I want to be more than just friends!

[GirlyDork]

Okay, so I've been stressing out over this like crazy. I HELLA like this guy that I've known in person since the first day of freshman year, August 11th, 2008 (I'm still a freshman in second semester).

The guy I like is an amazing friend and has always been there for me through hard times. He cares about me a lot even though he doesn't need to. I care so much about him. He knows I have a huge crush on him. It doesn't change our friendship, even though I told him.

The good/bad thing about all this is that he's extremely wise for someone his age (only 16!!!). He knows that after a hard breakup a little over a month ago, I'm still not emotionally stable enough to be in a relationship. He also says he doesn't know if he likes me, but he thinks he "probably does". I know I'm not stable enough right now anyway. For some reason, that still doesn't keep me from liking him! I told him that I would wait for him. He told me he thinks it's sweet and shows dedication. I've never told a guy I'd be willing to wait. Usually I just move on and try to find someone else as desperate as I am.

The big problems are as follows:
-I went out with one of his best friends, who is an ass and took my virginity and denied it, even though he lost his, too. (Long story...)
-I've asked the guy I like on a date twice and was rejected both times. The last time I asked him out was Halloween 2008.
-I'm well-known for being desperate and always needing a boyfriend.
-He made a promise with his friends that he and his friends wouldn't date anyone from school.
-This could ruin our friendship.
-It's already becoming awkward around him because my big mouth won't shut up about wanting him whenever I talk to him.

I've honestly never felt quite like this about a guy before. He's not like anyone else I've ever met, and he's smarter than many adults I know. He understands me. I want to get to know him better. I want to know more about his life. (He tends to only listen to other people talk and keep his life and issues to himself, even if he's asked about it. He's also picky with people he trusts and becomes friends with, even though he's very warm and friendly to just about everyone.)

I just want something to happen now. I don't care for anything huge. I just want him to feel the same way. This probably sounds really bad, but my hormones are raging (I'm 14 years old, for Christ's sake!): I really want to know what it's like to kiss him. THERE. I said it. In my defense, it's not as bad as some things some adults have said

.

Anyway, just help me if you can. How long do I wait? What do I do if I'm rejected? What do I do if he likes me? When can I ask him out if he doesn't ask me out? Blah blah blah blah blahhh...

XOXO Peace & Love,

Sarah

 

[caffn8me]

Sarah, please don't take this the wrong way but I'm very concerned for you. I believe you're 15 (and probably only quite recently at that). You have health problems which will get worse unless you are able to lose a significant amount of weight. You're trying to get through school but seem to be screwing that up because you're so desperate for attention.

The last thing you need right now is a sexual partner. Apart from anything else, if you are still only fifteen it may well be illegal in your state.

You already have a reputation that isn't desirable and that is almost certainly putting potential boyfriends off. If you are known to be desparate, it will make any boyfriend you have seem desperate too.

I almost get the feeling that you think having any partner is better than having no partner, no matter how bad that partner may be. You deserve much better than that. Friends are very valuable and I may be wrong but I suspect you don't have many good friends. Keep this guy as a friend, don't scare him away by demanding too much attention or a relationship.

Please take a step back and try and get your other problems sorted out. You're young and many of the guys your age are still very immature.

Work at getting your health under control and your weight down, don't appear in the least bit desperate (there's no reason for you to be) and you'll find that guys start asking you out. It's going to take time. The trouble is that you want everything and you want it now. Well, it it ain't going to happen and the more you try to make it happen the bigger a train wreck there's going to be.

You have plenty of time. Get yourself sorted before worrying about relationships and sex. The last thing you need is an even worse reputation as a slut and even more drama that will stop you graduating from high school. You're bright but you can't rely on that to get you through high school if you're being permanently distracted. Screw up high school and you'll probably screw things up for years to come.

Tough love, xx

 

[Janice]

Slow down Sarah. Hormones might be raging but that's NO excuse not to exercise control. There's nothing wrong with wanting to know what it would be like to kiss someone but keep it there - A nice thing to daydream about. You're only setting yourself up for a lot of hurt if you think that just because a guy is "attracted" to you it means he's attracted to more than just what you will give up.

Please give yourself the time to mature and realize that just any attention isn't "good" attention. Seeking out the wrong kind of attention will only hurt in the end.

 

[caffn8me]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janice Slow down Sarah.

For a moment there, I thought you meant me

 

[GirlyDork]

Craaap...I'm dumb sometimes lol. I will try to relax. It's just really hard, that's all. Ergh. I hate being only 14.

 

[caffn8me]

Sarah, you won't be 14 for ever. Trust me on that! Enjoy your youth while you still have it. Decrepit fossils like me would give our right arms to be 14 again!

 

[GirlyDork]

Thanks.

And no you wouldn't, unless you would be 14 again knowing what you know now!!! lol.

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

.....

 

[NutMeg]

Boys aren't going to give you anything you don't already have... They won't make you feel better about yourself, they won't make you confident or happy. That is something you're going to have to do yourself.

Based on your posts, you really don't sound ready for a relationship. If you do get involved with this guy, I don't think it will work out because you're going into it for all of the wrong reasons. You have a lot of work to do on yourself before you'll be ready for a real relationship.

 

[Ruby_Woo]

Sarah I know it feels like he is EVERYTHING, and sometimes it might feel asfixiating until you see him. And you may want to be with only him, but TRUUUUUUUST me. You'll get over it.

Im only 20 so its not too long ago that I was 14, which I remember having a crush on one of my friends. I thought that he was like WOW and now he is married to my friend and I am SO glad that we only were friends, because man, its different once you have to make a living.

Just enjoy your youth. I cannot tell you how I laughed and thought it was silly when people told me that. and at 20, Im just like DAMN I should have done more, I wish I had more to show for my age.

So yeah enjoy it! Join sports. Try to excell in academics. Do something where its about YOU and not you and boys!

And as a young parent, I can tell you that its not fun or easy being a kid having a kid. Its hard. So think about what you do before you do it.

K Best of luck!

 

[Deathwish238]

There's a simple rule that everyone should follow...don't date an ex's best friend. The only time that rule can be broken is if years have passed and the ex has explicitly said it's okay.

It's normal to be attracted to an ex's best friend, they probably have many things in common...they're friends for a reason after all

 

[snowflakelashes]

Trust me having boys as 'Just' friends is invaluble. You get to talk, and hang out. And there's not pressure, and its okay if you have a little crush but... dating... well relationships, complicate things. There's no rule of time and waiting it sounds like your friend has already expressed that he doesn't want a relationship. So just keep things on the friendship level, and keep enjoying being single and free. And if enough time passes and he changes his mind, I'm sure he'll let you know. That said, just breath, and enjoy life and try not to dwell on the feelings. I know that is hard, REALLY hard... but its the best thing. Getting obsessive or desperate over a guy doesn't help you feel more fulfilled.

Hope your doing well.

 

[CherryAcid]

I've been there and its not worth the heartache... I was 20 and great friends with a guy whom i secretly fancied. He liked me back but didnt want to ruin the friendship. Well one night we got drunk and slept together and silly me thought it was the start of a relationship...it wasnt.
And so started a viscious cycle, getting drunk and fooling around. He would see other girls and id get upset and it eventually drove us apart. Granted he was a bit of a idiot in it knowing how much i liked him and still taking advantage. But i cant tell you how much it hurt me and i look back and think "what was i doing"? While i was still hurting i ended up sleeping with quite a few guys,people he knew hoping he would get jealous(he did but he didnt want me).
You are only young and have so much to look forward to. There are going to be plenty of loving guys out there who want to be with you. Let this one go.
You should enjoy being single, it doesnt mean there is anything wrong with you, it means that you dont need a bf to have a good time.
He "probably likes you"? Well you probably should move on! Never wait for a guy to be ready to start liking you, he either does or he doesnt and he it sounds like he knows he has you at his beck and call. Never a good basis for a relationship. You don't need him, go out with friends and enjoy yourself.

 

[Little Addict]

I'm about the same age as you are (15, though a freshman nonetheless) and have sorta been through the liking-your-friend phase as well. What made me stop from doing anything or telling him (though he figured it out anyways, since boys are not as stupid as they appear to be) was that I realized that my group of friends would separate if anything happened. When two of my closest friends broke up the entire gang began to ignore my best friend, except for me since we share the same lunch period together.

If he knows you like him and is not doing anything, then he's not worth your time, even if he likes you back. but if you keep saying you're willing to wait for him then wait, just don't make a huge deal out of the waiting process. Resume the life you used to have before all of these boy troubles started.

hope this helps