I'm so confused

[lipglass_junkie]

Everything's just so crazy right now, I have no idea what I want to do

For starters, I've been with this guy, J, for a while now, like 9 months. I used to really care about him, but lately I've realized he isn't the right guy for me, acually, I kind of think he's a spoiled brat that won't make an effort for anyone but himself. I always was making allowances for him, and I know that I will not be taking this relationship with me to college, I'm going an hour away to college in the fall and he's staying here in his senior year of high school. This is a relationship that's not gonna work if we both don't actually make an effort, something I don't think he can do. So I decided I'd just enjoy the moment (or stall, in other words), and just break up with him before I leave to college.

The problem is, when I made that plan, I didn't know he'd be driving me crazy by now, and I don't leave for another month.


And then a new twist to the plot. I recently got a job near my college to keep during the school year, but I still wanted more hours for the summer, so I applied to a temporary job over at my local community college bookstore, and I got the job. Everything was going well and then I met this guy, A. He works in the bookstore too, and after a couple of shifts he's started to show more than a little interest towards me. He's really funny, cute, and while it may just be in an effort to catch me, he's making a HELL of a lot more effort than my boyfriend now ever has. While I don't know if it would ever work out with this guy anyway, it has made me feel like maybe I shouldn't just be sitting in a relationship that isn't working for me, despite efforts to make it otherwise.

So I'm now in the state of confusion. I hate breakups, so I guess I've been stalling, but I know that if (or when) I break up with my boyfriend, I need to assume that I may be single for a while. I'm almost there, so I guess we'll see. I still feel bad, my boyfriend really is a nice guy, but obviosly not one I want to stay in a relationship with.

So I guess this is mostly a rant, but if anyone has any advice that'd be pretty awesome. I know I'm really young and in a month none of this will be an issue, because I'll be off at college, meeting a shit load of people. But right now a month seems like a really long ways away...

 

[SkylarV217]

You need to go ahead a break up with guy 1 it's unfair to him for you to sting him along... secondly if you wanna date guy # 2 go for it, the worst thing that will happen is it won't work out, so you might as well give it a shot if he is interested in a long distance relationship... I hour isn't that far.

 

[kimberlane]

I agree with the other poster, you need to let him know. Imagine he's thinking the same thing and you could've already been dating guy #2. Good luck. Let him down gently

 

[chaut_01]

yeah i agree with the first poster also. if you already know the relationship won't last, end it. even though your going away to college soon dragging on the relationship is just wasting time.(trust me i learned the hard way) i know easier said than done, and you obviously don't want to hurt the guy & be the one to break it off but it'll all work out. just dont give him a cheesey break up line.

 

[dorkeelovex]

It seems that in your mind you have already made the decision, you just need to give your heart that extra push to actually follow through.

I was with a guy in high school for 3 years and now when I look back on it, I realize that he never really cared for me, or at least he never showed it. Everything was about him, I got jacked on birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries and valentine's day because he was too worried about new parts for his car

and me, not knowing how to say it or what to do, stayed with him. The most important thing is you, and you need to be true to yourself. As much as you don't want to hurt his feelings, you need to put yourself first. And once you are happy, you will be able to find happiness with someone else

Of course you don't need to be mean about it, but I think you should tell him how you feel. Don't make yourself wait that extra month is it really is that unbearable. It's unfair to both of you.

Good luck! and maybe you'll find something in this new guy

Just think of this relationship as a learning experience and become stronger because of it.

 

[LP_x]

You've already realised that you have no future with J, which I think is harder than the actual breakup. Maybe by his lack of effort, he knows it's going nowhere too, but neither of you want to make the first move?
Also, maybe A seems more appealing because J is drivin you crazy? Definitely break up with J and take things from there. If you start seeing A, great - the early stages in a relationship rock! If you stay single, that's great too - fun and freedom!
Good luck, it's not an easy situation x

 

[lipglass_junkie]

Just wanted to take some time and thank everyone for your responses, they've helped a lot.

So after I started the thread, and was really about to dump the current boyfriend, our anniversary rolls around and suddenly this huge gesture comes and he suddenly tells me all the reasons he loves me and that he wants to do whatever he can to make it work. I was so caught off gaurd that I believed him. Things were fine for a little bit, but then went even worse. I tried to show him my college town to make him more confortable and to show him that it really isn't that far away, but all he did was complain. The traffic sucks, the restaurants are too loud, the theater sucks. All of it just left me with a bad taste in my mouth. And then he doesn't even call me at all, and we went out on monday. I tried to surprise him at school on wed, and he wasn't exactly thrilled to see me, mostly because he didn't want to get caught in the rush to get out of the parking lot. I called him today during my dinner break from work, and when I asked him casually why he hasn't called me at all, he simply replies, "Sorry, I was busy". I was so infuriated, because I know his schedule, I had the same one last year, BUSIER, and I made time. And so now I'm expected to make sure I'm available on saturday night after work, because he MAY be available to see me, depending if he loses in the tennis tournament he's playing in.

Pretty much, I've realized that our relationship only works when we're cuddling on the couch at either of our houses, and that's it. So if I DO get together with him tommorow, we're having a serious talk as to what he really intends to do to make an effort towards the relationship, because he's half-assed every effort so far. Because a card does not make up for all the bad behavior if the behavior doesn't stop

So pretty much, it's ending this weekend unless he realized how far up his ass his head is.

oh, btw, I have no idea if anything will turn out with the other guy, things have been interesting. Apparently, if I'm correct, this guy is 20, but has many friends that happen to be 15 year old girls, which, justified or not, weirds me out. But frankly I don't care, I'd rather be single going into college and meeting all these people than being with the dumbass I'm currently with

Wow, I'm pretty sure this is longer than the original post, lol. But a whole lot has happened recently

 

[LP_x]

Oh no, I'm sorry he's still being a jerk. Good luck for this weekend. Hope things work out okay for you! x

 

[kaliraksha]

Yeah you are doing the best thing which is talking to him. I was in a similar situation with my bf coming out of school... he was a junior in HS when I was a senior in HS. Being that we were going to move away we opted to spend our last few months together and just have a good time... but it only works if both parties KNOW it's time to step it up and just enjoy each other. I would be wary of going into a long distance relationship with unsure feelings. Good luck... just do what you can which is tell him how you feel, gauge his response and make a decision and stick to it.