night... all by themselves without me planning it! So I met them at the bar after work and we danced and had fun just 4 girls... NONE of their boyfriends (which is a miracal!) And they left their phones in the car so they wernt texting all night. It made me so happy

And they all said it was so much fun so hopefully it will happen more often now! And I talked to my very best friend (her bf doesnt let her go to bars or something) And we decided we would have a tradition every monday night where I would go to her house and we would get pizza and watch one tree hill.. just like we did in college. So Im happy about that

Its hard adjusting but they seem to underdstand where im coming from now.. lets just hope it sticks!

 

[MacAddict_Sami]

That sounds like a really good idea. I know with me, I've had the same two bestfriends my ENTIRE life. And now we're all out of university, all working full time and we all have boyfriends and it's REALLY hard to find time to get together. But for the last year after drifting apart, no matter what's going on we all get together atleast once every two weeks for at the very least coffee.

 

[k.a.t]

Aww, i don't want to grow up either! I feel like i don't belong with people around my age coz they're all starting to act all serious and i just want to have fun

I kind of feel like my best friend (in some ways my only friend) is changing too, and i just hate change so much because even though i probably will, it feels like i'm never going to change..lol

Btw the girl's night out sounds like a great idea! I wish i had a group of friends i could do that with

Glad to hear things are things are getting better with you and your friends!

 

[M.A.C. head.]

Find new friends.

I don't think it's fair for you to judge them and say that they're wasting their youth because they want to get married and have children. Everyone has a different path to take, and if you're not on the same one as them anymore, find other people that are on your path.

It doesn't mean that you don't talk to them anymore or hang out occasionally, it just means that you find new people to spend that "friend" time with.

 

[juicygirl]

one tree hill and your best girlfriend....it doesn't get much better than that!! i'm glad things are looking up for you!

 

[rbella]

I'm so sorry. I went through this at one time as well. Your time will come and you'll understand why they are spending so much time with their boyfriends. Until then, I hope you can find some new people to have fun with! I know it hurts when you feel like you are losing those closest to you. {{{hugs}}} I hope you feel better!!