Just wanna tell her off..

[xIxSkyDancerxIx]

LOL. I like my topic lol. So.. there's this girl that my boyfriend used to like before and during the time we dated, but since we got together he's pretty much gotten past her.

It bothered me when we were dating.. but we're not really together so I couldn't say anything. He liked her, she liked him, but she had a boyfriend.. Yet she continued to have an "emotional affair" with my current boyfriend. But we're together now and she knows it, but she would still call him late at night and text him and ask him to come pick her up and hang out with her at her house or something like that.

I'm not a very jealous person, but it annoyed me that she would still call him out like that when she knew that he was with me know, but she would act like he was still single. My boyfriend and I had a talk and I told him my concerns, and he assured me that he didn't have any feelings what-so-ever and that he wouldn't see her if it bothered me (he was kinda tried of her b/s too).

SO... it's been months and months and out of nowhere she texts him saying "I really miss you." (I pick up the phone when he's not around and he has no problems with that). I told him and he just said "too bad for her." lol. He knows I get insecure about things like that so he reassured me (again) that I was the only person in his life (Awww.. he's so sweet!

)

But it's bothering me that she's texting him things like that! I mean.. she has her OWN boyfriend so why is she saying sh*t like that to mine? She had a chance to get with him years ago.. and she didn't so too bad for her! My boyfriend said she probably got into a fight with her b/f which is why she's texting him. But I'm annoyed that she's going to someone else like that instead of trying to work things out with her b/f!

I REALLYYY wanna tell her to f' off and concentrate on her own relationship instead of trying to get inbetween mine. Especially when she knows that he's not single and for the taking anymore (not that she ever went for it).. but I dunno if I should. It's kind of rude, especially since it was a text for him. And the only way I can tell her off is online or on my boyfriends phone (he said I could if I wanted to) since I don't have her phone number and I never see her around.. which seems a little lame to me lol. Or should I just ignore it?

Sorry for the long post!

 

[Beauty Mark]

On one hand, I tell people that I really miss them and I'm not making a pass. I sincerely do miss some of my friends a lot.

If this bothers you, it's hard to say what to do. Is she the kind of girl who'll back off after you say something or will do this stuff more to spite you? If your boyfriend is honestly tired of her contacting him, he needs to tell her not to call.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

since your boyfriend keeps reassuring you, I would leave it alone for the time being. Don't let her cause problems in your life...its really just going to stress you out and worry you. However, if she continues to talk to him the way she does and ask if he can come pick her up late at night, I would give her a call (or pick up when she calls) and inform her, "in case she didn't already know" that he has a girlfriend now, and that whatever she thinks they could have had, isn't gonna happen. I mean the line has to be drawn somewhere! I actually am surprised that you aren't letting it bother you as much as it could, because if it was me with my hot temper, i would've cursed her out the first or second time she did it. but you seem to have your thoughts together

I say leave it be for now, and if it continues, let her know. I think she's completely out of line...point blank period

my boyfriend knew some girl before i came along, and she had a boyfriend and they had a lot of problems, and he said that he really liked this girl and thought they might have a relationship someday. This girl would always tell my boyfriend about her problems and about how her boyfriend hits her and etc. Well then my boyfriend met me and he pretty much cut everyone off, but this girl called my boyfriend one day and I really wanted to pick the phone up and let her know that she can talk to someone else about her problems now, but he didn't want me to start any drama. He doesn't get calls anymore but I think its because nobody knows his number. Not quite the same situation as yours but hey

 

[baychick408]

well if its kind of rude& you feel bad about doing it then just get the hell over it. either that, or tell her to fuck off your man, simple as that, who gives a shit if its rude. seriously.

 

[nunu]

in my opinion she seems like an attention seeker. shes only doing that 2 get attention 4rm ur bf. she misses the attention she used 2 gt from him so ne shes trying her best 2 gt his attention back 2 her hence txtin him n saying i miss u.

she dsnt seem happy with her current relationship n is thinking of ending it, bt she wod only end it with him if she feels ur current bf is giving her the attention shes looking 4. mayb her current bf isnt giving her much attention n shes jst trying 2 gt it somehw by txtn ur bf.

 

[xIxSkyDancerxIx]

Quote:

since your boyfriend keeps reassuring you, I would leave it alone for the time being. Don't let her cause problems in your life...its really just going to stress you out and worry you. However, if she continues to talk to him the way she does and ask if he can come pick her up late at night, I would give her a call (or pick up when she calls) and inform her, "in case she didn't already know" that he has a girlfriend now, and that whatever she thinks they could have had, isn't gonna happen. I mean the line has to be drawn somewhere! I actually am surprised that you aren't letting it bother you as much as it could, because if it was me with my hot temper, i would've cursed her out the first or second time she did it. but you seem to have your thoughts together I say leave it be for now, and if it continues, let her know. I think she's completely out of line...point blank period

LOL! I have a really short/hot temper too! But I don't want to turn it into a big drama type of thing..

I think I will pick up the next time she calls.. That would be kinda funny.

Quote:

she dsnt seem happy with her current relationship n is thinking of ending it, bt she wod only end it with him if she feels ur current bf is giving her the attention shes looking 4. mayb her current bf isnt giving her much attention n shes jst trying 2 gt it somehw by txtn ur bf.

I think that's pretty much it.. but he used to give her the attention she wanted before when he used to like her.. but she always kept my b/f on the side instead of getting with him..

 

[Jaim]

A friend of mine is in a similar situation. Her boyfriend has a girl after him all the time.

The thing I don't understand is why your boyfriend doesn't tell her to back off himself. If he's happy with you and isn't interested in this girl then he should be the one to tell her and make her stop. It's not really your problem directly, so I see why it would be hard for you to tell her to back off yourself, so get him to do it!

 

[jenii]

Sounds like she just misses her friend. And no offense, but I don't feel it's right to expect him to give up his friendships just because you're insecure.

If they're friends, he's with you, and she's got a boyfriend... Then there's no reason those two can't stay friends.

Then again, if he's willing to cut her off just to please you, he must not have been too invested in the friendship to begin with. In which case, he should do the right thing and just tell her straight up that her friendship isn't that important to him. If she hears that, at least she can move on instead of continuing to think she's still part of his life.

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xIxSkyDancerxIx LOL! I have a really short/hot temper too! But I don't want to turn it into a big drama type of thing.. I think I will pick up the next time she calls.. That would be kinda funny. I think that's pretty much it.. but he used to give her the attention she wanted before when he used to like her.. but she always kept my b/f on the side instead of getting with him..

yeah she kept your boyfriend on the side and stayed with her boyfriend because thats a game that a lot of females like to play. "Oh, poor me, my boyfriend yells at me and we're fighting and I just don't know what I should do...hmm maybe I should talk to another guy on the side behind my boyfriends back..so I can get attention and compliments from him, and maybe even lead him on to want me really bad, but I'm still going to stay with my boyfriend so really this is all just a game to me"

Um NO! some girls think they can have a boyfriend and string other guys along for their own personal satisfaction...thats a stupid little girl's game. its all for attention. If that's what she wants to do with her life, thats fine. But now, he's with you, and she is being disrespectful by the things that she says to him. So either him, or you need to tell her to back off. It would be one thing if she said "Look i know you have a girlfriend now and I respect that, so we can just be friends now" (which personally, i would still be iffy about) But she's not saying that--she doesn't acknowledge you and she is calling him in the wee hours of the morning to come pick her up??? Nothing but trouble...esp. at those hours. Good luck girl

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaim A friend of mine is in a similar situation. Her boyfriend has a girl after him all the time. The thing I don't understand is why your boyfriend doesn't tell her to back off himself. If he's happy with you and isn't interested in this girl then he should be the one to tell her and make her stop. It's not really your problem directly, so I see why it would be hard for you to tell her to back off yourself, so get him to do it!

this is true...but I think sometimes guys are really naive. My boyfriend never sees when girls that he used to go to school with have an attitude towards me...he seriously doesn't realize it. when i feel disrespected he doesn't understand why. her boyfriend may think that its not necessary for him to address, because of the simple fact that he has a girlfriend that he's very happy with.
Girls are confrontational (usually..) and when something like this pops up, we may feel threatened, and we feel the need to deal with it in such a way that it won't ever happen again. (besides the fact that girls are extremely catty)
Guys aren't really like that. i don't even think they give it much thought..they also don't think that theres something wrong with the situation. Girls are easily threatened and intimidated, therefore if we're given a dirty look, I think we're more likely to take it the wrong way then a guy. There might be a situation that makes us SO mad and we think about it all day everyday until its resolved, but with a guy he never even gave it a second thought in the first place, so they feel no need to confront the issue.

just my opinion

 

[user79]

If she's making passes at him, it's your BOYFRIENDS responsibility to tell her to back down, not yours. It's not in your position to tell her to cool it, but he should tell her that he just wants to be friends and nothing more.

 

[madamepink78]

Your boyfriend can be the one to put an end to all of that. It is within his power to tell her not to call nor text. There is no need for you to get bent all out of shape and have an argument with her (which will most likely happen if you answer his phone). If he did not answer her calls then she will stop calling, same thing with texting. She is communicating with him because he is allowing it. He needs to put her in her place.

 

[xIxSkyDancerxIx]

Wow a lot of replies..

Thanks for all the replies! I really wanted to get it all off my chest..

I know it's my boyfriend's thing to deal with.. but I also know that he won't do anything about it since he tends to avoid confrontations at ALL costs.

Quote:

ounds like she just misses her friend. And no offense, but I don't feel it's right to expect him to give up his friendships just because you're insecure. If they're friends, he's with you, and she's got a boyfriend... Then there's no reason those two can't stay friends. Then again, if he's willing to cut her off just to please you, he must not have been too invested in the friendship to begin with. In which case, he should do the right thing and just tell her straight up that her friendship isn't that important to him. If she hears that, at least she can move on instead of continuing to think she's still part of his life.

I thought that might be the case and she might just miss a good friend before, and I told him that he shouldn't ruin a good friendship just because he was with me.. I want him to still hang out with his friends and what not. But IMO friends don't text and call saying things like "I love you etc etc." or ask to date when he/she has no intentions of leaving their SO.. to me that's just straight out cheating.

Quote:

this is true...but I think sometimes guys are really naive. My boyfriend never sees when girls that he used to go to school with have an attitude towards me...he seriously doesn't realize it. when i feel disrespected he doesn't understand why. her boyfriend may think that its not necessary for him to address, because of the simple fact that he has a girlfriend that he's very happy with. Girls are confrontational (usually..) and when something like this pops up, we may feel threatened, and we feel the need to deal with it in such a way that it won't ever happen again. (besides the fact that girls are extremely catty) Guys aren't really like that. i don't even think they give it much thought..they also don't think that theres something wrong with the situation. Girls are easily threatened and intimidated, therefore if we're given a dirty look, I think we're more likely to take it the wrong way then a guy. There might be a situation that makes us SO mad and we think about it all day everyday until its resolved, but with a guy he never even gave it a second thought in the first place, so they feel no need to confront the issue.

LOL SO TRUE!!! I think girls see more into the little details and guys don't see so much into things. We'll notice when girls are "dogging" us but a guy wouldn't give a damn about it.. unless some other guy is checking out their girl.. then it's a totally different story LOL.

I understand what MissChievous and madamepink78 is saying.. but my boyfriend is the kind that would ignore everything and hope that it doesn't happen again..

maybe I should be doing that too? Just ignoring her?

 

[CantAffordMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xIxSkyDancerxIx Wow a lot of replies.. Thanks for all the replies! I really wanted to get it all off my chest.. I know it's my boyfriend's thing to deal with.. but I also know that he won't do anything about it since he tends to avoid confrontations at ALL costs. I thought that might be the case and she might just miss a good friend before, and I told him that he shouldn't ruin a good friendship just because he was with me.. I want him to still hang out with his friends and what not. But IMO friends don't text and call saying things like "I love you etc etc." or ask to date when he/she has no intentions of leaving their SO.. to me that's just straight out cheating. LOL SO TRUE!!! I think girls see more into the little details and guys don't see so much into things. We'll notice when girls are "dogging" us but a guy wouldn't give a damn about it.. unless some other guy is checking out their girl.. then it's a totally different story LOL. I understand what MissChievous and madamepink78 is saying.. but my boyfriend is the kind that would ignore everything and hope that it doesn't happen again.. maybe I should be doing that too? Just ignoring her?

it sounds like you guys have a good relationship. I doubt your boyfriend is trying to hurt you, like I said I think he's just naive (or would rather ignore her calls to avoid confrontation). If you can, ignore it. she should get the point. if she doesn't, and if its really bugging you, have him confront her or you confront her (it doesn't have to be bitchy) and hopefully after that she will stop contacting him
good luck

 

[kaliraksha]

I think the talk you need to have is with your boyfriend. I would tell my bf to clarify to me and her what is going on and tell him you need him to stand up for his limitations because it's none of your business but it's effecting you.

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

wow.
so This is happening to me too, except with Emails instead of Text, girls are dumb,when they know that this guy has a long term Girlfriend but they STILL push for talks on the phone, dates, etc, its like hey what the heck! "you had your chance, you blew it I scooped him up and we are perfect!"

Guys don't seem to care , they see no problem ,they just ignore the emails/texts .. and go on with their lives. Even though I can say" please say something to make her stop" he says " she wont stop no matter what I say, so i'd rather not talk to her at all, or give her the satisfaction of replying" and that makes perfect sense.
Besides when a guy tells a girl to back off because he has a new girl (in my experience) she just trys EVEN HARDER to make things difficult.

 

[NicksWifey]

I had the same problem when I first got together with Nick. His ex-girlfriend of 4 years would just call him or text him out of the blue. She had a boyfriend as well.
I had to tell him that it bothered me that he would talk to her and she would talk to him. Even though there was nothing going on because we live in VA and she lives in GA, it still pissed me off. Finally, she called one day and I answered and she talked to me the whole time and told me how happy she was for Nick and I and that Nick talks about me all the time.
I finally just let it go, but I understand why this would annoy you and hurt you. After all, he's your man, you're his woman and it's just you TWO together, to hell with the other girl. If he liked her, he would be with her. And he doesn't, so try not to worry about it. Trust me, it will get better in time, I know it seems difficult and super annoying now, but it always passes over